26 comments

Erin Davis

The Berenstain Bears Syndrome

Posted on 10.17.11 by Erin Davis | Twitter: @ErinGraffiti

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always loved that adorable family of bears that lived in a tree and had something to teach me about everything from manners to moving. While I still think the Berenstain Bears are cute and have some valuable lessons to teach, I recently realized they’re telling a story about men that is doing more harm than good to my heart.

My friend, Dree, first pointed out this “Berenstain Bears syndrome” during a conversation about how we relate to our husbands after becoming mothers. My wise friend noticed that in the Berenstain Bears house, Mama Bear does all the heavy lifting while Papa Bear is often reduced to behaving just like Brother, Sister, and Honey Bear.

In fact, Wikipedia describes Papa as an “oafish, bumbling carpenter” and Mama as a “housewife and perfectionist.” In other words, Papa is a goofball who can’t manage himself, much less the affairs of his family; and Mama is the one who gets everything done, even if it does require her to be somewhat overbearing. For example:

  • When the Berenstain Bears started eating too much junk food, Papa shoved “sweet pops” in his mouth right along with the kids while Mama stood on the sidelines with her hands on her hips.
  • When the Berenstain Bears forgot their manners, Papa was shown sitting at the table totally clueless while Brother and Sister kicked each other under the table. Only Mama noticed and stepped in.
  • When the Bears were watching too much TV, Papa sat by the kids with glazed-over eyes while Mama was left to solve the problem alone . . . again.

These subtle elements of the storyline are usually only shown in the illustrations, but have you ever stopped to consider how this image of marriage, parents, and gender roles is seeping into your own heart and the hearts of your children?

I just happen to be lucky enough to have an advance copy of Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Mary Kassian’s new book, True Woman 101: Divine Design (coming out in March 2012). In it, Nancy and Mary give biblical arguments that debunk the portrait of manhood given by the Berenstains and other marketing machines:

“The human male was the firstborn of the human race,” they write. “He carried the weight of responsibility for the oversight and well-being of the human family. He was the representative. God placed the mantle of leadership squarely on his shoulders. The New Testament attests to the fact that the male’s firstborn status was significant, and that it has ongoing implications for male leadership in the home and in the church (1 Tim. 2:13).

“Again this has nothing to do with the merits, worth, or superiority of the human male; it has everything to do with displaying the glory of God and the nature of Christ’s relationship to his church (see Col. 1:18).

“God created the male to be the ‘man of the house,’ the head of his household, to point to the relationship Jesus has with the Church, which is the Household of God" (1 Tim. 3:15).

How’s that for a heavy dose of Truth! While the portrayals we see in The Berenstein Bears and in media of men being clueless, helpless, weak, and in need of our “intervention” may make for good stories or sell some products, they don’t give an accurate picture of God, which is the role of gender in the first place.

Are there symptoms of the “Berenstain Bears syndrome” at your house? Do you treat your husband or sons like they are clueless or incompetent? Do you minimize their ability to lead? What other voices in culture are telling you that men are incapable of making their own decisions or leading the affairs of their household without your help? If so, what steps are you taking to turn down the volume of those voices and turn up the Truth of God’s Word on gender?

Let’s work together to drag the subtle lies the culture is telling about manhood and womanhood into the light and encourage each other to understand and embrace God’s Truth on these issues so we can better put His glory on display.

Comments

  1. You are so right about that series. Just this past week, my kids showed me a copy of one of their books that really exalted ungodly behavior and I recalled hearing the series praised on a popular Christian radio program. I don't know if the authors had a change of heart, but it really perplexed me.

    I have to watch these things in our home. How I behave and do what I tell my kids not to do - how I treat my husband. It is a great reminder. Thank you!
    http://wholenewmom.com
    posted by Adrienne @ Whole New Mom
    on Monday, October 17, 2011 at 7:26 am
  2. Thank you for bring out this message. When our older children, now 36, 35, 34, & 32 were young the Berenstain Bears came out. We read a couple of their books and then it hit me, the whole point of the books were to degrade the father as head of the household. Satan has such a devious way to put his agenda into the hearts of our young children.

    When we had our "second" family 13 years after the fourth child, Berenstain Bears videos came out and it never ceased to amaze me how many Christian families watched these with no understanding of the message portrayed.

    Thank you again for addressing this issue.
    posted by Lori Crank
    on Monday, October 17, 2011 at 8:31 am
  3. It is actually the pervading message of most shows these days. Kids cartoons, books, "family" comedies - most of them protray the man as weak and clueless. We have had many discussions with our boys, now 9 and 14, about these various shows to discuss what is funny and what is devestating in the message. Talking through this process together has helped both them and us to become more discerning and aware of what is being promoted in our culture. It also helps my husband and I to make sure we don't fall into accepting and living out those stereotypical roles that actually end up being negative for both of us and our children - not just for him.
    posted by Kim
    on Monday, October 17, 2011 at 9:11 am
  4. Thank you for pointing this out.

    Very good article.
    posted by ~Lynn
    on Monday, October 17, 2011 at 10:14 am
  5. my husband has seen bees lies in TV shows and movies, but I admit that I didn't notice it in Berenstein Bears. I know I have purchased some of his books for one of my grandsons and I will no longer purchase those books.

    Thank you so much for shedding light on this, and I look over at the Nancy's new book, True Woman 101.
    http://www.thewildberrypatch.com
    posted by Christi Wildman
    on Monday, October 17, 2011 at 12:17 pm
  6. This is an interesting perspective. I haven't read the Berenstain Bears in many years but read an article last week about the authors. The series is written by a mother and her grown son now but was written by a mother and father team until he passed away and the son stepped in.
    It is sad, but many men are like Papa Berenstain. I agree that he should be portrayed as the head of the family who wants to teach his children godly values. It is hard to believe that little boys who read the early series are now old enough to be fathers. I wonder how they were affected by the series? Thank you for bringing this to our attention. I have not been blessed with children but love working with children. I will not purchase the series for my great nieces and nephews!
    http://katherinepurdy.authorweblog.com
    posted by Katherine
    on Monday, October 17, 2011 at 12:23 pm
  7. This is true, unfortunately. However, I know that Papa Bear is not always like that. We had a ton of Berenstain Bears books when we were kids, so I'll have to sift through those carefully before reading any to my kids.
    posted by Crafty Mama
    on Monday, October 17, 2011 at 12:55 pm
  8. Although I agree media has degraded the man of the house to far I think it's unfair to use the Bernstein bears as an example in complete. Although not accurately showing what a man 'should represent' '100%' of the time there are equally books where things are quite opposite. The messy room shows where momma looses her temper and papa comes in with the fix also the homework hassle, the slumber party and the truth are all books where Papa stands up as head of house. They are simply trying to relate and help us see big or small none of us are perfect.
    posted by Chris
    on Monday, October 17, 2011 at 1:07 pm
  9. We've noticed this issue with the Berenstain Bears books as well. In fact, for fun and to prove the point, we sometimes read one of the books replacing the word, "Mama" with the word "Papa", and vice-versa. It's amazing how obvious it is when you do that. Surely the books wouldn't be in print today if the roles were reversed.

    I am very concerned about the issue of the loss of manhood in our society today and my next Bible study will focus on this issue. The world has focused on elevating women to the point of almost destroying the male race here in America. What an important topic!
    posted by Lori Jean
    on Monday, October 17, 2011 at 1:22 pm
  10. As you described Papa Bear popping junk food in his mouth or being clueless about the children's manners, it was describing my husband. It's not that I have treated him as clueless or incompetent, he is just naturally that way. It has to do with his personality; using the personalities laid out by Florence Littauer, he is a strong phelgmatic, with a strong bent towards laziness.

    I haven't read these books, so I don't know how Mama handled Papa. I've tried my best over the years to get him involved with the disciplining of our son, but I have had to bear the brunt of it. Therefore, even now as our son is 21, my husband is the "fun" parent, and I'm the "strict" one. So does Mama actually treat her husband that way, or does Papa choose to be clueless and incompetent? I think we need to be careful in picking things apart.
    posted by Martie
    on Monday, October 17, 2011 at 1:25 pm
  11. ok ok I understand where you are coming from with this "syndrome" stuff but I just want to say that my husband of 27yrs would be Papa bear if it weren't for the fact that he has had a job all that time working 12 to 15hr days 6 to 7 days a week. when he is on vacation or on his day off or a rain out day or down time between jobs he is just like this Papa bear. and you know what, it is ok with me and my sons and my four sons have turned out alright. we love our bumblin oafish papa. he is funyy, fun-loving and over the years I have fussed that he makes me out to be the mean one but our family on the other side has lots and lots of love and my sons love us both the same. it is how you perceive things that make the difference and sometimes we can make a moutntain out of a molehole and this is one of those times. I LOVE these bears still and I do read their stuff cause I now have grandkids.
    posted by Shawn
    on Monday, October 17, 2011 at 1:37 pm
  12. Excellent point. It is also good to consider how Disney, Focus on the Family, Hallmark, Family and Family Feature films often make authorities out to be goof balls and bumbling idiots. I have noticed that police officer's, dad's, principals not only look silly and undisciplined but act foolish. Thanks for taking a step to try to turn the tide!

    I'm also grateful for the "Courageous" movie that has just come out ....hoping it will encourage dad's to step up. Martie ...perhaps you could get husband to watch this? I have often noticed in my own life that my husband won't "take the wheel" unless I first let go of it. I think it is part of the fall that women want action immediately and if they act then the man will let them handle the situation. Part of the fall for both men and women. We try to control and they relinquish it far too easily. I will pray for your husband that he will be motivated to make some changes in His life.
    http://www.momsheart48.blogspot.com/
    posted by Susan McCurdy
    on Monday, October 17, 2011 at 1:51 pm
  13. Maybe you haven't read the latest ones? Like compilation: Follow God's Word or Show God's Love? In those: Papa plays basket ball with Brother and how I see it, always let Brother beat him. Papa helps mama with the baby!! Stand up man in these stories so far. Papa shares God's love in another story. Saying "Of course we're disappointed when you misbehave. But we still love you!" In another book Papa is the coach of the soccer team. He may not know how to play that well but he knows about playing with integrity. Also he tries hard and you see him in a picture reading a book of rules (so what if he doesn't yet know, he's man enough to try and put the effort in). I forget which book that is but it's also a new one. Yes he's goofball some of the time but as another poster said this is a realistic thing. Sadly also it's realistic that the mom tends to take over his role now and then because of this in his character.

    The old books did portray him as a wee bit lame (and a couple of the new stories too) but this opened discussions in my family about how women take over when men aren't encouraged in their roles. I too change the words now and then. I realize there are ENOUGH books out there like this where we can use them to teach the opposite lesson BUT this particular series DOES have many that are without Papa looking like a wimpy joke. Personally? I NEVER liked the illustrations of these bears, found them very unappealing BUT I gave the stories a try and found often the message to be a good one.

    Thanks for bringing this topic up, I was just talking about it with two of my best friends a week or two ago!! And yes, Papa's softness and dopiness was the concern as we spoke.

    Peace, love n' blessings,
    posted by Jenny
    on Monday, October 17, 2011 at 1:54 pm
  14. I meant to say 'Like the compilations:'

    These two compilations are a real joy to read. And no, for the record: I still don't like the drawings. ;c)
    posted by Jenny
    on Monday, October 17, 2011 at 1:57 pm
  15. Can I make an out of place request??? I know this is my third post in a row. Ugh. *sighs*

    Does anyone have a nice Proverb that I could add to a letter for my non-Christian friend? I've been wracking my brain for five days now (off and on) and haven't yet come up with something. She's a new friend and I just wanted to include His word as it's a habit of mine for all of my letters. It's much easier for my long term non-Christian friends because I know their attitudes, feelings and a lot of their personal stories. She's coping with a recent death and I know the Lord can help her far better than I.

    Please help!
    posted by Jenny
    on Monday, October 17, 2011 at 2:17 pm
  16. i JUST read one of these books to my boys today - mamma bear was busy working hard in the garden while pappa was "taking a rest" and the kids played. made me sad to be reading this to future men - BUT it makes me especially thankful for the hard working father they have as an example.
    posted by cathy
    on Monday, October 17, 2011 at 2:18 pm
  17. My mom outlawed those books in our home when I was a kid for those same reasons, as well as Brother and Sister being rude to each other and their parents.
    Thank you for having the intestinal fortitude, (otherwise known as "guts") to stand up and point this out.
    And thanks, Mom. =)
    http://peachfarmerswife.blogspot.com
    posted by Nichola
    on Monday, October 17, 2011 at 3:53 pm
  18. I remember a pastor's wife I know commenting on what a bad Image these books give fathers!

    Do you suppose it would do any good to write and complain!!?
    none
    posted by connie lewis
    on Monday, October 17, 2011 at 5:02 pm
  19. Hello Jenny!

    Here are a few suggestions for you. You had mentioned the Proverbs--

    Prov. 3:5,6 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."

    Prov. 9:10 "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight."

    Prov. 30:5 "Every word of God proves true; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him."

    Prov. 31:30 "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."

    Prov. 18:10 "The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe."

    I'm sure whatever you share with your friend, Jenny, will be a blessing and comfort. God bless you, dear
    GPW!

    Love,
    Arlene
    posted by Arlene
    on Monday, October 17, 2011 at 5:06 pm
  20. Thank you SO much Arlene! What an answer to prayer. :c) There's one in there that I believe will be just right for her!!!

    God bless your big ol' heart right back.

    *hugs*

    Hope your day has been filled with enough light to keep your path and enough beauty to take your breath away (at least once ;c) ).
    posted by Jenny
    on Monday, October 17, 2011 at 5:59 pm
  21. I am requesting prayers for piece of mind.My husband left me for another woman. I want him to come home, be the man I fell in love with, tell me everything is okay, and that he is sorry. I pray that this will happen. I also request prayers for my own piece of mind, strength, courage to be able to endure everything that is happening in my life and that it will all get better. I know we can make it work we have for 33 years. He saying that he is not in love with me but I know he is just saying that. He has not been unfurl they are just Friend but he say he is not in Love with me I know that is just saying that for some reasons and now he is not making any money he has had 4 jobs cents he move out please help to have faith

    We lost his mom and that is win it all started he has not grieved for her. That is what I think started it all.I feel he will be back but the waitis killing me. Thank for your prayers Lynn
    posted by Lynn
    on Monday, October 17, 2011 at 7:41 pm
  22. Dear Lynn, my heart goes out to you! I am praying for strength, faith, and patience for you. Also, I am praying for your husband in his deep loss, and in his frustration in not having any work. Praying that God will direct your man's heart and loyalty back to you, dear sister. God bless!!
    posted by Karen K
    on Monday, October 17, 2011 at 11:16 pm
  23. Dear Lynn,

    I am praying for you too. I am sorry for your heartache. May our Lord Jesus, who heals the broken in heart, comfort you with His love; sustain you; bring you His peace, and guide you in all things. I pray that the Lord would also move powerfully in the heart of your husband.

    Dear Erin,

    Thank you so much for your article. The Lord spoke to me as I read it and the comments on this blog that followed. It was really one of those "Aha" moments, afresh. I realized I was slipping back into some of my old ways, and not giving my husband the encouragement he needs in order to be the strong leader God wants him to be. I so need the Lord's help in this, even with a good marriage!

    Thank you for sharing the excerpts from Nancy and Mary's new book. I know it's going to be a great book!

    May the Lord bless your day, and that of all the dear sisters here! Special greetings to my dear Jenny and Arlene! Ps. 133

    A quote from Nancy about revival that blessed (and helped) me this morning (from her out-of-print flip calendar, today's date:)

    "The greatest hindrance to revival is not others' unwillingness to humble themselves -- it is our need to humble ourselves and confess our desperate need for God's mercy."

    In His love,
    posted by Leslie S.
    on Tuesday, October 18, 2011 at 9:16 am
  24. I never really thought about that, but I do have I think only 2 of these books and may have only read them to my kids a few times. But I definitely don't want that image of the father to be imprinted in their minds.

    I wonder what you think about Little House on the Prairie? I've read most of them and think that Pa is definitely the leader and a good man in the books. Just curious what you all think!
    posted by Erin
    on Tuesday, October 18, 2011 at 1:32 pm
  25. Lynn…

    Be assured of our prayers for you and your husband. We are so sorry to hear of the pain you are experiencing because of your husband’s choices. Our hearts go out to you and it has been our honor to pray for you today.

    I want to encourage you not to lose heart in praying for your husband and the reconciliation of your marriage, Lynn. Remember that the ability of God to accomplish things even beyond our expectations is a firm truth of the Bible. Ephesians 3:20: "Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us." Luke 1:37 reminds us “for nothing will be impossible with God.” These words are the greatest encouragement we could receive from God to keep looking to Him for answers to our prayers.

    I encourage you to go to the www.reviveourhearts.com site and look at the programs on marriage, particularly the story where Nancy interviewed a couple who were in much the same situation as you. http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/revive-our-hearts/what-does-your-marriage-communicate/

    Make sure you saturate yourself with the Word during this time. The enemy would love to destroy you, but God can use this time to strengthen your relationship with Him.

    May you find your relationship with the Lord to be a tremendous source of strength to you during this time as you stand on the promises of His faithfulness. He has said, "I will never leave you" (Heb. 13:5); "I will guide you" (Ps. 32:8); and "My grace is sufficient for you" (2 Cor. 12:9). The testimony of God’s Word is that "God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus" (Phil. 4:19). During the coming days, may you experience the reality of His presence, His guidance, His grace and His provision. This I pray for you.
    posted by Sarah, with the TW Team
    on Tuesday, October 18, 2011 at 8:46 pm
  26. Dear Lynn,

    I will be praying for you and your husband too. I hope you saw the lovely replies from Leslie S., Karen K. and Sarah.

    I found when my life had agony squeezing at it, reading the books: 'When Life Is Hard' and 'Always True' by James MacDonald helped me through a world of hurt. I plan to read them regularly for years to come (they are that helpful). I also recommend the cd: "Hidden In My Heart: A Lullaby Journey Through Scripture". You may be delighted with the helps you find here. It is available on this website in the 'store' here:

    http://www.reviveourhearts.com/store/product/hidden-in-my-heart-a-lullaby-journey-through-scripture-cd/

    (You can also get it as a pack of 3 for $10 each in the store here right now! If you wanted to bless others in the upcoming Christmas season.)

    These things proved to be a powerful combination for me (along with staying saturated in His word).

    My heart goes out to you. I want to share with you that, the fellowship I am with, prayed for over two years for a separated couple and very recently; THEY CAME BACK TOGETHER! I felt like it was a genuine miracle BUT also, admitted gladly: In Christ ALL things ARE possible. There is always hope. May the Lord fill you up with His love and tenderness as you walk through this valley. You are never alone dear Sister, He will never leave you, nor forsake you. May you lean your full weight on His everlasting arms. Keep your brethren close, it's hard not to shut yourself away BUT believe me, fellowship is imperative in hard times, along with study in the word, prayer and songs of praise.

    I'm sure you are aware of all the facts I mentioned above but I know when the mind hurts it sometimes shuts out the everlasting Truths that heal. May the truths of God's word speak into your heart, the love and tenderness He longs to fill you with.

    God bless and comfort you dear Sister. He WILL bring you through the fire.

    Peace, love and blessings,
    posted by Jenny
    on Wednesday, October 19, 2011 at 12:27 am

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