28 comments

Erin Davis

Re-thinking Mother's Day

Posted on 05.02.11 by Erin Davis | Twitter: @ErinGraffiti

Tell me if this happens at your house.

You circle Mother’s Day on your husband’s calendar with red ink. You leave a note with the URL for your favorite florist on the bathroom sink, along with the number for rush deliveries just in case. You tell your children for weeks that Mother’s Day is “mommy’s special day” and have them rehearse the name of your favorite restaurant so they can drop hints to daddy. 

Then Mother’s Day comes. You still have to make breakfast. The kids don’t dress themselves. Your flowers don’t arrive and your husband takes the family through the drive-thru on your way home from church. The result—you spend the day stewing, and your family is miserable. 

Maybe that’s not how it works for you. Maybe you are one of the few who is celebrated exactly how you want to be each Mother’s Day. But for most, this holiday can often be a major disappointment. 

And you know what? Our husband and kids aren’t to blame. 

Thinking we’re the center of the universe, even if it’s only for a day, misses a major point—namely that we are not the center of the universe. We are a part of a family, an important part, yes, but not so important that we’ve earned the right to demand adoration, affection, and a one-day Get Out of Jail Free card. 

Here are some biblical truths that many of us (yes, even I) need to be reminded of as Mother’s Day approaches:  

  • We are called to be humble. 

Matthew 23:12 doesn’t leave much room for tooting our own horn, or demanding that our family toot it. It says, “Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.”

  • Our role as a mother is not a burden, but a gift! 

Psalm 127:3 says, “Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.” If you are blessed enough to have children, your gift has already been delivered! 

  • Remember Whom you serve. 

I know that your kids probably don’t send thank-you notes very often, and your husband doesn’t always notice all the things you do to keep the plates spinning. But, the truth is, your husband and kids aren’t who you work for. Only when you are working to please your Creator will you find yourself fulfilled. 
Colossians 3:23-24 says, “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.”

  • Service is our calling. 

In John 13:12-14 we read, “When he had washed their feet and put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, ‘Do you understand what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet.’”

Serving your family is an important job. It is a way to demonstrate Christ to them and to the outside world, where families are crumbling because they don’t know how to serve each other. Psalm 100:2 urges us to “serve the Lord with gladness.” Losing sight of this mission, even for a day, won’t make for a happy heart or a happy family.

. . . If you still feel like you can’t go on without a thank you this Mother’s Day, may I sincerely thank you? Thanks for being a great mom. Thanks for doing the heavy lifting required to teach your kids about Jesus, and parenting according to God’s plan even when it’s countercultural. Thanks for modeling service every day of every year, even when you don’t feel like it. And this Mother’s Day, thanks for finding practical ways to live like it’s not about you so that the people around you know it’s all about Him. 

Comments

  1. Thank You!!! Thank You!! Words of reproof, bring life.
    posted by Kim Huffman
    on Monday, May 2, 2011 at 8:25 am
  2. "If you are blessed enough to have children, your gift has already been delivered!"

    The perfect perfectly-timed reproof. Thank you.
    posted by Kari W.
    on Monday, May 2, 2011 at 9:18 am
  3. "If you are blessed enough to have children, your gift has already been delivered!"
    Amen!
    posted by Elaine
    on Monday, May 2, 2011 at 9:40 am
  4. Thank you for these great reminders, I would have easily fallen into the whole trap of self pity again. I will be reading this post again.
    posted by Heidi
    on Monday, May 2, 2011 at 9:46 am
  5. I thought I was the only who struggled with feeling disappointed on Mother's Day sometimes. Thanks for reminding us that we don't deserve even one day of thinking it's all about us! :)
    posted by Andrea
    on Monday, May 2, 2011 at 9:48 am
  6. I am not worried about myself so much on Mothers day if things are not all about me, But I do have concern about the hearts of my family members when they do not think of mom (me). Why wouldn't you think of your Mom?
    posted by ramona
    on Monday, May 2, 2011 at 10:22 am
  7. It seems that each Mother's Day I struggle against some sort of disappointment. Perhaps it's because I didn't get a card from my husband - or even from my children because he forgot to tell them. Or I'm disappointed because I didn't get a gift, breakfast in bed, or flowers, or words to bless me. I was lovingly corrected by the Word of God this morning about my attitude. It's a shame that it has taken me this long to actually realize what God has been trying to show me all this time.
    posted by Carla
    on Monday, May 2, 2011 at 10:23 am
  8. I feel embarrassed to say that I have a husband who remembers every holiday, and has always made Mother's Day special. Thank you, Lord!
    posted by Joetta Witkowski
    on Monday, May 2, 2011 at 10:38 am
  9. Thank you so much Erin. Thank you for the reminder that we are not called to be mothers to be glorified, but to bring glory to our Savior. These scriptures will be a reminder where my fulfillment should come from. Even if my hubs and little man shower me with gratitude and affection, that too is a blessing from God but should not be what my goal is.

    Happy Mother's Day to you too!
    posted by Jennifer M.
    on Monday, May 2, 2011 at 10:50 am
  10. I too have a husband who has done his very best for 24 years to make Mother's Day special. If there was disappointment or unmet expectations it was my sin not his or my children's. I have four beautiful children who are a joy to my heart, most of the time. :) Today my heart is full, but that has not always been the case, when children make not so great choices I have learned to run to Jesus. I trust my loving Heavenly Father to do what is best for me and my family. I echo Erin's Happy Mother's Day. God sees and knows your mother's heart and he can satisfy the deepest longings of our heart. Happy Mother's Day to all.
    www.jodylynne.com
    posted by Jody
    on Monday, May 2, 2011 at 10:51 am
  11. our mothers day was way back in March and i am ashamed to say that it was a day of disappointments for the very reasons you out lines. I was determined not to get upset and down because my kids didnt want to spoil me for one day of the year like all of my friends. I thought i was the only one that had Kids that didnt care but is seems that im not. Thank you for the reproof, it is time to renew my mind with some truth.
    posted by jen
    on Monday, May 2, 2011 at 11:52 am
  12. This was a hard lesson for me to learn right after our daughters married. They didn't forget me, but gone were the days of gifts and pampering. I love the gardenia corsage, though, it's still a tradition.

    The last 9 years have been a Dedication for one or more of our 10 grandchildren. This year it's for our 9th grandson, Ethan! What better Mother's Day gift could be given? And next year will be one for grandchild 11! There is usually a party or luncheon afterward the Dedication, so I don't need to cook, another blessing.

    As a grandmother, I'm now the one giving gifts to my daughters for Mother's Day...they're the ones in the trenches!
    posted by juliep
    on Monday, May 2, 2011 at 12:08 pm
  13. Thank you so much Erin. Thank you for the reminder that we are not called to be mothers to be glorified, but to bring glory to our Savior. These scriptures will be a reminder where my fulfillment should come from. Even if my hubs and little man shower me with gratitude and affection, that too is a blessing from God but should not be what my goal is.

    Happy Mother's Day to you too!
    posted by Jennifer M.
    on Monday, May 2, 2011 at 12:37 pm
  14. We as wives and mothers need to remember that Mother's Day is about mothers, not wives. It's appropriate that your young children receive help from Dad as the mother of his children to remember you as a mom, but a husband's (and wife's) responsibility is to honor his (and her) mother. I pray that Jesus will be glorified in how my husband and I both honor our mothers.
    posted by Michelle G
    on Monday, May 2, 2011 at 1:12 pm
  15. Rest assured ladies you are VERY important. You are in the front lines of raising the next generation.... you are so needed to ensure a Godly next generation! God uses you to reach those kids...that is no small task. You may not see the fruit of your labors, but know they are NEEDED and VALUED. God sees ALL of your dedication, hard work, and selflessness, and he LOVES you for it. So, stand firm in your value even when things may not seem to go your way! BLESSINGS TO YOU....MAY GOD GIVE YOU STRENGTH, COURAGE, AND THE STAMINA YOU NEED! REST IN HIM!!!!
    posted by sue
    on Monday, May 2, 2011 at 1:50 pm
  16. Great post, Erin--grateful for your wise, humble heart, and these important reminders for all of us as we serve the Lord and others.

    I want to add my heartfelt thanks to every reader who is faithfully fulfilling our calling as True Women to be "mother"--whether of physical or spiritual children or both. Ours is a high and holy calling.

    May the Lord Himself strengthen and encourage you in carrying out this vital mission of passing on to the next generation the baton and legacy of truth and grace!
    posted by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
    on Monday, May 2, 2011 at 2:10 pm
  17. As one whose womb has never been filled, Mother's day is a difficult time. My own dear Mother is with the Lord.

    I try to be an encourager and helper to the young women in my sphere of influence throughout the year. They are so blessed to hear "Mommie!".

    I am blessed to be able to help with their little ones too.

    My husband is always tellling me how pretty I am; how much I mean to him; how blessed he is to have me as his wife.....every day of the year.

    I am blessed even though I have shed tears over my empty womb; empty arms; and shattered dreams of motherhood. God has blessed me with spiritual children to love, to encourage. They are so thoughtful in sharing their children with me.
    posted by Joan Adams
    on Monday, May 2, 2011 at 4:02 pm
  18. My husband, years ago told me I was not his mother. Therefore, he was not making any special celebration for me on that day. (Surprisingly, it was and still is not a problem for me) We remember our mothers on Mothers' Day with special gifts and dinner at one of the better resturants on that day. My children (now adults) always remembered me at Mother's Day with homemade gifts, that I still simply adore that. Now that my children are adults, my parents are older (mother/mother-in-law) are more than 80 years old and really do not want to go to the fancy restaurants, they just want to see the grandchildren. I throw a backyard bar-b-q (weather permit) I fix everything, my husband's favorite steaks, hot dogs and chicken for the kids and kabobs for my parents, (my adult son stands in the yard and talks with me on this day, I love it - he rarely talks to me or anyone, he is quiet that way, so it means so much that he is there with me)then I fix everyone's favorite sides. By the way, I do this after church on Sunday. I love it, I enjoy fixing everyone's favorite food and watching evryone having a great day. I thank my children for being wonderful children, I thank my hsuband for being a wonderful dad which makes me look really good as a mom :). I am so thankful God has chosen me to be a mom - I am so grateful, I praise God that I am a mom. I celebrate HIM Mom's day and everyday.

    Yep! U got it right after all this I take a hot shower and fall in the bed - but not before I praise HIM!!!!
    Happy Mother's Day to everyone at 'TRUE WOMEN'
    posted by Leeza
    on Monday, May 2, 2011 at 5:40 pm
  19. Dear Leeza,

    Thank you for making me smile!!!! What a heart for Christ you have. I would have been sad and broken hearted if my husband did that BUT you were and are such a trooper. God sees what you do and you are loving on Him very hard on that day, indeed. Good for you, you are an inspiration to me today. The world needs more like you. Grumbles be gone!

    Thank you for the 'cause for thought' you shared with us today Erin. And thanks everyone else for your dear thoughts too!

    Happy be-early-ed (as apposed to belated) Mother's day to you mom's and you 'mother's to other's' because of your desire be a blessing!

    Peace love n' blessings all,
    posted by Jenny
    on Monday, May 2, 2011 at 6:59 pm
  20. Very true. May all of us women married, single, young and "mature" ;) take heed to these scriptures and see how God blesses us as we strive to please Him in our motherhood. Happy Mother's Day!
    posted by Carolyn
    on Monday, May 2, 2011 at 8:48 pm
  21. Thanks for the loving reminder. I needed it!
    posted by Brooke
    on Tuesday, May 3, 2011 at 10:07 am
  22. Amen, sister!
    posted by Allison Laman
    on Tuesday, May 3, 2011 at 4:33 pm
  23. Enjoyed the video from the Kimyal tribe but after
    that one other disturbing ones popped up immediately after that one. Thank you for your
    service in enlightening us on different Christian
    themes, like where we got our Bible and the
    Easter one on Jesus Christ. I listen when I am
    not working. I am a retired teacher but still substituting. God bless you and your ministry.
    posted by Linda Hernandez
    on Wednesday, May 4, 2011 at 11:30 am
  24. I remember, more than one year, when my 7 kids were younger, how I literally went to my bedroom crying b/c everyone was fighting & there was no thought about the fact that this was Mother's Day. I never cry about things unless I am very upset & my husband took this scene to heart. Since then, he has made great efforts to make this day enjoyable for me even though we both have our mothers to honor & entertain on this day as well. This year he helped me prepare much of the food the day before, & he did all the assembling & serving of the food on Mother's Day. I was involved in helping, but I was not in charge of breakfast, lunch & dinner for 10-12! He also buys me flowers year-round & cuts the stems & puts them in the vase every time he brings them home. In the early yrs, however, he told me I was not his mother & therefore it was not on his agenda to do much on Mother's Day. However, after 29 yrs of marriage, God has transformed him & I am very grateful. There were some sad & lonely yrs in between, but God became my husband during those tough times & restored our marriage so we truly enjoy all that He's given us in each other today.
    posted by LeeAnn
    on Monday, May 9, 2011 at 12:54 pm
  25. The actions this article introduces are selfish and prideful, it's true; but it is not the whole story of how a mom feels. How do you really feel about the fact that you remember father's day and your husband's birthday, but he doesn't remember anything? Love goes both ways. The husband is supposed to mimic Christ.

    Furthermore, the woman in this example fits a negative stereotype of femininity: she could have prevented her bitterness by bluntly telling her husband her feelings before they were hurt. The night before, state "We are celebrating Mother's Day tomorrow. Do something nice. Understand???" Merely dropping hints doesn't work on some people. God never told women that they have to mince words and then become bitter when their families don't understand them. Maybe you shouldn't want to be treated special on Mother's Day, but if you do want it, it's better to ask for it than to become bitter.

    I do know that this article's advice is true, but we shouldn't need this advice if love is happening both ways in a family.
    posted by Vicki Nemeth
    on Friday, June 10, 2011 at 2:16 pm
  26. I be on familiar terms with what they were manufacture. As they cultivate grown-up, the gifts be more of a bolt from the blue.
    http://www.freeonlinemessages.com/category/mothers-day-messages/
    posted by mothers day messages
    on Friday, April 13, 2012 at 7:27 am
  27. As I reflect on my March birthday and consider the upcoming Mother's Day (and how Mother's Day has been in the past), I'm torn. I want to be a godly woman, not a selfish woman, and I see the wisdom in your posting. But I also want to feel some love and appreciation. What if you give and give and give, and you try hard not to care about what you get, but realistically you are heartbroken over the way your family treats you? This past birthday, neither my husband nor my daughter gave me a gift or even a card. My husband was with me at an event the day before my birthday and told me to pick what I wanted, but I wasn't sure if what I wanted was too expensive, and when I asked him, he said he'd see if he could get somewhere cheaper. That is fine, but that was more than a month ago, and I feel very selfish saying, "Um, remember, you were going to get me a present." My daughter is a teen and said she "couldn't" get me something, because she had to spend the day before visiting with her Nana, but (1) she was shopping with her Nana and old enough to say, "Let's look for a present/card for my mom, too," (2) she could have made me something, (3) she didn't need to wait until the day before my birthday to think about me, (4) she could have made a card on my birthday, (5) she made a HUGE deal out of her best friend's birthday later in March and (6) her Nana or another family member could have reminded her about my birthday. So, basically, the message I am getting is that the people I care for deeply don't care about me. And, yes, it isn't all about me, but it hurts anyway.

    I get Vicki's post about not hinting. I think one feels bad, though, if you pretty much outline "You will appreciate me." Is the appreciation genuine if you specifically have to ask for it. And, in fact, with my husband, who has ADHD, I have said very specific things about my desires in the past, but, whether he forgets because of the ADHD or just doesn't care, that doesn't work.

    So, how do I completely kill my ego and stop caring about special days and how other people treat me? Because I'm trying, and it just isn't working. I do care. It hurts.
    posted by Kate
    on Wednesday, April 18, 2012 at 12:21 pm
  28. Kate,

    I can hear your hurt and as a momma, I can totally relate! It is a selfless job and there are lots of moments when we want recognition and it does not come.

    I think it is certainly reasonable to want your husband and child to acknowledge your birthday. It doesn't make you selfish to remind your husband that you would like a gift, especially if you can explain to him that isn't really about the gift, but more about the acknowledgment that you matter. Look for a way to kindly say, "When you don't get me a present for my birthday, it makes me feel like I don't matter to you."

    Regarding your daughter, you didn't say her age, but I would guess she is a tween or a teen. If this is true, putting a premium on a friend's birthday over her mom's is not surprising behavior. That doesn't mean it is okay, but it does mean that her lack of attention to holidays doesn't necessarily translate the way you are reading it.

    Her failure to remember likely has more to do with the self-centeredness of the teen years than it is a commentary on how much you matter to her.

    One key truth I must keep in mind as i labor endlessly to meet the needs of my family is this:

    1 Corinthians 10:31b "Whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."

    Be an excellent wife to honor the Lord. Be an excellent mother to honor the Lord. The people in our lives will never be able to affirm us enough, but if we labor for the Lord we are able to measure our efforts in different terms.

    That being said, I would love to bless you with a birthday/mothers day gift! Could I send you a signed copy of my new book for moms? Shoot me an email with your shipping information and I will send it right out to you. My email address is: erin@graffitiministries.com.

    Grace and Peace!

    Erin
    erindavis.org
    posted by Erin Davis
    on Wednesday, April 25, 2012 at 8:39 am

Leave a Comment:

We love hearing from you, and will post your comment as long as it is appropriate, and is written in a tone that is encouraging, edifying, and loving to others. Even then, know that the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts.