The True Woman CLICK

Mary Kassian

Mary Kassian | 10.26.10
Twitter: @MaryKassian


One of the comments that I frequently hear after a woman has attended a True Woman conference, or read my Girls Gone Wise book, is, “It all clicked for me.”

Most change happens gradually. A child slowly learns to read. Braces slowly straighten teeth. A bush is slowly trimmed and shaped into a hedge. But then there are those changes that happen all at once. They are “Click!” or “Aha!” moments when our perspectives suddenly shift, and we begin to see the whole world in a different light.

Jan O’Reilly described the feminist click in the first issue of Ms. Magazine, in 1971, in an article entitled “The Housewife’s Moment of Truth.” The feminist click was that moment when a woman suddenly realized that sexism was responsible for woman’s problems, and was filled with rage and anger against men. It was the moment she embraced the feminist perspective and the personal quest to effect change.

The True Woman CLICK is both different than--and similar to--the feminist one.

It is different in that the recipient’s “Aha” is not about the existence of sexism, but about the cosmic purpose of womanhood. The truth that “clicks” is that God created womanhood, manhood, marriage and sex to teach us profound realities about the nature and character of God, and to put the message of the gospel on display. As a woman who experienced the CLICK recently exclaimed to me, “When I realized that my womanhood is all about displaying the gospel, it radically transformed the way I live.”

The True Woman CLICK is also different in the emotion that it evokes. The Feminist CLICK fills a woman with anger and defiance. The True Woman CLICK fills a woman with a sense of wonder at the purposes of God, and her part in His grand design. When the truth about the meaning of her womanhood CLICKS, she is filled with feelings of worship and joyful surrender to God’s plan.

The Feminist and True Woman CLICKS are very different, and yet they are similar in one key way: Both motivate action.

A feminist CLICK inspires a woman to demand her rights, and to insist that men change. A True Woman CLICK inspires a woman to embrace her God-given responsibility, and to ask God to change her. Both CLICKS result in the woman being committed, intentional and passionate about applying and spreading the message that has gripped her heart.

How about you?  Have you experienced the True Woman CLICK?  If not, I suggest you listen to John Piper’s message about The Ultimate Meaning of True Womanhood, to the True Women Choose Wisdom message I delivered at True Woman 2010, or to my message for leaders on Leading in the Moment.

If you have experienced the True Woman CLICK, tell me about it—and how it has impacted your life and changed your perspective on male and female relationships. And, make sure to talk about it with your friends. Your story might be the very thing that makes True Womanhood CLICK for them.

Topics: Womanhood


  1. I clearly remember a "click" for was at TW 08, during your message. I came from a SAHM family, home schooled, protected, raised in the church, and from a family where dad was in charge and mom submitted.

    I didn't think the feminist movement had effected me at all, but during your "We've Come A Long Way Baby" message, I realized, "Wow, I have feminism in me and I have to purge it from my life!" I guess that why I've shared that video over and over with my friends!
    posted by Heather
    on Tuesday, October 26, 2010 at 8:12 am
  2. The "click" wow its STILL happening if that makes sense. Everyday God is revealing to me more and more, but the initial click kinda hurt but in a good way. I have always had a heart that desired to love...but I did not know how to love with the love of God. Now its the best feeling I will ever experience to desire to love as God loves me. The feminist movement never reallly made sense to seemed backwards. Thanks to the True Woman movement and my hunger for God's word I see now that what God was stirring up inside of me was right. It just took a while for me to receive the truth and I am so very grateful that I did and that I am still being taught what God's word says about being "a TRUE WOMAN". Thank you Mary!!
    posted by Brooke
    on Tuesday, October 26, 2010 at 10:13 am
  3. Mary,

    THanks for your "click" comparison.

    When I became a believer at age 14, the Holy SPirit, through Scripture revealed things to me about the role of womanhood that I could not actually articulate at the time. But it caused great conflict between my very feminist mother and I.

    Honestly, there were so many mixed messages in churches and Christian college that I had to cling to my suspicion that there was something very important for me to know and women in general to hear about what it means to be a woman. But the lack of teaching or mentoring from older women caused me suffering.

    But I did marry a good Christian man. I knew being a wife and mother was a divine calling. I stayed in the Word and disregarded the mostly generic teaching to women. Then my life demanded that I really figure some things out about what a Christian women IS, not just what she is NOT.

    As I studied women of Scripture I couldn't believe the common thread of submission, Christ's love for women, and the special role of nurturer and lifegiver. I was never oppressed by any man, but found that even Christian women who don't have a uniquely biblical understanding of true womanhood will just naturally hurt others by giving unbiblical counsel or abandoning their true womanhood.

    A few years later, I discovered some of your material and felt very confirmed in my findings and writings from Scripture. The evil one will do anything he can to destroy families; that means destroy the model designed by God, and the feminine souls of his daughters. I thank you and Nancy Leigh so much for being voices in the wilderness for us.

    Barbara Gardner
    posted by Barbara B. Gardner
    on Tuesday, October 26, 2010 at 1:47 pm
  4. Hi Mary,

    Yes, I have experienced the True Woman "click" -- by God's grace -- it is a blessed one, as you have described! Initially, when I became a Christian in my late teens (no Christian upbringing) -- I started just to feel more feminine; wanted to wear skirts more, etc. An interesting freebie of my salvation experience!

    As I began to get Biblical teaching, I embraced what I thought was God's plan for my womanhood. But my ideas were out of balance -- I did not realize what the true meaning of submission was. I didn't see the strength and beauty of it -- the necessity of being a true helper to my husband by using my gifts and abilities for the good of the family -- also by being lovingly able to help if I saw him making a wrong decision.

    God is so patient and wise. I thank Him for using my pastor, Nancy Leigh DeMoss and you to help me see so much more deeply what womanhood is all about. Yes, it does impassion me to want to live it myself, and to spread the message to others, especially my young sisters in Christ who yet have a chance to do things right! (My older sisters too -- God is in the business of changing us at all ages :)). I know now much better what it means to be a true helper to my husband; to be strong and not afraid to use my gifts, as appropriate; and to love being a woman! Yes, it is beautiful!

    Two of the resources you mentioned above had a great impact on me to this end: John Piper's message from the TW08 conference, and your Girls Gone Wise book (and book blog on this website). I highly recommend these resources to anyone reading this comment. The book is well worth the time commitment it takes to read it (and the book blog videos by Mary will enhance the study). The John Piper message is about one hour long and can be viewed, read or listened to through this website. Beautiful!

    Blessings to you Mary and may the Lord continue to bless your time and energy as you serve Him.

    Psalm 9
    1I will praise thee, O LORD, with my whole heart; I will shew forth all thy marvellous works.

    2I will be glad and rejoice in thee: I will sing praise to thy name, O thou most High.

    In His love,
    posted by Leslie S.
    on Tuesday, October 26, 2010 at 3:43 pm
  5. The click happened for me as I started to listen to Revive Our Hearts which several friends encouuraged me to listen to the daily broadcasts. Then I was directed to the True Woman Manifesto and one day it all just clicked as I got further into the manifesto through listening and reading the manuscripts. After the click happened, I have to say the big PUSH for me was attending the TWC in FW. And my hearts cry is, now is the time to say Yes, Lord! I have a hearts burden to be His true woman, and not just stop there, but to bring this message to all the women within my sphere of influence.
    posted by Ruth Garcia
    on Wednesday, October 27, 2010 at 5:13 pm
  6. The "click" happened for me about 6 years ago when I read the verse "she does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life" in the Proverbs 31 passage. Although I had read about the Virtuous Woman many, many times, I gleaned a new insight - this verse applies to me now, while I'm still single! I actually just wrote a blog post about this, if you're interested in hearing more.

    Thanks Mrs. Kassian for bringing the message of true womanhood to the national forefront. There are very few voices championing this message, yet it is exactly what women today need to hear, accept, embrace, and live out pasionately - for King and Kingdom!
    posted by Lindsay
    on Thursday, October 28, 2010 at 2:03 am
  7. Sorry to post a second time -- but there are some other things I think I should have mentioned before.

    My "Aha" Click moments were in large part when I heard the John Piper teaching, and when I read certain parts of Mary's book.

    And those "click" moments were when I realized the deeper purpose of my womanhood -- to put the gospel on display. Specifically in marriage, for me. To mirror the relationship between Christ and the church -- through my marriage -- to the world; to have the intimacy in my marriage that mirrors that of the love and oneness between the Father and the Son. These were the eye-opening, soul-exciting, life-inspriring moments that have helped me put the rest into context, and given me so much more joy and purpose in my womanhood and service to the Lord. Also, John Piper explains much about femininity in general and how single women uniquely display the gospel in their lives. That too was a CLICK moment for me.

    Prior to those "CLICK" moments I had been a Christian for years, but had not really understood these truths.

    What I mentioned in my first post above had more to do with the gradual changes you spoke of, Mary -- all good -- but truly the "aha" CLICK moments have helped brighten the whole picture!

    31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and m other, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

    32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. (from Eph. 5, KJV)

    (and John 17 and other places in the gospels regarding the unity/love between the Father and the Son)

    In His love, and sorry I didn't think of it the first time I posted...
    posted by Leslie S.
    on Thursday, October 28, 2010 at 10:49 am
  8. The first click God lit in my heart was when I gave birth to our first born. I was not even born again yet. I didn't even know who God was, though I read my Bible & prayed.
    I thought that having a baby would be like having a little sister (mine was 10 years younger than I.) When I gave birth I was in great awe of what a miracle Angela Lynn was, that I told God; "I want as many as You will give me...this is A MIRACLE!" I even wrote my best friend Fritzie what I told God. And she later gave me a shoe box of letters that show who I was before & after salvation. (Ages17 through late 20's.)
    And like you Leslie S, I started wearing dresses when I got saved. I also was not from a Christian home, though they were wonderful parents. My mom lost her vision, and loved listening to the Bible tapes daily for hours when she was bed bound dying of emphysema next door. And now my dad Chuck needs to get saved. He's going to be 80 in January & has lung trouble.
    But when I got saved Christian radio just made me discontent & urged me to change my man & speak up! I learned to be without a word in waiting on the LORD to show my husband what was bursting in my heart but not outwardly & it was so amazing to see him hear a speaker say 3 times what I wanted to TELL him. It was amazing to 'let God be God.' I'm grateful for beauty from ashes. And the Godly examples, and teachers I have been exposed to. And the urging to hide His Word in my heart to keep me from worse pride and being a greater pain. I like what my former preacher said;"When I say or do something wrong it is Dennis...when I do something right it is The LORD." Praise God for grace... I am so surprised when God fills me with His Holy Spirit and lives & talks through my life. And so are others. They will praise me...but soon find out that it was all grace and not one speck Leslie N :-) ( I'm starting to figure it out:-) Colossians 3:15-17 "And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him."
    Ephesians 5:18-20" And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit; Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;" I love to sing Scripture I just did the 3 chapters of Habakkuk & it sounds terrible. But I by God's grace will absorb it & sing it to Jesus my Beloved confidently & live it out to my beloved husband, family & others. By grace.
    posted by Leslie.n
    on Thursday, October 28, 2010 at 4:25 pm

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