I hate it when I’m right. Oh, who am I kidding? Usually I love it when I am right, but in this case, I kind of hate it.
You see, as a writer it’s my job to sound smart, wise, funny, and with it. So . . . sometimes I write stuff in an effort to impress you that I’m not fully living out myself. It’s not that I’m a fraud exactly, but sometimes I write words that my heart has to catch up with.
That’s what just happened. I wrote a post about acknowledging all that our men do. If you missed that post, you can read it here. The essence was that even when our husbands don’t do everything we like them to do, or do things our way; they are still a valuable asset to our homes and our children. Our best response is gratitude instead of bitterness, resentment, or keeping score.
That all sounded so Hallmark-like until I found myself surrounded by laundry (again), dishes (again), and meals to cook (again times three). I started to do my little internal measuring act where I put all of the stuff I do on one side of the scale and all the stuff my hubby does on the other and see who’s contributing more (hint: me!).
But then I had this crazy thought. What if the things my husband contributes to our home, to our marriage, and to our children won’t even fit on my scale?!
How do you measure stability, safety, provision, steadfastness, patience, strength? How do you measure optimism? How do you measure what our husbands accomplish in prayer? How do you measure hard work?
You don’t.
Certainly not in the same way you can measure dishes, laundry, and clean floors. You can count stacks of laundry. You can count dirty dishes (and clean ones, too). You can count how many times you sent your toddler to time out. But not everything our husbands offer can be counted. That doesn’t mean they aren’t contributing. Maybe the things that they are doing are just too big to fit on the scale.
So, I know that you know that you should prioritize your marriage. I also know that is tough. I’m not trying to heap on guilt by beating a dead horse. But allow this pot to call out your black kettle and encourage you to love your man well, even while you mother.
Maybe date nights and romantic vacations aren’t possible for you in these years, but choosing to acknowledge what your husband does always is, regardless of schedules, finances, or interruptions.
There is no scale that could ever perfectly balance the contributions that wives and husbands make. With that in mind, there is only one good solution. Let’s ditch the scale altogether. Let’s stop trying to get our husbands to pass an invisible checklist and stop treating our marriages like a relay race to see who can do the most for the family by the end of the day.
Choose instead to see the things your husbands (and kids) do that could never be measured and simply thank them for it.
Since I know you love a giveaway, we’ll choose two of you at random on Friday, July 27, and send you Choosing Gratitude: Your Journey to Joy. Just leave a comment sharing what immeasurable thing your husband brings to the table (besides the bacon!).
Leave a Comment:
We love hearing from you, and will post your comment as long as it is appropriate, and is written in a tone that is encouraging, edifying, and loving to others. Even then, know that the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts.

Comments
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 7:07 am
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 7:11 am
Thanks for being vulnerable and honest! I sure remember those years and had the same competing thoughts and fleshly battles!! We have three, three years apart thyroid disease and no family support and I was trying to do ministry at the same time. Crazy. That was 10 years ago and we just stepped into the teenage years:) I was putting my needs and expectations in front of his. It truly is a time of mini trials, heart trials of how to respond when I "can't" do all that I want. We are frail and needy and idol factories. I wish I could apply the gospel into those past years as I do now, but it is a journey a process of leaning on HIm in all things. Applying the example of Christ to serve our husbands and our children and others. We look for edification and it is just plain hard and we desire recognition.
ONly by the power of Christ have I been able to share with my husband, and my one friend, this week, as she asked how my husband is handling a huge and lengthy trial our family has been under, that I delighte in serving my husband. All I could say is that GOd has used the trials to conform him and me into Christ!! She is about 8-10 years my senior and she has never heard any woman say that. She said, that IS Christ in you! ANd I boast in HIm as I share. In my flesh I am pursuing self. Agape love is only from Him. It is a process of dying to self and His grace that enables us to do so! I grew up in a very broken home and abandoned by my dad and men who never lead their home and were rebellious in one way or another. So not an example to gleen from. BUt HIs word and His spirit is sufficient! His power to change is real. His Word is true! We need to by Gods grace pursue Christ and not our felt needs. There is a battle out there. Flesh and spirit! THe flesh rages war against our soul. As a mom with young kids we don't really acknowledge need to the Lord in so many small areas that we need help in. Attitudes that steal joy, etc. So hard. So wish I could go back but God used my failures in serving self to glorify Him and produce more of a broken spirit in me. The glory of the cross!
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 7:15 am
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 7:30 am
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 7:54 am
It is true there is no scale to weigh these countless blessings.
"I will sing of the mercies of the Lord forever:with my mouth will I make known your faithfulness to all generations." (Psalm 89:1)
Thank you God for giving me what I will never deserve!
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 7:57 am
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 8:04 am
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 8:08 am
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 8:21 am
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 8:25 am
My husband brings SO MUCH to the "table!" He tells me when I do things that others may take as an insult, (basically, when I've not been careful with my words!) so I can apologize! I am GRATEFUL to him for that! He is the Spiritual leader of our home! He's taught me to not be SO SERIOUS! He brings laughter to our home! He keeps us safe! ALWAYS thinking of safety! Whether it's in the house or in the car, keeping the house maintained....keeping the vehicle maintained! Saving LOADS of money! In ALL our decisions, he thinks ahead; he sees the LONG END of things! He has taught me about people! How to watch for signs, & spot signs of people that you would or wouldn't want to associate with! To protect myself & our children to protect themselves! (I HAVE TO SAY, this is one area I feel is SO IMPORTANT! Parents don't TALK about this type of thing or at least in my family!) My husband encourages me in my interests! My husband puts me & our children FIRST! He ALWAYS waits to make sure everyone has enough food (when times were tough) before he'd serve himself! (I STILL catch him taking SMALL portions when he's afraid there isn't enough!) He helps me with EVERYTHING! If I haven't gotten to the laundry & he needs something, he just puts the laundry in. Not a word of "you didn't do..." He puts up with ME! There are SOOOOO MANY MORE things he does! TO ME, he is the BEST GIFT God has given me aside of Salvation!
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 8:27 am
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 8:53 am
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 9:04 am
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 9:33 am
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 9:41 am
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 9:53 am
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 9:57 am
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 10:23 am
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 10:30 am
I have a long-term illness and can't contribute to the paycheck. So he works several jobs plus attends seminary full-time. And he never complains. Never wishes out loud that I could help. In fact, when I mention trying to find something small part-time - his first concern is for me, how fatigued it would make me, how I'd be too tired to enjoy homemaking and writing like I do now. Not, how it would help reduce his work load.
I thank God every day with tears for such a wonderful husband!
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 10:35 am
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 11:28 am
I'm also thankful for the way he infuses fun into the lives of our kids! Sometimes that means sharing sugary treats, but it always means cuddles and playtime with Daddy! For that, I am grateful.
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 12:08 pm
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 1:06 pm
Thanks, Erin, for laying it all out there in unattractive transparency so we can see our own hearts.
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 1:19 pm
Just recently he blessed me tremendously by telling me that he was planning a "vow" renewal ceremony for our 15th wedding anniversary. He doesn't know what that did for me. I had really felt like I had blown it alot in our marriage. I've been doing a lot of confessing and humbling myself...kind of feeling really unworthy. Then he comes along and basically tells me, Hey, honey, let's do it again. Let have a ceremony renewing our vows and let's keep this thing going. We'll get a little cake and invite a few friends and get our pastor to marry us again...I nearly busted out in tears but I kept it together and secretly thanked God for His grace and for His love that He had given to us. Jodi C.
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 1:34 pm
I'm also thankful for the way he infuses fun into the lives of our kids! Sometimes that means sharing sugary treats, but it always means cuddles and playtime with Daddy! For that, I am grateful.
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 1:36 pm
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 2:22 pm
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 2:37 pm
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 3:23 pm
To answer your question, after a whole marriage fraught with darkness of every shade, my husband has given his whole heart to God and now he has a heart to share with me for the first time every as a result of that. I want to remember that always so that I won't stop being thankful.
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 3:35 pm
Recently our family went through trauma--you know, one of those, "have you been through this life-altering event in the last five years, if so check the box" and the doctor knows to watch your stress levels. I am not typically an emotional person, but during those long days and even longer nights, I felt like my knees would buckle at any time. I kept praying for reassurance and strength to get through the days, and what I received was the calm, reassuring hand of my husband reaching across to hold mine, to smile at me over the hospital bed while we prayed and cried and believed for our child together. I was so glad to have his calm, steady faith with me when mine felt like a balloon about to be let loose to go fluttering around the room and land in a limp heap in the corner. He was a true gift to me, even though he too was stressed and out of sorts and nothing was "normal" any more. I am a blessed wife and I know it.
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 3:39 pm
When our children came along quickly he decided to keep a job close to home so he could be there in the evenings...so, he turned down a job offer in Chicago.
Years later when our children were grown he took a job at the very company downtown that made the offer years ago, only now I was was free to work to help him prepare for retirement years. He is a man with vision and now prefers that I stay at home as a full time grandma, available for our family and others. I love and respect this man!
I already have the book, don't count me in on the give-away.
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 3:41 pm
I'll be honest, the above view of my sweet hubby is where I come to every time I lay everything at the cross---but I often get there by way of having to acknowledge my sin of complaining about this precious man God has given me, when I become too critical, think I have it worse than he does, or think that he should be like me & do things my way. Praise God for his beautiful design for men & women, and for redemption through the cross!
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 4:01 pm
My husband is a symbol of incredible strength! He so often picks me up and cheers my feeble efforts on to greatness for our family!! Right now he is picking up the slack left from me while I deal with a broken arm....this entails housework now and again, horse chores, taking the kids into the pool and helping to care for 6 children and 3 foster children....he is my hero each and everyday! Thanks for reminding me of this truth!
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 4:09 pm
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 4:10 pm
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 4:15 pm
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 4:23 pm
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 4:46 pm
I never conceived, so we never had any of our own.
Now we are empty nesters and the 8 yr old great-grandson visits often. Gramps is his best friend.
We had my mother in house before she had to go to a nursing home where my daddy was already living due to Alzheimer's Mother had dementia, which was different from Daddy's Alzheimer's.
I am a 4 1/2 yr breast cancer survivor. My husband has weathered my journey through difficult oncology and radiation experiences. He now loves me through the "chemobrain" caused by the chemo pill Arimidex and then Armosin.
We attend church together. He has been on mission trips. He is my best friend ; my confidant; my lover; my encourager.
I thank God for giving him to me.
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 4:55 pm
He is far more patient with me and my sinfulness than I am with him and his sinfulness.
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 5:14 pm
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 7:57 pm
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 8:36 pm
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 10:18 pm
on Monday, July 23, 2012 at 11:57 pm
on Tuesday, July 24, 2012 at 2:33 am
on Tuesday, July 24, 2012 at 10:32 am
I will by no means pretend the last year has been easy or always beautiful, but today my husband and I are both committed to making our marriage work, one day at a time, for the amazing little boy God has blessed us with. Each day, our hearts grow more tender toward each other and our son grows stronger in our love.
My husband could have chosen himself, but he chose our family instead. He is giving me and my son something I didn't get as a little girl, an unbroken home. Pretty sure that outweighs any pile of laundry and dishes I could do. =)
on Tuesday, July 24, 2012 at 3:07 pm
on Thursday, July 26, 2012 at 9:14 am
on Thursday, July 26, 2012 at 3:12 pm
on Friday, July 27, 2012 at 3:09 pm
on Friday, July 27, 2012 at 5:41 pm
on Friday, July 27, 2012 at 6:43 pm
on Thursday, August 2, 2012 at 11:38 am
on Thursday, August 16, 2012 at 4:38 am