5 comments

Kimberly Wagner

A Strange Transformation

Posted on 08.01.11 by Kimberly Wagner | Twitter: @KimberlyWagner7

When I was a little girl, I was fascinated by a couple who would occasionally drop by my parent’s home for a visit. Although elderly, the wife was still an elegant beauty. I’d pull up a chair in the kitchen beside my mom and we’d eagerly listen to her stories of travel and adventure. She was well-respected in the world of education and seemed to have a firm grasp on any topic at hand. Her clothing style was fashionable, classic, and refined; her vibrant personality captivating.

While we hung on her every word, the men visited with her husband in the next room. He was equally impressive. He was a “man’s man,” having flown several missions in World War II. His old war stories held everyone’s interest. He talked and laughed easily and was quite likeable.

They were an enjoyable and admirable couple–as long as they were in separate rooms. As soon as they came in contact with each other, a strange transformation occurred. Her generous smiles and gracious tone turned to ice. His ease of conversation left him and he fell mute, eyes downcast. The thick tension between them was obvious.

Each of them, highly respected by their peers, seemed to view the other with contempt or disgust. She would verbally skewer him in front of us, criticizing his driving, his choice of hotels, or his lack of taste. He would seemingly never hear a word she said, often silently retreating from the room in the middle of her lambaste.

I didn’t see them often but when I did, the bitterness and resentment between them never wavered. It puzzled me that two very likable people seemed to dislike one another so much. I was amazed when they remained married (totally miserable with one another, but married) into their final years.

Remembering this sad couple and seeing many similar marriages, causes me to wonder . . . How many couples are truly enjoying each other? How many marriages consist of couples existing as housemates or enemies? How many wives are filled with bitter resentment while their husbands are indifferent to their needs?

If you’re in one of those marriages today, I want you to know there is reason for hope! I remember a time when I’d given into despair, believing things would always stay the same; that we’d always be miserable. (If you haven’t heard our story, please listen to this series or check out this video. You might pray about inviting your husband to listen or watch as well.) 

Although your issues may be different than mine, your challenges greater, or your loneliness deeper, I want you to know that there is One who hears your cries, knows your pain, and desires to step into the brokenness of your life and bring beauty from ashes, life from death, and turn your mourning into joy (Isa. 61:1–3).

Comments

  1. We also knew a couple similar to this one in your post. One difference is that I only heard the wife and children’s side and rarely saw them together as a family. At the end of the husband's life, when he was tired and worn out, their marriage was revived and they shared a few happy years together. How sad to have wasted all those years, over 50, living with anger, bitterness and loneliness. The damage that was done in their family is an ongoing consequence.
    posted by Julie
    on Monday, August 1, 2011 at 8:42 am
  2. Wow, this is awsome. God's timing is so perfect. On Sunday July31 the message was the woman with the issue of blood(Matthew 9:20-22). We as women always have some kind of issue that we have to deal with. It could be anything marriage, children, jobs, family even church. But we to often set out looking for others to heal our issues. I know because I am guilty of this myself. I finally had to be honest to myself and with God and cry out" Lord, I have an issue that no one but you can heal. I am dying spiritally with bitterness and resentment in my heart. Please forgive me and heal my heart. " Until we get to that point where we are tired of going to the Pastor or his wife or another sister to complain about our issue when we know that only JESUE can heal your broken heart. We will continue to bleed to death. Once God heals your heart then he can heal our marriage. Bless my sisters.
    posted by Ronetta
    on Monday, August 1, 2011 at 8:46 am
  3. Thanks so much for the true women
    website! Have a great day and a
    blessed week!
    :-))
    JulieCompton
    jacjeremiah2911@aol.com
    True women
    posted by Julie
    on Monday, August 1, 2011 at 1:03 pm
  4. Excellent article. Thanks for writing and posting it.
    posted by Lynn
    on Monday, August 1, 2011 at 5:42 pm
  5. It is heart wrenching to watch couples and their children in this kind of situation. From the outside looking in, you often see two very likable people, that use to like each other! What seems to happen is months & years go by and you keep praying and telling your loved one that Jesus hears, cares, heals, gives peace, but they cannot grasp what you know He will provide. Worldly views are given to your loved one along with your message of hope through our Savior. Sadly, these views are also considered & before you know it, the person stays in the same cloud. To me, the attack on the family is a top priority with Satan and we cannot pray enough for couples who have lost there way. I find this area to be very disheartening, the divorce rate is high and the world seems to offer so much excitement. I appreciate you bringing this topic to light.
    posted by hayley
    on Tuesday, August 2, 2011 at 10:17 am

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