This post is written by Leigh Ann Dutton.
For far too long, I made true womanhood about you and me, and not about the One who created all things for His glory and good purposes.
Growing up, all I knew was feminism, the accusations against the degrading roles assigned to women, and the idea that a career should be my highest aspiration. I could often be heard chanting the mantra, "Mark my words! I will be independent before I'm dependent."
Once God arrested my heart for His kingdom, I started to learn about true womanhood. Yet, it became more about what I should have and should not have been doing as a woman than it was about reflecting God's heart. I started wearing more skirts and applying my makeup with care. I was meticulous in assuring I was dressed modestly and refused to do anything to turn a man’s head. True womanhood had become a checklist for me to complete—a list of do's and don'ts.
A couple of years ago, I sat in my small group listening to the stories of women sharing about their struggles with marriage and motherhood, and I thought to myself:
• She just needs to submit to her husband.
• She just needs to stay home and quit making her job her priority.
• She just needs to take control of her family’s health.
• She just needs to quit whining.
I was arrogant and foolish, and thought I had all the answers. To me, it wasn’t that difficult of a decision. In essence, the meaning of true womanhood eluded me.
Then, soon after our son was born, my marriage started to fall apart. My husband and I couldn’t be in one another's presence without breaking out in angry, bullet-spitting combat. At our small group, our leader asked, “Who here has unresolved conflict?”
The room was silent and my husband and I weren’t even facing each other when one of us piped up with the simple but revealing word, “Us.” That was a turning point in our marriage, in our lives, and in my understanding of true womanhood. What proceeded to happen over the next couple of hours was exactly what had gone on in my heart when other women shared their struggles with me.
The women began to rally around the Word of God, explaining to me what I was supposed to do—respect my husband, submit, and just trust God. But it’s never that simple because it’s not about what we do, but about what we represent. It’s not merely about proper submission or worthy speech. It’s about so much more!
True womanhood is not wrapped in a sparkly white box tied up in the red, satin ribbon of our good behavior or correct conduct. True womanhood is a reflection of the very heart of God; the very character that we can rely on day-in and day-out. True womanhood is about drawing people to Christ.
When the tables turned, I began to see the deception in my heart, the mold that didn’t exist, and the self-righteousness of my soul. It wounded, and it was then I knew I had wounded many others in return because I was deceived into thinking true womanhood was all about me and not all about God. And for that, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for all the times I went straight to the symptoms of the circumstances, the fix, and the actions needed without first looking at the main thing—the whole reason we as women struggle with true womanhood.
I’m sorry I didn’t point women to Christ—the One who has the power to change the hardened heart, comfort the burdened soul, and revive the weary mind.
I’m sorry I made true womanhood about you and me, and not about Him.
God has turned my heart inside out over the last year, and it was through the True Woman 101 Bible Study that the puzzle pieces of who I am as a woman finally began to fall into place. I am humbled by God’s grace that continues the sanctifying process of making me more like His Son each day. I pray He doesn’t stop.
And, most of all, I pray that my womanhood will always point to the only One it’s ever truly been about.
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Comments
on Wednesday, November 14, 2012 at 2:48 am
Thank you, ROH/TW for teaching us what true biblical womanhood looks like. There are many misunderstandings/misrepresentations of what true biblical womanhood is about, and I am so thankful that we have a trusted friend/resource in you!
Blessings,
Arlene
on Wednesday, November 14, 2012 at 11:21 am
on Wednesday, November 14, 2012 at 12:39 pm
"When the tables turned, I began to see the deception in my heart, **the mold that didn’t exist,** and the self-righteousness of my soul." I believe the mold does exist as laid out in the Bible.
The "symptoms" she talks about are sin, and if a person is getting biblical counsel, they (the other small group people) should address the sin. That's biblical. Yes, the sinner will only become sanctified inside their soul, embracing the wisdom and loving the Lord with all that they are if true repentance has taken place. No matter their actions.
Yes, we should point them to God, but we cannot do that without addressing the sin.
There is a reason the Bible contains do's and don't's. There is a reason He sent a model for us to try to imitate.
"The women began to rally around the Word of God, explaining to me what I was supposed to do—respect my husband, submit, and just trust God. But it’s never that simple because it’s not about what we do, but about what we represent. "
Perhaps this should be rephrased " ... it's not ONLY about what we do, but about what we represent." Because only by following Scripture (the do's and don't's and imitating Christ), can we ever hope to represent God.
on Wednesday, November 14, 2012 at 1:54 pm
on Wednesday, November 14, 2012 at 4:01 pm
on Wednesday, November 14, 2012 at 4:52 pm
on Wednesday, November 14, 2012 at 4:54 pm
As for the sin matter, you're absolutely right. But, my friend, I must ask you to consider that God calls us to hold one another accountable, but He also calls us to come alongside one another... bearing each others burdens. In so doing, we don't just call sin a sin, but we come alongside the person and help them along the path with gentleness, meekness, and patience... just as Christ walks with us. We must go to the heart, not just the behavior.
I think with womanhood, and those of us who strive to live as Christ, and to be a reflection of who He is to the world, it's easy to hold up a checklist and say, "Do this, don't do this," or "You're sinning, you're not sinning." But instead it's a renewing of our inner being, our minds, that will bring about the lasting heart change and thus affect our outward behavior. We must be cautious in addressing simple behaviors, and not going the extra mile with someone to help them turn from their sins, if in fact they are in sin.
And that's why I wrote this post, and shared my story, I want to challenge each of us to go the extra mile with one another, and not assume we know the "fix." And certainly not assume that all fixes in all marriages is for the woman to submit. There is more to womanhood than these lists. These lists are good (and since I need to be sure it's clear, I think submission is good and right!), but Christ's transforming power is best and His process for renewing our lives is not a quick process. When we call women to "just act right," we're doing them a disservice. Because it's never that simple. We need God's grace and we need His Spirit, and I'm so grateful for a God who never gives up on me, deals with me in compassion, and loves me with a never ending love.
on Wednesday, November 14, 2012 at 5:17 pm
on Wednesday, November 14, 2012 at 5:18 pm
This is an excellent testimony, and I am so thankful you shared it. We can become so self-righteous in our beliefs that following the "rules" of biblical womanhood is what this is all about, when in reality it is about our hearts reflecting the very image of God!
Beautiful. I am all about obedience, but obedience without the mind of Christ is worthless. Thank you, again. I hope to check out your blog when this day of prayer is complete.
on Thursday, November 15, 2012 at 7:58 pm
I am so proud of you for allowing God to change your heart and having the courage to be transparent to help others. That indeed is the image of Christ that I see in you. I am so Blessed by your posts.
Thank you for pointing to Christ.
Blessings,
Jeanne
on Friday, November 16, 2012 at 11:20 am
on Friday, November 16, 2012 at 12:57 pm