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49 comments

Erin Davis

Beware the Husband Basher

Posted on 01.02.13 by Erin Davis | Twitter: @ErinGraffiti

"Beware the Husband Basher" was originally posted on July 28, 2010. It made our "Best of the last five years cut" because there's no arguing with 1,100 Facebook likes and 193 shares! This post is applicable to women of all ages and stages of life—it's really about the power of our words. Speaking of our words, we'd like to give one of you Conversation Peace by Mary Kassian. Leave a comment below telling us how you would have—or have—handled a husband or friend basher. Do so by Monday, January 7, and we'll choose a winner at random.

Oh, and if you are married and are looking for a way to build up your marriage rather than tearing it down, check out Jani Ortlund's short post, "The Six-Second Kiss." You'll be amazed at what just six seconds can do!

 

I had a rare morning out with a friend last week. We sipped yummy coffee and enjoyed quiet conversation. As a mom of two little kids, outings like this are a rare treat. I couldn’t have done it without my hubby who watched the kids while I was gone (he even did the laundry and dishes!). He’s wonderful.

Even so, when I got home, I was cranky. I griped at my husband and pointed out the jobs he didn’t accomplish in my absence. I wouldn’t have fed the kids that. I definitely wouldn’t have dressed them in those clothes!

As I heard the shrill sound of my own voice, I wondered what was wrong with me. Why was I acting this way? Then I remembered some of the turns my conversation had taken during my morning getaway.

My friend said things like:

  • “I told him it’s my decision. He may not like it, but I have the final say.”
  • “My husband’s been working a lot of overtime. I’m so aggravated. He never sees the kids.”
  • “He mowed over my flowers again. I don’t know how many times I have to show him the difference between a flower and a weed.”

Harmless comments, right? After all, don’t two girlfriends deserve the right to vent? I no longer think so.

My coffee loving friend is a committed Christian. I happen to know she adores her husband of more than a decade. But she’s forgotten the power of her words when it comes to her husband. I can say from experience that her memory loss is contagious.

She’s not my first friend to speak poorly of her husband. I’ve hung out with men bashers before. It always amazes me how easily I slip into a pattern of negativity and criticism when I have frequent contact with such women. It is a habit that doesn’t make much sense to me. I’m crazy about my husband. There are so many reasons to brag on him and so few reasons to complain. And yet, when I spend time with a husband hater, it doesn’t take long for the bashing to begin at my house. Even worse, I’ve noticed that my heart tends to follow my words (and vice versa). The more I talk negatively, the less I admire, love, and respect my man.

There’s a lesson to be learned here. There’s so no such thing as harmless conversation. I think that’s why Paul wrote:

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29).

Ladies, this passage is especially helpful when we apply it to how we talk about the men in our lives. In public and in private we need to be committed to esteeming them highly and speaking words that build up instead of tearing down.

So what about my husband bashing friend? Do I ditch her? Call her out? Cut off the coffee dates until her words sound more like a Hallmark card? I don’t think so. Instead I will look for every opportunity to speak highly of my man when she’s around. If the conversation goes south, I’ll make an extra effort to steer it in a different direction. I may even bring along a friend who has a history of speaking well of men to our next java stop.

The bottom line is that my friend’s mouth is not my responsibility. It’s my job to love my husband well and to speak highly of others at every opportunity. I want to encourage you to do the same. How can you specifically praise the men in your life today?

Comments

  1. This was so relevant to me. I am single and this past week one of my friends was saying how she and another girl were talking about" how men are just ..... " etc...etc. I remember saying to her that I worry when women say these things that we might end up being so critical that we end up seeing all men like that. She had no response to my comment :-). I want to learn to build up, not tear down.

    My mom was an excellent example of this! She never did this in front of us children or any of her friends. Truly, an example to my sister and me.
    posted by lynne
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 7:36 am
  2. One of the quick wake up calls to being where a woman was bashing her husband was when a friend told me how it was so upsetting to her to hear another woman speak badly or complain about her husband. This friend had lost her husband at an early age to leukemia.She and her husband had been high school sweethearts and had raised two adopted children together. She said how much it hurt to hear another woman bash her husband and how much she missed her husband. I prayed the next time we were together if that happened that the conversation could be changed and that the love and appreciation of our husbands would be in our future conversations no matter who is listening.
    posted by Marilyn
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 7:48 am
  3. When we bash our husbands or speak of them with disrespect we are sinning. God tells us we are to respect our husbands. And in disrespecting them we cut off the love we so desperately desire. If a man feels disrespected he will not show you love. Just the opposite, if we show him respect he will love you in ways you never imagined. And this is Gods design!
    posted by Patricia Armitage
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 9:01 am
  4. I had a friend who would vent about the things her husband didn't do. One day I took her aside privately and said in my straightforward way, "I'm saying this in love. Sometimes you put down your husband and it bothers me." She seemed surprised and said that she appreciates him and doesn't want to do that. She has been much better since our chat.
    posted by Diana
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 9:57 am
  5. I am so thankful for my sister! We have such an honest relationship that when things start heading South I can express to her my weakness in this area and ask that she help me stay more positive when talking about our husbands.
    Thank You for this article, it is so easy to forget that we do often tell our hearts what to feel by what we speak! My sister always says, "Be careful what you say! Your heart hears what your mouth speaks!" I needed this reminder!
    posted by Victoria Piercy
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 10:46 am
  6. My mother taught me long ago--by example--that husband-bashing was off-limits. My dad had a wonderful reputation (well-deserved) in our town, and it was due in no small measure to my mother never complaining about him.
    posted by EE Kennedy
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 10:50 am
  7. I have a friend who asked me to disciple her. I asked her what her greatest struggle was and she said, respecting her husband. I gently told her that I had noticed and pointed out a few ways that I had witnessed her disrespect of her husband. I told her I frequently saw her roll her eyes at him, sigh loudly, or correct him in front of others. We prayed and went through many Scriptures together and I've forwarded articles to her that I thought would be helpful. I have seen God at work in her through her desire to respect her husband and it is very encouraging!
    posted by betsy
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 10:56 am
  8. This is some of the advice I give to young married/engaged women. Make it a priority and a promise to never speak ill of your husband to others.

    While I have failed at this many times over the last 25 years, having made that decision early in our marriage has been a good reminder or a *ahem* moment of conviction for me when I am falling into sinful patterns and habits. It also is a big part of why I trust my husband so fully - I know that he does not speak badly of me to others. I believe it's been a major factor in us having a strong marriage.

    As for times when I have been with 'husband-bashers', sometimes I've tried the approach of waiting for a break in their complaints to simply say to them, "Now...tell me something good about your husband." Hopefully it gets them thinking about their words a bit.

    Thank you for this post and for the much needed reminder!
    posted by Lisa
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 11:27 am
  9. I was a husband basher and had a family that encouraged it because they did not like my husband. We began going to a church that taught about the biblical roles of men and women in marriage and the Lord sent me a friend that led by example. The Lord used her attitude towards her husband to convict my heart about my own attitude towards mine.

    I have learned that if I would be offended if someone else was saying this about my husband, then I should be equally offended if I say it. It is my heart condition, not my husbands issues that make me sin in this way. I am praying for an opportunity to teach this to other women, and have already started teaching this concept to my children.
    posted by Elizabeth
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 11:28 am
  10. Being in Women's ministry, I often find myself in this position. My usual response is the same as the author's. I try to redirect the conversation and build up my husband. I did have a Christian friend a few years ago who always spoke poorly of her husband to me in private. She just wanted to vent to me, never wanting to do anything to improve her marriage. I finally had to lovingly ask her not to speak that way about her husband to me. It was not glorifying to the Lord and I felt like I was in sin just listening. She did not respond well. I often wonder if there was a better way I could have handled it.
    www.thegracioustableco.com
    posted by Cheryl Reynolds
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 11:43 am
  11. Bashing OTHER PEOPLE, other than your husband is ACCEPTED in our world today. It's called GOSSIP! WHY wouldn't bashing your husband be accepted too??? I think as Christian women we aren't to bash PEOPLE/GOSSIP!!!!!!! If you have a problem with them GO TO THEM ALONE & talk & help them see what THE WORD expects from us!
    For a friend that would need help in this area, I would go to her & tell her gently & in love how I felt & how it bothered me, pointing out what The Word says.....Give her time to CHANGE....But, if things DIDN'T CHANGE, then I would have to limit my time with that person! IF she were to ask WHY, then I would tell her in LOVE! And remind her of your talk & how it has affected you & your relationship with her & how you see her! There's NOTHING LIKE a dose of REALITY!
    http://tladydesigns.blogspot.com/
    posted by Becky Green
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 11:49 am
  12. I do adore my husband of 32 years -- and the ONLY person who ever hears any negative from me about him is ---- GOD!~ that's right! And then only as long as it takes me to get to the part in my conversation with my Lord about "what do I NEED TO DO DIFFERENTLY" "What DO I NEED TO CHANGE about ME?" It never fails that He comes in with advice and counsel from His Word about what I need to change or ~ holy cow! My husband's right! or ~ My husband puts up with ME, for crying out loud -- not an easy thing to do, I'm sure! My pastor once told me that i could tell God anything like that because He's got broad shoulders and big ears; He loves me and He forgives unequivocally when asked to do so! I've always remembered that and as I have aged I find that I vent so much less and thank God so much more for this wonderful man to whom i am married! :-) I respect my husband far too much to share the intimate details of his short-comings with anyone other than my Lord -- and when some of my friends (who are divorced) start man-bashing, I just continue to tell them how God has blessed me with a good man who loves me, thankfully, and whom I love and deeply respect.
    posted by ann
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 11:54 am
  13. I do adore my husband of 32 years -- and the ONLY person who ever hears any negative from me about him is ---- GOD!~ that's right! And then only as long as it takes me to get to the part in my conversation with my Lord about "what do I NEED TO DO DIFFERENTLY" "What DO I NEED TO CHANGE about ME?" It never fails that He comes in with advice and counsel from His Word about what I need to change or ~ holy cow! My husband's right! or ~ My husband puts up with ME, for crying out loud -- not an easy thing to do, I'm sure! My pastor once told me that i could tell God anything like that because He's got broad shoulders and big ears; He loves me and He forgives unequivocally when asked to do so! I've always remembered that and as I have aged I find that I vent so much less and thank God so much more for this wonderful man to whom i am married! :-) I respect my husband far too much to share the intimate details of his short-comings with anyone other than my Lord -- and when some of my friends (who are divorced) start man-bashing, I just continue to tell them how God has blessed me with a good man who loves me, thankfully, and whom I love and deeply respect.
    posted by ann
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 11:59 am
  14. I tend to talk to myself-maybe because of being an only child-but The Lord convicted me with Eph 4:29 by realizing that I am the "hearer" when I grumble and complain. Now, rather than building a cycle of negative thoughts, words, and feelings of resentment, I turn that around into a prayer for my husband, and mostly for me. "Lord, how can I change? Teach me to be better in this area_____." It helps me so much to realize how wonderful my husband is and to be Thankful for him. I realize that I am usually the one with the problem.
    posted by Amanda
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 12:22 pm
  15. I made a commitment to myself when I married never to speak badly of my husband to anyone. I think one of the most helpful things when talking with someone else is to consistently talk well of your own husband and gently help point out the good in one's friend's husband. This could be a subtle reminder to help her not speak badly of her husband.
    posted by Holly H.
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 2:41 pm
  16. As a pastor's wife I can be a sounding board for those with marital struggles and that can turn negative against "him" very quickly. I have learned to lay out boundaries right up front by limiting the talk to the wife's responsibility before God in every circumstance. Usually the question that stalls her is when I ask when and how when she is praying for her husband. A few have been honest and admitted they don't.

    I appreciate Ann's comments above about how she talks to God about the negative. Beautifully said. I am challenged to not even speak the negative TO my husband-- especially if I haven't spoken to God first. I am married to an amazing man and I am incredibly grateful for him!
    posted by Kerry D.
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 2:41 pm
  17. Thank you so much for this article!! It is so easy to fall into the trap of whining and complaining. May gratitude flow easily from my lips!
    posted by Danielle
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 3:01 pm
  18. This is so true. I am married to an amazing, godly man. I decided before we were married that my family and friends would never hear me complain about him. Instead, I speak of all the wonderful characteristics he has. To do that, I choose to focus on the positives both in private and in public. (I wasn't perfect in this resolve but I did do well.)

    Now we are facing a very difficult battle. My husband has aggressive brain cancer. We most likely do not have very long together. I am so glad that I did not waste the 9 years we have had together by complaining about him or looking at the things I wished he did different. Instead, I hope his daughter, that we adopted earlier this year just before his diagnosis, and our family and friends will remember him for the excellent man he is if he does not win this cancer battle.

    He is a godly man who has faced this difficult battle with his gaze fixed on His Savior.
    www.prayingfordennis.blogspot.com
    posted by Ellen
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 3:41 pm
  19. When I struggled with the words coming out of my mouth towards my husband, I prayed for a godly friend to come into my life that did not have this problem. God answered that prayer! Her example was so refreshing to me. You ladies just might be that person in someone else's life so please don't write off someone like this!
    posted by Cami
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 4:09 pm
  20. This is a great article. I know for myself, being around women who bash effects me in the same way described, or it simply drains me and I feel depressed. I like the suggestions on how to deal with a friend like this. I have often wondered what to do about it. Now I know! Thanks! :)
    posted by Noel Kline
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 4:27 pm
  21. Some of us just WISH we had husbands to talk about at all! It pains me to see women taking their good men for granted. Look at our regular sitcoms, however. Women are always talking down to men, and the men are portrayed as fools who could not put on their shoes without a woman's help. This is all bad! Ladies, respect the men who are taking care of you, loving you and making sure that you are safe and cared for in this world! No one likes a nag-kills the passion as well. My .02.
    posted by krys
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 4:29 pm
  22. I would love to have this book. I have always thought I didn't do this and then when I really ask God to reveal it to me, I realize, I do this sometimes. How easy it is to slip into tearing someone we love down to build ourselves up.

    I am a sinner married to a sinner and God has forgiven us both and given us to each other.
    posted by Laurie
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 5:38 pm
  23. I always try to speak well of my husband to others, and try (not as easy) to h]think well of him. I wouldn't trade him for anyone.
    posted by Liz Lynn
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 6:53 pm
  24. I hear a lot of maile bashing from friends whose husband aren't saved. I'm guilty of this, but the Lord told me to start speaking only what his word says about husbands (saved or unsaved). As a result of me doing this, I'm starting to see God turn my husband heart of stone into a heart of flesh.
    posted by Lorain Sharp
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 7:56 pm
  25. I am praying each day this month for the fruits of the spirit to grow in my heart and flow out of my mouth...towards men and all others.
    posted by Ann E
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 9:06 pm
  26. For a friend that bashes her husband, I find it helpful to empathize with her feelings and circumstances. Secondly, I help her explore the underline causes in the relationship. I gently explain most husbands don’t set out to hurt their wife. This process gives my friend a chance to think about her part in the problem and empathize with her husband. Most friends will say, “He’s having a tough time at work and money is tight. I think I have been nagging him about the small things, instead of uplifting him for his positive contributions. I am also stressed about the bills. We are having a tough times. I conclude by asking her how can I pray for you and what can you do that will change the atmosphere in your marriage? I also set a date that we can follow up on the “positive changes.” This process moves my friend out the vending victim role into the victorious role of being a wife.
    True Woman
    posted by Lisa T
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 10:53 pm
  27. Oh boy! What an eye opener! I hear a lot of women speaking poorly of their husbands, including my mom. It breaks my heart to hear their unhappiness when I view their husbands as pretty good guys. It also makes me mindful of how I might jump in with my gf as she talks about her husband, good or bad. Thank you for the wonderful reminder of God's word.
    posted by brianne
    on Thursday, January 3, 2013 at 8:55 am
  28. I think True Wopmen teachings from Nancy and others and this blog have made incredible changes in my life on speaking highly of my husband. I know I still fail, but I am so thankful for the times I know I have not sinned because of godly counsel. God bless you!
    posted by kathy
    on Thursday, January 3, 2013 at 9:03 am
  29. In my mentoring of young wives I make a point of saying only positive things about my husband. Not in an unnatutal way, but as part of the conversation. I will also try and look for opportunity to say something positive about their husband, something I have observed.
    posted by Margaret
    on Thursday, January 3, 2013 at 10:49 am
  30. A person needs God, and others to share their emotions with. Especially a woman with other women. I agree 1000% with the biblical take on not 'bashing' husbands AND I firmly believe people love to judge a woman in a hard place and often negate her for her 'poor coping skills'.

    What is needed is godly behaviour in return, as the (OP) blogger mentions, in passing.

    I have ONE woman with whom I share the lion-share of hard moments with my husband. Only one, because she has, in over twenty years, shown zero romantic interest in him. Most women respond to his annoying tendency towards coyness around some ladies. Flattery and wit, got him nowhere with her. He's not a bad fella, (in fact, I think he's about the closest to awesome this side of heaven gets!) he just likes to have people respond to his wit. Anyhow, back on topic:

    She's my safe place for a better reason than I just mentioned, she's a safe place because she knows I adore and admire my husband and also because; together we think over the scriptures that can heal the situation at hand or steer me back to the cross and help me to repent what wrong I had done in any given matter.

    Why not be the woman who directs a person, friend, sister in hard times or dealing with hard things to scripture that has healed you? This is another reason why it's handy to have a good grasp of those helpful scriptures that guide a healthy godly outlook in life. I think it's very much a part of being a Titus 2 woman. Helping another sister to love her husband.

    I find that Phil 4:8-9 gets me through more than half of my misunderstandings with anyone, in just about any situation.

    Hope this adds to the conversation.
    posted by A sister who won't shut you down or shut you out.
    on Thursday, January 3, 2013 at 12:25 pm
  31. Facebook likes and shares probably ought not wow you. You might want to rely more on actual replies here or visits to this website.
    posted by anon
    on Thursday, January 3, 2013 at 12:28 pm
  32. Don't forget prayer requests! I make it a rule to only share prayer requests with people who already know and love my husband because otherwise you're just telling people the bad stuff before they know all the good stuff.
    posted by Natalie
    on Thursday, January 3, 2013 at 12:41 pm
  33. I'm thankful that my circle of close friends are not at all prone to commenting negatively about husbands and I admit, when they have done it, I have not been very good at sharing with them. This article has encouraged me to do that when it comes up next time. Thank you.
    posted by Sandy
    on Thursday, January 3, 2013 at 1:09 pm
  34. When I first became a Christian, a wise women reminded me of speaking well of my husband. I am so thankful for her advise. Thank you for the article.
    posted by Sheryl
    on Thursday, January 3, 2013 at 1:40 pm
  35. I just want to add a few words of caution. I used to roll my eyes when my husband did odd little things in public. I would complain about some tiny little thing that he had done wrong. It allowed me to let off a little steam. It was a small release. I lied for 30 years and hid the fact that he beat me.

    Just want to let you know, that husband bashing can be a sign that someone is undergoing extreme violence, as I was. Of course, my husband was very controlled and after the first bruise to the face, he kept the bruises to my arms and thighs, so I never wore short sleeved shirts or shorts in public.

    Sometime husband bashing is a sign that the wife has to submit to something that is wrong, or that a woman is being deprived of her full humanity and lives as slave. This is wrong. This is such a propensity when one is influenced by the teaching of submission, How badly I was tortured for this teaching.

    I just wanted to add this, because nobody in 30 years was able to help me, nobody knew, and there was never any help or advice offered to the victim of violence. The church was silent, stood aside, and let me suffer. This is torture.

    Please be careful, and realize that a "husband basher" could be a fully traumatized or seriously injured person.
    posted by Anon also
    on Thursday, January 3, 2013 at 2:06 pm
  36. Thanks Anon also for being the voice in the darkness of violent abusers. In my earlier post I stated that women have a need to share so they can heal but my thought was incomplete and I want to thank you for flipping over the rock that can crush a Christian woman, we need more advocates to take this type of thing TOTALLY out of the darkness. Which is the other reason I believe a woman should have at least one sister to hear her pain.

    [ps TW blog: I don't wish to be in the drawing for the book but thanks for the opportunity!]
    With love in Christ,
    posted by A sister who won't shut you down etc.
    on Thursday, January 3, 2013 at 2:23 pm
  37. I love this. So relevant and encouraging! Thank you for the reminder.
    www.bbhannah.com
    posted by Hannah
    on Thursday, January 3, 2013 at 2:44 pm
  38. Male-bashing is all too prevalent among Christian women today, unfortunately. If a friend of mine was complaining about her husband, I'd just say that it dishonors him and that I really don't want to hear any more about it.

    On a personal note, I'm a 30-something single and very much desire marriage. So, when I hear women bashing their husbands, it really rubs me the wrong way. I'd love to have a husband... even one who leaves his clothes on the bathroom floor, doesn't wash dishes correctly, and can't multitask. That still sounds pretty great to me!

    Thanks for the chance to win!
    posted by Lindsay
    on Thursday, January 3, 2013 at 5:28 pm
  39. I have been in this situation several times in my marriage, and I so appreciate your honesty in this article. A few moments with a hubby basher, and I have also found my heart seething with negativity about my own husband. I come from a family of very dominating women, and I have struggled to become meek and humble regardless of my surroundings. I remember my husband telling me how awful the guys at work talk about their wives. With a shocked face, I asked him if he ever participates in those conversations, and he assured me that he would not ever talk about me like that in front of other men. I felt a pang in my heart, and I decided at that moment to keep his words in my mind to help me remember not to fall victim to the bashing trap again. Several times since then, I have been in a conversation going awry, and my husbands words rang in my ears, and I have quickly brought the conversation back to a positive place. I have also shared my husband's comment about the conversations at work, and his refusal to get involved. It put a smile on my face, as I shared with my friend or family member how lovely it was not having to worry about what my husbands co workers thought of me. It always seems to change the flow of the conversation, without getting into an uncomfortable confrontation.
    posted by Tiffany
    on Friday, January 4, 2013 at 11:06 am
  40. I could probably use this book. Husband-bashing is something I want to work on doing less of in the new year. My close circle of friends has heard almost nothing good about my hubby in a long while (mostly because when we meet it seems to be just after a rough patch, which I share). I love him deeply and am committed to my marriage, but our communication is awful, IMO. I have tried again and again to work on my own shortcomings and try to figure how I can change... apparently I'm not doing enough as things don't seem to be improving. I just re-started the 30-day Husband Encouragement (maybe this time it will make a difference).
    posted by Stephanie B
    on Friday, January 4, 2013 at 1:38 pm
  41. "I have tried again and again to work on my own shortcomings and try to figure how I can change..."

    And those were my thoughts exactly. How little did I realize that I was not a husband-basher, but a very bashed wife. The rhetoric of self-blaming prevents women from seeking help. Further humbling oneself will not feed the children, put away a pension for old age, or help anyone at all. Seek life, seek affirmation, seek agency. And out of that, love one's husband, if he will be loved.
    posted by Anon Also
    on Friday, January 4, 2013 at 2:16 pm
  42. I try to be very deliberate about how I treat/speak to/ talk about my husband in front of my sisters because I come from a LONG line of unsubmissive christian women. But it's my life's struggle to be submissive... to not be a husband basher in his presence. I have memorized Eph. 4:29 & other verses... I started reading Fierce Women & it's been depressingly convicting.... one excellent book I read was Daughters of Sarah by Genevieve White. But for one good day I have 20 backsliding days. It's so hard to change and I wish you'd pray for me.
    posted by jg
    on Friday, January 4, 2013 at 2:56 pm
  43. Conversation Peace sounds like the book for me. I've had a difficult time these 30+ years of marriage, failing to connect with friends, family, and my husband. I've struggled for so long to have meaningful communication with my spouse. I've actually preferred no conversation because an honest attempt would end up being spun negatively by my husband who I conditioned to be defensive. But God has guided me to a better more trusting way of communicating. Saving myself from anxiety, I give the issues and my husband to God, trusting Him to solve, to admonish, and to bring our hearts together. Great improvements but not without a lot of humbling on my part, the fixer that I am! Thanks for addressing this subject! And the opportunity to share here. Blessings!
    www.ourhighergood.wordpress.com
    posted by Sherry D
    on Friday, January 4, 2013 at 11:37 pm
  44. As much as I hate to admit it, I have been this person. I hope that other women realize how traumatizing this can be to their husband and will commit to make a change that will lead to marital happiness. We should always build each other up and not tear down others with our words.
    www.hisarm.blogspot.com
    posted by Anita
    on Sunday, January 6, 2013 at 5:53 pm
  45. @jg...I consider it a great privilege to pray for you. May the Lord indeed give you the strength and wisdom to be a continual lovely witness to your sisters, as well as a blessing and encouragement to your husband! God bless you, jg!
    posted by Sarah, with the TW Team
    on Monday, January 7, 2013 at 12:40 am
  46. I have just recently come across this website. I am finding it most encouraging and uplifting. I am newlywed and I must say I am struggling to adjust.But like my mentor once told me marriage is a santification tool and I am really discovering that.But God is faithful and He is good. I know this chat is about what we say about our husbands but for me God is really convicting me about what I think. That seems to be where I get stuck. If I focus and sit and dwell on all his faults or all the things I feel he is doing wrong then that sort of spills out eventually into unkind words and in not treating him in a god honouring and respectful way.So for me I need to guard my thoughts and keep them captive long before anything has come out of my mouth. The bible says to take your thoughts captive so that it is obedient to Christ!!!"For out of the overfloweth of the heart the mouth speaks"
    posted by Natasha
    on Monday, January 7, 2013 at 1:46 pm
  47. Thanks for all your comments! And congrats to Kerry D. You just won "Conversation Peace" by Mary Kassian. Check your inbox for more details.
    posted by Paula Hendricks
    on Tuesday, January 8, 2013 at 10:43 am
  48. I know this post is "late" but I simply have to praise my husband. You see on January 4, 2013 my children and I were in a horrible car accident. It is truly by God's grace and mercy that our injuries were not more serious. My husband has been more than fabulous. He not only has done whatever he can for us himself, he has also put aside his pride. He is not one to easily ask for help. But in this great time of need for our family he has recognized the necessity. He has turned to our church family and asked for help and graciously accepted whatever others have offered. I love him and thank God for the wonderful man he blessed me with.
    posted by Jennifer
    on Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 10:01 am
  49. This is so true. I have long ago committed to myself that I would respect and honor my husband, especially when I speak about him when he's not around. I do believe too though that sometimes we all need to truly discuss our relationship with someone other than our spouse, and in those situations I evaluate who I'm talking to and what my motive is as I proceed.
    http://www.katiewithoutrestrictions.wordpress.come
    posted by Katie @ Katie Without Restrictions
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 1:27 pm

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