10 comments

Erin Davis

Who Wants to Be a Robot Anyway?

Posted on 06.21.12 by Erin Davis | Twitter: @ErinGraffiti

Remember that creepy movie, Stepford Wives? The plot centers around a town filled with “perfect” wives. True, they are robots, but they are perfect, nonetheless.

I wouldn’t rank the movie with Aesop’s Fables in terms of its ability to teach a lesson, but it was a bit of a cautionary tale. Here are two potential takeaways:

 

1) If things seem too perfect to be real, they probably are.
2) Any woman who has it all together is probably a robot.
Since I’m not a robot, and neither are you, we both must have our share of imperfections. My list of flaws is long and I won’t bore you with it here. And even though I know the truth that models are airbrushed and celebrities have housekeepers and every mom does things a little differently, sometimes I slip into a pattern of thinking that I should be doing everything better. I should be thinner. I should be more nurturing. I should have a cleaner house. I should plan elaborate learning activities for my children. I should create and effectively manage chore charts. And for heaven’s sakes, I should maintain a level of cleanliness in my minivan that would allow me to see the floorboards.

What I am really feeling is the pressure to be a Stepford Mom. I bet you feel it too. In fact, that’s why I tackled the lie that the ultimate goal of motherhood is perfectionism in my book, Beyond Bath Time:
“Where did the lie that perfection is the key to unlocking meaningful mothering come from? In part, we can blame celebrities who flaunt their post-baby bodies by wearing bikinis on the cover of People magazine or coo over how easily they’ve adjusted to life as a mom while handing their baby to an entourage of aides offscreen. Star moms have PR firms, agents, and hair and makeup staffers who help them generate an unrealistic image of motherhood. We know the image they are selling us is bogus, yet we feel we should strive for it.

“But Hollywood is not the ultimate propagator of this lie. A part of each of us wants to forget who we are at our core—specifically that we are prone to sin and desperately need God’s grace and help in our lives.

“I want to be a perfect mom who achieves perfect balance and raises perfect kids, but I cannot do it, no matter how hard I try. That’s because I am not perfect and never can be. But we can find great hope when we confront this lie with God’s Truth.

“In Philippians 3:12, we read of Paul coming to terms with his imperfections. ‘Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.’

“You cannot mother perfectly. But that should never have been the goal. You can mother with purpose because Christ has promised that where you are weak He is strong.

“How would your world change if you let yourself move away from the notion that you need to mother perfectly and toward the radical idea that motherhood challenges are a gift because they clear a path for God to work in and through you?”
Recently I passed along a question from TIME Magazine: Are you mom enough? The answer is no if perfectionism is the goal. But God is God enough to use your imperfections, to forgive you when you fail, and to use all things for your good and for the good of your children (Rom. 8:28).

So, go ahead, stand up that image of the perfect mother that you’ve been striving for. And then take aim at her with God’s Truth. Perfect isn’t possible but who wants to be a robot anyway? Ready. Aim. Fire!

PS: In what areas of motherhood do you struggle to let go of perfect? Tell us about it below.

Comments

  1. I struggle with the lie that it's my kids' behavior that needs to be "the best" instead of focusing on helping them to sift their thoughts and hearts through God's truth. I struggle with wanting to be a mom they like instead creating teachable moments and pointing them to Jesus when I sin. I struggle with the idea that God isn't beg enough to handle them and their futures. But I think there's way more for me to learn in the area of resting in God's strength in the midst of my plentiful weakness(es).
    posted by carrie howell
    on Thursday, June 21, 2012 at 7:45 am
  2. I also struggle with the idea that my children's behaviour and choices are a reflection of me and of my ability as a parent. I struggle with the assumptions and judgements I myself have made in the past. The Lord has given me a heart of understanding and compassion for parents of "strong willed children". God has uses my children and their own individual struggles to teach me that only He can change the heart yet somehow I can feel responsible for the heart conditions of my offspring. Despite my best efforts, and the efforts of others, my child may continually choose the wrong path and my job as parent is to continue to love and guide regardless of where they are. Through God's strength for His glory I can shine as a city on a hill in how I choose to respond. It is only in His strength that I am able to do that in my weakness.
    posted by april
    on Thursday, June 21, 2012 at 9:53 am
  3. I wish I was the one that thought I have to be perfect. I wish I was being compared to celebrities. No I am being compared to just another ordinary woman and reminded every moment of life that she is a dream, she is better than me in every way. Nothing I do matters, or is ever good enough, or worthy enough of anything. But everything she is and does is captivating. How am I supposed to live with that? How do I glorify God with this circumstance?
    posted by Linda
    on Thursday, June 21, 2012 at 10:31 am
  4. So many times I go back to the pattern of living by the rules rather than by the basic principles set out in the
    Word. Legalism can be a result and speaking from experience, "rules without a relationship leads to rebellion" - a quote from Josh McDowell. We as parents have had to ask forgiveness of our children many times and continue to do so for the way we have parented and need prayer for wisdom on how to develop better relationships with them.
    posted by Linda
    on Thursday, June 21, 2012 at 11:08 am
  5. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for this post!!!
    posted by Stephanie
    on Thursday, June 21, 2012 at 3:33 pm
  6. We can learn from so many of the mom's whose hand is still rocking the cradle, the mom whose wiping the tears away from skinned up knees, the mom whose trying NOT to explode as her teenager sasses her, and the mom whose weary from every angle of just being a mom - trying to get so much of motherhood right! Thank you so much for today's post and each woman who so openly shared a glimpse into your life! We can all learn . . . if we WILL JUST choose to.
    posted by Darla Pearce
    on Thursday, June 21, 2012 at 4:25 pm
  7. Are you sure that the floorboards in the van are not included in James' letter about works going with Faith? LOL!

    Great post!

    We also have to remember that our rules are our rules! If our children choose to not embrace every rule as an adult, it does NOT equal rebellion. It means that their priorities for serving God are just different.

    (I am thinking about the areas of dress and music: If my daughter chooses to wear pants as an adult and listen to Christian contemporary music, she is not a rebel, she is simply living out her preferences and as long as the clothes are modest and the lyrics are doctrinally correct, she is still in the will of God, regardless of our comfort zone as parents.)
    posted by JD
    on Thursday, June 21, 2012 at 5:09 pm
  8. I don't strive for perfection because I follow the Hollywood prototype. It's because I seek to do everything as unto the Lord. I seek to be a good steward over all that He has given me. The word says "to be perfect then, as your Heavenly Father is perfect". There are two different motives one can follow here in our quest for perfection. One motive is self driven, and the other is GOD driven. I know that I will never reach "perfection". It's kind of like the Proverbs 31 woman...it's simply something to reach for and try to model ourselves toward. Like Paul, I'm painfully aware of my shotcomings, but I continue to run the race.
    posted by Brenda
    on Thursday, June 21, 2012 at 5:14 pm
  9. Great post! I remember praying at the door of my children's rooms after they had fallen asleep, asking the Lord to guide my children, to repair the mistakes I made.

    As an older mom I see the burden of perfection that young women can struggle with-- keeping a beautiful home, well dressed children, setting goals for children to achieve in extra-curricular activities. The goals and expectations can get in the way of family life.

    One of the best places to teach and disciple others for Christ is with our children!

    We can encourage each other to relax and enjoy relationship, with help from the Lord.
    http;//carolvanderwoude.authorweblog.com
    posted by Carol
    on Thursday, June 21, 2012 at 5:45 pm
  10. this post was good... i almost didnt read it because of the title and the intro paragraph but this is exactly what I deal with. It's not celebrities so much as the media and magazines, seeing those "moms" on tv shows after years start to get ingrained in your thinking. for me, mostly, it's me! My ideas and thoughts, selfish ambition to prove myself or make things a certain way to impress or make others think a certain way. Even my own kids and husband. But they don't care! It's me who cares. I need to just love them and if the house, food, clothes, visual of our life isn't just so, so what. I know this and pray this way. Thanks for this reminder that I'm not the only one.
    posted by Rose
    on Sunday, July 1, 2012 at 7:32 pm

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