After I had finished speaking at a workshop at the last True Woman ’10 conference in Chattanooga, a woman came to me seeking counsel. It was obvious that God had been stirring her own heart at this conference. But as she contemplated going home, she was discouraged.
Her husband, she said, professed faith in Christ, but his life didn’t match his profession. She found herself conflicted between wanting to live a life that was wholly consecrated to Christ, and a desire to live in oneness with her husband. What should she do?
I gave her some general counsel about not compromising her faith while seeking to win her husband without a word, and my wife and I prayed for her.
Later, I thought about what I wished I had told her . . .
I wished I had told her that her holiness matters to God, and she should seek to live a life that is righteous, morally upright, and blameless. At the same time, she should be careful not to parade her holiness before her husband. God cares about her obedience to Him. But her desire for holiness isn’t what will make her walk with Christ attractive to her husband.
Instead, it is as her life manifests the fruit of the Spirit–love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control – that her husband will see in her qualities that he desires to be true in his own life.
God does indeed care about her moral convictions and standards, but her husband won’t. He will not be impressed by the things she says “no” to.
But as she kindly, compassionately, humbly loves and serves her husband, looking for ways to bless him, support him, and encourage him, he’ll find himself being drawn to the Christ he sees in her.
I believe that principle is true in all of our relationships with people who don’t share our spiritual convictions. They won’t be drawn to Christ primarily because our arguments for the Christian life make sense to them. And they won’t be drawn to Christ because we live lives with a commitment to a higher moral standard than they do.
Ultimately, the only thing that will draw them to Christ is the Spirit of God working through the word of God. Faith comes by hearing a message about Christ.
But when we live lives marked by self-sacrifice and love for others, we show the power of Christ at work in our own lives. And that can help soften the soil of a human heart to make it more ready to receive the seed of God’s word when it comes.
Would the people who know you best–a spouse, your children, family members, co-workers–would they say that you are a person who radiates love? Joy? Peace? Patience? And all the rest?
The same power that raised Christ from the dead is at work in you. It is His power at work in you that makes it possible for you to live the kind of life that puts His glory and grace on display.
Comments
*The following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.
I think what turns others away from Christ quicker than anything else is to see those that proclaim to be Christians, but act no differently than the rest of the world. Or, Sunday morning Christians that act holy on one day of the week, but just blends in with society the other 6 days. If others see us experiencing the true joy that comes with accepting Jesus into our hearts; they will want what we have. However, if we proclaim it but dont live it, then we are being hypocritical.
If we preach one thing but live another, then others will be turned away by the example we are setting. We should all avoid any type of activity or actions that could cause someone else to stumble or question our motives. If the Holy Spirit is indeed living in our hearts, each of us will be convicted when we fall short of what Gods plan was for our lives; and turn from our ways.
God Bless each of you!
on Friday, July 30, 2010 at 8:05 am
For others to want to be Christians, they must see that it has made a positive difference in us. If we are on an ego trip to draw attention to ourselves, we need to get off of it. Too many are trying to draw people to themselves instead of to Christ. To many of us are busy trying to glorify ourselves instead living a life that glorifies Christ. We say we want to glorify Christ in our lives, but our actions speak louder than our words. If we want to bring others to Christ, we must be more concerned with loving them as they are rather than making them conform to what we think they should be.
The last thing Jesus said while on earth was, “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations . . . baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.” If we are being negative, pushy, two faced, saying one thing and living another, have visible sin in our lives viewable to others, more interested in ourselves and fleshy desires than Christ, trying to please man instead of God..........we will never reach the lost.
We must say what we mean and mean what we say! Our actions must match our talk! If we are projecting a negative image in our daily lives, then we must turn from our fleshy ways and turn to God. Live for Christ, not man.
on Friday, July 30, 2010 at 8:31 am
on Friday, July 30, 2010 at 8:32 am
People dont go by what you say, but by what you do. If you preach "do not murder" then dont go out and try to tear down another person....in essence......killing their spirit. If you say "avoid all appearance of evil" then dont go out and be seen with other women without your wife being present if you are a married man. (Doesnt matter what you are doing......its the appearance the bible warns us about.) If we preach "love your neighbor" but have a list of people we refuse to speak to, then we are not living according to this commandment.
Its time us Christians wake up and realize our own behavior could very well be the reason another people are not interested in seeking Jesus as their savior. If we are not living as Christ's example, then we are no different from the rest of the world. We cant put ourselves above others and not care what they think of us and live a life pleasing to God.
We are told that leaders and teachers will be held at a higher accountability than others.
on Friday, July 30, 2010 at 8:43 am
on Friday, July 30, 2010 at 8:47 am
I've all but quit watching TV because I just don't feel good about it, but that's his customary practice in the evenings when he's home. It seems some weeks we hardly see each other because the TV comes on as soon as he's showered after work and I just don't want to sit there and fill my mind with what is at the very least, useless drivel, anymore. But then my husband feels like I'm criticizing him for his lack of spirituality and his horrifying depravity and I just can't win!
Argh, it's so hard to find that balance! I'm frustrated and discouraged because I find myself feeling like I'm either doing right by God, but failing my husband, or I'm doing right by my husband, but failing God.
on Friday, July 30, 2010 at 9:23 am
on Friday, July 30, 2010 at 9:27 am
on Friday, July 30, 2010 at 9:50 am
I believe there has to be a balance between family and church family. The bible says to put God first, then your family, then your church family. My husband has put God first, his church family and church responsibilities second, and family comes in last. Its hard not to get discouraged at times like this. I work outside the home and he does also. I have two children to care for, even though they are older now and can do alot for themselves. I know what my limits are. I only take on as much as I can do well. I dont like to half way do things; so I have learned when to say no. However, he seems to think it is "ungodly" to say no to anything requested from the church.
My husband is a very Godly man, but doesnt seem to realize the importance of family. Lately, he has made me feel like I am falling short of what God would have me be. I just cant seem to win.
Is it wrong to say "no" when asked to teach a class, lead a retreat, be a chaperone, etc. when you already feel overwhelmed and on the brink of tears and despair?
on Friday, July 30, 2010 at 10:24 am
My advice is to pray, pray, pray. Also, try to stay kind, sweet, and loving to him. Always honor God in your speech and attitude - even though it is difficult under difficult circumstances. As for my situation - my husband eventually mellowed very much, praise God! God will see you through this, too. Bless you.
on Friday, July 30, 2010 at 11:49 am
The closer I got to the Lord, the harder it was for us to relate in every area of life. So I KNOW how HUGE the struggle is that you are going through! I will pray for both of you that your marriages do not end like mine did. Words cannot adequately express how deep the frustration became for me. The only thing I keep praying for now is the ability to embrace my singlehood as a gift from God and not something to balk at. It's often very difficult and extremely lonely. But, His grace is sufficient daily. I have learned that from it all.
God bless you!
Barb
on Friday, July 30, 2010 at 11:53 am
Unlike some of the others who've shared here, hubby and I ARE both Christians ~ have been almost as long as either of us can remember! And I guess that's where part of my frustration lies; feeling like his desire should be to "bear the fruit" of his faith as well.
But there too, I have remember the importance of that wasn't really impressed upon my heart until relatively recently. Until a year or two ago, my Christianity was about as lack-lustre and invisible as anyone could imagine. The desire to stand is a fairly new concept.
I just keep hoping and praying that I will make that kind of a lifestyle change attractive and so far, it doesn't seem to be working AT ALL. But the upside of all this is I've gotten much better at constantly praying for my husband (and my daughters), and my attitude towards my family and being a spouse and parent has changed.
on Friday, July 30, 2010 at 1:46 pm
When I was in the midst of the turmoil with my husband, this passage helped me regain God's perspective for my situation as a wife struggling with a husband who didn't seem to be growing spiritually, and I referred to it constantly: I Peter 3:1-4...
1. In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2. as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
3. Your adornment must not be merely external--braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4. but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
...As difficult as it is, this is the only way God can work in his heart. From my own experience, the more frustrated I became with his lack of spiritual interest in God and church, the more he pushed harder against it. Just keep praying constantly for him and for yourself to know how to act/react with a gentle, non-nagging spirit.
I hope this helps!
Take care,
Barb
on Friday, July 30, 2010 at 2:31 pm
If we preach against drinking and/or drunkardness but are seen on the weekends with a can of beer at the lake; that's hypocritical.
If we preach against ungodly dress but we are seen in public wearing short shorts; that's hypocrital.
If we preach against adulty, but are seen out in public with men other than your own husband; that's hypocrital. Remember, adultry is not only phsyical, but emotional and spritual as well.
If we preach "love thy neighbor as thyself", when we shun a friend or dont speak to an "enemy"; we are being hypocritical.
This list could go on and on. People watch Christians. If they see no difference between themselves and Christians, what do Christians have that they would want? However, if they see Joy, Happiness, Freedom, Hope, etc. we project a behavior they desire to have and will seek for those things.
on Friday, July 30, 2010 at 4:50 pm
What will draw people away from Christ is when their eyes is focused on people and not Christ the rock of our salvation. as the scripture says looking unto Jesus who is the Auther and Finisher of our Faith. Dont look to the left neither to the right.
My husband also does alot of wrong things as a christian, i prefere to keep focus on my relationship with God.
God bless Brenda.
on Friday, July 30, 2010 at 5:34 pm
My heart goes out to each of you who long to see your husband’s come to know Jesus. Thank you for sharing the very real challenges you face each day. We join you in praying and believing that God would open their eyes to understand their desperate need for a Savior. Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh; is anything too difficult for Me? Jeremiah 32:27
I want to suggest a couple resources that may be helpful to you as you seek to "live Christ" before your husbands in some of the situations you have described. The first is Nancy's series When He Doesn’t Believe. In this series Nancy interviews Nancy Kennedy as she shares what God has taught her after 25 years of marriage to an unbeliever. She offers biblical truth, practical help, and comforting insight. This is a two part series: http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/roh/today.php?lid=24092 and http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/roh/today.php?pid=9181.
You might also consider Gary Thomas’ book Sacred Influence. In this practical resource, Gary addresses the question of how we can help our husbands become the men God intends them to be. Writing from a man’s perspective, he helps us understand how to how to positively motivate our husbands and cultivate a deep and true relationship with them. Included in Sacred Influence is an entire chapter devoted to influencing an unbelieving husband.
Praying for all of us this weekend...may all who cross our paths - especially our husbands - tangibly experience Jesus love through us.
on Friday, July 30, 2010 at 6:19 pm
on Friday, July 30, 2010 at 8:08 pm
So sorry to hear your marriage ended in divorce. But, glad you are seeing the work of God's grace each day. And that things are more peaceful now for you and your children. Thank you for your prayers!
And Carrie,
Thank you for the resources! I will certainly check them out. Sure do appreciate your prayers, also.
Thank you both for your kindness!
on Friday, July 30, 2010 at 9:45 pm
Do you ever notice that the people we really, truly like are the people that make us feel encouraged, good, and welcomed? The people that truly make us feel like a part of the group and the people that truly seem really happy when we walk into a room are the people we gravitate towards? And when we leave that person we always think to to ourselves how we never seem to have enough time with that person and how much better our spirit is after our visit with them?
Those people that have that gift of giving encouragment and making one feel so welcomed are the kind of people that live, not preach, the kind of life that draw others near - not push them away. Too many times I have seen over and over again (many times unintentionally) Christians pushing away someone when they should be encouraging them, not preaching to them. The gift of encouragement for who a person is, is what will draw that person towards Christ with time. Not trying to change that person (that's God's job).
Being excited to get to know Christ and learning about Him, I have to be careful not to preach in what I call my "honeymoon" stage of learning. I need to remember to live with my excitement and not preach it. I would like to think (or hope) that I can become one of those people that makes someone feel lifted after visiting with me and not pushed away. It is a growth process, but I just keep in mind those people in my life that truly make me feel loved and wanted and not judged. And they do it without ever making a comment about morals, they are just moral people.
Thanks for the good thoughts and reminders,
E
on Friday, July 30, 2010 at 11:01 pm
on Saturday, July 31, 2010 at 10:12 pm