Watch for Kimberly’s new book on marriage coming out September 1! Also, attend her breakout session on the same subject on Friday afternoon at the True Woman ’12 Conference.
We were on our honeymoon, on our way for a two-week stay in the Colorado Rockies. We’d spent the first night in a resort, the second in a cabin, but after that we hit the road to camp in the mountains. I slept most of the way while my new husband put in a hard day of driving. When it came time to say goodnight, he fell asleep on me while we were praying.
Under the moon-lit sky, surrounded by rugged beauty, I could’ve slipped off to sleep grateful for my man and the blanket of stars above me, but instead I let my passions run wild and I had a big, ugly, pity-party.
I was hurt he didn’t even finish the prayer before he started snoring, hurt he didn’t cuddle and kiss me passionately. This is our honeymoon. Who goes to sleep this early on their honeymoon?! My heart raced from injury to anger and then back again. I vented silently at first, but then the tears started. He didn’t even notice. I got louder.
When my husband finally realized his new bride was having a sobbing fit, he asked me what was wrong. “You fell asleep on me!” Hearing my pathetic accusation, he merely rolled over and went back to snoring.
I look back at that immature bride and just shake my head. I went into marriage with an “all about me” attitude. I wanted my husband’s complete attention, affection, and focus to be centered on me. Oh, I wanted him to love God, too, but my actions demonstrated that I wanted to be top priority in his life. When I burst into tears that night it was a red flag signaling my idolatry.
I’ve never bowed down to an idol made of gold or wood, but I have practiced idolatry. An idol is anything other than God that we look to or seek after for our fulfillment, security, and happiness. Idolatry starts with a desire, even a good desire. Wanting affection from my husband is a good and healthy thing, but demanding that affection indicates my desire has grown into an idol. What happened on our honeymoon was idolatry in action: I must have his affection, and I will do whatever I can to get it!
Isaiah describes the irony of looking to anything or anyone other than the one true God to bring complete fulfillment. He says it’s like feeding on ashes. If LeRoy would’ve given me what I was craving, it still wouldn’t have brought the satisfaction I was seeking.
Now, of course I didn’t have a clear understanding of what was happening at that time, and if LeRoy would’ve calmly stated, “Honey, please stop crying, you’re practicing idolatry right now” believe me—that would not have gone over well. As I’ve grown in my walk with Christ, I’ve learned that when I’m spewing out sinful reactions, it is a red flag that an idol needs smashing.
I smashed that particular idol several years ago, but I still have to be on the lookout for new ones that crop up every now and then. How about you? What idols have you smashed lately?
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on Wednesday, August 15, 2012 at 6:12 am
on Wednesday, August 15, 2012 at 10:19 am
But I know ... I still struggle with the 'me' syndrome!
Kim's video of how God changed her was a real motivator for me to change. Looking forward to your afternoon about marriage at the TW'12!
on Wednesday, August 15, 2012 at 10:47 am
on Wednesday, August 15, 2012 at 11:06 am
on Wednesday, August 15, 2012 at 11:18 am
Thank you, Kim, for sharing. The Lord has used you to show me the ways I have locked the door on my beloved and my Beloved. How thankful I am for a Love that will not let me go!
on Wednesday, August 15, 2012 at 11:42 am
Thanks for the reminder about the subtle seduction of idolatry. A woman's words crushed me last night, and though I responded to her wisely and well, my inner spirit said, "I didn't deserve that!" The idol of pride was doing a happy dance in my heart. I had to smash that idol this morning.
on Wednesday, August 15, 2012 at 11:48 am
I used to think long ago when I was wanting to be married, that it was all about ME and should be all about ME. But as the Lord slowly and over many years began to teach me what HE created marriage to be, I began to shed the 'all about and only me' attitude and embrace marriage HIS way. Actually, I think it would be rather boring after awhile to focus only on oneself in any relationship.
I'm not perfect and didn't always live up to what the Lord taught me about being a helpmate...I made my share of mistakes and gave in to 'self' now and again, as we all do. But I didn't want to make that the 'norm' and would repent and apologize...we both would if needed. My husband and I would talk about the matter, gain new understanding of each other and move forward, not letting the unpleasant incident bog us down.
I was married for such a short time before the Lord took my dear husband Home 15 months ago. I pray, after healing from this great loss, that the Lord will give me another opportunity to be a loving wife and helpmate. Dear Father....please help me to learn from my short marriage and to continue learning so that I may be a sweet-smelling savor to You, and a delight to my future husband....amen.
on Wednesday, August 15, 2012 at 1:44 pm
I'm so excited about your new book coming out! I took a peek at it on Amazon, and I just know that the Lord will use it in a special way to bring glory and honor to Himself, and to help many women be the wives He desires them to be!
Now, about the idol smashing business! Well, dear sister, I sure have my fair share of idols, probably the biggest one, as Dawn mentioned above, is pride. No matter how often I smash it, it seems to resurrect itself again! And then there is the people-pleasing, wanting the praise of men idol. So many times, when I realize what's going on in my heart regarding wanting the glory, I think of Isa. 42:8 "I am the LORD; that is my name; my glory I give to no other." Gulp! It sure does get wearying smashing idols that insist on popping up all the time, but I really do rest in the assurance that when God looks at me, He already sees me as being cleansed from these idols because I am in His Son, and that gives me hope to just battle on....and continue smashing!
Diana, thank you for sharing your thoughts. May the Lord grant you your heart's desire in one day marrying again, if that is God's perfect will for you. In the meantime, you have all those wonderful memories of your first marriage that I am sure are sustaining you during the grieving process. Your words blessed me. Thank you.
Blessings,
Arlene
Ps. 63:8
on Wednesday, August 15, 2012 at 3:28 pm
on Wednesday, August 15, 2012 at 5:05 pm
~ Hope: I am so thankful for my husband's patience as well. Isn't marriage a great sanctifying tool from the Lord?
~ Jen: Thank you for sharing your story, I loved hopping on your blog to read how God has worked, I hope other ladies here will check it out as well :-)
~ Jo: I look forward to seeing you at TW12! :)
~ Jessica: Me, too! :)
~ Laura: Thanks for the encouragement. Blessings to you, friend!
~ Christy: Praying for you now as I type this, may you share with your husband what you shared with us in your comment today. Praying for a sweet renewal. And your last word is so true, "How thankful I am for a Love that will not let me go! " Great reminder of His faithfulness when we are unfaithful.
~ Dawn: So good to hear from you dear friend! Thank you for your transparency and encouraging each of us through your comment to take stock of our hearts and see if any idols are lurking! Look forward to seeing you in September at TW!!
~ Dear Diana: I'm so sorry for your loss and joining Arlene in praying for you now. May your love for the Lord as your eternal Bridegroom grow even deeper and sweeter through this trial. A resource I recommend and gave to my mom shortly after my dad's passing is: "The Undistracted Widow" by Carol Cornish. You might find that helpful as you walk through this season.
~ Precious Arlene: Always so good to hear from you. I love reading your comments, I feel as though we're buddies although we've never met--but we ARE kindred spirits and sisters :-) Please join me in praying for ladies who will read the book, asking God to work in hearts and bring revival through marriages that display the gospel to a watching world!
Blessings to you all, I am praying for you each now. May the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, give to you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of Him! (Ephesians 1:17).
on Thursday, August 16, 2012 at 1:17 pm
on Friday, August 17, 2012 at 6:30 am