Chances are you have some difficult relationships in your life. I know I do. I’m learning that instead of running away from challenging relationships, God wants me to learn from them.
Here are ten common mistakes we can make in dealing with difficult relationships:
1. We lash out or we shut down. Most of us tend to deviate toward one extreme or another. Regardless, neither response is godly, or will help bring healing to the relationship.
2. We react before we listen. In James 1:19 it says we should be “quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” Let’s make it our prayer this week to listen first and speak afterwards.
3. We try to win every argument. We don’t have to win every single argument every single time. Let’s determine to give up a few arguments for the sake of love. You’ll be surprised how good it will feel.
4. We forget the main goal. The main goal of every relationship, in case you need to be reminded, is love out of a pure heart. This isn’t about winning or proving we’re right. God wants to use us to be the smell of Christ to those around us. Are we?
5. We expect it to be easy. If it were easy you wouldn’t have read this far. It’s not. But with God all things are possible. We can do all things through Christ who gives us strength. Remember that nothing worthwhile is easy.
6. We make it about us. Hate to be the one to tell you this again, but it’s not about you! It’s about Christ working through us reaching others with His love. Don’t forget that.
7. We try to do it alone. Impossible! We cannot love the difficult people in our life without the Holy Spirit giving us love and self-control. Pray, pray, pray. And get a couple of trusted friends to pray through it with you.
8. We often pray for the wrong thing. Let’s not pray for release but for resolve. Let’s not pray for escape but for endurance. You get the point.
9. We try to change the other person. Our job is not to change the difficult people in our life. Our job is to love them, and see where God would have us change. Let’s stop trying so hard to do what isn’t our job.
10. We give up too soon. Never, never, never give up. God is at work even when we don’t see it! Just think–what if God had given up on us?
What is your most common mistake in dealing with difficult relationships, and what have you found to help?
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Comments
on Friday, November 30, 2012 at 10:37 am
on Friday, November 30, 2012 at 1:16 pm
on Friday, November 30, 2012 at 1:57 pm
on Friday, November 30, 2012 at 2:18 pm
on Friday, November 30, 2012 at 2:41 pm
on Friday, November 30, 2012 at 3:08 pm
on Friday, November 30, 2012 at 3:36 pm
on Saturday, December 1, 2012 at 12:36 am
on Sunday, December 2, 2012 at 10:24 am
It's just hard to see someone you love fall away, and yet God fuels within me a heart that can't imagine another in his place, no matter how difficult! I feel like Hosea, in a sense. Please pray for my continued faithfulness and grace of God to win my husband into the kingdom, minus shutting down or getting bitter. Or ever giving up!!! Are there any other ' Hosea wives' out there? And if so, wisdom for loving 'prodigal husbands? I adore this resource of revive our hearts, what a blessing!! Praying for all involved:)
Thanks.,
on Sunday, December 2, 2012 at 2:15 pm
on Sunday, December 2, 2012 at 2:36 pm
Bless you, bless you, bless you. You have learned, and beautifully expressed the "value" of suffering in our lives. God at work in you to endure, be refined and learn more of Him from the trial is a lovely testimony of our God and His people. Thank you for sharing "your story" with us.
You have probably already seen, as you follow Revive Our Hearts, the testimony of Joy McClain athttp://www.apassionatepursuitofjoy.com/?p=1570. There is an on-line community available there also for women who share the same struggles as you.
Most of all, know of our prayers for you this day. We have a Prayer Team at the ministry that lifts up the specific and individual needs of our "community." Be assured of our prayers for you!
on Monday, December 3, 2012 at 9:54 am
on Monday, December 3, 2012 at 11:56 am
on Tuesday, December 4, 2012 at 1:35 pm
on Tuesday, December 4, 2012 at 4:11 pm
I needed to hear that, and feel encouraged. Especially knowing I'm prayed for and 'on the right path'. As gravely as that way often is;)
Thank God Jesus has contructed durable and indestructible shoes for the road He leads us to. They may not be stylish by the worlds standards, but they sure get us further than 6" stilettos lol... Coming from a gal who found cosmo magazine at 12yrs old, there is much to 'unlearn', and so much wisdom of Gods truth to apply. It's amazing how good biblical truths sound in theory, and then when it's finally time to practice these values in REAL life (to love, forgive and persevere with those whom hurt us the most), how IMPOSSIBLE that is, consistently anyways, without faithfulness and time in Gods word, and His Grace and Streng. Guess that's the entire point of this life; to stop being tempted by the smoke and mirrors of the world, to ultimately stop the persuit of selfish happiness, and glorify God by staying on the road which He placed us. Which leads me to ask the question, I'm sure He won't mind if I still treat myself to a pedicure every now and then, in complimenting His beautiful sandals? Thank you, ROH, for being a 'pedicure' to weary feet, mine and many others! Jesus reigns here... Bless you all.,
Marie (32yrs old, 2.5 yrs married)
on Thursday, December 6, 2012 at 9:42 pm
Good night,
Marie
on Thursday, December 6, 2012 at 10:21 pm
Pausing to pray for you this day.
on Friday, December 7, 2012 at 3:53 pm
I have been told that my continuing to reach out to them was damaging the chances of reconciliation. That I need to let them go, and let them come to me, in their own time, if they ever choose to.
I was told to "Let Go and Let God" and that I needed to quit "playing God." Ouch! but I needed to hear that.
I am sad when I think of them, and wish things were different. I can see now that, in the past, there were things I said, and things I did, things I didn't say, and things I didn't do, that did seem to make things worse.
I also know that the last time I saw these people I ended up in so much pain that I feared for my sanity.
I sought the help of a psychiatrist, who, luckily, calmed my fears. He told me I was ok, advised no medications, and suggested simple daily tasks to make sure I took good care of myself - eating in a way that was appropriate for my low-blood sugar tendencies, sleeping 7-8 hours a night, exercise - if I felt like it, continuing to work with others in the ways that I do, etc., i.e., don't get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. H.A.L.T.
Good advice!
It has now been years since I have seen any of "my" difficult people, and years since I even talked with them on the phone. I find it easier to love them from a distance.
I have mostly refrained from re-telling any of the old "war stories" and any of the old "hurts" as it just upsets me and those who might listen. I pray for them. I know that God loves us all. I understand some reconciliations might not happen in this lifetime, or in this world.
Dear God, I do pray for all of our troubled loved ones, and know that you hold them near and dear to your heart. I thank you for giving me my faith in your Son, Jesus, in whose name I pray, Amen.
on Sunday, February 24, 2013 at 3:03 am
People are people; we are not saints.
I believe "troubled people cause trouble" and even though in these past four years I have found great comfort and healing in my relationship with Jesus Christ, I, too, can be one of the troubled.
I don't want to cause my loved ones further pain, and it seems best to follow the advice I was given, and let them be...
Please correct me if I am wrong.
And, please, pray for me.
on Sunday, February 24, 2013 at 2:27 pm
on Monday, February 25, 2013 at 5:13 pm