Should Young Women Live at Home?

Karen Waddles

Karen Waddles | 07.29.11

52 comments

I was listening to a secular radio station on the way home from work yesterday, and the host was reading excerpts from an article that suggested that young women should live at home with their parents until they were ready for marriage. The author suggested they should move from their parent’s home into the home of their husband, thereby making it easier for them to submit as wives.

One of the co-hosts shared her personal story of how difficult it has been for her as a newlywed to adjust to having a husband to submit to. The season of singleness and independence caused her to become accustomed to making her own decisions without needing input from anyone else. She liked it that way during her years as a single woman, but now she is faced with having to make some major adjustments within her marriage, and it has caused a great deal of stress.

There were many who called in and--not surprisingly--the responses trended heavily toward, “I don’t think young women need to be groomed to be submissive. They need to get out in the world and gain some experience. They need to find out who they are before they can even become a wife.” Other callers were angry that the discussion was even taking place.

At lunch today, I posed the same question to a group of ladies, all Christian. They pointed out that it’s difficult to make a blanket statement that applies in every situation. For example, if a young woman has been raised in a family setting that doesn’t affirm biblical womanhood, it’s doubtful that remaining in that environment will prepare her well for marriage. And a young woman who has learned on her own how to manage a home and pay bills can be a great asset for her husband. Likewise, a young woman can learn those same skills at home if her parents can transition from parenting to allowing her to mature as a woman in their own home. Another consideration is that many young women may never become wives–either by choice or by default.

American culture has coined the phrase “boomerang generation” to describe the scores of young adults who return home after completing college. There are countless articles about how to get them to move out and become independent. The cultural ideal is clearly for young adults to establish their own lives after college–independent of their parents.

But should we as Christians have a different perspective on this? What are some ways to prepare to submit in marriage? I’d love to hear from you—how has God spoken to your heart on this issue?

Comments

  1. Moving back into my parents' house after I graduated from university 8 years ago and had been living on my own (for the most part), was NOT easy. I've been back in my parents since that time, and have not been able to afford to live on my own, even thought I am working and try to pay most of my own expenses. When the time comes for me to move back out, it may be with a husband, but it may be out on my own again. I don't think it's fair to put young women or young men into the cookie cutter mold of moving from their parents' house to their husband's house. Some young women DO need to live on their own so they can learn how to manage their money and pay the bills, work for a living, and keep up with the housework or yard work, simply because they wouldn't get that experience living in their parents' house. Unless the parents have already taught their sons and daughters how to transition to life on their own from living with Mom and Dad, then life experience has to be the teacher. You can't cleave to your spouse unless you leave your parents emotionally and physically. Sometimes living away from your family of origin for a time is good so you have a solid foundation in Christ to build a family of creation (either through marriage and kids or by staying single and networking with friends and parents/extended family members.) Some people can make that transition from Mom and Dad to marriage more easily than others. For me, submission to my husband if I do get married would be a little easier for me because I had that time to find my identity in Christ as a single woman and I know what I can bring to the table if I get married. Plus, I've had the benefit of dating relationships where I learned early on what to look for in a godly husband whom I could submit to. Others may not have or need to have the same experiences I have, and that's ok. God can use anything we offer and make it beautiful.
    posted by Candace Weiss
    on Friday, July 29, 2011 at 7:40 am
  2. Also, many couples need both husband and wife working full-time or part time just to pay for the basic needs of their household and kids (if they have them.) It's also not fair to put married women into the mold of being only a stay at home wife and mom. Many women work because they need to contribute to the family expenses, and may also choose to work because they have a job they like doing and are good at. It may be one they go to an office, health care facility, or retail store to work at, or it will allow them to work from home or have a business out of their home. Proverbs 31 shows a woman who can buy and sell property (much like today's realtors), can manage a household, and win the respect of her husbands and kids. My mom and paternal grandmother both worked outside of the house, and each of them taught me how to be good at both managing my time at my job and at home.
    posted by Candace Weiss
    on Friday, July 29, 2011 at 7:46 am
  3. I lived outside my parents home for several years before getting married. And looking back I wish I had never done that. I went through so many heartaches that could have been avoided by living at home. We have 4 daughters and one son -- we plan to disciple our children to be ready for a new home with a spouse but we do not plan to send our children out into the world to "fend for themselves" before that time. The Bible teaches us that the father is responsible for the family -- especially the children. Daughters are given in marriage by their fathers and we are fully prepared to have all our children live with us until they get married -- if they never marry then they will remain with us. Satan is a lion going around seeking whomever he can find to devour. We are uncomfortable with the thought of sending our young adults out into the world to face that without a loving, godly spouse to support them and stand beside them. I know this is an emotionally charged issue in this day and age. And that people have had differing opinions over the years (myself included) -- but I truly believe God's Word teaches us to keep our children under the protective roof of our home until they marry. And, according to Titus, teach them diligently the things they need to know so they will be prepared to face the world. Thank you for addressing this topic.
    posted by Michelle
    on Friday, July 29, 2011 at 8:08 am
  4. My dad invited me (and my two sisters) back home when I was 21 after 3 years at college and being on my own.

    Yes, it was hard to learn to be in authentic community with my family when I had lived on my own for that time. (My family has a way of not allowing any masks or pretending like I found when I was at college) It was hard to "submit" to my parents.

    God used that time to help me learn the importance of interdependence, not independence or dependence. I am thankful for those 6 years I lived with my parents before I got married. It helped usher in marriage a bit easier, I believe.

    However, I have single girl friends who live on their own, who strive to learn and practice submission and biblical womanhood outside of their parents house. Their hearts are beautiful!!

    I think it's something that should be done with intentionality and prayer.
    www.emotionalpurity.blogspot.com
    posted by Heather Patenaude
    on Friday, July 29, 2011 at 8:31 am
  5. Too many parents are allowing their children to remain with them well into adulthood without any guidelines or expectatios...they're pretty much supporting them financially while the kids (young adults) do what they want. It's like the parents are scared of just sending them out on their own or having rules, guidelines, and expectations after their kids turn 18. In the end these kids (boys and girls) are remaining immature and dependent and they're expecting everything to be just handed to them. This kind of situation would not be helpful for a future husband or wife as it would just encourage their selfishness.
    posted by Shauna
    on Friday, July 29, 2011 at 8:40 am
  6. Thank you Michelle!
    posted by Thankful to be a mom
    on Friday, July 29, 2011 at 8:51 am
  7. We see marriage and family throughout the Bible, institutions created by God. We see how marriage is a picture of Christ and the church, and the children as a picture of the fruit that should come from that relationship.
    But we don't see single women off on their own, learning to be independent, fending for themselves, or discovering their own lives before becoming wives. Within the Levitical laws we see daughters being either under their father or husband, and even in cases of widowhood or divorce being back under their father. We see Ruth living with her mother-in-law; Esther with her older cousin; both Rebekah and Rachel still at home and working in their father's household; even Rahab was living in her family's home when she hid the spies. All these examples and more went directly from father to husband.
    A lot of people would probably say those are just examples from centuries ago that don't apply to us today.
    But I don't want to be too quick to throw them out. These things were written before time for our learning (Rom 15:4). This biblical principle of transferring authority from dad to husband is where the idea of the father giving away the bride came from. Now days, there doesn't seem much point to the ritual. She lived away from home, she picked her husband, and she planned the wedding. The giving away part is just a formality.
    The fact that we are the 2nd, maybe 3rd generation that suddenly came up with this idea that girls should get out on their own to get a taste of real life before getting married and being "chained to a sink" is something to consider. I believe this kind of thinking is not in line with Titus 2 in the instructions of what a young lady should be taught. It doesn't say to find your career, or discover your true self, or get away from your controlling parents and learn to live on your own in case you don't get married. No, it says, "that they [the older women] admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed." (vs 4-5)
    One of, if not the best, place for a lady to learn this is in the home, under her mother's tutelage and father's protection. I think remaining respectful and under one's dad is great practice for being respectful and submissive to one's husband. It just makes sense.
    posted by Anna
    on Friday, July 29, 2011 at 9:02 am
  8. In response to what Shauna said, I think it is very different for young men than young women! Of course, in either case it should be prayerfully considered, but in general I would agree that it's probably better for a young man to move out sooner than later. It's important for him to learn to lead and provide, the traits of a husband. Another example of how different men and women are and the roles God created for them.
    posted by Anna
    on Friday, July 29, 2011 at 9:07 am
  9. We have to answer this question in the light of our life, time and society. 100 years or more in this country and in many countries in the world now, this was not even considered.

    I do think if young women remain at home, they should contribute to the family both with their time and money. Mom and dad should not treat her as a house guest. This should be a time of learning how to handle financial responsiblities as well as how to care for a home, and interact with family members as an adult.
    posted by Elveria
    on Friday, July 29, 2011 at 9:17 am
  10. I agree with what others have said that there is no one-size-fits-all answer. Either option must be chosen with prayer and intentionality.

    Personally, I am a single woman in my mid-twenties who lives alone. I find that I am better able to "devote myself to the Lord in both body and spirit" in this situation.

    Living with my parents (which, due to a period of unemployment, I did for two years after college) a lot of time is taken up arguing, explaining, planning, waiting for others' schedules, and generally trying to accommodate too many factors. (My parents also live in an inconvenient location that made it difficult for me to participate at church, volunteer in various capacities, and make quick trips to help extended members of my family, among other types of service.) If my family still had young children and I could be of real service to my parents and siblings, it would probably be a different story.

    I think I will be married someday, but I absolutely love the freedom of singleness and this season of life. I do realize that this will probably create challenges in my future marriage because my father has never desired to truly lead me and I fully supported myself in college so I've been independent for quite a long time.

    God has blessed me thus far and used a lot of circumstances, decisions and situations to sanctify me. I know joyfully submitting to my future husband will sometimes be a struggle, but it's a skill I'm looking forward to learning!
    posted by Sarah Fowler
    on Friday, July 29, 2011 at 9:50 am
  11. As a single woman myself, I think that it is important for young women to stay at home (by choice) until they have learned to be able to respectfully submit to authority, cheerfully serve in the mundane, and basic life skills (homemaking, handling finances, etc.). In my parent's home I was encouraged to learn life skills and at sixteen I decided on my own to start buying all my own clothes, just to see if I could manage my own budget. Serving at home is also an excellent way to learn to cheerfully do all of the mundane things that are required to keep a home running well. I don't think I would have learned these any other way. However, many homes are not like mine and these skills would only be learned in another home, in a ministry setting, or on their own. I don't think there is only one cookie cutter for young ladies; the issue is the heart, as in so many other things. Do I have a heart to serve? Can I honor my parents in things that maybe wouldn't be my first choice? Do I respect their right to make the choices for their own home? Am I responsible? ...dependable? etc.

    Another thing to consider is respect of the individual. I have heard of cases where the parents make decisions for their daughters who are in their twenties, with no respect for their adulthood, depriving them of the chance to learn from their own choices. I have also heard of homes where the daughters take advantage of their parent's roof to live lazy, selfish lives, in complete disrespect for their parent's home and values. We need to seek God's wisdom if a daughter is not going to develop Godly character at home or if an adult daughter is living in a controlling abusive environment.
    posted by Tabitha
    on Friday, July 29, 2011 at 9:59 am
  12. Thank you, Michelle and Anna! You both said pretty much what I was going to say, now I don't have to! :-)
    I will be 24 tomorrow and I still live at home and am so grateful for it! For those that may struggle with this issue I recommend watching The Return of the Daughters. It gives a biblical reason for everything that these ladies are talking about. Watch and be encouraged!
    posted by Ashley L.
    on Friday, July 29, 2011 at 10:20 am
  13. Thank you, Tabitha!
    posted by Ashley L.
    on Friday, July 29, 2011 at 10:26 am
  14. As a single young woman I was encouraged to move out of my parent's home by my parent's. While they would have allowed me to live there while paying rent they believed it was important for me to understand the complexities of running my own household (shopping for my own groceries, setting a budget, creating and maintaining my own cleaning schedule, etc). I always lived with roommates, which provided me an opportunity to serve someone and the inevitable friction that comes from having to live with another person and accommodate different lives. By the time I was ready to be married I understood well what went into monthly finances, menu planning, and keeping my home. At my parent's home it would have been difficult for my mother to relinquish enough of these duties - it was simply not in her personality to sit by while another worked! Plus if I hadn't learned how to submit to my father in 22 years of life until I moved out I'm not sure how much good an additional 4 years before marriage would have done. Submission is indeed a challenge, but not because I didn't have opportunities to practice earlier in life, rather because I am a sinner.

    Before meeting me, my husband spent several months pursuing a young woman who lived at home with her parents. Eventually that ended after he told her that because she did not have to pay for her own room and board, utilities, and food she spent more on non-necessities than he made in a year! I know he appreciates that I came into our marriage understanding how much life costs.

    I don't believe living outside the home is the only way or the best way, but it worked well for me. For those who have been strongly influenced by the Botkin sisters to believe that living at home is the <i>only</i> way, I encourage you to spend time in the Word looking at all the lives of women portrayed there. Look at the story of the Daughters of Zelophehad in Numbers 27, who were fatherless and rather than being placed under the authority of another man immediately inherited their father's property until marriage. Look at Joanna, Susannah, Mary Magdalene and others in the New Testament who followed Jesus and supported his earthly ministry with their wealth. They were not at home. Let's be careful not to cherry-pick our examples.
    posted by KT
    on Friday, July 29, 2011 at 10:58 am
  15. I'd like to comment that not all young women get married right after college, or even a few years later down the road. I'm 31 years old, work full-time, own my house, and keep up with all of my domestic responsibilities. I certainly did not choose this independent lifestyle! I'd love to be married with several children by now! But to live at home at my age?!? I don't think so. I would definitely do it under extreme circumstances (if one of my parents died, if I had a sick parent who needed extra care, etc). In that case, yes, of course! But who's to say that my parents would even want me home right now otherwise? I think they are enjoying each other's company now that the kids are all out of the house. I'd also like to comment that not wanting to live at home as a single woman is NOT necessarily an issue of the heart. I have the same wishes as any 31-year-old married Christian woman- to have a place to call home, to receive guests, to nurture others, etc. It just so happens that I'm single. I am more than ready to be a submissive wife, to be a worker-at-home, to raise children, etc. But God's ways and thoughts are higher than ours. He is in control of my life, and He calls the shots about when (or even IF) I get married.
    posted by Elle
    on Friday, July 29, 2011 at 11:00 am
  16. I really like Heather P's comment about "interdependence" (not independence or dependence) That's a great way to put it, Heather!
    posted by Elle
    on Friday, July 29, 2011 at 11:07 am
  17. I definitely agree with Elle's comment. I'm learning contentment in each season of life God grants me and am learning that His plans are rarely mine. I waiting to become a submissive wife and caring mother, but I am also living each day as a single woman trusting that this time in my life is just as much as gift from God than marriage would be.

    For some women living with their parents may be a good choice, and for others it may not be. But for all single women, I pray that they discover they are wholly part of God's kingdom and trust that He has given them single-ness to fulfill the great plans He has for His Kingdom.
    posted by Ann Elgersma
    on Friday, July 29, 2011 at 11:19 am
  18. After assuming I was "just going to get married and have kids", I would not trade my education, 15 year corporate career and 5 years of running a ministry for anything. †I also wouldn't trade the years I've been blessed to be home (it is a privilege), doing volunteer work and providing hospice care for my inlaws. †But I would raise my children much differently now after having had secular career (not just a job) experience. †I am seeing some women choose to have kids as an "escape" from working outside the home, only to discover that it is hard work! †I am concerned about women becoming out of touch with society though, in an age of rapid technological changes and advancement. †Many women are content to not have to keep up, especially when it comes to technology, because it's "too hard." They go from being taken care of to becoming helpless and co-dependent. † And I think, "my goodness woman! †You have birthed children! †Like THAT isn't HARD?! †You can do ANYTHING!" Yet we are trying to raise our kids to tackle tough stuff in life when they don't always see us leading by example. †Home can be a very sheltered place. †If I don't mop my floor I am my own boss. †If I miss a deadline at work there are consequences and I can lose my job thus my income and thus my family could lose their food, clothing and shelter. †Everything I think, say and do on the job affects my future career thus family. †It isn't just a job it's our future which might possibly include taking care of someone who is an accident or crime victim, ill, aging or dying. †We just do not know what is coming our way. † Engaging in our society, including participating in a world that requires technical skills, is a blessing, humbles us and prioritizes our use of time in the midst of constant interruption. †It makes us teachable. †When we "check out" we can cause others much stress because we won't keep up and expect others to treat us special. †Understanding the difference between a prime breadwinner vs supplemental income is huge as well as a job vs career vs professional. †I find most of us cannot have this level of empathy without having walked in those shoes and feeling the huge weight of the load. †Just ask a widow with children to raise who has no education, work experience, skills or credit in her own name. †The stress is unfathomable. †I watched my mother get her GED in her 40s when she became a grandmother. †I watched her fight. †I watched her struggle. †I even helped her with her math. †But that ministered to me more than words. †Retrofitting is difficult. †It is like stepping off a treadmill then trying to get back on. †The treadmill does not wait for you. †It is at full speed and we haven't been training to match that pace. †This is the world our children face. †It is hard. †It is challenging. †It is rewarding. †But God goes before each one of us. †Who am I to say my child will marry? †If I lock in on that and raise them accordingly, what if God has other plans? †(I say this now as my husband and I currently minister to singles 30+ in many life situations.) I have watched six figure career women leave corporate and devote themselves to full-time motherhood with great joy. †And I've watched moms raise their kids and then get an education and have a viable career. †I've watched others check out the "greener grass" only to discover it's ALL hard! †(Some only after divorcing began to appreciate their former spouse's contribution once they had to walk in his/her shoes.) Perhaps that is why so many are trying to have children and work concurrently. †They are seeing the problem but do not know how to address it. †And in their eyes, the church doesn't seem to be helping. †There is great tension on both "sides" of the women working outside the home issue, let alone having a career. †Men typically do not face these struggles. †Their whole life is work by default. †But women might do many things over the course of their lives and have to relate to each other as women (and to men!) †Will we build bridges is the question. †And how can we do that if we are only in touch with own own pain? †Experience is what we do with it. †Either it will build our internal character and make us better contributors or we will allow it to push us further away from becoming the person God intended to craft. Generations before me struggled to combat extreme chauvinism; this generation has been coming up against extreme feminism. †Perhaps that has contributed to the extreme reactions. †Perhaps we are then, in a great position to reconcile these issues now - together! †
    www.ericandcarenhoehn.blogspot.com
    posted by Caren Hoehn
    on Friday, July 29, 2011 at 11:37 am
  19. Being from a Hispanic culture; young adults usually tend to stay home until they marry. But I'm seeing this happening less and less.

    Many usually crave their independence and sadly this usually puts them in harms way.

    I do believe that there is a benefit for younger women in staying home; provided that the younger ones are being productive and serving God and others.

    And pray, pray, pray that God seals truths in their hearts and that these truths outshine Satan's lies!


    I also believe that submission is something that we can teach them since they are born, with parents that model the biblical roles and where households are Gospel centered (preached and lived).

    If the young girl needs to leave the home before marriage (to college or for whatever reason) this submissive attitude learned throughout her growing years should óin God's graceó protect her from other influences.
    posted by laura
    on Friday, July 29, 2011 at 12:26 pm
  20. I am 21 and I still live at home. I am currently completing my Bachelor's degree program in Early Childhood Education. My parents are very generous to me, and expect me to work around the house in exchange for their generosity. I plan to move out next spring, after I graduate, and get a "big girl job." I am single, and, while I want to be married some day, I do not feel like I should put everything on hold while I wait for the Lord - Who may not desire for me to have a husband in the first place.
    I agree that there cannot be a blanket statement about young adults living at home. I think there are a few things to check for - Is there a legitimate reason for their staying at home? How do their parent's feel about it?
    Also, the Lord can use both living situations to make a woman more like Jesus - He is very creative!
    God bless you all!
    posted by Audrey
    on Friday, July 29, 2011 at 12:51 pm
  21. Also - I think it is noble of parents who want to protect their adult children! However, I think they should check and see if they are being too protective because everyone needs to learn how to make decisions. Your children's faith in Christ has to be theirs, not borrowed from their parents. I'm not saying it is wrong to want to protect your children, I'm just asking that you please make sure you're trusting the King of kings with their lives. :)
    posted by Audrey
    on Friday, July 29, 2011 at 1:00 pm
  22. I totally agree with Elle, living at home is a place to prepare for adult life, and there comes a time to let your parents live their own life. In my earlier post I was thinking of young women in their late teens/early twenties who were not prepared for life (submission, life skills, etc.) Ideally, we would be able to gain some maturity in godly character and life skills before it is time to launch into whatever the Lord has for us, whether it is serving the Lord as a single woman, marriage, or some other ministry opportunity (although sometimes it is not possible).

    Submission, honor, a servant's heart, resposibility, wisdom, and other virtues of a godly woman are issues of the heart; no matter where they are developed or lived out. There isn't a cookie cutter answer for every young woman's life. May the Lord richly bless you for your heart to serve Him!
    posted by Tabitha
    on Friday, July 29, 2011 at 2:30 pm
  23. There is definitely not a one-size fits all statetment to this. I come from a broken home..a broken family. I had no idea what I was doing with my life after I left home. I was a Christian, but my convictions in some areas were very shaky. I went off to a secular college. I met a wonderful Christian guy, but we could have so messed things up! By God's grace and mercy we have been married almost 13 years now, with 6 wonderful children!

    We have been reading Jasmine Baucham's book, 'Joyfully at Home.' I'm taking it in bits and peices. I have time! My oldest daughter is nearly 11, but severly disabled. I have three "typical" daughters under her. We would love to have our daughter's living at home until marriage, if God allows marriage for them.

    My children are all unique. They will have different strengths, weaknesses, gifts. They are NOT me or my husband. They are who the Lord created them to be. That being said, I am already looking very carefully at my children. What do they like? What are they into? With God's grace, I do want to encourage my children onto further education. We've been looking at College Plus. Also, there will be things right within our own community that will offer them opportunities to expand their interests and education.

    I would love to teach my children how to serve as a family as well. Who says that travel and missions have to be out of the questions for adult daughter's who live at home? They can go with a sibling (because two are better than one!) We can do it as a family. My daughter's can minister to individuals, both thru their work or church.

    Again, I know that some daughter's will be asked to leave home by their parents and many daughter's will respect their parents wishes. Broken homes aren't a great place for daughter's to stay (this was my situation...along with an abusive home.) God's grace is HUGE! I just look at my life though and think, "Wow, Lord...look what You are doing!" It's really exciting to me. I really look forward to growing as a mom with my children as we move forward into their growing years. I do realize also that my adult children will have a choice. But, they will also grow up in a household where we will encourage them with this biblical option. I know I'll keep praying about it ALL.
    posted by Jen
    on Friday, July 29, 2011 at 2:34 pm
  24. My situation is a little different. I come from a broken home..my parents divorced when I was 10-11 yrs old but had been separated on and off for about 3yrs in fact we moved to an entirely different city when I was 8 leaving when my parents first separated. Later on my dad came to live with us in the new city. That alone is enough to have a young girl be all the way confused about how this marriage things works. We(mymother and sisters b/c dad didn't go to church) went to a catholic church in my hometown but once we moved there was no church. Fast foward to my middle school yrs and high school I attended church on my own or with friends never again as a family...even if it was just my mom and sisters. So my example of biblical womanhood and marriage was non existant. I say this now because of what I NOW know about God and his beautiful design for that. My mother raised 3 girls..active girls the best way she could. We didn't lack and she is the best example I could have had because as I look back THAT woman cried herself to sleep many nights trying to provide for us. I still pray for her and I hope she'll come to know the Lord Jesus as I have.....Anyhow..when I moved out at 23 i experienced alot of "freedom"! THEN my dad had to come live with ME....I didn't go back home...the roles reversed and have been for the past 4yrs. I am learning how to submit because he is my father and how to submit because he is a MAN. Its not easy because I am providing for my dad in a way that he didn't really do for me. I thank God for this time however because our relationship needed to be prepared and this is God's way of teaching me about being a godly woman....no matter the circumstances he has a beautiful design or me and ALL women. If the Lord is willing to bless me with a husband I can't help but believe my current situation is going to help me...God bless you sisters in Christ!
    posted by Brooke
    on Friday, July 29, 2011 at 3:26 pm
  25. This is a topic near and dear to my heart.
    I highly recommend Bunny Wilson's book "Liberated Through Submission". It has helped me see ways in the every day where I can practice submitting even as an older single woman who lives on her own.
    posted by Mandy H.
    on Friday, July 29, 2011 at 4:45 pm
  26. I have considered and read Godís Word and prayed over this subject, it been great reading other people post and Iíd like to add some of my own thoughts on this.
    Like most others I not think thereís a one size fix all for this, however some of peoples comment I found interesting one woman said that because many women in the old testament lived with there families this is a good principles to execute and is a biblical take on the issue. First, I would like to second what another lady said about the four women in Numbers, and many New Testament women, and not cherry picking, also I would like to mention Ruth the lady said about her being with her mother in law therefore living with her family, actually Ruth chose not to live with her family and her father house, cultural in that day a bad idea, because she had to support Naomi as her family so while she was with a family member she deliberately decided not to go back to her fatherís house. Just a quick word on Rehab, she was a harlot, the Bible doesnít tell us whether or not her father knew, but it does not say she lived with her father, she says please spare my father house household and all they have however the text would seem to say they were at her house, or where she lived, was different from her father house however this is not clear either way.
    Anyway other things is one woman said that when a bride is given away by her dad on her wedding day has become just a tradition or ritual, itís a symbol, but whatís more is itís a cultural symbol, each culture has different symbols. When I get married I want my dad to walk down the aisle with me, but I do not belong to my dad, wow, wasnít that feminist of me? No, just true, I belong to God Iím his and as great as most of our dads are, they make mistakes, I want God to give my heart away to the right man not my dad, because that is putting my trust in man. Donít get me wrong, I think parental input and guidance in form that relationships on great, but God is the author of love stories. Next I just like to say one of the greatest reason people put up for young women is most young women in the Old Testament are living with their father, good point, however, the one thing they seem not to notice is David, Joseph, Elisha, Jacob, and other men who stay with their parents until marriage or until a clear calling from God, if weíre going to make the women do this from examples to be fare we must make the men as well. If this is the case why was it ok for Paul to take Timothy away, and train him? Ladies there is no where in the Bible that says young women must stay at home until marriage, and there is nothing that says it wrong or shameful if they do, here my plea to you moms with daughters, hold them with an open hand, allow the Lord to do whatever he wants with them. Iím and continually humbled when I consider how much we have missed if the parents of Phoebe, Mary Magdalene, Timothy, Elisha, Ruth, Moses, Miriam, Simon, Anna, and so many others, had said no to the Lords plan. Ladies I donít think Mary would have wanted her Son to hang on a cross, but oh if he hadnít! If thereís anything I can says itís this, allow God to lead your children WHEREVER He may chose to take them whether itís dusting your furniture and watching there siblings, or a missionary in Asia. About submission itís a attitude of the heart, if a young woman truly seeks Gods plan in marriage and has a heart for the Lord, and has been under her dad/momís authority as a child then I believe she will seek it in marriage, will she make mistakes? Yep, but if she seeking God He will use her mistakes, and life is full of opportunities to submit, work, church, relationship with God, government, if sheís cultivating an attitude of submission, and LOVE, and SEEKING GOD, then He will guide her. God Bless.
    posted by C
    on Saturday, July 30, 2011 at 1:14 am
  27. Wow, it's hard for me to read some of these comments because of the cookie cutter way they want life to run. I truely believe God makes originals, not carbon copies, and that he prepares each of us differently for the husband he has for us. I lived with my parents, went to college and lived in the dorms for 2 years, lived on my own outside of the dorms for about a year with a roommate during my junior year, and then married and moved in with my husband. This worked wonderful for us. God prepared both my husband and myself for the other...we fit and complete one another!! Just like anyone, we had to learn about one another and decide who was going to do different areas of life to make our household run smoothly and honor God. This has changed in different seasons of life, but after almost 12 years of marriage and four kids later, we continue to live life together, myself under his authority and submitting to his leadership, very happily!!!

    I say all that to tell you another story. My best friend lived on her own for years. She's a Godly woman that used her life, including her single years (about 4 after college), serving God!! She became an amazing independant women. When she met her husband and they began a life together it was so evident that God had used those years to prepare her for the life she was to live!! Her husband was a military man and he was shipped overseas only 6 months after marriage. He was gone for a year that time and 15 months the next time. He's about to deploy for the 3rd (and prayerfully last time) in their 7 years of marriage. She hates when her hubby is gone, but because of her "grooming" by God for those years, she runs the household smoothly while her husband is gone, and does very well emotionally. When her husband is home, she follows him as head of her household and relinquishes that role!! I on the other hand HATE every minute of the time my hubby is gone. If he leaves me for a week I'm counting down the days for him to get home. God works in wonderful ways to prepare us for the life he has for us. Be careful NOT to judge or condemn...just know that God prepares each of us differently, and if we follow his leading we'll be prepared for whatever HE has for us!!!
    posted by Trisha
    on Saturday, July 30, 2011 at 11:47 am
  28. I just wanted to add my thoughts to this discussion. It is interesting to read all the posts so far. I respect those who have said that they believe single young women should live at home until marriage, because I understand the motivation behind that conviction is mostly love of parents for their daughters. However, let me just gently remind mothers out there that there is no fear in love. True, Satan IS a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. But Jesus is the strongest shelter. Think of godly single women like Amy Carmichael or Gladys Aylward who left their parents' homes, not in rebellion or disobedience. God is big enough, strong enough, and wise enough to keep His children safe from spiritual harm.
    Also, let me add that I am a single woman. I currently live at home, but I lived away from home for almost 6 years and just moved back this Spring. It has been an adjustment, and I do not want to downplay that. I have struggled to find my place back in my parent's home, learning to honor them and also be responsible as an adult. Whether I live here for a long time or not I don't know right now. But i'm thankful that my God is faithful. He clearly led me away from home during the last several years, and he clearly has led me back here for the time being. I think the real issue for me is learning to trust God no matter what and to rest in Him at all times wherever He leads, single or married alike.
    posted by R.E
    on Saturday, July 30, 2011 at 1:53 pm
  29. I am a single woman, I am 23, and I just recently moved out of my parents house. I think that especially in this day in age, women have to face the possibility that they might get married, or they might not. If I stayed with my parents indefinitely, I might have missed out on so many friends, jobs, and opportunities to use my gifts to serve others that I've found in another place. However, I also know many young women who have chosen to stay at home until marriage who have found all of these things at home too - it just didn't happen for me.

    I would like to encourage many of the parents posting on this article to allow your daughters to make their own decisions. Women are not all the same, and we each should be allowed to prepare for marriage by living with our parents, living with roommates, or living alone.
    http://beccaliz.wordpress.com
    posted by RN
    on Saturday, July 30, 2011 at 5:30 pm
  30. I graduated at the age of 18, from high school. Lived at home with my parents until I got married at the age of 22. I had car payments, car insurance and paid rent to my parents, for food, laundry, ect. It worked out for me. I was working fulltime when I got married, and even before that. The transition was easy for me. I never went to college. My husband and I have been married for 16 yrs., but he wanted a separation, and moved out the end of Dec. 2007. So my world crumbled. My husband was home schooling our sons when he moved out. I had to then become both mom and dad to my boys, now ages 10 and 14. I have been working fulltime since my oldest son was 8. I had to put them back in public school (good choice for them) and find child care, which I did through our school district. It's been a long journey and here we are July 2011. Still separated and not sure what God's plans are yet, for getting back together. My husband pays child support for the boys, too.
    The Lord has provied in every way possible along the way. I have been reminded over and over again, by the Lord, to slow down and take it one day at a time. I can't carry the weight of this, and that's why the Lord sends me gentle reminders through my devotions.
    Revive Our Hearts
    posted by Desiree
    on Sunday, July 31, 2011 at 12:07 pm
  31. I am 25 years old and still live with my parents. I had the opportunity to move away from home to attain my masters degree three hours away from home. I struggled for almost two years with my desire to move away from home. I wanted to achieve my independence and be the self-sufficient 21st century women I had learned to admire. However, the Lord had been convicting me otherwise. I finally gave into God's prompting and began to seek after Biblical Womanhood.

    I strongly believe in Biblical teachings about marriage and social relations, one of them being the role of women in society. Although it still bothers me to 'submit' I believe that God's will for humanity is the shortest way to living fully. I struggle with sharing my point of view because I know how difficult it is to break away from social norms and to embrace Biblical teaching. So often fellow Christians categorize Biblical teaching as only applicable to a certain time or culture. I do not agree.

    I recently graduated with my masters while still living with my parents and have gained an incredible amount of success and support at home and outside. I feel I've gained so much by submitting to my parents, to God, and to my leaders. In no way have I been belittled, on the contrary, I've been exalted and praised, to the Glory of God!
    posted by Daylee
    on Sunday, July 31, 2011 at 3:48 pm
  32. R.E., what a great comment about Amy Carmichael and Gladys Aylward! I could add a few other single women to that list who followed the Lord's leading to far-off places away from their parents and without a husband. Corrie Ten Boom, Mary Slessor, and Lillian Trasher are examples. Their hearts were obedient and submissive to the Lord's plan for their lives. God used them mightily to impact the world for His glory and Kingdom! Whatever we are called to do and wherever we are called to live (at home, on our own, or abroad), we need to follow our Savior with obedience and joy.
    posted by Elle
    on Monday, August 1, 2011 at 11:05 am
  33. I lived on my own for 2 years, during which time I was engaged to my husband. He and I have learned how to submit to one another during our 11 years of marriage. I love that we are learning this together, under guidance of church leadership and Christian friends. He is the leader of our home and family. I know that living away from my parents for a time was a good thing for me. Perhaps having that independent time allowed me to choose the submissive role that I now cherish.
    posted by Melanie
    on Monday, August 1, 2011 at 3:10 pm
  34. I'm 30 years old and have never been married, but my desire to be a "keeper of the home" is very REAL! I'm able to respect my parents and their roll in my life, while still having the freedom to host friends in my home.

    I read "Lady in Waiting" when I was about 13 years old and the author says something about not saving your china for when you're married- live a full life as a single lady...and that's what I'm doing.

    I'm all for respecting parents and honoring the Lord, but we can't stop young women from the joys of housekeeping, cooking, decorating, entertaining, etc. waiting for marriage to come along.

    At 30, I'm facing the reality that marriage might not be in the Lord's plan for me, but I'm thankful that when all conversations around me are of husbands and children, at least I can join the conversation when it comes to home ownership and all that it brings. Living on my own has become an equalizer among my peers whose lives are filled with what I so desire.

    I would love to hear Nancy's remarks on this conversation! She is my true inspiration on singleness that honors the Lord and I depend on ROH to have such conversations about singleness, since most ministries are silent on the topic.
    www.hope-overflowing.blogspot.com
    posted by Katy
    on Tuesday, August 2, 2011 at 1:29 pm
  35. Katy, we have so much in common! It's nice to read of other Christian women of our "age and stage". You're right about most ministries being silent on singleness (aside from the high school and college age ministries). It's just not the same for us. I also appreciate ROH!
    posted by Elle
    on Wednesday, August 3, 2011 at 2:02 am
  36. Katy and Elle, I am in the same place. I'm 31 and live on my own. I lived with my parents after moving home from college until I was 30. Earlier this year, God provided a small and affordable house for me - in His timing. I trust that He is faithful to provide a husband in His timing as well.

    Meanwhile, I'm learning how to manage a home. While it's more work than I had anticipated, I love having my own space to host friends and family! I want to be a good steward of my house, as well as my time, money and talents.

    I would consider a roommate, but most of my friends are married, soon-to-be engaged, homeowners themselves or unable to afford living on their own.
    posted by Kristen
    on Wednesday, August 3, 2011 at 12:10 pm
  37. Kristen and Elle,
    It is so refreshing to find others facing similar circumstances! I'd love to chat further with you...I hope you'll check out my blog and send me a message so we can!
    www.hope-overflowing.blogspot.com
    posted by Katy
    on Wednesday, August 3, 2011 at 12:44 pm
  38. There have been so many great comments so far that have explained this issue far better than I ever could, so I'll just add a few things.

    First of all, living with your parents doesn't guarantee you won't develop selfish habits and expectations prior to marriage. In fact, never leaving your childhood home could make it harder for you to adjust to a new home, especially one where you will have an entirely different role. It could also be difficult to leave one's parents' authority and cleave to one's spouse if that person has never been outside her parents' authority.

    Secondly, for those who want to keep their daughters at home to shield them from Satan, do you think Satan can't enter your home? Yes, there are more temptations out in the world, but a Christian home is not immune to the influence of the devil. And besides that, we don't need the world to teach us to be worldly. Worldliness is already in our hearts. We must love the unbelieving world rather than treating them like they have cooties. That's not really a very good witness, is it?

    Thirdly, the bible nowhere teaches that daughters must remain in their parents' home until marriage. As other commenters have said, there are many examples of women who lived independently in the bible. The reason why most women in the bible lived with their parents until marriage is because that's what was normal in that culture. The father giving the daughter in marriage was a cultural thing, not a biblical command.

    Another thought: What about women who never marry or marry later in life? What about our dear friend Nancy Leigh DeMoss? Nancy lives alone, correct? Is she in sin? Is it only okay for her to live alone because she's not in her 20s? If that's the case, what is the age limit for leaving home? The bible says nothing about this, therefore we can't say that the bible demands daughters to stay at home when they're young, but once they're older it's okay for them to leave.

    The last thought I have is one that's somewhat controversial and I'm not sure if anyone will agree with me. I believe that once a person establishes themselves as an adult, they are no longer under their parents' authority. Yes, they still need to honor their parents because the bible teaches that we all must do this, no matter what age. But when the bible says in Ephesians 6:1 "Children, obey your parents..." I believe Paul is addressing children, not adults. So I believe that adults do not have the same command to obey their parents that children do. Every culture has a different idea for when adulthood begins. In ours it's age 18 or you could argue it's once the person no longer depends on their parents to live. Some Christians say that the command to obey the parents does not end until marriage because Genesis 2:24 says "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife". But what about Paul? He never married, yet he still left his parents' household. So did Jesus although He never married. Just my thoughts.

    Anyway, I lived at home until marriage but it would have been a lot easier for my husband and I if I had gained more life experience and independence before marriage. There's nothing sinful about leaving home or staying at home (unless there are sinful motives behind it). The bible doesn't command us to do one or the other, so it's up to each individual.
    posted by Mrs. P
    on Wednesday, August 3, 2011 at 4:34 pm
  39. Yes, I agree, it's better for a young woman to live with parents until marriage. I lived with my parents and it worked out great. I didn't miss my independence, but if I lived alone, it would be much harder to give up control and independence to submit to husband.
    http://asktallgirl.com/
    posted by lisa
    on Wednesday, August 3, 2011 at 9:41 pm
  40. Mrs. P:

    Thanks so much for the insight! I agree with what you said about adults and their responsibility towards their parents. Honor them? YES!!! Obey them and be under their authority once an adult? I don't think so, personally. I mean, you could be married and living in your own home with your husband when your Mother comes to visit, stays overnight, and demands that you make your bed in the morning. Do you have to make your bed? I think not! Same case with a single lady living on her own, or even a single young woman living at home.

    There really is no black and white answer to this question, because every situation varies so much. In abusive, controlling families, the worst option for an adult lady would be to remain in her household and grow up immature/always a child! If she is treated as an adult when living in her parents house, allowed to somewhat support herself and make her own decisions (and bear the consequences)... then stay and let God be glorified in that!

    There is one thing I must stress: parents might encourage their kids to stay at home, but never COMMAND them to stay at home once adults! This happened in my house and wrecked countless relationships. Not only that, but it did nothing to prevent that adult from leaving! Please parents, don't play God. When He calls your kids to serve Him, even outside of their home, respect that call.
    posted by Noel
    on Saturday, August 6, 2011 at 4:17 pm
  41. I was just introduced to this site and have found some very interesting articles and perspective on life.

    I have to say I did move back home after I graduated college, but that was a necesity more than anything else. My parents were missionaries to the orient and I moved back over there from the U.S. I lived with them for 5 of the 6 years I lived there before moving back to the U.S. and living on my own. I have lived with roommates off and on since then. Mostly out of necessity.

    (My parents were 100% behind my decision to move out on my own.)

    I know several people in my circle of friends who believe that children should live at home until marriage, but I'm not one of them. If my mother would have had her way, I would be married to a doctor and living in Brazil. My father loves his children and grandchildren so much he would love to have all of us living at home. (They now live in the States too.)

    If I had stayed living with my parents until marriage, I would have lived in a country where the prospects of a life mate are minimal to none or in a part of the States where the same is true. I now live in a large city, attend a large church, and have many friends.

    I have a very close relationship with my Godly parents, and would never consider even an engagement with someone with whom they would not approve.
    posted by Kate
    on Friday, August 12, 2011 at 5:14 pm
  42. I am a mother of 2 young kids, a boy and a girl. My desire and prayer is that my children may be greatly used in GOD's kingdom. My prayer is that the LORD will work in my children's hearts to be willing to go wherever He will want them to go. I've talked to my children about the Unreached places in the world, places where people have not heard the Gospel. I'm prayfully "sowing seeds" in their hearts, so that one day they will be willing to go and serve the LORD in those places. As a mother, as much as I love my children, I wouldn't encourage them to remain at home while they are single, but rather use that season of their lives to serve the LORD with the freedom and opportunities singleness provides.
    posted by Patty campbell
    on Friday, August 12, 2011 at 11:33 pm
  43. Thanks for the article!!
    I'm currently living at home with my parents as
    A 21-year old young lady. I think it is wise for young ladies
    to live
    At home under your parent's protection until marriage or until
    We're older and can make better and wiser choices without impulsivity.
    When addressing the argument many people have against
    Living at home with family that of "you won't learn important life skills and experiences without living at home!".
    My response is "what's stopping you from learning them while you're at home??"
    A personal note I would like to add if I may.
    When young women move out, often because of the financial
    Stresses it becomes much more difficult to have proper nutrition, leading to many health problems, bringing those issues into marriage and especially pregnancy. I see that many of those problems could be greatly improved by eating right. Which, sadly it's very difficult to do for young people just starting out.
    posted by Katie
    on Friday, April 26, 2013 at 11:03 am
  44. I so appreciate your comments, Katie. God bless you for going against the tide of popular opinion and deciding to stay at home with your parents. We just had a discussion with a group of ladies at our church this past Monday night concerning whether it's appropriate for young women to move out of their parent's home just because they are 18 years of age or have graduated from college. The women were almost 100% in favor of not staying at home and not giving up their independence. We have much more work to do.

    Be encouraged!
    Blessings,
    Karen
    posted by Karen Waddles
    on Friday, April 26, 2013 at 2:28 pm
  45. I graduate college in less than a year! I have begun thinking about my plans and one of the options that I have been strongly considering is getting my own place. I have been looking at locations and all seemed great until the realization that I would be alone as a female hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized that during the cold or stormy nights no one would be there, no one to take out the trash or kill the bugs. I had considered all the positives like; becoming independent, having freedom and learning how to be a woman versus a child but I never thought of the negatives until last night, (I think the thunderstorm had something to do with it).

    I stayed with my parents during study at college and although it was best for me financially and spiritually it did nothing for my social life. I actually became a Christian during my time at home so yes, without a question it was fully worth it. I do feel however that young mature Christian women should have the experience of Ďleaving the nestí even if temporary on missions or for school. These experiences are best for meeting people and perhaps a potential husband. It is not like the olden days where a husband is arranged or comes knocking at your door.

    I am grateful that I found this post with all these wonderful comments and experiences. They have really helped me to realize that I am not alone. My current stance is that I can do it! I am fearless! And I will never be alone, Christ is always with me! Staying home is not the best option for me personally as my parents do not set an example of how marriage should be. I learn from them what not to do or how not to be which is very sad. I wish I had the perfect biblical family but I do not. Staying and witnessing a dysfunctional marriage could not be good for me, if anything it will keep me from ever wanting to be married. I also believe that my motherís parenting style does not allow me to grow but does the opposite in keeping me immature. She yells at me like I am not an adult and she does not teach me womanly duties like how to prepare a meal. I love my mom and family unconditionally and I do not judge them for any of their shortcomings.

    I realize that my plans are not traditional but Jesus was not a traditionalist either. I have decided that I will stay closer to home when I do move out or instead extend my education at grad school and live on campus. I canít imagine the shame on my parents of having an adult daughter living under their roof desperately waiting like Rapunzel for someone to come take away her shame. I am very blessed to live in a time and place where I as a woman can make it. I know in parts of the world it is not like that.
    posted by Misha
    on Monday, June 10, 2013 at 8:49 pm
  46. Thank you all for your comments. We have 11 children all still living at home. The oldest is 28yr and the baby is 8yr. Our third oldest, a girl, wants to live on her own. She is a strong Christian. We have raised all the children that it is Biblical for them to live at home until they get married. She is insisting that God has called her to live on her own. Well, she would be sharing an apartment with another Christian girl. This girl is from China and has been in America for the past 15yr. She is about 15 yrs. older than my daughter. Sharing an apartment with this woman would put her closer to church which she is very involved in. I am not happy about any of this. My personal experience was this. I had an amazing boyfriend. He came from a very close family. He was in the Air Force and a was going to be a career man. I lived at home with my parents but when he went back after a month fur low I decided to move in with my girl friend. He almost immediately broke up with me. We had talked about getting married. He never said it but I know that he lost respect for me when I moved out of my parents house. I actually moved back in. We never got back together but I vowed then that I would live at home until I married. I did and that has been my husband and my conviction. I guess you could say "Don't worry about what people think". But.....we should give an impression of being holy and pure.
    posted by mary potter
    on Thursday, September 12, 2013 at 3:33 pm
  47. @Mary...we have prayed for you this week. Our ministry's Prayer Team has prayed the Lord will give you and your husband wisdom and grace in dealing with your daughter, and that He will speak His direction and leadership to your daughter. God bless you, Mary. May your family's faith be strengthened as you watch God work. How I pray:"The wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, accommodating, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial, and not hypocritical. And the fruit that consists of righteousness is planted in peace among those who make peace." (James 3:17-18)
    posted by Sarah, with the TW Team
    on Saturday, September 14, 2013 at 9:51 pm
  48. Hi. I appreciate everyone's ideas and beliefs. I went to college for four years then moved back with my parents and I had difficulty adjusting to my family primarily because there were six of us living there,with four bedrooms. I had a rough time there because one of my sisters was always bossy and rude, and her bf would always be hanging out there which resulted in problems with boundary definitions, they were also four years younger than me. All I did every evening was be in my room and worship Gid, learn His word, and pray. One of my prayer request was to be able to find a job where I could support myself. I did find a job, and a church to be a part of. Have been living on my own for four years, two of those years u had. Roommate, but now I'm onto my fifth year land living alone. I have struggled with deciding to move back to my parents because I don't know what to expect from them as parents, the environment at home is not biblically bound. My parents go to church but they do not fellowship with other church members( a keeping this in mind makes me feel like I'm judging them unfairly)... So that's the main reason why I incline to not live there, although I wish my father was more of a leader to me( cause I think I would be more confident in living wih my parents if he was more if a Christian leader). I struggle with this so badly, and wish I could just decide to live with them, but I can't... So I have used time to spend with God and family and friends. What do you guys think? I'm going to spend this year asking for advise, and make a final decision once again next year. Please keep me in your prayers... Cause u do not like living alone.
    posted by Ana Mendoza
    on Monday, May 26, 2014 at 10:38 pm
  49. Dear Ana,

    Moving back home after being on your own for five years is a huge decision to make. Iím thankful that you are taking the time to pray through this and talk to godly people who know you and the situation and can give wise counsel to you. God will direct and guide you in the way He would have you go (Is. 30:21). Is getting another room mate an option for you?

    It would be good for you to discuss this also with your parents and get their input. Discuss boundaries, expectations, and desires for leadership from your dad. Lay it all out on the table so that there arenít any expectations that havenít been voiced.
    Iíve paused and prayed for you today, Ana, and have asked the Lord to give you wisdom and discernment in the best plan for where you should live.

    Serving Him,
    Lorree
    posted by Lorree, with the TW Team
    on Wednesday, May 28, 2014 at 12:34 pm
  50. Still questioning this. Im am very old came from a dysfunctional home. And because of that had to leave home and be 'adopted' by another family bc of the mess. So i lived on my own bc i was unable to stay at home. Im back in my fathers home but will have to move soon if i never marry. I dont desire to ' live on my own' apart from marriage except for healing and preparation for family life or life with Jesus.
    posted by pat
    on Saturday, June 14, 2014 at 4:49 pm
  51. I am currently living with my parents at the age of 25. This has been a source of contention for me lately. I originally agreed with the idea of living at home until marriage. That's what is shown to us in the bible, and I saw the benefits of it. Yet now that I'm older, I'm beginning to question this. The bible says that at age 20, we are clearly defined as adults and therefor responsible for our decisions. We are still to respect and honor our parents, but they don't hold the same roles that they used to. They can advise and suggest, but not push us and tell us what to do. Just as we are to respect their position in our lives, they need to respect our decisions as adults as well. That being said, I don't feel like I can be an adult while living with my parents. So long as I live under their house, I live under their rules. That means a curfew, that means someone constantly asking what I'm up to and therefor no privacy, etc. I want to make my own decisions but am unable to. They say that I can, but their "suggestions" are like indirect commands. I know the principle behind it might be good, but maybe my parents just aren't executing it as well as they could.

    My second thought, why was it women didn't live independently in biblical times? I believe now it's more because they were viewed as property for the most part by society. It was the culture they lived in. I don't think they were ABLE to live on their own. Sure, it had some advantages, but I think it was mostly from necessity. One of my dearest friends comes from a strong jewish family. She has no control over her own finances. Her husband took care of it until he died, now her brothers do it. She said if her brothers were to die, they have trustees that would manage it. She handles nothing besides buying her own groceries, and she says that's just her culture.

    I plan on researching it more, but I'm re-evaluating my decision to stay home. I can't learn to stand up for myself here, I can't grow as an individual. I will submit to my husband when I get married, but like all changes, it will be a challenge and an adjustment. Submitting to your husband doesn't mean losing your own identity though. I will respect my parents forever, I will obey their rules while I live in their house, but I don't believe this is this best fit for me. To those who will stay at home until marriage, God bless, I hope it works well for you. To those who move out on their own, God bless, I hope it works out well for you! I've heard that God doesn't say there's one right decision and one wrong, but it's more like good, better, and best. Either way we chose to go, pray first, listen, and take the step of faith.
    posted by Julie
    on Thursday, August 7, 2014 at 11:44 pm
  52. I'm 23 years old. I have my Bachelor's. I moved back home to parents a year ago. I have 5 younger siblings at home, and only four bedrooms. We all share a room. I'm making a good amount of money, but once I'm more financially stable I would like to move out on my own. However, I'm not completely at peace with that decision, and I'm not sure if it's because God doesn't want me to, or I am somewhat scared of the unfamiliar. My father is a pastor, but I do not believe he is completing the Biblical role of a father completely. I have read scriptures about how the father decides if his virgin daughter should be married or not if she agrees, in 1 Corinthians 7:36-38. However, I have not read if she can move out on her own. Most of the women I. the Bible were seen to be married or single and living at home, but that was how the culture was. The problem that brought all of this up, was because I was staying at my friend's apartment who is also single, and I spent the night, I asked my dad if I could spend the night again, and he said no. That was like the last straw.

    I'm just so confused and frustrated.
    posted by Jessica
    on Wednesday, September 17, 2014 at 1:03 am

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