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Mary Kassian

A Black and White Choice NOT to Read "Fifty Shades of Grey"

Posted on 06.05.12 by Mary Kassian | Twitter: @MaryKassian

While we don't want to re-open a can of worms, we think this post by Mary gives some helpful input on the subject of this larger-than-life publishing phenomenon. 

Fifty Shades of Grey, an erotic novel by an obscure British author based on Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight series, has electrified women across the country. Readers have spread the word like wildfire on Facebook pages, in college hallways, at office functions, and in spin classes. Within six weeks of publication, the three books of the series, Fifty Shades of Grey, Fifty Shades Darker, and Fifty Shades Freed, claimed the top three spots in USA Today’s Best-Selling Books list. Sales have topped 10 million. The series is so popular that last month, author E. L. James was listed as one of Time magazine’s “100 Most Influential People in the World.”

Red Room of Pain

The books in question are erotica that explicitly describe sexual bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism (BDSM). The story follows an unfolding affair between a recent college graduate, the virgin Anastasia Steele, and handsome young billionaire entrepreneur, Christian Grey, whose childhood abuse left him a deeply damaged individual, and who enlists her to share his secret sexual proclivities. Steele is required by Grey to sign a contract allowing him complete control over her. Because of her fascination and budding love for him, she consents to a kinky sexual relationship that includes being slapped, spanked, handcuffed, and whipped with a leather riding crop in his “Red Room of Pain.”

A few weeks ago, the book popped up as Amazon’s suggested buy on my Kindle. I declined. Like my friend, Dannah Gresh, I absolutely refuse to read these books.

Smut is Smut

Undoubtedly, the series portrays BDSM in the context of an engaging, passionate, tender, romantic relationship that culminates in the characters falling in love, and the conflicted girl assuaging the billionaire’s troubled soul. But it doesn’t matter to me how the author sweetens it up. The tasty red Kool-Aid doesn’t offset the bitter poison. Smut is still smut.

I don’t have to read the book to know that it’s bad for women. Nor do I need to read it to tell you that I think it would be unwise for you to read it.

Seven Reasons Not to Read Fifty Shades

1. It violates God’s design for sex.

God created sex to be exclusive to marriage. In Fifty Shades, the relationship is based on a sex contract, not a marriage contract. The Lord says that sex outside of marriage is sin. It grieves Christ when we take pleasure in something He abhors.

2. It violates the biblical concept of authority.

The relationship between a man and wife is to mirror Christ’s relationship to His Bride. BDSM tells a lie about the nature of that relationship. Christ taught and modeled that authority is for the purpose of loving service. It is not an egotistical power trip. Christ is not into domination, control, abuse, and humiliation. So in my mind, there’s something seriously wrong when we get a kick out of interpersonal domination/humiliation, and bring BDSM into Christian bedrooms.

3. It violates the biblical concept of submission.

A wife’s submission is first and foremost to Christ. The biblical directive to submit does not turn women into brain-dead, passive, weak-willed doormats who acquiesce to the whims of dominant, controlling men. Nothing could be further from the truth. The Lord doesn’t want His daughters to be wilting, weak-willed, wimpy women who welcome and enjoy abuse. BDSM perverts and mocks the beauty of what true submission is all about.

4. It encourages the sin of sensuality.

Erotica is a genre that aims to arouse sexual desire. It evokes sensuality, a sin that appears in numerous New Testament lists of vices (Gal. 5:19, Rom. 13:13, Mark 7:21-23, 1 Pet. 4:3, 2 Cor. 12:21). Sensuality is anything that:

  1. is characterized by lust,
  2. expresses lewdness or lust,
  3. tends to excite lust.

Scripture tells us to flee all such things.

5. It promotes sexual perversion.

“Curiosity” has led to the downfall of multitudes who have been trapped in the destructive, downward vortex of sexual sin. Fifty Shades piques curiosity. It dangles behaviors that are forbidden, unfamiliar, and titillating. Maybe you’re just curious, or maybe you rationalize that it might boost your libido and marital sex life. And it might. Temporarily. But the problem with erotica, as with porn, is that you’ll end up craving increasingly graphic, perverse images over time. Erotica/porn lead to deeper, darker erotica/porn. What’s more, they end up robbing people of the joy and satisfaction of “ordinary,” non-twisted sex with an “ordinary” spouse. In the end, they assault and diminish a healthy sex life.

6. It glamorizes pathological relationships.

The male protagonist is a very tortured and misunderstood soul with a proclivity for sexual perversion. One moment he is abusive, and the next he is tender and romantic. The girl feels she is the only one who can reach him and help him. Hmmm. Sounds like a seriously dysfunctional co-dependent abusive relationship to me. As Dr. Pinksy, a relationship expert said, “the idea that women look at this relationship as anything other than absolute, categorical, profound pathology is more than I can imagine . . . I worry about the fifteen-year-olds and nineteen-year-olds reading this and formulating a notion that this is anything close to a reasonable relationship.”

7. You won’t get it out of your head.

The Bible tells us to think about things that are pure, right, excellent, praiseworthy, lovely, admirable, noble, and true (Phil. 4:8). There’s truth to the old proverb that “as a man thinketh so is he,” and the modern day adage, “garbage in–garbage out.” Your thoughts have transformational power–for good or for evil. Filling your head with thoughts of sin, sensuality, dysfunction, and BDSM will lead you further away from the things of God and not closer to them. Darkness has incredible “sticking power.” Once exposed, it can be extremely difficult to get the images and thoughts out of your head.

As Dannah Gresh says,

“God has given me more than fifty shades of truth in His Word and when just one of them is in conflict with my entertainment choices, I choose to pass! To be clear: I wouldn’t drive my Envoy into the front of an oncoming semi-truck any more than I would open the pages of Fifty Shades of Grey. I love my marriage, my God, and myself too much.”

So girls, have some respect for the Lord, and for yourselves. Exercise some discernment, and don’t read this book!

In my opinion, the choice whether or not to read Fifty Shades of Grey is pretty black and white.

Comments

  1. Thank you... I so believe we should pray for discernment everyday. I can't be bothered with so many of the books in the world today. I enjoy reading all of Francine Rivers books all of which have biblical connotations. Bless you all ladies
    posted by Christine Croft
    on Tuesday, June 5, 2012 at 6:04 am
  2. I appreciate this warning from a godly perspective. I know some women who are avid readers in the neighborhood, so I hope to also caution them.
    posted by Court
    on Tuesday, June 5, 2012 at 8:02 am
  3. thank you thank you thank you for keeping us a breast of what is happening in this world. Just wonder about your thoughts on the Twilight series as well?
    http://titus2eight.blogspot.com/
    posted by Paige
    on Tuesday, June 5, 2012 at 8:07 am
  4. Excellent reinforcement to the post last week. Thank you for your information. Because of the post last week I was able to give a more informed Biblical answer to questions about this book.
    www.kneesdownchinup.com
    posted by Susan McCurdy
    on Tuesday, June 5, 2012 at 8:09 am
  5. For those who will say Mary is judging people, let us remember we are called to speak the truth in love to those in the household of faith. We are called to admonish one another and spur each other on towards holiness.

    We are not called to judge outsiders...those who are still living in the flesh.

    The natural man doesn't discern the things of the Spirit. A person who's heart is not regenerated will not be able to understand.

    I think in this debate about to read or not read "Fifty Shades of Gray" this idea we're not called to judge those is the main thrust of peoples complaint about posts such as this.

    But Mary is spurring us on towards Godliness and that is a very biblical function of the Body of Christ.
    posted by Heather
    on Tuesday, June 5, 2012 at 8:53 am
  6. Selah!

    God has spoken through His Word; let the Church say AMEN.
    posted by Elveria
    on Tuesday, June 5, 2012 at 9:14 am
  7. I get very discouraged when I see these books that everyone is getting so wrapped up in. I've started writing stories for pre-school children over the past year and am working toward getting published. Even in my research of children's books I'm seeing things that just make me sick. There's so much junk out there. I enjoy reading very much. Beverly Lewis books are good. That is so true about not getting some of these images out of our heads. Even some of the covers on the books stick in my head for days. Not long ago, I was looking through some books at a library book sale and went away wishing I hadn't looked. I love that saying "garbage in, garbage out!" So true.
    true woman
    posted by CL
    on Tuesday, June 5, 2012 at 10:07 am
  8. I'm glad you are addressing things that are going on in the world. It really helps people that are just coming to know Christ and may not realize how this world is anti-christ. Keep up the good work!
    posted by Stephanie
    on Tuesday, June 5, 2012 at 10:43 am
  9. I too appreciate this information. Thank you, Dannah & Mary!
    posted by Sharon
    on Tuesday, June 5, 2012 at 11:44 am
  10. I haven't read the books and don't plan on it; however I am frustrated with the lack of perspective that above all else the church should be a place where real people with real struggles can come, be seen and loved at the same time. I can't imagine any woman reading this who has been involved in BDSM would ever think she would find compassion in the Christian community. This grieves me. Especially as the popularity of these books tells me that many, many women are harboring hidden sexual struggles. there are a lot of women alienated from the Christian community because we have relegated frank discussion of any sexual topic to married only contexts and are too fearful/reactionary when it comes to male/female relationships to have healthy, redemptive dialogue about sex in a sex-saturated culture. I think it would have been courageous to invite those who have experience in such lifestyles to share what needs it meets in them, so we might better show how Christ truly meets those needs.
    posted by Kay
    on Tuesday, June 5, 2012 at 12:02 pm
  11. Thank you for visiting this subject again. I was horrified by the number of responses supporting reading such a book. I don't think that deciding against reading a book like this means we can't be compassionate to people who come into the church having had such real life experiences or women we know that are not part of the body. God's word gives us the wisdom to be able to counsel people without having had delved into their particular sin.
    posted by Barbara C
    on Tuesday, June 5, 2012 at 2:46 pm
  12. I'm not reading Fifty Shades of Gray because my literary-minded friends say it's objectively bad novel: ie, weak characters, poor writing, no plot. It's worth mentioning, though, that sometimes more graphic novels ARE worth reading because of what they can teach us about human nature and the beauty they reveal. After all, many Christians still watch war movies that illustrate history when they would forego exploitative horror schlock. And let's not forget that the Old Testament shows that God doesn't necessarily want to shield us from all stories about graphic violence and sexuality. Can we talk about how some adults-only novels are good reads for Christians, and where the line is?
    posted by Laura
    on Tuesday, June 5, 2012 at 2:57 pm
  13. As with the success of the "Twilight" series, there are some things that simply defy logic- putting peanut butter in your chili, wearing control-top pantyhose, and millions of people plunking down hard-earned dollars to then spend valuable time to read insipid schlock.

    Context and authorial intent mean everything when choosing literature. As the previous post by Laura points out, we can read and watch stories with some graphic elements without violating our conscience.

    I personally draw the line at anything of a sexual nature, because it is a sacred God-designed act with specific guidelines, unlike depictions of violence or the harsh realities of life. Also, if you notice how sexual acts are presented in Scripture, they are far from graphic. Even the Song of Solomon doesn't go farther than 'first base'.

    As for tv/movies- an actor can pretend to rob a bank without actually robbing a bank, or act out a murder without anyone dying or even being harmed. But they can't pretend to kiss someone who isn't their spouse- they are either kissing or their are not kissing. Ditto with nudity, partial or otherwise. Revealed skin is revealed skin.
    http://shelfdiscoveries.wordpress.com/
    posted by Susan R
    on Tuesday, June 5, 2012 at 4:43 pm
  14. I appreciate this article so much and will use it in my practice as a clinical therapist in marital therapy.This types of media promote the concepts of sex not conceived in a loving marital relationship ordained by God. I have heard that the books are hard core porn. Clearly as Christians we are to turn away from these types of evil, however, this type of pornography in a marital relationship can engender fear, self doubt, quilt, shame and a lack of respectfully for your spouse. I am more concerned that pornography in verbal or written form allows individuals to develop and unreasonal view of sex. These materials promote sex without love and this leaves one spouse in darkness. I pray the media would stop encouraging these books as " harmless, fun, excellent way for women to connect to one another.
    posted by Margaret
    on Wednesday, June 6, 2012 at 12:02 am
  15. I'm glad you began a new blog about this. The other one is getting out of hand in my opinion. I can't believe how many undecerning Christians there are coming out in support of this series. Maybe they know Christ, maybe they don't. Either way they aren't interested in embracing Christ's commands to be holy, set their minds on things above...etc. It seems that words of encouragement are lost on them too. Rather than being edified and encouraged they are taking offense. How can we help a culture like this except to keep speaking the truth in love. God help them see the truth! Thank you for posting these articles. I have been encouraged and spurred on to pray for our culture and the body of Christ even more.
    posted by Amia
    on Thursday, June 7, 2012 at 3:16 pm
  16. I wish I had read this insightful blog before purchasing the books. I bought them based on what I had heard was the rage. I admit reading a few pages, enough to let me know as a Christian woman, I had no business reading such trash and I put them away. Thank you for being so honest.
    posted by Josephene Turner
    on Thursday, June 7, 2012 at 3:22 pm
  17. I have a woman friend who very liberal, but claims she is a Christian. We don't discuss God much, and our friendship has grown distant some for several reasons. Lately, she has been going on and on about this book and just said she read all three (?...had no idea there were three of these books) of these.

    I am stumped as to what to say to this. I usually don't say anything as it isn't usually the main topic, but a passing comment or such included in the conversation with others.

    But I was very surprised that such an intelligent woman would read this and very surprised to learn she also read all the Twilight stuff as well (she is 58 years old!). I had no idea she would read such juvenile books such Twilight. I just never got into this stuff nor had any interest, so maybe that is why the topic never came up before.

    I feel like I should say something when it comes up again (and I feel like it will) but I have no idea what to say without sounding righteous or judgmental or something.

    She is very loud, and confronting, and I am not sure she would like anything said against anything she is doing. But I don't like remaining silent on the subject, as this Shade of Gray book has come up several times these past few months.

    Any suggestions? I am feeling like I am not being myself by remaining silent. Or maybe I should?

    Thank you in advance.
    posted by E
    on Thursday, June 7, 2012 at 6:58 pm
  18. Just refer her to this blog. That might be all you need to do.
    posted by Amia
    on Thursday, June 7, 2012 at 10:22 pm
  19. This is NOT based on the Twilight Series, but is from a fan fiction story that E.L. James had posted on the Twilight fan site, & was actually removed because of the sexual content. I learned all of this from simply looking at wikipedia. This story has nothing to do with the Twilight stories. The Twilight series has nothing close to graphic sex, even after they are married there is nothing more than what can be found in many Francine Rivers novels. I would never read Fifty Shades of Gray, but I enjoyed the Twilight series. If it was anything like that I would NEVER have read it!
    posted by Monica
    on Friday, June 8, 2012 at 10:12 pm
  20. @E...Do you enjoy your relationship with your friend? If you have already become distant perhaps you are outgrowing each other. If she is a true friend, you should be able to give your opinion on the book, just as she has given hers to you.

    I don't know if reading a book who be a make-it-or-break-it item between my friends and I. My friendships are quite diverse and established on mutual experiences/shared history. I have friends who are Christian, Agnostic, Muslim, Democrat, Republican, Independent....

    My point being, there is the possibility of having a relationship with someone with opposing or differing viewpoints and beliefs. Just agree to be honest with each other and respect each others beliefs. If you don't want to hear about the book, just respectfully let your friend know that you aren't interested in hearing about that particular subject.
    posted by Christian Believer
    on Saturday, June 9, 2012 at 12:34 am
  21. Thanks for the advice everyone...I appreciate it very much. I think the relationship had become strained lately and she seems to be more forceful with her opinions as in challenging. I didn't find this particular subject (the book) worth discussing with her (as it seemed to be passing comments, however somewhat frequent) she just seemed more "forceful" and aggressive with her opinions than usual.

    I do have friendships of all walks of life (gay, non-believers, Jewish...) just seems lately she appears to need to prove a point with her liberal remarks and then moves on with the conversation at hand.

    I try look at my behavior and wonder if I am saying or doing anything to cause her to be this way, and don't see anything different, so I am wondering if something is going on with her? I just pray for patience and ask God to soften her heart and ask that I say/do the right things when I am with her.

    Maybe with time, our closeness will come again as things work out with God's hand.

    Thanks again for your support.

    E
    posted by E
    on Saturday, June 9, 2012 at 2:10 pm
  22. thank you for so many godly reminders as christian women who love to read it is good to be reminded by true scripture of our responsibility in dicerning the choices we make for ourselves in our everyday lives
    posted by Denise Price
    on Tuesday, July 3, 2012 at 4:45 pm
  23. Thx for posting. We need the reminders. That kind of entertainment doesn't make up for the distance between ourselves and God that will come as a result. Also, I know there is a lot of cheesy Christian lit out there. No one is saying you have to waste your time with it...just don't pollute yourself. (when did it become cool to do that?)
    posted by Robert
    on Wednesday, August 22, 2012 at 11:39 pm
  24. I accompanied my boyfriend to the salon where is female cousin worked because I had just moved to his town. The ladies in the salon began talking about this book. While I am sure they are all a bit younger than me they were going on and on about the book. I had no idea what it was about, they briefed me and seemed very excited about, laughing, gushing and even mentioning some parts of the book referencing sexual acts suggestive to my boyfriend. I was not interested when they were talking about the book and I was not pleased at the owners lewd comments in the presence of my boyfriend. I know hair salons can be a platform for open discussion among women. I felt it was silly and disrespectful. They seemed to be on a 'bandwagon' of finding this book to be so intriguing. This is how the devil captures people in abundance. I love this article and appreciate the devotion to Christ and banning this book from my heart and mind & love your encouragement to walk in Christ. There are better books that evoke excitement like the HOLY BIBLE :)
    posted by sharon
    on Thursday, October 11, 2012 at 6:32 pm

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