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Radio Guest Blogger

Loving Those Relatives!

Posted on 01.27.11 by a Guest Blogger

The following post is written by April Hendricks.

 

As a young bride, I found a close relative intimidating. I will call her Linda. Linda could be fun, but more often than not she was fierce and disconcerting. She reminded me of the poem by Longfellow: “When she was good, she was very, very good; but when she was bad, she was horrid.” I always said that if Linda had been different, we could have been the best of friends. But she always seemed to have a wall up, and to keep me at arm’s length.

Early on, though, after reading 1 John 2:9-11, I consciously made the choice to refuse hatred and resentment and to love Linda and leave the Lord to judge fairly between us. I didn’t want to be stumbling around in the darkness, blinded by hatred. I wanted to abide in the light.

Romans 12:19-21 also helped me and gave me guidance:

“Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is Mine; I will repay, says the Lord. Therefore if your enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink; for in so doing you shall heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.”

And so because of Jesus I was able to love Linda and forgive her, and our relationship, although not great, was fairly amiable.

Years passed, when I heard that Linda had been fired from her job. Should I phone her? I decided “yes,” of course I should; after all, I had known her for over 25 years; she was my close relative.

Linda seemed surprised and happy that I had phoned, and we had a good conversation. In fact, I now see this as the turning point in our relationship. Other crushing incidents occurred in her life around that time, and Linda made the comment to me that she knew the Lord had His thumb on her.

A 17th century poem, “Retribution,” by Friedrich Von Logau says, “Though the mills of God grind slowly, yet they grind exceeding small.” It wasn’t until Linda was in her 50’s that God allowed several difficult circumstances in her life that broke her heart. As Linda recognized His discipline in her life, she began to respond in brokenness and humility.

We have had several good talks since then, and I shook my head with amazement recently when, on a voice mail message, Linda said, “I love you.” I kept that message for quite a while!

Several years have passed, and Linda continues to treat me kindly. In fact, it’s not unusual to get a warm hug from her when we’re together.

It really is never too late for the Lord to work in someone. It may take years—even decades—but He is able to restore any relationship and work great blessing as we submit to Him in tough situations. He can bring about repentance in those who wrong us, and we can be part of the process as we remember His forgiveness toward us and extend it to others!

Comments

  1. Thank you for this blog. I needed to hear this testimony.
    posted by Karen
    on Thursday, January 27, 2011 at 7:00 am
  2. Thank you so much for today's blog. This is just perfect timing for me as me and my husband are having a difficult relationship with someone in our family. Our relationship with my father-in-law (we'll call him Jim) is strained and uncomfortable at best. Jim lost his wife (my husband's mother) to cancer a few years ago and ever since that time has been bitter and resentful toward God. He takes out his anger on those around him and in the process has alienated much of his family. We try to love him and we pray for him together almost on a daily basis. Your story about Linda gives me hope that one day his heart will be melted and he'll be someone that we can enjoy spending time with, instead of being on edge when we're all together and dreading when he comes around. Thanks again for sharing your story.
    posted by Amanda R.
    on Thursday, January 27, 2011 at 7:03 am
  3. Thank you for sharing your story. I needed to hear that and to be reminded that it is never to late for God to someone's heart. We serve a Great God!!
    posted by Debra
    on Thursday, January 27, 2011 at 8:32 am
  4. It has been my experience as a wife, mother and pastor's wife for over 25 years, that the person or relative that is so hard to love at times is that way towards everyone and has these types of issues in most areas of their lives not just in the interpersonal dealings with family. I have always tried to remember this, not take personally how they may be "offending" me and love them no matter what. Hard? YES! I strive to model Jesus Christ, love covers a multitude of sins. I think of Colossians 3:12-17..."above all things put on love which binds everything together in perfect harmony". This is a great post, thank you for sharing.
    www.jodylynne.blogspot.com
    posted by Jody Gates
    on Thursday, January 27, 2011 at 9:00 am
  5. It is heartbreaking to have an estranged relationship with a family member. In my case, it is my sister. We have always had our issues, even as children. She has mental issues that come into play, but she is also just a very mean, unhappy, and jealous person. I truly feel sorry for her. One is always walking on eggshells around her. She can blow up at the least little thing. The last time she blew up at me was several years ago when I was home (another state) visiting my mom. I have not talked to her since. She wants nothing to do with me or my brother. She only talks with him when she has family business to discuss. I do pray for her faithfully. In the past, when we have had these estrangements, she has eventully had a relationship with me again; however, it has to be on her terms and there is never an apology. God has her heart in his hand. Only He can change her, but I can certainly pray!
    posted by Debbie A.
    on Thursday, January 27, 2011 at 9:03 am
  6. Thank you for the blog and it's words of wisdom. It could not have come at a better time to exhort me. I have been struggling with a lady friend in our church and have been asking God to help me love someone that I confess I don't like. But I think my efforts have been half-hearted and the scripture verse 1 John 2:9-11 really spoke to me. I thank the Lord for His word that guides, comforts, and teaches me so that I may glorify Christ more.
    posted by jackye mullen
    on Thursday, January 27, 2011 at 10:18 am
  7. I am new to this website and sooo thankful the Lord has given me this gift.Thank you for sharing your heart and giving me hope and strength today. I have a broken heart over the choices my adult children have made and have lost the close relationships we have had but I know the Lord is at work in all of us and He will be glorified. I thank Him for giving me "family" - His children to connect with and be encouraged by. Bless you all today. Blessing and honor to our Father who loves us and keeps us in His hand!
    dyenamic1@msn.com
    posted by Lynn Mariano
    on Thursday, January 27, 2011 at 10:53 am
  8. Thank you for this. I needed to hear this today!
    posted by Kendra Bowie
    on Thursday, January 27, 2011 at 4:47 pm
  9. Today I was reminded that I have prayed for my sister for several decades and it is still difficult to be around her. But I love her and continue to send cards to her and to pray that one day she'll trust Christ and realize how much people do care for her.Dear sisters in Christ, keep praying for loved ones.
    posted by Kathryn
    on Thursday, January 27, 2011 at 9:18 pm
  10. This is exactly what I needed to hear, it has spurred me on and encouraged me in my relationships with family members. So many are unsaved and so many relationships are barely there as I keep a safe distance. I've been praying that the Lord would help me to love as He loves, and to be longsuffering as He is with us. Thank you so much for sharing.
    rithmatith.wordpress.com
    posted by Ruthie
    on Monday, January 31, 2011 at 9:52 am
  11. Thank you for this post. My difficult relative interfered so much with my life I had to severly limit my contact with her to save my own sanity last year. Then she interfered with my marriage so severly that I am now separated from my husband - her son, and only child. She has mental and abusive issues that took me a while to learn about. Once I accepted those facts I put her into God's hands and out of my daily life but into my daily prayers.

    My husband and I are working on our marriage but so much damage has been done and caused by this disturbed woman. Sometimes the kindest thing to do is to remove oneself from someone's life in a way that leaves both parties with the understanding that a future relationship may be waiting for them with prayer and God's help but for now, the relationship is only with God and not between the two of them.

    Had I done that sooner, maybe my marriage wouldn't be so damaged. I should not have tried so hard to please her when she can't be pleased.

    Thank you for your blog.
    posted by Anon
    on Monday, January 31, 2011 at 10:59 pm
  12. Thank you for this blog. I am encouraged today by this blog. I no longer feel that I am in this family relationship struggle alone. Please continue to share, many benefit from this blog. I will continue to pray and love my unsaved, difficult to communicate with relatives at a distance and let God work in their lives. Again, thank you.
    posted by carol
    on Saturday, February 19, 2011 at 6:30 pm
  13. This is the greatest blog to read. It is very awesome i came across it i am dealing with very similar sittuation but she is realted by marriage and has been a very vendictful person trying to destroy my relationship with father, and god has seen her evil ways and is now dealing with her and she still is not changed even on her death bed. But i still have faith.
    posted by Anonymos
    on Friday, March 25, 2011 at 7:10 am
  14. Such a good reminder to shift our eyes to our Lord rather than fixing them on circumstances. Sometimes we try to work OUR hope into others rather than living out the HOPE of Christ. May we all be encouraged to put our faith and trust in HIM to work things out in HIS time in HIS way as we submit to HIS leading.
    posted by Mary
    on Monday, April 25, 2011 at 11:59 am
  15. I just had another incident with a relative and went looking on the internet for a devotional that would address prickly relationships. This was very encouraging, thank you so much for sharing here. I can see more than just this current prickly relationship being address in your words. The verses are ones I will be using as I pray for all of my difficult relatives, and for myself too so I am not viewed as difficult by them!
    posted by Sue
    on Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 1:25 pm

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