During this Lenten season, I have been doing a study on the life and work of Christ, seeking to "consider him who endured" (Hebrews 12:3) and to gain wisdom and insight to help me be a more faithful follower of Christ. This week I have been meditating on those eighteen "silent years" from the time Jesus was found in the temple at age twelve until He began His public, earthly ministry at the age of thirty. The Scripture draws a curtain over those years telling us nothing except for the fact that Jesus worked in Joseph's carpentry business (Matthew 13:55; Mark 6:3).
One writer pointed out that Jesus spent six times longer working in a physical trade than He did in His public ministry. He sanctified work (including manual labor) and glorified His Father in heaven by working with His hands through all those years (perhaps supporting His mother and other family members after Joseph died).
This morning I've been contemplating another aspect of Jesus' adult life that I don't often hear mentioned—the fact that He remained single. Jesus never experienced the companionship of a wife. Through all the challenges of work and ministry, through all His testings and trials, He never knew the comfort, encouragement, and support that a mate might have provided. Likewise, He never knew the blessing of having children of His own.
Sure, He was God. But He was also fully human. He was a man. He had normal, human desires and longings. Scripture reminds us that in every respect He was "tempted as we are" (Hebrews 4:15). Yet He never sinned.
He did not make idols out of His longings. He did not allow natural desires to become demands. When He went to weddings, when He saw His friends and peers enjoying first the gift of marriage and then the gift of children, He did not give in to self-pity or resent God for withholding those gifts from Him.
He remained morally chaste and trusted His Father to meet His needs. He did not chafe at His "single status," but fully embraced and delighted in the will and calling of God for His life and all that it entailed.
For Jesus, embracing singleness was both an act of submission to the will of His Father as well as a selfless act of love for those He came to serve and save. He forfeited many of the normal, good pleasures that most people enjoy in order to redeem us from our sin.
He knew that His life on this earth would be short and that He would have all eternity to savor the fullness of joy and the pleasures to be found at the right hand of His Father (Ps. 16:11).
So, my fellow sisters to whom for this season (or longer) God has not granted the blessings of marriage and/or children, I want to encourage you to "consider him … so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted" (Hebrews 12:3). He knows the path you walk, for He has walked it before you.
Receive the love of your Father, embrace His will and His calling for this (and every) season of your life, let Him sustain you by His grace, trust Him for those unfulfilled longings, pour out your life for others, remember that this life is oh so short, and set your sights on that day when every tear will be dried and every hope and longing will be fulfilled as we are united with Christ, our beloved Bridegroom, for all eternity.
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need (Hebrews 4:15–16).
Have you considered Jesus' "single" status before? How does it offer you hope in your season of life today?
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It does offer me hope in my season of life today. I do have the desire to be married and wonder often why I am not; I have to know that I have to "trust Him with those unfulfilled longings", as you said. Thanks for the clear teaching that Jesus' singleness served an awesome purpose. Whether I am single for a short while longer, or for the duration, I want my life as a single to have eternal impact....as Jesus so wonderfully modeled.
This was a blessing to read today! Thansk again!
on Monday, March 1, 2010 at 2:53 am
I believe the truth I am learning to live by is this: The Lord will refresh us when we refresh others. Therefore, the love, comfort and acceptance we are seeking in an earthly mate is really sent through God, AS WE GIVE OUT TO OTHERS (pour out our lives for others, as you said...) Therefore, we are really not left out of anything at all, because God will send it to us another way!
May we ALL live in this reality! Married or single...
on Monday, March 1, 2010 at 5:46 am
I am grateful for this word of encouragement this morning and the truth that you share so that others may not make the same mistake that I made.
But I am also encouraged to know that the lessons learned from that extended season will serve me well in the future- so that I may learn to count it all joy & to lean on my Savior. To fully trust in the Word of the Lord where He promises to withold no good thing from us.
May He enable me to continue to trust in Him & Him alone!
on Monday, March 1, 2010 at 8:07 am
on Monday, March 1, 2010 at 8:21 am
This was so beautiful! Yes, I have considered Jesus' single status (though I am married w/children). But I had not thought about it so deeply as you outlined today, nor realized how I could make application to my own life. How encouraging is Christ's example of selfless service and pouring out His life for others, and example of total dependence upon His heavenly Father to provide all His needs, as you have pointed out. Not only will I share this post with a single friend (whom I know will be blessed and encouraged!) but I also am convicted and take encouragement from your words today, for my own life! That I might be more like Him, through His grace and Spirit, in that selfless service and that I might faithfully use any gifts He might give (for His kingdom). Also I was convicted this a.m. of lack of zeal for His kingdom work -- I have repented -- I want to have that zeal I see in other faithful servants of our Lord, chiefly this example of Christ Himself! ( John 2:17 His disciples remembered that it was written, “Zeal for your house will consume me.”)
In His love,
on Monday, March 1, 2010 at 8:42 am
on Monday, March 1, 2010 at 8:49 am
on Monday, March 1, 2010 at 10:06 am
So when I do see single Christian friends struggling with the longings for a family of their own I gently try to encourage them to take advantage of their season of singleness to pursue the ministry opportunities God would have for them during that time.
As a someone married from the age of 19 and pregnant with my first child two months later, I certainly recognize at times my own desire to be more freed up and available for so much more of God's service both within the Body and in Outreach. At such times, I must remind myself where God has ordained my main focus of ministry to be-within my own home and that it is no less important, although often less recognized.
Anyway, I think so many single women miss seeing the flexibility and freedom they have in their season of singleness. I am always so encouraged when I do see my single friends making the most of every opportunity and doing the work that God puts in their path...such examples are so beautiful and so encouraging and inspiring to many!
I hope this post will encourage more women to follow Christ's example in this way. Thank you Nancy once again for your insight!
on Monday, March 1, 2010 at 12:11 pm
What I find amazing about Jesus is that he had so much love for everyone.
Just fantastic.
on Monday, March 1, 2010 at 12:56 pm
on Monday, March 1, 2010 at 1:27 pm
on Monday, March 1, 2010 at 4:20 pm
Judy
on Monday, March 1, 2010 at 5:55 pm
God bless all of you,
B.
on Monday, March 1, 2010 at 8:28 pm
I asked my friend (who is presently single) to pray for you, and she offered up a beautiful prayer for you. The Lord brought to her mind a scripture for herself, that she wanted me to share with you: "If we suffer, we shall also reign with Him" (2 Tim. 2:12). She also wanted me to encourage you to read Nancy's article (above) again, and consider deeply what it says -- she says it really helped her, as she was just struggling with the deep longings she has for a mate. Blessings to you, Bernadette, I am so glad you shared your need; others have prayed for me as I have shared mine... it is a blessing to have the Body of Christ!
In His love,
on Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 9:16 am
i said Yes Lord! He said Stay single! it was appropriate because i've recognized in myself that when i am with others, i forget about Him
on Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 12:28 pm
It's refreshing to read someone telling the truth.
I will pray for you, that God hears your request.
Judy
on Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 12:55 pm
I believe you can only experience the peace of singleness when the Lord speaks to you directly about it. . Don't get me wrong, it helps to hear other people's testimony, but only a direct message from God will help you through this. I know, I'm a single woman who has never been married. I go through periods of peace where I'm satisfied with being single, and other times it is a struggle. Don't ever let anyone tell you its wrong or you should get over how you are feeling.
on Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 8:27 pm
Thank you so much for posting this article. I had never really considered the life of Christ as a single man before.
Throughout much of my life I had periods where I wondered what was wrong with me that God had never brought a mate to my life, and felt like a loser, and of course family and friends who would constantly ask when I was getting married was so hurtful to me.
Now at age 55, I am learning to become more and more content with my status, and feel that even at this age, if God wants me to have a mate, He will provide. Meanwhile, I just want to live my life for Christ, and to work to become more like Him.
God bless you Nancy, your ministry and your articles mean so much to me personally and spiritually, and I have been truly blessed by it. I will continue to pray for you and your ministry that more women will be as encouraged as I have been.
In Christ,
Regina
on Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 10:17 pm
Many times throughout my life, His plans for me felt crushing. And as I crawled away, still battered, I wondered and faltered, but God keeps His hand on His children. He'll walk with us through the fires. I'm so glad you ladies have Him to shed light on your darker hours. I praise Him for His perfect understanding and his tender mercies. May he continually fill all our lives to over flowing with a passion for Him that helps the pain dissolve. May God grant eyes that see, and ears that hear, so we don't falter, too much, in the crush.
I myself was not willing to wait on the Lord when it came to dating. Now, for a lifetime I must live with the fact that; Though we sought our parents permission and though we were both born again Christians: I was the pursuer and that is not a good place to be. It has a staying power that none could understand unless they had done it themselves. I chose (by Gods grace alone) an AMAZING husband and I am richly blessed but not of course deserving (when one keeps in mind; We all deserve hell. But Praise God for his glorious grace!!). I FAR too often feel guilt over having done my husband 'wrong', by 'sticking' him with me. Because 'I' pursued. If I hadn't pursued, that nagging thought would never have entered the picture. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.
Yes, I know, I need to forgive myself someday (right this minute even), but consider this; If you even think of direct pursuit as an option:
It's something he'll have to live with for the rest of his life too. Would my husband have chosen me? Of his own? I'm 99% sure the answer is yes. I took away the chance to know for sure though and that 1% is painful, trust me. Not something a girl wants in her head.
Peace, love n' blessings all.
on Wednesday, March 3, 2010 at 12:23 am
on Wednesday, March 3, 2010 at 2:32 am
I am glad he is not a passive fellow though, admittedly. It was extremely kind of my Father that this is so, and I am thankful to Him for this fact. He is a manly man. That would have been a burden to me. As I have a strange, but strong aversion to passive men who seemingly allow women to command them. I'm not proud of it, but it turns my stomach, more to see a man passive and not GENTLY (meekly) chiding of this behavior, than to see the woman control. Maybe it's some weird sympathy for my sex, again I'll say I'm not proud of this thought but it's there.
on Wednesday, March 3, 2010 at 10:05 am
Thank you so much for your kindness and encouragement. Thank you for the scripture from your friend Leslie.
It is such a blessing to be able to share with sisters in Christ that I have never met, to be supported in the love of Christ by all of you and to joyfully anticipate the day we all will be in heaven together worshipping and praising our amazing God and Father and Lord and King, Christ Jesus. There will be no lonliness or longings then. Only joy divine!!!
And thank you Nancy Leigh DeMoss for your faithfulness to God in doing sevice to our Lord with this ministry that allows us to share, learn and grow.
Grace and peace be multiplied to all of you.
Because of His grace alone,
Bernadette
on Wednesday, March 3, 2010 at 5:36 pm
I can truly relate to what Bernadette said, as I am turning 40 this year and not married yet. It is hard especially when all of your friends are married with children. I am happy with Nancy reminding us that Christ suffered the same things that we are as single women, and yet He was completely fulfilled and at peace in his life...giving me hope that in spite of my present single season I can have that same fulfillment and peace...Praise God Almighty for this reminder and wonderful hope!!!
Please pray for me, Bernadette and all us single women as we press on in Christ.
Sandy
on Thursday, March 4, 2010 at 11:36 am
Our team is praying for you both.
Love,
paula
Psalm 42
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%2042&version=ESV
on Friday, March 5, 2010 at 10:29 am
Thank you for being willing to share out of your own regrets. It is deeply encouraging to me as a single (and others, I'm sure) to be encouraged to wait on God to send a man in hot pursuit.
I pray for His peace for you, as you trust in a God who works ALL things for good--who is able to redeem all our shortcomings. You can't do anything about the past now, but I believe you are a blessing to your husband today.
Love,
paula
on Friday, March 5, 2010 at 10:35 am
I'm glad when He can make some use of me, as I often feel useless (though not unvalued!!). I know that my salvation makes it such that I at least will have some purpose. I am weak but He is strong, I praise God that this is so, as I feel SO wobbly most of the time. Your comment came at a perfect moment for me as I'm blue about how much I falter... since Lord's day I've been out of sorts, and even the last post, I put in this blog here... made me wonder, what was wrong with me lately?
As an aside: My 'brick wall' comment was not nice and I can't remove it, but I can repent from it, I am sorry about it... anyone who noticed it.
But, the good news is, this week has got me on my knees calling out; Father, Father guard my heart, let me see You through this, keep me faithful, help my love for you only GROW. And I rejoice with the love that pours down. Always a portion just to see me through to the next moment.
My best friend today said words like these: "The light pierces the darkness so you can see your path, just enough so you can see which way. The light doesn't illuminate further than need be. That comment, knocked me over. Praise God for the support of fellowship everywhere... as you mentioned to Judy in today's blog itself! I do not wish to make a sister bend when I feel broken but I can go to her with my tears, I think you were right in saying: Timing, God's timing, is everything!
Thanks again dear sister.
Peace, love and blessings all.
PS Ladies in this blog, just so you know: I've added to my prayer list, 'guidance and protection to Christian singles everywhere'. :c) ! Love you all, in Christ.
on Friday, March 5, 2010 at 2:33 pm
I feel "blue" today, as well. I had lunch at a friend's house, and borrowed her book of poetry by Ralph Spaulding Cushman. Here are a few prayers I'm praying for you:
“O God, who hast folded back the mantle of the night to clothe us in the golden glory of the day, chase from our hearts all gloomy thoughts, and make us glad with the brightness of hope . . .” –An ancient collect, A.D. 590
“Set us afire, Lord, Stir us, we pray! While the world perishes we go our way, purposeless, passionless, day after day. Set us afire, Lord, stir us, we pray! –Ralph Spaulding Cushman
"Give me a song, dear God, in the morning,
Give me a song at the break of the day,
Give me a song lest the hours grow weary,
Give me the lift of a song on the way.
"Days are so long and burdens so heavy,
Tired are the faces I see passing by;
They seem so hungry, dear God and so helpless,
O how they need some song from on high!
"So if I covet one gift in the morning,
It is the shine of the heavens in my face,
Banishing gloom for the worn and the weary,
Telling the story of infinite grace."
--Ralph Spaulding Cushman
on Friday, March 5, 2010 at 5:08 pm
May His grace, peace and Love be multiplied unto all brethren and may the blind come to see.
on Friday, March 5, 2010 at 6:36 pm
I appreciated some thoughts you both shared and wanted to leave you a brief note! Paula, I love the poems. Jenny, I know what you mean about the Lord pouring down His love in answer to our cries, "just enough to see me through the next moment." And your friend's comment about the shaft of light in the darkness. Sometimes I have had days where I've felt useless, worthless (and I know in ourselves we are nothing, but we are accepted in the beloved! Worthy in Christ!). On those days as I have cried out to the Lord, I've often asked Him to "show me a token for good" (as from psalms, I think, KJV)... and He has answered in such sweet and amazing ways (through the Word, or a kind spoken or written word from a friend, etc. -- so neat how He can minister to our Spirit).
Blessings to you both!
In His love,
on Monday, March 8, 2010 at 12:25 pm
I read recently in the scriptures where Paul stated that he loved someone dearly in Christ but attmited that also his flesh loved them too.
Dear words to a dearly beloved brother. I'd have to say in light of this: I love how I see you share and that since the glow of that is prevalant in you, I'd be hard pressed to say I didn't love you in the flesh too, even though I haven't met your ol' bones *chuckles*. That wasn't a comment about your age, just tossed in there for lightness sake. I get mushy, but I mean well. I feel the same for Paula and quite a few of the other ladies here, God blesses me richly with His children, my beloved spiritual family members. I try to keep a lid this kind of 'speak' but sometimes it slips out.
Hope you're having a God filled lovely day sister!
Peace, love n' blessings all.
PS I didn't do a spell check and it will probably show! *chuckles* Forgive me. ;c)
on Monday, March 8, 2010 at 3:42 pm
Just a note to say that I've been greatly encouraged and richly blessed by all your wonderful posts. I'm single, never married and in my early fifties and have the desire to be married as some of you have alluded to.
I have struggled lately too as another Christian female friend in my age group announces her engagement and prospective marriage. She decided to take the proactive approach by interacting with other Single Christians on Christian Singles website. I tried this, but I felt that God clearly spoke to me and asked me to remove my profile from the Christian websites even Facebook and simply trust Him. I continued for a short while, but I've done it now and will not go back; even though I still get emails from Christiancafe to come back to them.
Sometimes it can be a little little confusing in terms of whether we should deliberately seek a mate as some well meaning Christians even a Pastor who wrote about the subject through his ministeries on line, recommended that we must 'actively seek' as we would if we wanted to find a particular job. He also quoted from the Word 'It is good for a man to seek and find a good wife'.
Proverbs 18:22
'He who finds a wife (husband) finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord'.
I do believe that we must seek God first and get to know Him better and His plans and purpose for our lives' as Jeremiah 29 vs 11 alludes to will be realised.
It is so exciting, when we focus on Him, to see what each new day brings. It isn't always easy, but He has brought me so far and will take me further.
God Bless You
on Tuesday, April 6, 2010 at 5:48 pm
I suppose you could say that they are there cos it's modern technology.
Hm.
on Friday, April 30, 2010 at 2:03 pm