42 comments

Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Walking Away from the Church

Posted on 09.06.12 by Nancy Leigh DeMoss | Twitter: @NancyDeMoss

The following is an excerpt from Nancy’s new book The Quiet Place: Daily Devotional Readings. Answer her questions below by noon EST on Wednesday, September 12 for a chance to win one of three copies. Then keep coming back, because we’ll give away three books each week during September.

To the angel of the church in Ephesus write: “The words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand, who walks among the seven golden lampstands.” —Revelation 2:1

A lot of people are fed up with the church today, many of whom have been in it for most if not all their lives. The drift away from local church fellowship, worship, and community represents a troubling trend, fueled by everything from fatigue and disillusionment to practical convenience. Many no longer see the church as a relevant, necessary part of their lives. And they’re leaving.

But lest we think we can just walk away from the church or discard it as an unnecessary option, be reminded that Christ is attached to His church. You cannot separate the “head” from the “body” (Eph. 5:23). To walk away from the church is to walk away from Christ and what He is doing in the world today.

No, the church in general is not perfect, nor is yours in particular. The first-century church itself struggled with all sort of issues, as evidenced throughout the New Testament writings. And yet, where do we see Jesus when He reveals His message to the apostle John? He is walking among the “lampstands,” the visual image of local churches. He holds their leaders, their people, and their entire identities in His hand. He will not—cannot—forsake His own body and bride. He loves her, cares for her, and dwells within her.

So weep for the church. Intercede for her. Plead with God to restore her to righteousness, unity, and great usefulness in our time. But do not walk away from the church. Even knowing what He knows about the faults and foibles of the churches, Christ still walks in and among them. He laid down His life for the church; He is committed to protecting, preserving, and purifying her. How can we not love the church, bear with it, and join Him in seeking its revival and restoration?

What is your current relationship with your church? How might the things that distress you about the church become your reason to draw nearer rather than distance yourself?

Comments

  1. At our current church we are fed the Word and our Pastors speak truth in love and I value that because I originally came from a church that did not do that. Basically it was an anything goes type of response to all lifestyles and that did not sit well within my spirit. God led us out of that church to our current church however I do realize there is no "perfect church" because there are no perfect people but keeping focused on Jesus helps me to remember His love and forgiveness and ultimately then you look at church and others within the church differently(in a good way)

    You draw nearer because you believe God's Word and what He says about His church. He is always working.
    posted by Janet B
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 7:47 am
  2. My current relationship with my church if fantastic. I am involved and my husband, myself, and our 4 children find great joy and delight attending Sunday mornings, Wednesday nights and many other functions. It is our family. Oh, when there are issues to be dealt with, I pray and then come together with the leaders to work on what can be done to bring unity to the members. I feel closer to my church family during times of distress.
    posted by Jamie
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 7:49 am
  3. I believe there's a time when you might have to leave a church. Spurgeon said that truth should not be sacrificed on the altar of unity. Unity that is not based on truth is not true unity. But I wholeheartedly agree with the idea that we should not get discouraged in our search for truth and fellowship and abandon the church altogether. My husband and I were members of a church for about 8 years. We had to move away because of my husband's job. After we left, that church split twice. We then began a 3 year search through churches in our area. We saw alot of things and experienced alot of things that broke our hearts. But by the grace of God, we persevered and have recently found the congregation that we can call "Home." Through our times of discouragment and disillusionment, we learned so many valuable lessons. There were things we were holding tight to that we needed to move a little on, but there were other issues that we were confronted with that brought us back to God's Word for more study. Those ideas became deep conviction. But through it all, God kept a love for Himself and His people ignited in our hearts like an ember that never could die out.
    posted by Rebekah
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 8:14 am
  4. We have only recently started going to church again. We went from church to church when we lived elsewhere only because the people wouldn't teach our children (our son has ADHD & Aspergers). Having been a Sunday School Teacher, I KNOW you don't turn ANYONE AWAY! No matter what we did, the church wasn't happy! We left. Then another church started teaching things we KNEW weren't Biblical! That the Grace of God WASN'T ENOUGH! They felt working in the church, the ministry they chose for us, should come before FAMILY! We left. Ending up back at our "home church" where we were married. There the Pastor, who had married us, didn't follow Biblical Guidelines in a dispute. Leaving us feeling hurt & ABUSED again! After-all, WHO tells someone to "not talk about a situation or even THINK about it?" We left. We COULDN'T SUPPORT someone who is Abusive & allows others to Abuse & doesn't follow Gods' Word! We were SO HURT from the whole situation it was hard looking for another church, but we TRIED! It was too much. We moved out of state. It took us nearly 6 1/2 years to even WANT TO start looking for a new church. Our new "neighbor," is a "Minister" & he & his familly let us know, we weren't welcome! (They wanted this property but, the bank turned them down!) We have to travel a distance to go to church but, it is out of this man's area of influence. It IS WONDERFUL being back in church & feeling the Presence of God! But, just like us---I think that people are leaving the church because "Christians" are being influenced by the World, more than they as Christians are influencing the World! They have NOT separated themselves from the World! ONLY GOD can change these people! As church members, board members, we NEED TO HOLD THESE PEOPLE ACCOUNTABLE for their actions! There is A RIGHT & A WRONG! BIBLICAL CONFRONTATION IS NEEDED!!!!!!!!!!!!
    http://tladydesigns.blogspot.com/
    posted by Becky Green
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 9:19 am
  5. God loves His bride. I am so Thankful for my church and I love our leadership as family. These men of God hold His Word in very high esteem. We have been through many hard times together. We've had attacks from without and within. There have been times of repentance to and with each other and times of great rejoicing. I've been there 14 years
    So I know my leaders are human with faults. I pray for them
    And oppose dissention when I see it ( in myself or others). Overall we are His Bride and the Lord honors unity among us.
    posted by Marjorie
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 9:29 am
  6. My husband and I are very involved with our church. We teaach youth Sunday School and are actively involved with all youth ministries. We also help take care of the church grounds. We are inactive with many other things at church as well. We are very fortunate in the fact that in the 18 years we have been members of our church, there have been no conflicts within the church that I am aware of. If something starts to come up, our pastor does real well at handling things immediately and without fuss. Things that I may have a problem with, I pray about and they generally just kind of disolve from being a problem for me.
    posted by Stephanie
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 9:38 am
  7. Our church has split and split and split again. It's hard to watch the people you care about and have shared your heart with leave. My husband and I are both very involved. He has this "I will save this church" mentality, along with a few others. That bothers me because the focus is then on what man can do, not God. It also reeks of pride, in my opinion. Our church is stuck in a cycle that has been going on for years. I feel like it will not be until we surrender our pride and selfishness to him that He will do a mighty work. I feel like He's just waiting for our members to realize we are nothing without Him and His working among us.
    posted by Valerie
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 10:24 am
  8. My family is very involved in our church - teaching Sunday School, singing in the choir, playing in the orchestra, leading a visitation group, running the sound system, teaching children's church, working in the book store, working in the nursery, working in the Reformers Unanimous program, playing the piano, singing special music, working in the children's program in the summer, etc. (That sounds like a lot but there are 9 of us!)

    We drive 25 miles to church several times a week because it is a Bible preaching, soul-winning, loving church that is very involved in missions. Our pastor loves people and it shows. He is a wonderful preacher and teacher. His sermons are practical and he is transparent.

    One thing that distresses us about our church right now is the direction the music is going. At this time we believe that the positive areas of the church far outweigh the negative areas so we are staying. We are praying for the leadership to make wise decisions.
    posted by Vicki
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 10:49 am
  9. We love the teaching we receive at our church. It is expository, God-centered, God-glorifying, and nothing but the truth from Scripture. The problem, like any mega chruch, is fellowship. Although our church is strong on teaching and preaching, it truly lacks in the area of building up relationships and people. Part of the problem could be and probably is just the part of the regoin of the country where we reside. People are more standoffish and reserved and into their own families, friends, and cliques. It is not the most welcoming part of the country. I grew up and was raised in the deep South, so I have an idea of how I wish things could be. We have served in our church for years and years, so it is not as though we are not participants in ministry. It doesn't help that our church now has several campuses of our "one" church. Recently, my husband's father, who lived in another state, passed away. My husband emailed one of the pastors who did send a nice email back. He must have contacted the lead pastor for our campus because he sent a nice, well thought-out email; however, my husband wished there could have been more. Perhaps at least a phone call if not a visit where the pastor could have prayed with him and us. Our children were raised in this church and they had just lost their grandfather. There was nothing for them. I know the lead pastor at our campus can't begin to shepherd as many people as there are at our church, so that is why they divided our suburbs into areas that are supposed to be overseen by elders, but these elders have full-time jobs and families. They don't necessarily have the time to shepherd the families they are assigned to shepherd. I have no answers for mega churches. I know some do a much better job than others, but it is not easy. My husband asked me to pray about us approaching the pastor at our campus about starting a ministry to visit those families who have lost a loved one and pray with them, so they feel loved and cared for. I know it is not quite the same as having a pastor or even elder visit, but at least it is something. It is just impossible, unless you are a pastor of a very small church, for a pastor to shepherd his flock in a Biblical way when they are the size that our church is.
    posted by Debbie A.
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 10:55 am
  10. It is hard to know sometimes whether an issue with church is big enough to leave over. Doctrinal error, certainly is one indication that it is time to go, if conversations with the pastor show he is going to continue in that vein. Many other areas can be overlooked, but some may be too hard to live with.

    I have to remember, too, that something I don't like may be just the thing someone else needs. Our church just finished a video series over summer Sunday nights with discussion groups afterward. My husband and I much prefer the regular Sunday evening services, but we spoke with a visitor last week who had been coming just to see the video series and said she'd love for it to continue.
    http://barbarah.wordpress.com/
    posted by Barbara H.
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 11:15 am
  11. I am experiencing mixed feeling about my current relationship with church. I feel distant, and disconnected, because alot of the people, I love to see, I only see on Sundays. I want to have more fellowship with these peoples outside of church, but I need to get an flexible and established schedule, that allows me to have moments throughout my week to spend with other believers. Also, I want to get more involved in my church, with the youth but I unsure where God wants me to be. My heart feels between preschool, elementary or middle school. But where? I would love to volunteer being a greeter of people entering the church. Though my church is big, I need God to help me to see Him the midst of it, cuz at times you can be come overwhelmed, and disconnected. Like Demoss, no church is perfect, but we need the church always, as we need Christ everyday!
    posted by Morgan McKenzie
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 11:16 am
  12. Nancy I'm so glad you wrote those questions, they really make you look at your life and how much you value church.

    I love my church, I look forward to going to Sunday school and listening to the sermons. It such a blessing to know that every Sunday I can get the fuel that I've been missing all week. I don't understand how some people can go for long periods without attending church. I would lose my faith if i didn't.

    I haven't always thought this way about church...when i first started attending I often complain about how they should be doing more of one thins, or less of another, etc. But I soon came to realize that no body's perfect, there fore no church can be perfect, but it shouldn't matter, as long as Christ is the focuse there is nothing i should complain about.

    I'm so thankful to call my church home.
    posted by Mandy
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 12:02 pm
  13. I am involved in my church, as I am on staff. But sometimes, I feel lonely. I love the pastor and his style of teaching, but I do not agree with some decisions he has made. But I realize that no one is perfect; and I do believe he loves the Lord with all his heart, and I have grown tremendously in the time I've been there.
    posted by Kathy
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 12:53 pm
  14. We have not altogether left our church, but last year there was a nasty split. The pastor & the elders had long standing anger & issues between them, that had not been known by us. When we began to ask questions, bring to light things we saw & ask for change & bringing to repentance of choices made, we were made the center of the issue, and then once the elders were able to rid the church of the pastor, we were sort of discarded. We were very hurt by everything that went on, and the church did not follow through with what they had told us they would do. There was supposed to be some reconcilation, but there wasn't. We attended church a few other times, and the absolute hatred toward a pastor that had led the congregation for over 15 years was still very much there. They were still fighting with him on issues of wages, benefit etc, even though it was deemed to be owed to him. The were withholding it. That was a decision of the elders. My husband & I still do show up there sometimes, we love the people, but it is so hard to be there when we have forgiven the pastor & the elders, but they don't see their unforgiveness. We both feel that God wants us there, we just are not sure what we need to do.
    posted by Chris
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 1:09 pm
  15. I think it's important to remember that the early church (established by apostles taught directly by Christ...not our current version which has evolved for the sake of efficiency) didn't look like our current version. Sometimes we fall into the trap of thinking that "going to church" is the extent of being a Christian. "Being the church" as Jesus established is certainly about coming together to worship, to sing, to give as we have been blessed, to partake in communion to be taught... But, fellowship was HUGE - and I see that as missing in many of the congregations we've attended - and by that I'm not talking about "game night" and "senior saints" get togethers. I'm talking about REAL communion...REAL fellowship...being in eachother's lives. We absolutely worship with a local congregation, but we have sought out community outside of our congregation to fill the day in day out need for real fellowship with Christians.
    posted by Shawnele
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 1:12 pm
  16. I feel very alone in my church. The people do not long for God and His truth. I have a few friends who share my passion and that is comforting. I continually go to God to make sure I am supposed to be there and He continues to say "Yes." Until he says otherwise I will continue to obey and try to minister and bring passion to the woman of my church and PRAY!!!!!
    posted by Cheryl R
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 1:14 pm
  17. The relationship I have with my church is fluid and organic. I came to it 15 years ago to reconnect after being out of church for a long, long time. As I grew closer to Christ and became more involved in the church, there was a LOT that distressed me and caused me to ask myself whether or not I ought to leave it, and the answer that always came to me was a definite NO. That is because, the church is made of sinful people, who will disappoint me every day. The church is also led by a perfect Savior, and as we ask Him what to do about the insults and neglect, the wrong doctrine and the mishandled stewardship, He matures us and uses us as His city on a hill, to draw in other imperfect people. As I see the changes taking place in the people of my congregation, I am more convinced every day that staying in this one place, and calling this one group of people my congregation, is the purest form of worship I can manage. When I approach others with an attitude of being in spirit and in truth in relationship to them, in the name of Christ, THAT is doing church.
    posted by Laura Vollmer
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 1:18 pm
  18. My family and I are very involved in our church as well. We have a great relationship with so many people who love the Lord and are seeking to live for Christ. There are issues that most don't know about. I am in a unique situation to where I do know most of what is going on and it can be distressing. I know God is sovereign, though, and I know that this is His church and He is going to do with it what He wants done. Waiting and watching is very hard sometimes, but I'm thankful for strong, Biblical leaders who recognize their faults, take responsibility, repent, and seek to do God's will and leave the outcome to God. It takes a great amount of humility and submission. I have been praying that God would give those in position of leadership the humility, courage, and the wisdom needed to make some hard decisions, and not make the decisions based on feelings but on God's Word. I am so thankful to not be in their place and to not have to make the tough decisions they have to make and it makes me lift them up all the more. The only way we would draw away from our church would be if the leadership changed and they were no longer going in a biblical direction and it was clear they weren't ever going to go in a biblical direction.
    posted by Allison
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 1:19 pm
  19. We now have a pastor, after 2 years of being without one. yes, some people did leave, and yes, we did have some wonderful, godly men to preach. But it was difficult. I have learned that no one is perfect, and to not let "non essentials" cause us to leave our church families. I love these people!
    posted by Sharon
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 1:26 pm
  20. My husband and I are very involved at our small church. He is an elder. I am involved in women's meetings, planning events, and I teach Sunday school. There are several things I love about my church but there is a lot I do not like. The politics of it all really upset me. Some of the rest of the church board don't like to handle problems Biblically. They like to sweep things under the rug or keep the rest of the congregation in the dark. I think things can only truly heal when brought into the light so the Lord can heal them and make them new. Keeping things secret only breeds gossip. My husband tries very hard to get the rest of the board to think Biblically but it seems it's a never winning battle.

    We were ostracized from the same church a couple years ago by the past pastor and his new wife (2nd marriage). Such a messy situation and things never got explained to the rest of the church so it still feels weird. I wish we could just be honest with each other but one of the elders stops this from happening. Now, I just try to put my focus on the things that I can control like how I teach my SS kids. Teaching them Biblical ways of handling things just might help this church in the future.

    Reading some of these stories makes me sad. Christians shouldn't be like this. I'm trying to change the way I handle things so what happened to us doesn't happen to us or anyone else in our church again. The verse I keep in mind when dealing with issues is 1 Timothy 4:12 "Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. " Just because I am only 29 doesn't mean I can't be an example to the rest of the church. Let it begin with me.
    posted by Amanda
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 1:31 pm
  21. So many of these comments resonte within me. Our church is going through a rough time right now; have truths from our leadership, including our pastor, poor stewardship of the funds God blesses us with, lack of discipleship. etc. We have thought carefully about leaving but believe that if we are not part of the solution then we are part of the problem. Some of us have come together, not with the intent of dividing our church, but finding ways we can come together, hold one another accountable and in so doing, begin holding our pastor and lay leader accountable. We are trying to use the resources available to us through leaders in our denomination to accomplish not what we want, but what God wants. If that means our pastor ultimately leaves or if we can all come together in repentance, striving together for God's Church and His Kingdom, then we know God will lead. The problems we have didn't happen overnight, and it may take awhile for them to be resolved, but that is our hope and prayer. Thank you for this devotional, as it encouraged me to KNOW that God loves His church, his people, and desires the best for us. Praise the Lord!!
    posted by Carolyn Putney
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 1:48 pm
  22. My husband and I are struggling right now with our church because we feel we have been deserted by them as we struggle with depression and family issues. It seems that the staff no longer wants us to be in leadership positions or take the time to pray with us as we struggle through this path. We love the Lord and we do not really understand why so many things and people that we thought were true and full of grace at our church have been dropped or asked to leave. It is as if we had finally opened to God's precious grace and freedom and someone has decided that it is not right so it is all being removed. Our hearts are broken. We have been told we are too old to participate in the worship teams and will be asked when we are needed. I know that God is at work and is aware and in control of all that is happening so I am trying to sit back and see what HE is doing. But in the mean time I feel as if I have been autricized by my own pastor who doesn't want to be a shepherd, just a preacher.

    I believe God is showing me that I must put my complete trust and faith in HIM alone. HE is the only one who can meet my needs but I feel lost in a group of people who want things to happen in the church by programs and new ideas. I need help learning to take eyes off others and turn to Christ who satisfies complete. I know that in my head, but I am struggling to gain the peace HE promises and the church situation is not helping right now.

    Oh, GOD, heal us and draw us into your presence.
    posted by Kathy
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 1:55 pm
  23. Several years ago I was super-involved in ministries at our church: teaching a Sunday school class, part of a 'service opportunity' committee, coordinating the church calendar, helping find and enter information into a church database, singing in the choir, assisting my husband (piano playing) with worship time once a month, leading a weekly Bible study in my home, and probably more things that I'm forgetting at the moment!
    At this time, due to a number of changes in my life (& health), my involvement in playing the piano for worship once a month is my only remaining commitment.
    But that doesn't really describe my relationship with my church. I think a two-word characterization would be 'worried' & 'discouraged'.

    When I agreed to be the women's ministries coordinator (planning retreats, teas, etc.), I felt a tremendous burden to see unity among the women of our church. There are a number of conservative home-schooling families, as well as families involved in secular education (as educators); their are some large families & some small families; and other accompanying differences. Great effort was made to plan programs and activities that would appeal to all the women. Prayer times were planned (but poorly attended).
    What I finally realized is that many of the women were taking their preferences and making them 'the right way' to do things; the unity never happened. That's why I am discouraged.
    Additionally, families have begun leaving the church because of differences, and that is why I am worried.

    In reading this excerpt, I can see that I should indeed draw nearer rather than distancing myself, which is what I have effectively done. God can use me, for changes that honor Him, only if I am willing to be involved. Thank you for this challenge.
    posted by Anita
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 1:58 pm
  24. About 5 yrs ago I was very involved in the church I attended for about 10 yrs prior. My husband didn't attend any church,but attended a few services which delited me at the time. I was involved in women's ministries,choir and other activities. My husband has been discouraged several times in different churches we've attended and therefore that was the case with my church and because of his dissapointments and discouragement I had to leave the church and have not been to one since.Thank you for your words of encouragement and reminder of what the church is and why I need to go back. My problem is my unhappy husband!! thanks again for the challenge.
    www.marykay.com/jsmith44
    posted by Josephine
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 3:36 pm
  25. i do not have a relationship with the church - at least not of one with consistency, commitment, and determination - which reflects my own relationship with Christ. This article convicted me because I see that. Though I knew these truths, I did not act upon it. The distress that I have concerning my church runs deep - so much so because i have a family member in there (a baby Christian) who is under the wings of TWO very prominent women leaders in the church (pastor's wife and youth leader) and her actions do not reflect that of a maturing Christian - instead it reflects that of a youth (obviously b/c she is a baby christian) doing unseen hurtful things to her own family BUT AGAIN, there are TWO prominent leaders of the church that she spend ALL her time with - where is the training, correction, rebuke??? this is one major thing that holds me back from committing to the church, because once I do, I want to begin training and working in the church. I am unsure what I am to do, and I feel that God is no longer guiding me this in this because I hear only silence - so I feel lost, but I want to do His will. I know at the very least that His will is for me to commit to a local church and help build up and edify His body. Which one? So I plead with God to restore me to righteousness, unity and usefulness so that I can be a part of His plan to restore His church for the same exact thing.
    posted by MVL
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 3:51 pm
  26. What is your current relationship with your church?
    I don't attend very often. I have been personally hurt by the hands of the people I most idolized in the Church. I will betrayed. I feel if those people I idolized can committ such huge sins what am I to expect or learn from the rest of them.
    How might the things that distress you about the church become your reason to draw nearer rather than distance yourself?
    I know logic and the Word says I should demonstrate and glorify God. But emotions make it very hard. Everyday is a struggle obeying the Lord. If I was good and Godly it should be easy for me.
    posted by Linda
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 4:31 pm
  27. I love my church. I work in Women's and Children's Ministry as an assistant, and my heart absolutely beats for the body of believers. I want them to know and experience the life and love of Jesus Christ, and to be built up and discipled to be the men, women, boys, and girls that they were made by our great God to be. Yes, we are imperfect people. Yes, we have struggles and hurts and wounds and messy lives at times...but we're family.
    posted by Lindsay
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 4:50 pm
  28. I am actually looking for a new church home at the moment and am scared to be quite honest with you. Several I've been to have been very judgemental and since I am divorced (due to abuse) I feel like every church will be that way. I finally got up enough courage to go to a local church a few Sundays ago and what I saw really bothered me. Instead of being judged like I'd feared no one hardly acknowledged my presence (with the exception of the welcome team who was super nice). I sat in my seat and looked around at people texting during the sermon and holding conversations during the worship. It broke my heart and made me realize just how much revival is needed in our land.

    I still haven't found my church home but I know that the Lord will lead me to where I need to be. :)
    posted by Christi
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 5:09 pm
  29. I looked at the Book of Devotions that Nancy wrote on Amazon and would love to have a copy. Aheart for God she does have and I appreciate that so much. Thank you for all that you do and wish we could be there for the conference this year. We are looking to become apart of a church once again,but it is so difficult to find a church in the country that truly has a heart for the Lord. So much is about activities and not about teaching His Word.
    posted by Teresa
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 6:57 pm
  30. I was away from Church for about 20 years. Recently I rededicated my life to Jesus. I am anew with him. I can't get enough of of his word. I am like a sponge I an soaking it up. I found a new church to attend. I have signed up for a class at the church to figure out what my gifts are so I can be an active member. I am excited and for whatever service I am asked I will pray and do it with joy. For it is all for his Glory.
    posted by Mendy Evans
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 7:20 pm
  31. I am struggling with my church. I was brought to Christ there and grateful for loving people and discipleship. However, I listen to teaching from Revive our hearts and John Piper, Mark Drisscol. Now I am unsure if my church is following sound doctrine. We have a woman Pastor who teaches on the weekend, and woman elders. Our denomination is fully on board with this, and I am not. What do I do- leave my church?
    Help!
    posted by Candace
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 9:25 pm
  32. My current relationship with my church is, that I am making excuses to not go, and looking for another one. With a marriage in crisis, sick being pregnant with two small ones at home, no one has asked where I have been for 6 weeks and even the pastors have not reached out to us after I withdrew our involvement on the small 8-member Young Families Ministry Team because I told him, "we're struggling to keep our own marriage together, and are seeing my former pastor for counseling. We can't be ministering to other families." And my husband was on staff for 3.5 years. Not to mention, the senior pastor's questionable behavior, the feeling that there is more judgment than grace, especially from staff members, and wondering where is the proof of real union with Christ when "new life" is seldom found.

    We've been trying for years to "be faithful to the Family for better or worse" but there comes a point...when an ending and change seems necessary.

    At this point I am weary of not feeling like others are concerned for us or "bearing our burdens" and feeling that we don't have the influence to change this church family. If we are to stay, we need fresh wind, fresh strength, renewed compassion and determination.
    posted by Sarah
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 10:30 pm
  33. My relationship with my church is slowly starting to improve, but for years its been a struggle to keep attending. I have a child with autism and the mentality of the church, that all kids need to sit still, hands in their laps, eye contact/close attention, has made us want to leave so many times. Many weeks I questioned why we kept going when unbelievers were more accepting of my special needs son. But we knew that God loves our son, that He gave him to us and we desired our son to know more about his Creator. So, we keep plugging away, doing what we can to see that our son is included and taught. Some teachers are great with him, others not so much. Its really sad that the church is one of the hardest places for a special needs child and family to find acceptance.
    posted by Janine
    on Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 10:43 pm
  34. Someone from a church we used to associate with posted this article. I was drawn to it hoping for truth and distinction between church and Christ. I was disappointed because it seems as though you assumed the body is the modern day church and can not exist with out attending such an establishment. I grew up as a pastors daughter and religion was my life and identity. Unfortunately it did not lead me to Christ and the living power of the Body. It created more bondage and was crippling. There are so many who abuse the church as a means to manipulate and control. So I have been like an abused child who was adopted by a Loving Heavenly Father and have had great healing apart from religion. It is hard to go back and not see all the bondage and lies. I feel an intimacy with Christ and His body in way I never knew possible. By your definition I am separate from the body and dead. I know otherwise, the Spirit has brought my faint dying spirit to life and Truth has spoken deep into my person and brought healing. I am hopeful that some day I can go to a church building and not be deeply offended for the Father and worship with others. Until then I meet with other believers in Truth and am deeply connected in the community of believers in my area.
    www.beyondchristianplatitudes.com
    posted by Stephanie
    on Friday, September 7, 2012 at 7:23 am
  35. My church is my family. It is not perfect, but it seeks to proclaim the Word of God. It constantly points me to God, and I need that reminder. The modern church tends to be way more focused on activities and programs and numbers and dynamic experiences, yet those are empty without the Word of God being the foundation and the main thing. So our church is small, because we don't have all that other stuff to attract and entertain people. And we don't cater to the culture.
    posted by Becky Givens
    on Friday, September 7, 2012 at 8:56 am
  36. I love my church. It has it's flaws like anything else that has imperfect people in it. I try to get more involved to help the church grow when things are distressed. I also pray for my church body that God would reveal to the people's heart what needs to change
    posted by JenniferchangeJ
    on Friday, September 7, 2012 at 8:57 am
  37. It's so sad to hear how Christians are leaving the church and even more sad to hear the reasons behind their leaving. I'm a pastor's wife and we have a small congregation. I have started a women's ministry and we are currently going through TW101 and, unfortunately, this study has been met with much resistance. It is discouraging but I'm starting to see glimmers of hope in a few of the women and I'm praying for all of them. I feel for Christians who have been deeply hurt in church or just don't feel like they "belong", and I sometimes have those feelings, too, especially as the pastor's wife. It can be an isolating position to be in sometimes. However, my husband and I have made up our minds to go into church services with a heart to worship and a focus on Christ and Him alone. We pray for those who make going to church difficult and I just want to encourage you ladies who don't attend church to just keep praying and searching for the right "fit" for you. I have been inspired through this blog post today to reach out to those who have left our church. They may just need to know someone there cares...
    posted by Amanda R.
    on Friday, September 7, 2012 at 10:00 am
  38. HELP. I'm totally committed to the necessity and joy of corporate worship-and being part of a local body of Christ. After 22 years in same town and church, moved to be near mom-help her-then year later she had stroke-now we live together-I mainly as caregiver. During this time tried to find a church I believed God was calling me to serve in-but by time the stroke occurred-I was terribly sick with undiagnosed RA, and after the diagnosis-caring for her was overwhelming-and all I got done.
    Now the Lord has brought great healing through treatments-but still must spend most of my time caring for mom and working a little to help with finances.
    But now I have someone for a short while each Sunday morning-so got serious about finding a church. Have stayed with one for a few months now and tried to get to know people-and talk each Sunday to people etc. To this date-not one person has ever even asked for my phone number to get "friendly". But finally did get asked to lunch by a group one Sunday-got very encouraged, then a week later a single gal called and introduced herself, said they do lunch on Sundays. Next Sunday she was absent, this last Sunday she's there-I get introduced and then look for her after church. Find her outside and start a conversation-she answers my questions-then turns to someone else and discussess lunch plans and they walk off and leave me.
    I stood there a while and wondered do I have a sign somewhere on my body that says please leave me alone.
    I don't mean to sound pitiful-I know the danger of self-pity-but I'm so tired and I need a friend and a church body to come along side me and encourage me through this the toughest time of my life.
    So, I won't quit looking for a church-but I'm asking God not to have to go back to that one-but starting all over again at another one is yuk.
    Thanks for the great article-and anyone listening out there.
    posted by Marilyn Williams
    on Friday, September 7, 2012 at 12:10 pm
  39. These are timely questions, and probably some of the most important ones facing the church today. Our family lives in a rural area and saw our small, rural church go through a split that literally tore apart the lives of those involved. I am not sure that we will ever get completely over it. To me, it seems that most splits are increasingly becoming about churches that will not differentiate themselves from the world in any way, and pretty much insist on making all their decisions from a very worldly and, sometimes, even godless point of view. Our experience in visiting many churches over the past several years or so since the split is that most of them are way too big and are structurally formatted in such a way that there is never any real possiblity for truly knowing one another or fellowshipping together. The lady above who commented about a family member dying and no one from the church even really responding....I think that is more common than not. How can you care about people in a deep way, and respond to their joys and sorrows, if you don't even really know them??! No one can "know" or fellowships with THOUSANDS of people! The large church/mega-church concept, (which seems to be the most prevalent format in the US today), is dead, and families are truly suffering from a lack of true pastoral care and intimate fellowship with other families. I HATE the concept of "small groups"!! To me, it is nothing more than an acknowledgement that the format of the mega-church doesn't work. Most churches push small groups as a way to "connect" with others in the church, but these groups seem to me to be a poor substitute of what one's church experience truly should be. Additionally, most of them require a fair amount of extra travel, and often state that no children are allowed. How in the world does something like that promote strong families and unity in the church? My feeling is that the church in the US will have to undergo some pretty radical, sweeping changes in the years to come if it is to survive in any powerful, meaningful way. I think that many Chrisitian families who are hungry for true fellowship and teaching will begin to move into very non-traditional church settings, at least by US standards. I think you will see a rise in home churches or family-centered type churches that don't "do" programs at all, and churches that meet at non-traditional times and places. Ken Ham's excellent book, "Already Gone" touches on some of this. My feeling is that nearly all kids programs in large, corporate-structured churches are a joke, and produce absolutely no lasting fruit or change in the lives of the kids whatsoever. And I think this holds true for "programs" of all ages throughout the church. There is virtually no home descipleship of families anymore by fathers, and churches are not structured in such a way as to encourage that. There is almost no true accountability because no one really knows anyone. Their lives do not intersect in any true, meaningful way. My feeling is that God will use the turbulent political and economic times in which we live to bring about some pruning and cleansing in the church, because the current shape of the church is simply not doing what it was intended to do.
    posted by Susan
    on Friday, September 7, 2012 at 1:19 pm
  40. Our family is connected to the local church but some times I find myself with a heard heart towards the leadership. Unfortunately, I do not always pray and seek God's face about the things that distress me. If I were doing that more consistently, these would probably draw me closer to God. May God give me the perseverance to come to Him with these issues.
    posted by Rachel B.
    on Monday, September 10, 2012 at 8:49 pm
  41. As a pastor's wife, I both love and am concerned about our church. So many new believers are soaking up the Word and trying to apply the principles they have just learned...what is not to love about that? But there are some who resist the principles of God's Word, clinging instead to tradition and what the church constitution says while fault-finding and criticizing those who take the Bible seriously. That saddens me, but also motivates me NOT to leave the church to spiral downward under such negative choices and unChristlike influences. It is spiritual warfare and I am happy to be on the winning side! I know because I read the end of The Book. :)

    My two teenage daughters and I are looking forward to True Woman 2012 next week!
    posted by Deborah W.
    on Wednesday, September 12, 2012 at 11:04 am
  42. Thank you all for your comments, and congrats to Becky Green, Vicki, and MVL. You just won a copy of "The Quiet Place." Check your inbox for details.
    posted by Paula Hendricks
    on Wednesday, September 12, 2012 at 4:18 pm

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