Last week a reporter asked me to define “complementarianism.” She didn’t know what it meant. And that’s not entirely surprising.
“Complementarity” is a word that doesn’t appear in the Bible, but is used by people to summarize a biblical concept. It’s like the word “Trinity.” The Bible never uses the word “Trinity.” But it’s undeniable that it points to a Triune God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
Though the concept of male-female complementarity is present from Genesis through Revelation, the label “complementarian” has only been in use for about twenty-five years. It was coined by a group of scholars who got together to try and come up with a word to describe someone who ascribes to the historic, biblical idea that male and female are equal, but different. The need for such a label arose in response to the proposition that equality means role-interchangeability (egalitarianism)—a concept that was first forwarded and popularized in Evangelical circles in the 1970s and 80s by “Biblical Feminists.”
I’ve read several posts on the Internet lately from people who misunderstand and/or misrepresent the complementarian view. I was at the meeting, twenty-five years ago, where the word “complementarian” was chosen. So I think I have a good grasp on the word’s definition.
In this post I want to boil it down for you. In emulation of the popular “for Dummies” series of instructional books, I’ll give you a “Complementarianism for Dummies” primer on the intended meaning of the word.
1. It’s complementary . . . NOT complimentary
The word “complementarian” is derived from the word “complement” (Not the word “compliment.”) The dictionary defines “complement” as:
“Something that completes or makes perfect; either of two parts or things needed to complete the whole; counterparts.”
Complementarians believe that God created male and female as complementary expressions of the image of God—male and female are counterparts in reflecting His glory. Having two sexes expands the view. Though both sexes bear God’s image fully on their own, each does so in a unique and distinct way. Male and female in relationship reflect truths about Jesus that are not reflected by male alone or female alone.
2. June Cleaver is so fifties and so NOT the definition of complementarity
In our name-the-concept meeting, someone mentioned the word “traditionalism” since our position is what Christians have traditionally believed. But that was quickly nixed. The word “traditionalism” smacks of “tradition.” Complementarians believe that the Bible’s principles supersede tradition. They can be applied in every time and culture. June Cleaver is a traditional, American, cultural TV stereotype. She is NOT the complementarian ideal. Period. (And exclamation mark!) Culture has changed. What complementarity looks like now is different than what it looked like sixty or seventy years ago. So throw out the cookie-cutter stereotype. It does not apply.
3. A proletariat-bourgeois-type hierarchy has no place in complementarity
Feminist theorists maintain that male-female role differences create an over-under hierarchy in which men, who are like the privileged, elite, French landowners (bourgeois) of the 18th century, keep women—who are like the lower, underprivileged class of workers (proletariat)—subservient. Complementarians do not believe that men, as a group, are ranked higher than women. Men are not superior to women–women are not the “second sex.” Though men have a responsibility to exercise headship in their homes, and in the church family, Christ revolutionized the definition of what that means. Authority is not the right to rule—it’s the responsibility to serve. We rejected the term “hierarchicalism” because people associate it with an inherent, self-proclaimed right to rule.
4. Complementarity does not condone the patriarchal, societal oppression of women.
Technically, “patriarchy” simply means a social organization in which the father is the head of the family. But since the 1970s, feminists have redefined the historic use of the term, and attributed negative connotations to it. Nowadays, people regard patriarchy as the oppressive rule of men. “Patriarchy” is regarded as a misogynistic system in which women are put down and squelched. That’s why we rejected the term “patriarchalism.” Complementarians stand against the oppression of women. We want to see women flourish, and we believe they do so when men and women live according to God’s Word.
5. Complementarians believe that God designed male and female to reflect complementary truths about Jesus.
Okay, now that we’ve cleared up some misconceptions and false terminology about complementarianism, it’s time to give you a basic definition. Essentially, a complementarian is a person who believes that God created male and female to reflect complementary truths about Jesus. That’s the bottom-line meaning of the word. Complementarians believe that males were designed to shine the spotlight on Christ’s relationship to the church (and the LORD God’s relationship to Christ) in a way that females cannot, and that females were designed to shine the spotlight on the Church’s relationship to Christ (and Christ’s relationship to the LORD God) in a way that males cannot. Who we are as male and female is ultimately not about us. It’s about testifying to the story of Jesus. We do not get to dictate what manhood and womanhood are all about. Our Creator does. That’s the basis of complementarianism.
A complementarian is a person who believes that God created male and female to reflect complementary truths about Jesus.
If you hear someone tell you that complementarity means you have to get married, have dozens of babies, be a stay-at-home housewife, clean toilets, completely forego a career, chuck your brain, tolerate abuse, watch “Leave it to Beaver” re-runs, bury your gifts, deny your personality, and bobble-head nod “yes” to everything men say, don’t believe her. That’s a straw (wo)man misrepresentation. It’s not complementarianism.
I should know. I’m a complementarian. And I helped coin the term.
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Comments
on Friday, July 6, 2012 at 7:12 am
on Friday, July 6, 2012 at 7:47 am
on Friday, July 6, 2012 at 8:15 am
"...ultimately not about us. It's about testifying to the story of Jesus." That's the bottom line.
But how sweet that in Jesus "there is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for you are all one in Christ Jesus" (Galatians 3:28).
Thanks again!
on Friday, July 6, 2012 at 8:54 am
on Friday, July 6, 2012 at 9:04 am
on Friday, July 6, 2012 at 2:04 pm
on Friday, July 6, 2012 at 3:28 pm
on Friday, July 6, 2012 at 5:24 pm
on Saturday, July 7, 2012 at 4:39 pm
<i> “Authority is not the right to rule—it’s the responsibility to serve.” </i> If so, submitting to any request or command not given to serve the family(for example, a man telling his wife to bring him a drink) will have nothing to do with complementarianism, right?
<i> “Authority is not the right to rule—it’s the responsibility to serve.” </i> What should a widow or divorced mother see as not her responsibility in the home, because it is a male authority task? What ways of serving in church is the responsibility of every Christian male , even those with no desire to preach, and complementary in nature, so that a woman should not do them?
This site is called <i> “true woman.” </i> What does it say about how the single woman should be a “true woman?”
I would be glad if these answers all have accompanying Bible verses, so I can see if the answers are Biblical.
on Sunday, July 8, 2012 at 6:01 pm
on Monday, July 9, 2012 at 5:21 am
1. Does this principle, in complementarian thought, have any bearing on how the unmarried man or woman with no desire to preach should live?
God values man and woman equally, but created them with different roles. Male and female in relationship reflect truths about Jesus that are not reflected by male alone or female alone, whether single or married, in the ministry or not.
2. If so, submitting to any request or command not given to serve the family will have nothing to do with complementarianism, right?
Complementarianism speaks to a much larger picture. It does not determine the way husbands and wives live out the role of servanthood. As Mary says in the post: “Complementarians believe that males were designed to shine the spotlight on Christ’s relationship to the church (and the LORD God’s relationship to Christ) in a way that females cannot, and that females were designed to shine the spotlight on the Church’s relationship to Christ (and Christ’s relationship to the LORD God) in a way that males cannot. Who we are as male and female is ultimately not about us. It’s about testifying to the story of Jesus.” The role of a wife serving her husband would more aptly be spoken to in Proverbs 31:15, 27. It is a heart attitude that serves.
3. What should a widow or divorced mother see as not her responsibility in the home, because it is a male authority task?
In the book True Woman 101, Mary and co-author Nancy DeMoss speak to the roles of men and women in the home. “...male and female are different. As part of our God-created ‘wiring,’ man is connected to ‘work’ in a way woman is not; and woman is connected to home and relationships in a way man is not. Obviously, that doesn’t mean that a woman is incapable of working, or that a man is incapable of creating a home and relating, or that they do not ever do these things. It just means that God created male and female with differing natural ‘bents’ and spheres of responsibility. The male was created with a unique responsibility to work to provide for the family, and the female was created with a unique responsibility to nest and to nurture family relationship.” If there is no male in the home, the woman has to take on responsibilities, with God as her help, to make the home work.
4. What ways of serving in church is the responsibility of every Christian male, even those with no desire to preach, and complementary in nature, so that a woman should not do them?
Again, the above mentioned book, “True Woman 101”, says in speaking to the charge to men in Ephesians 5: “Man is accountable to God to nourish (provide) and cherish (protect) those in his sphere of responsibility. His primary responsibility is toward his wife. But the charge also extends, in a general way, to the attitude men ought to have toward all women. It is part and parcel of their distinctive, God-created makeup. Being a protector and provider is at the core of what it means to be a man.”
Many of your specific questions are answered in a program series by Nancy DeMoss entitled “A Vision of Biblical Womanhood” at: http://www.reviveourhearts.com/resource-library/Programs/p/Revive%20Our%20Hearts/series/A%2520Vision%2520for%2520Biblical%2520Womanhood/. One program in particular will answer your questions about roles in the church, “Biblical Roles in the Church”, http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/revive-our-hearts/biblical-roles-in-the-church/.
5. John Piper speaks to the role of married and single women as true women at this link: http://www.truewoman.com/?id=317 and Mary Kassian’s message at the same Conference can be found at: http://www.truewoman.com/?id=1461. These are excellent messages and well-worth listening to.
For more information, link to the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood at www.cbmw.org.
God bless you, Retha.
on Tuesday, July 10, 2012 at 11:23 pm
on Saturday, September 15, 2012 at 5:00 pm
I agree with you on question 3: Some people cannot follow gender roles. They will find no purpose in gender role discussions.
Your answer in question 4 was not defended from the Bible - where does it give single males a nourishing, protecting role single women should not have? What makes it wrong for a single woman to nourish physically (say, prepare food for hungry people) or spiritually (say, teach Sunday school to children)? What in the Bible call it a man's job?
The people you link to do not give a single women role either, and do not defend their assertions on singles from scripture.
on Saturday, September 15, 2012 at 5:11 pm
on Saturday, September 15, 2012 at 5:15 pm
on Tuesday, September 18, 2012 at 3:44 pm