20 comments

Kimberly Wagner

HALT!

Posted on 04.06.10 by Kimberly Wagner
Topics: Womanhood

The power of the tongue is amazing. No wonder Proverbs observes that “Death and life are in the power of the tongue . . .” (Proverbs 18:21). Sadly, I’ve often used my tongue and unintentionally crushed a loved one’s spirit. 

There’s a principle—the “HALT!” principle–that I wish I had known as a teen, and especially as a young bride. Practicing it would’ve saved me from countless conflicts, I’m sure. Here’s how it works in relation to our tongue. Restrain your words (or more bluntly—shut your mouth) and delay conversations when you are:

H – Hungry
A – Angry
L – Lonely
T – Tired

This works for all relationships, but as an example, you may be tempted to unload the frustrations of your day on your husband as soon as he walks in from a long day on the job.

Push pause.

Although you may be bursting at the seams to vent, be sensitive to the fact that your man may be tired. He may have faced many challenges through the course of his day, as well. Grant him time and grace to relax, refuel, and recharge, before entering a conversation which will require much energy.

This principle is not for “sweeping things under the rug” or for avoiding difficult conversations, but should be used as a protective device for times when it would be best to delay a conversation with heavy content which could lead to conflict or emotional meltdowns.

Ask Him for the grace to HALT! before speaking . . . after all, one of the fruits the Holy Spirit produces in us is self-control (Galatians 5:22-33)!

Care to share victories you’ve had from using this principle?

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Comments

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  1. I will be sharing this principle!! Thank you Kim! I needed this...I often weigh my husband down right as he enters the door from work. I will definitely work on this!
    http://www.jennifergriffin.wordpress.com/
    posted by Jennifer Griffin
    on Tuesday, April 6, 2010 at 9:16 am
  2. I have another word which will also fit into the "H" category.....hormonal! I know that my thoughts tend to be skewed when my hormones come into play.
    posted by Vivian Etherington
    on Tuesday, April 6, 2010 at 9:26 am
  3. Hi Kim, this is most useful as a reminder word. Yes indeed!!

    I have avoided many fights by keeping quiet!!!

    Which doesn't mean that things worth saying are left unsaid.

    Nope! When it's worth saying, then I say it.
    posted by judy
    on Tuesday, April 6, 2010 at 9:33 am
  4. Something I was thinking as I was reading this post and the previous post is that not only is it important what we say but how we say it. We can have perfectly good things to say but neglect the timing and the way that we say it. My husband sometimes refers to "my tone" which inevitably makes me want to spit nails! Side note: I have found when I have that reaction I probably wasn't using my tongue wisely.

    However, he is usually right. We can say the same thing, but be using the HALT principles and change our tone and it can come across totally different and much more loving and respectful to those we are speaking too! Thanks for a practical way to remember when to just shut our mouths!
    www.thehooversinternational.blogspot.com
    posted by Jessica
    on Tuesday, April 6, 2010 at 9:40 am
  5. Thanks for the good principle. Easy to remember at least...so hard to implement but not impossible with the help of the Holy Spirit.
    posted by Susan McCurdy
    on Tuesday, April 6, 2010 at 10:16 am
  6. Excellent, thank you! so often we speak without thinking. i will start using this.... thanks again!!
    posted by Carol
    on Tuesday, April 6, 2010 at 11:52 am
  7. I love how God's word apply's to every area of life. Proverbs 29:11 says, "A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.". And Psalm 14:1 says, "The fool says in his heart, "There is no God."" So, when I "vent" to my husband or anyone, am I being a fool? And am I saying by my venting that there is no God?

    Thank you, Kimberly! And, it was so very good to see you in Chattanooga!

    God's blessings on your day!
    miyoshig@aol.com
    posted by Miyoshi Gardner
    on Tuesday, April 6, 2010 at 12:09 pm
  8. am the kind that is always rush in speaking and very blant and straight forward at that,which always get me in trouble some how.
    Am glad i got to read this today,God know i need help here.
    Thanks for posting it here,ill put in on my fridge door and every where else so that i always remember this.
    God bless you
    posted by Sarah
    on Tuesday, April 6, 2010 at 12:53 pm
  9. Jessica, yes, I liked your comment too. Yes it is important how we say it and I appreciate the reminder.

    Sarah - I am like you too and have to think before I speak too.

    It's good though that we realize our bad points and pray to God to give us a wise and kind tongue!


    Judy
    posted by judy
    on Tuesday, April 6, 2010 at 2:28 pm
  10. I struggle with this all too often. I can't remember who said at the March conference that sometimes to be Holy Spirit led is to just - hush up! I love the verses in Proverbs but also the Psalm - May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you Oh Lord, my rock and my redeemer. I repeat this to myself over and over again when things get crazy at the house. This is an ongoing battle for me. Wish it wasn't!
    posted by Elizabeth
    on Tuesday, April 6, 2010 at 2:59 pm
  11. Perhaps this will amuse some:

    My husband has found an easy way to thwart my zipped lip. He can read my face and body language like a book and it is a lesson hard learned by me (in that I not only need silence but a 'right' mind). Around him I can not 'trick' with my silence though believe me even that is hard won, and doesn't come naturally to me (shutting up when I am steamed). So, we end up waltzing a while longer in strain while I pray my way into submission, struggling against the odds of my flesh nature, praying to God to get me right minded. I do end up running/dashing away at times promising to be 'right back' so that I can be more what God would want of me.

    At times I don't have this luxury because my husband wants me to deal, and finish up (get the nonesense over with). In times like this, I breath and pray. Tape would help *chuckles* but a pillow suffices (hiding my face and prayerfully planing my words). ;c) Yes, I'm embarassingly childish, but aknowledging this makes it so much easier to submit, I can tell I'm SO in the wrong! Oh, the drama... yeash!

    These are no proud moments for me, I can imagine my husband sees the steam pouring off me. I praise God for his tireless helps and forgiveness to such a wretched sinner as I!

    Peace, love n' blessings to all!
    posted by Jenny
    on Tuesday, April 6, 2010 at 4:19 pm
  12. Thank you for sharing this - what a blessing! I should have kept my mouth shut last night when I was 'hungry' but I didn't. I will be putting this into practice for sure! I also agree with Vivian, 'h' can also stand for 'hormonal'!
    http://bjoyfl.blogspot.com/
    posted by Haley
    on Tuesday, April 6, 2010 at 4:21 pm
  13. Wonderful comments, Ladies!

    Thank you for your openness and honesty in sharing. I love this community of True Women! Thanks for contributing good insights and suggestions.

    One thing I want to pass on is that our tongues can be used to bless as well. I'll be sharing more about that in my next post, but just keep in mind that we can hinder what God wants to do when we silently withhold blessing others with our words.

    I'll be sharing some thoughts from Ephesians 4:29 next week, but in the meantime, consider using your mouth to bless others in the coming days and see what happens!

    Hello and blessings to each of you dear sisters!
    posted by Kimberly Wagner
    on Tuesday, April 6, 2010 at 5:56 pm
  14. Jessica,

    I slipped over to your blog site and was so blessed to read about your heart for Liberia and future ministry there. Please stay in touch and keep us updated on that.

    How exciting to be taking the gospel to West Africa! I am lifting you and your husband to the Lord right now.

    Blessings!
    posted by Kimberly Wagner
    on Tuesday, April 6, 2010 at 6:05 pm
  15. Jennifer,

    Thanks for posting your blog site on your comment as well. Looks like you have some good stuff you're sharing there.

    How about including the True Woman site on your blog roll? Please pass the True Woman message on to your readers!

    Blessings friend!
    posted by Kimberly Wagner
    on Tuesday, April 6, 2010 at 6:11 pm
  16. Miyoshi,

    It was so good to see your smiling face in Chattanooga. Thanks for your comment and for sharing Proverbs 29:11. I used to have that verse taped to my mirror where I applied my make-up! I need those kinds of reminders :-)

    Blessings dear friend!
    posted by Kimberly Wagner
    on Tuesday, April 6, 2010 at 7:01 pm
  17. Don't forget to add something to 'halt' add an "S" for sick - when we are sick we need to watch what we say, too!

    So I refer to it as HALTS.

    This is invaluable!

    Denise
    posted by denise
    on Tuesday, April 6, 2010 at 8:03 pm
  18. Thank you for this post. It spoke to my heart and I will be applying this principal starting today. God bless.
    posted by Donna
    on Wednesday, April 7, 2010 at 5:52 am
  19. I think it can also be invaluable to tell our loved ones we are in HALT mode. Just this morning as a I drove my 12 yr old daughter to school I was completely silent. She finally asked if I was mad at her because of my silence. I responded "no, I am just tired" and she looked at me and smiled. What a comfort it was for her to know where my silence was coming from.
    posted by Jennifer
    on Wednesday, April 7, 2010 at 8:57 am
  20. HALT is something I learned a while ago and often forget to put into practice. Thanks for the reminder!
    E
    posted by E
    on Saturday, April 10, 2010 at 11:41 am

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