Do you ever feel like if you don’t talk about your frustrations, you just might explode? Have you every unloaded a laundry list of annoyances on someone and wrapped it up by saying “Sorry . . . I just needed to vent.”
Been there. Done that.
It’s a widespread belief that every once in a while we all need to blow off steam and that holding anger in is dangerous. But researchers have actually discovered that while venting may make you feel better temporarily it actually increases aggressive behavior later on. Simply put, venting is not an effective way of controlling your anger.
Maybe that’s why Jesus gave us this warning:
“But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken” (Matthew 12:36).
Whoa! Not a lot of room for rantings there. Jesus said we will give an account for every fruitless word we ever speak. That includes when we spout off every angry feeling in the name of venting.
That’s not the only warning Scripture gives on this subject.
Proverbs 29:11 says, “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.”
In other words, spewing at the mouth simply isn’t smart.
This doesn’t just apply to the actual words that we speak. Have you ever hammered out a Facebook status in a fit of rage, hit “Send” on an email that you typed to get your frustrations out, or sent a text when you were really mad and needing to blow of steam? Me too. I believe we will give account for those empty words too and the fallout caused by digital venting is enough to prove that spewing is foolish.
I want to do better about putting the brakes on my tongue when I have the temptation to vent, don’t you? I’m wondering what’s a better way to manage my feelings when I feel like I’m about to blow. I bet you have some great ideas. In fact, let’s make a list. What are some ideas you have for productive ways to deal with anger other than venting? What do you do when you are feeling frustrated instead of talking about your anger? Leave me a comment below and tell me about it.
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Comments
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 7:18 am
God Bless you today Erin, and thanks Linda for the words of encouragement.
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 7:32 am
What a great article! I certainly need to check myself. I tend to hold things in too long instead of bringing them to my Lord, then I vent. I loved Linda's "go to the Throne, not the phone."
But I wonder too, how do we lovingly and gently point others to the Throne when they vent to us?
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 7:43 am
Honestly, there is not another human being that can help you when you are angry or hurting but God. He knows the truth about what is going on with you and the other person(s) and He knows exactly what to do about it. He remembers our frame and that "we are but dust". Jodi C.
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 7:50 am
Blessings.
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 7:56 am
Sometimes, I'll text a close girlfriend and say, "Pray for me, I'm about to blow it." Then like Linda said, while taking it to the Lord, He graciously shows me my errors in my reasons for needing to vent in the first place...the sins of selfishness and pride are almost always exposed as the root of my anger. Then I can confess, and He is faithful to forgive and cleanse. And then there is JOY!
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 7:57 am
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 8:31 am
Of course, feelings are not good either-and we women tend to want to live off our feelings-which are all about self too.
I have really been struggling with the knowledge that self is at the root of most of my struggles-OUCH!! and causes my angry outbursts
Praying for less of me, more of Him
Thanks for the post
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 9:10 am
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 9:19 am
What to do?
Well, being a very fast typist, I began to "journal" on my laptop. Hand writing made my hand go numb, (carpal tunnel) and I never sent my word to anyone (face book). I would have pages and pages...and eventually I would ponder and slow down after the heated rush of pages of "venting" and that is when I would start to ask and talk to God - through typing - and tears.
And many times.....the typing would eventually stop...and the listening would start. And now when I go back and reread some of those 100's of pages I typed over the years, I can actually see how I have grown - with God's help.
My journal is safely "buried" in several files under files names that would make no sense to anyone and I don't have anyone in my family that would go looking for anything on my computer anyway. But for privacy, you may want to ensure it is "kept away" from curious eyes. Or use only initials for names.
But some very profound and deep thoughts have come not from my fast and furious typing...but after my exhausted thoughts and after my pain is worn down...and the tears finally come and that is when I am more quiet and I am amazed at what I type, the deep questions I ask, and sometimes, the answers I get.
With normal venting, in the past, I don't think I ever got to the quiet point...just more and more wound up....until exhaustion...but not quiet...big difference. With typing, al alone, and with Him...eventually, I do hear.
Just an idea.
With much gratitude to my lovely Father,
Elizabeth
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 9:26 am
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 9:37 am
I have a friend who vents everything on Facebook. Especially things her husband does wrong. She calls him horrible things in front of the world.
Two years ago, that WAS exactly like me! Jesus ( and my husband!) helped me learn just how wrong and unbiblical that is. Also how much it hurt my husband and brought him down to nothing.
I pray that all women who use these social sites to vent pray for change. Make it a goal to post your status as a good and inspiring one! Don't report on everything that went wrong, tell the social world what good happened today.
You'll be surprised at how your own outlook on things change too!
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 9:37 am
P.S. I love "go to the throne, not the phone". Thanks Linda for sharing that! Also, thank you Erin for today's blog. You and I are about the same age and I can always relate to the things you write about.
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 9:54 am
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 10:00 am
I pour out my complaint before him;
before him I tell my trouble.
That says it all!
However, I would say that there are times when a trusted friend really can help us, especially if we need to be pointed back to the Lord. As long as it is not my habit to go to the friend and not the Lord, I pray God will always give me a friend who points me back to the Him, helps me see what the real issue is, and helps me through the vent to the victory!
Thank You, Lord for all the times I have been able to pour out my complaint before you - and for all the trusted friends you have given me to point me back to you. Help me be one of those friends to others.
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 10:12 am
I vent by journaling and by crying and venting in the shower. No one can hear me over the running water; the hot water relaxes me; I get the frustration and hurt and yes, sometimes anger out when it is between God and me.
However, according to the Matthew scripture, I will still have to give account for those shower words. That gives me pause as the Matt. Scripture says we will give account for every empty word spoken.
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 10:40 am
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 11:08 am
Thanks for writing about something that is so difficult to deal with.
To whom it may concern,
I'll warn you this is a long post, sorry for that!
I have had difficulty with a complaining nature, for as long as I can remember. I have spent most of my life admiring women whom I've seen simply walk away quietly and pray. One of them being one of the children of God who led me to Christ BECAUSE she had displayed this very gift so beautifully one day, so long ago now. I say this humbly hoping to inspire you all to aspire (and to remind me to be inspired by them).
The day I realized I had had a bigger problem than I could handle? I thought I was running, hiding and praying BUT I would go to family common areas that were presently unoccupied, then leave in a huff if disturbed. How immature, eh? Well, here's how it came to light that this was really not smart: One night after midnight I was in a complete huff so I 'ran' to the kitchen (of all the lame ideas) and left the lights out and sat in a corner on a counter (can one get more melodrama in one woman??) so an unassuming family member comes in turns on a light and gets all chatty. There I am, thinking; is this person 'for real'? LOL I had the nerve to later call my grandma and moan and she said in a very flat voice, 'Dear, if you want to be alone you have a bedroom.' Talk about your wake up call! It even says to go and pray in a closet in the word (Matthew 6:5-6)! Will I ever get it? I sometimes wonder.
That cleared away one of my 'the world is all about me' moments. Recently another new way to face my desire to vent, dawned on me, I have no ridiculous story to go with this one! Just, three steps (two involve prayer): Give thanks, you may be enraged but think up all that He's done for you, all you understand and appreciate, step two: Go ahead, tell God what's wrong ask Him to help you maybe understand why but mostly do ask Him to help you GROW from whatever this hardship is (I think He loves to answer this prayer... just my opinion though), then if at all possible, get into the word it's where you'll REFRESH and really, as the website says: REVIVE OUR HEARTS... in that WORD, that's what He's been teaching me. Isn't He wonderful?
"Isn't He wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, isn't Jesus our Lord wonderful? Eyes have seen, ears have heard, there is glory in God's WORD, isn't Jesus our Lord wonderful" (quote from an amazing hymn... not sure if these are the exact words though)
Another thing: you CAN actually be thankful for these frustrations and you don't have to take my word for it: "My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;" James 1:2. I'm slowly learning that when I'm hurting, more often than not, I can use that pain to help another sister once I'm through it (sometimes, by God's Grace... even right when I'm smack in the middle of it!).
Lastly, these things have helped me work out my faith with much fear and trembling, because as I go on, I'm noticing my badness before a living God, is terribly shameful and I end up fearing what I've done more than desiring to continue on in it. If that makes sense.
May God bless and keep each of you as you also 'work out your salvation with fear and trembling'.
"IT IS A GOOD THING TO GIVE THANKS UNTO THE LORD, AND TO SING PRAISES UNTO THY NAME, O MOST HIGH:"
Psalm 92:1
Peace, love n' blessings,
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 11:39 am
Then there is trying to/or actually writing a letter to a friend - with the letter (written on paper, with a pen no less) you are more inclined to think about your words so they have meaning, so they help compose your thoughts, to analyse a little.
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 11:40 am
I agree that it's better to practice spiritual self-control; but when we feel like our emotions are gonna fly anyway, venting to God is our safe release... he can handle our emotions, teach us a lesson, and we can avoid hurting others.
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 11:48 am
Going to the scriptures when you are upset is a great idea but to lean on a scripture that you have placed in your heart before the test is best!
I too have been one to vent, usually to the Lord God Almighty But He takes me to the scriptures that are in my heart.
He reminds me of what happened to the children of Israel when they complained about what God had provided.
He reminds me to listen. I may not always WANT to hear it but it must be something that I really need to come clean from.
Thank you for placing this post for it shows us that we aren't so far apart that we can't learn from each other
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 12:48 pm
I'm working now on the put off/put on: put off evil speaking and thoughts and put on thinking right thoughts. Memorizing Scripture is the only way I know to do this.
"He who has knowledge spares his words, and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit." ~Prov 17:27
"Whatever things are true..noble...just..pure...lovely
...of good report...if there is any virtue, and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things." ~Phil 4:8
As others have noted, I'm often offended by what I perceive, so I must meditate on what is true. It's the moment by moment exercise of bringing every thought captive to Christ, and I have a loooooong way to go!
Thanks for a great post!
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 12:52 pm
I thank God for His "Bigness" and I thank everyone who has shared for reinforcing this message on venting.
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 7:09 pm
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 10:35 pm
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 10:43 pm
on Thursday, January 20, 2011 at 2:15 am
Thank you all for taking time to share...it doesn't make me feel so horrible, and it gives me hope that I can get a handle of things with time and with the help of prayer.
Sharing your personal trials helps heal the wounded spirit that hasn't the courage to even admit it is in pain yet, but is hurting all the same.
on Thursday, January 20, 2011 at 12:21 pm
As I read the article and all of your comments, an abundance of love, admiration, empathy and camraderie flows from my heart toward you. I too ...(or three, or four or forty :-) ...whichever number I am in the list of those whose hearts are being renewed by a Patient, Loving, Gentle, yet Firm and Faithful Father) am being convicted by the Holy Spirit and dealt with in love and mercy by God's Grace to be conformed to the Image of God in Christ Jesus in this, as well as in every, area of my life.
All I can say is that, it warms my heart to a great extent that there is so much we can learn from the Ways of God through His Word and Loving Guidance, through the Example of Jesus Christ, through the Dealings of The Holy Spirit and from sharing with each other ... we serve a Great God!!!
I love Jesus and am learning/growing to love Him more and I love you all in Him!!!
your fellow sister,
on Thursday, January 20, 2011 at 3:38 pm
on Saturday, January 22, 2011 at 5:09 pm
I do think there are serious issues one should seek counsel, sometimes professional counsel, to be heard on.
Just some thoughts from China.
on Monday, January 24, 2011 at 2:48 am
on Friday, November 11, 2011 at 7:53 am
on Monday, April 15, 2013 at 5:32 am
Precious friend, how the Savior loves you and is directing your steps even in the midst of such deep conflict and heartache. The waves of weariness and desperate need must seem overwhelming at times; especially in the early morning hours. But you are not alone; the Lord knows your pain. He sees and understands the depth of all that is taking place and wants to bring healing and wholeness to you and your husband. "In all their suffering He also suffered, and He personally rescued them. In His love and mercy He redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years" (Isaiah 63:9). NLT
I realize as a young mom you are very busy, Peace30, but would you take the time over the next several days to listen to two broadcast that I pray will bring hope and peace to your soul? The first is a three day series entitled "Because He Loves Me" (http://tinyurl.com/chuc26w). The second is "For Better or Worse: Marriage When It’s Tough" (http://tinyurl.com/cs63vgf).
Know I am praying for you and your family today, friend. And know too that physical abuse is not ok…from either you or your husband. If your physical well-being or that of your children is in danger, please get the help you need.
on Wednesday, April 17, 2013 at 5:58 pm