In this post you’ll meet Kristen—a woman who bought into the idea that it’s liberating for women to be sexually aggressive, powerful, and free. Kristen viewed sex as a stepping stone to a deep, meaningful relationship; happiness, and fulfillment. But that didn’t happen. Eventually she realized that what she thought she controlled actually controlled her. Her choices set her on a downward spiral into addictions, promiscuity, and the sex trade. It wasn’t until Kristen relinquished the right to set her own moral compass and turned to the age-old wisdom of the Bible that she discovered true freedom and joy.
I’ll let her tell you about:
The Bible talks about people being slaves to sin, and I know of no other way to describe my former life than one of utter spiritual imprisonment. I called myself a Christian, but I wasn’t concerned about doing things God’s way. I was the god of my life. I felt free to do as I pleased. My attitude, my speech, my relationships, my clothing, and my body language all screamed one thing: “I make the rules!”
I thought I was free to do what would make me happy, but rejecting God’s way set me on path that only led to deeper and deeper bondage. I tried to fill my desires with men and sex. When one guy disappointed me, I looked for another one. I was driven by the lie, “You can fix this with more of that.”
The Fun Turned Into a Nightmare
My life became a cycle of revolving door relationships and bowing to the various “idols” I thought would satisfy my thirst. But bit by bit, I gave away my soul in an attempt to quench that thirst. What started out as “fun” ended up as a nightmare. Men, sex, and relationships led to more men, sex, and relationships. I suffered with eating disorders. I became an alcoholic and a heroin addict. I was abused. I began to lie, cheat, and steal. I was consumed with lust. I used my knack for attracting men to make money through stripping and prostitution. You name it, I did it. And in the process, sin sucked my soul completely dry.
I dug my own grave, ran from myself, and was consumed by the very things I thought I controlled. My pride and shame refused to accept God’s truth. Utterly hopeless, I was too scared to die and too weak to live. The sex, drugs, greed, lust, lies, anger, and array of other draining addictions left me desperate and broken.
The Beauty of Redemption
Coming to a place where I can praise God for the disaster He allowed me to make out of my life can only come from a clear vision of His character and the beauty of redemption. To know light, you must acknowledge the darkness. To be filled, you must recognize your inability to satisfy your own hunger. To truly experience the presence, glory, and love of God, you must first become acutely aware of your separation from it.
Until I realized how very lost I was, I wasn’t ready to cry out to be found. When I finally did turn from my self-appointed right to rule, the holy hands of my Savior reached down to touch me. I offered him my dirty, filthy rags. He robed me in righteousness and called me His bride. He took my rebellious heart and gave me His Spirit. He crushed death and gave me new life. He whispered, “Forgiven,” so I can shout, “Freedom!”
True Freedom
True freedom is the power to do what’s right. Jesus broke my chains. He gave me the power to leave wildness behind and to start taking some steps in the right direction, on the path of wisdom. Part of that journey included reading Mary Kassian’s book, Girls Gone Wise. Given my history, that wasn’t easy. When Mary talked about the cycle of getting, using, and losing men, I thought, This woman is describing me! This has been my endless search my entire life, and finally I am going to get some answers!
What I hadn’t realized was how painful the conviction ahead was going to be. I had always played the victim, manipulating others and fooling myself that I was allowed to act that way because of how badly I’d been hurt. I knew how to manipulate guys to get what I wanted from them. I never took a step back to see the depth of my own sin. Defiance, self-righteousness, and entitlement were ingrained into every cell of my being.
I had lived a life of sin for so long that I did not know how to talk to a man without the intent of luring him sexually and getting something out of him. I believed the world’s definition of beauty and womanhood. I thought I was being beautiful, but now I see the ugliness of the lie. But thankfully, step by step, the Lord is making all things new.
I can’t say I never struggle. My heart sometimes wanders and my faith is sometimes shaken. But one thing remains. Jesus has set me free!
“For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.” (Rom. 8:2)
“So if the Son sets you free, you shall be free indeed!” (John 8:33)
Ladies, the “freedom” upheld by the world is counterfeit. As Kristen discovered, true freedom is the power to make hard choices and do what’s best and right. It’s the type of freedom that’s only found in a relationship with Jesus Christ.
Do you have a story about how Christ has freed you to become a “Girl Gone Wise”? I’d love to hear it! Leave a comment below and we’ll choose two of you at random on Friday, February 8 to receive a copy of Girl Gone Wise.
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We love hearing from you, and will post your comment as long as it is appropriate, and is written in a tone that is encouraging, edifying, and loving to others. Even then, know that the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts.
Comments
on Wednesday, February 6, 2013 at 8:46 am
on Wednesday, February 6, 2013 at 10:01 am
The Lord has blessed me so very much! I have a wonderful husband, whom love The Lord and we have 5 amazing children. I am so thankful for the amazing life He has allowed me to have. I am so undeserving of His amazing love and blessings, yet He keeps loving and blessing.
Thank you again for this post! I bless Kristen and may she be a beautiful rose that The Lord continues to water! in Christ Jesus' Name! Amen!
on Wednesday, February 6, 2013 at 10:19 am
on Wednesday, February 6, 2013 at 11:33 am
on Wednesday, February 6, 2013 at 11:36 am
I have been on a journey of accepting that God is enough (and more than enough) for me. When Kristen was talking about that thirst in her soul, I completely understood what she was saying. It is so easy to think that someone other than God can quench that longing, but that's simply a lie. I feel that the Lord has protected me, through His grace, from going down the path of broken relationships with guys, but I have made many idols in my heart. God has convicted me of that sin and has been patiently teaching me not put my trust in a son of man, in whom there is no salvation, but to hope in the LORD, who keeps faith forever! (Psalm 146:3-6).
Psalm 107:8-9 says, "Let them thank the LORD for His steadfast love, for His wondrous works to the children of man! For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul He fills with good things."
on Wednesday, February 6, 2013 at 11:47 am
on Wednesday, February 6, 2013 at 12:05 pm
on Wednesday, February 6, 2013 at 12:33 pm
Bless you for the courage to share this. It's uncannily like my own story-and I've often struggled with sharing the sexual part.
It's so hard to describe to people that in becoming a "slave" to Christ we are finally free.
No longer responsible for anything other than letting Christ live in me-He becomes responsible for His part and He loves doing His part for us.
Waking up each day and realizing I am totally dependent on the Lord for even my first breath-isn't easy-even after a lot of years-but it is the thing that frees me and allows me to be used of the Lord to bring glory to Him and - help others see Him and come to Him.
Thanks again-may the Lord bless your journey and your life.
on Wednesday, February 6, 2013 at 1:02 pm
“FOR THE SON OF MAN IS COME TO SEEK AND SAVE THAT WHICH WAS LOST.” LUKE 19:10
I traveled with KLASS Kids to New Orleans, LA on January 30, 2013 for the Super Bowl Outreach. We focused on locating missing children and trafficking victims.
On February 2, 2013 God revealed His presence in an amazing way! We were supposed to go out in the afternoon to hand out information on missing children, while also promoting awareness on trafficking. My heart was very heavy and I could not go out that day. Instead, I stayed behind to pray for our team, each missing child, trafficking victim, and for the city of New Orleans. I read my Bible, prayed and sang songs.
While praying I walked around the room and saw the dry-erase board with the Rescue list of: Minors, Adults and Pimp Arrests. As I looked at the list a thought settled in my heart. It was “Jesus Saves !!!” I wrote those words and drew a red picture of a hollow white cross with a solid heart in the middle with the words: “Jesus Saves!!!” The cross symbolized the death of Christ, and the heart the Love of God.
This was the last night of the outreach in the city of New Orleans. When teams were assigned for the night I was asked if the team I was on was okay. For the first time since I was there I spoke up and said “No.” I felt led to request to go with someone else on our team. The person who assigned teams was very surprised at what I said, but honored my request. The team assignments were changed and God created a new team of four; 3 women and 1 man. We were all directed to go out and make your “special moment” to remember. Our new team of four went into the city….in Jesus’ Name!
The events that happened after that were very unexpected. God began to teach me that when I pray for Him to remove mountains, part the red sea, and perform miracles, to be ready.
We were supposed to go out at midnight, but we did not leave until after 1AM. As we drove out of the church parking lot one of our team members mentioned that the engine sounded funny, like a motorcycle. It was a rental car, so we all made a few jokes about rental cars and laughed as we bounced down the bumpy roads of New Orleans!
When we got downtown we tried to find a parking place toward the center of the city. But we saw another parking lot in a different area and parked. We kept trying to get to our assigned area to walk, but lights were off and we had to move closer and closer to the main road. As we walked along I noticed something that looked different.
I spotted a black very long limo with the back door wide open. I had always wanted to see what one looked like inside, but never could because the windows were tinted so dark. But now was my chance. As I passed the limo the chauffeur stepped out of the limo and the trunk opened. I did not want to be too close to the limo so I kept walking. As I walked by I lowered my head to take a quick peep.
I saw something “pink” and business type clothing. It was very hard to get a good look while walking quickly by.I saw the chauffeur put his hands inside the trunk of the limo. I continued walking a few more steps but saw something flash in the corner of my eye. I stopped and turned to see a female standing on the sidewalk outside of the limo wearing “pink” pants.
I immediately asked my group to stop, turn around and observe the girl in “pink” pants. The limo driver was now with the girl and we could not tell exactly what he was trying to do. It appeared that he gave her back her purse; then the purse fell to the ground. He picked it up for her. It now looked like he was trying to hold her up and get her back into the limo. It was clear that she did not want to go, but he kept putting his arms around her talking to her. We were too far away to hear what he was saying. We were watching, but could do nothing but wait. We decided to casually slowly move in that direction; as we did, the chauffeur got back in the limo and left.
As the limo was driving off we went to see if she was okay. She turned to me and said: “I did not ask for this, I did not ask for this, they hurt me, they hurt me.” We do not know what “they” really did to her, or who “they” are, only that she just wanted at taxi to go home. She did not want police involved. We tried to get her a taxi.
As we were crossing the road one of our team members spotted a knife in the bushes. While we were trying to find her a taxi black limos began to circle our area, along with pimp cars. We began to feel uneasy. We felt we needed additional help. So half of our team decided to stay with her while the other half went to get help.
We found a Louisiana State Police Officer and asked him for help. He called for backup and they went to help her. They could not get a taxi either to take her home, and they could not leave their post. We showed them the knife in the bushes. They picked it up and said, “One less knife on the street.”
Since she needed to get home and we were her only hope, we finally volunteered to take her home. The Louisiana State Police Officers were grateful for our assistance. I was in the prayer mode, and now my prayers were getting faster and more urgent.
On the drive to her house she did not say anything about the incident. She tried to use her cell phone, but discovered that it was dead. She called the guys in the limo a few bad names, but would never give any details. We explained to her that God had brought us to New Orleans to find missing and exploited children. I then turned to her and said that God loved her and obviously also sent all of us to help her. I asked her if I could pray with her, and she said “Yes.”
She held my hand and I held hers. I prayed that she would know and understand how much God loves her. I also prayed that from this moment on she would know that she was no longer alone, that God was with her. She then smiled and a peace came upon her. (One of our team members described later that: “…she just melted when we prayed together”.)
This was an absolute team effort. No one team member was the hero, we all worked together to get this girl to safety. God had us at the right place at the right time. He directed our path and we simply followed. As we were driving her home we went over a very big bump, and without hesitation the girl squealed with delight raising her hands like on a roller coaster. The two of us joined her and we did a back seat wave. Then the girl exclaimed, “I just love New Orleans!”
We took her to her home. When we arrived in front of her house we shared hugs, tears and waved good bye.
Now it was 2:39AM and we all had our “special moment” to take back with us.
So we decided to go get some coffee and donuts before heading back to church. We all agreed and searched for a cafe address in the GPS. We couldn’t decide which one, so the driver just selected one at random. We now began driving down a very dark street, and my prayers began to increase. There were so many girls walking down the street, along with guys.
When we almost reached the end of the street and back to civilization, a team member said that the noise in the car was getting worse and suggested that we head back to the church instead. As the noise was getting louder the car began to shake. Then the driver looked down and yelled, “I think that we are running out of…” Suddenly everything went quiet, no car noise, the car was gliding quietly as she says, “…gas.” With that being said, we all laughed!
New Orleans is known for its lack of parking places, so people take the bus or the taxi. We pushed the car to the left side of the road. It was a one-way street with cars parked on the right side. It is impossible to find a free parking place in downtown New Orleans at night. When suddenly, a person on our team spots a parking place on the corner of our building. Wow, God knew that this was going to happen and He had that parking spot waiting for us!
We pushed the car into the parking spot and called AAA to bring gas.
Across the street were tables and chairs to sit on, but the market had already closed. I commented that it was too bad it was closed because it was the perfect place for us to sit and eat donuts and drink coffee while waiting for AAA to bring us gas. Then one of the team members spotted a café that sold coffee and donuts! It was less than a block down the street! Now we could have our coffee and donuts while sitting at the table!Wow, what an amazing God!
We now all had “2 special moments” to take back with us.
Then I opened my big mouth about nothing more could possibly happen, and then it happened……
As we were drinking our coffee we noticed two girls trying to get a ride. We thought that was not smart and so dangerous.
Then I saw a man sit down in a chair across the way and put on a white mask with feathers. After the mask was put on he began staring at us. After a few minutes his stare became very intense so I asked our team what they thought. The driver on our team asked us if we felt we should get back in the car, and without hesitation we all got up, got inside the car, and locked it up. As we moved back to the car the two girls moved closer to us.
We were not sure about their ages. They looked too young to be on the street. As a matter a fact one of them looked like my niece that is 18 and the other one not much older. But we could not be sure because of their clothing and how they acted. We were not sure if they chose to be there or needed help. They were approached around 5 times and we cracked the windows of our car so we could try to hear their conversation. We began to see that they were not happy and maybe needed our help.
At that moment our team driver asked if anyone could see the man in the mask, because he disappeared. Before we could look around we felt a shadow pass through the car as he walked by the left side of our car. He moved directly across the street in front of our car to the other side of the street. He stood there the entire time we were there,now staring at us in the car. (Later someone commented that it sounded like he was a witch doctor, apparently they have a lot of them in New Orleans!)
One of the girls kept trying to get a taxi while the other girl was getting sick on the sidewalk. Many “pimp” cars drove by and tried to get the girls to go over to them, but the girls kept getting closer and closer to the front of our car. It almost appeared as if they wanted to jump on the roof of our car. Many times we wanted to get out and approach them, but we did not want to scare them or put ourselves in a dangerous position “if” they were working girls. If they had a “pimp” he would be around and we could get hurt.
We had no way of leaving the area since we still had no gas in the car. We were also still not 100% sure of the girls’ intentions. Things were getting bad where we were. Our team driver called AAA again and said that we were in a bad part of town and needed to get out. The AAA driver said that he was stuck on the road and asked if we could see anything. We saw a trash truck coming down the road.
Then another “pimp” car came down the road, but this time the car refused to leave. After about a few minutes the AAA truck said he was on his way down the road. We kept looking for him but could not see him. The “pimp” car was not moving, no-one was calling to the girls from the car, but they were holding their ground. I felt that if I did not get out now and ask the girls if they needed help, I would never get another opportunity.
I yelled out to our team in the car, “I’m going out to those girls!” It all happened in a moment! As I opened my door, the team driver opened her door, the front passenger opened his door, the AAA truck driver turned on its flashing lights, opened his door and jumped out, before we could breathe another breath we were at the girls, the “pimp” car was gone, the man with a mask was gone, and gas arrived all at the same time!
(Later we all laughed about that moment and speculated that the pimp and anyone with bad intentions out there probably thought it was a “Sting Operation,” with the flashing lights and people jumping from two vehicles all at once!)
We spoke to the girls and found out that they were freshmen at a very expensive and pristine college in New Orleans. One of them was 18 years old, but had recently turned 19. The other girl was also 19 years old. They had been to a Stevie Wonder concert in downtown New Orleans and said they got to meet Stevie Wonder. They said they had a great time at the concert. They took a taxi into town, but could not get a taxi to take them back out of town.
We explained to the girls how God had brought us to New Orleans to find missing and exploited children and help bring awareness on trafficking. We tried to help them understand that they could easily have been 2 more for the books of missing children if things had turned out differently.
The younger girl said, “I just love and talk to everybody, I’m really naive and found myself getting into trouble.” They said that guys kept putting their hands on them and that they just hated it! They also said a guy they did not know that called himself “Jason” came by twice when guys were trying to pick them up to (“protect” them?). They said that Jason kept telling the other guys, “They are with me.” The girls said that they did not know Jason.
They said that they were scared and just wanted to get back to their dorm at the university. They squeezed into our car. As we drove we spoke to them about the dangers of being in a big city.
As we were trying to get to the gas station a car stopped in the middle of the road and boxed us in. The driver got out and went around to his passenger door. Our team driver said that this was not a good situation and started to blow the horn. A policeman saw our dilemma and ran across the street to help us. He told the car to move. We backed up slowly and went around the parked car. Again as we drove down the road a van stopped on the road right in front of us and we quickly drove around it. (Later someone commented that driving in New Orleans is like being at “Seven” Flags! :)
When we arrived at the gas station it had so much activity going on around it. We could not get to the pump because cars were parked all over the place. So we parked at an angle and put on our flashing lights while pumping gas. It was not a good time for tourists to be there. The outside credit card machine at the pump was not working correctly and the driver had to go inside. The pump was reset; we got our gas and finally got out of there!
The girls were dressed like young girls do when having fun, but very dangerous for standing on the street corner at 4AM in a big city! We cautioned then on how to dress in New Orleans and asked them to please call their parents and let them know what happened. We pleaded with them to never go anywhere if they have no safe way back home.
The driver of our team had written a book and gave them a copy of it. We gave them our stack of missing child booklets and flyers on how to spot someone being trafficked. They said that they would have a story to share tomorrow back at the dorm and would distribute the information.
We all exchanged a lot of tears and hugs when we arrived at the dorm. The male member of our team and I walked them to the dorm door, while the other two team members stayed in the car. We worked as a team and always made sure that we were watching each other’s back.
With the girls safely at the dorm we drove back to the church. It took a while to get out of town because the roads after Katrina are not always updated in the GPS. After several attempts to leave the city we arrived back at the church around 5AM.
What an amazing God, He rescued 3 girls tonight, and allowed us to be His hands and feet!
We now all had “3 special moments” to take back with us!
It’s obvious that many people were praying for all of us - definitely a group effort!
JESUS SAVES!!!
on Wednesday, February 6, 2013 at 3:27 pm
on Wednesday, February 6, 2013 at 5:49 pm
I have been a faithful wife of 22 years. I devoted my life to my husband and kids, some would call me a step-ford wife.
Only to find that I married a sex addict who devastated me my kids and our marriage for prostitutes.
Maybe I should join in on the sinning to finally be afforded a bit of blessings.
on Wednesday, February 6, 2013 at 6:56 pm
I cannot even imagine the pain you are in but our Lord does know your pain. It may feel right now as though He is not giving you blessings, but sometimes He does allow pain and trials. That does not mean He isn't still there and doesn't still love you and your children greatly. Try reading the book of Job. When I had recent trials in my life reading Job gave me a fresh perspective. Don't let satan feed you lies, cling to your Lord and Savior! I will be praying for you today.
on Thursday, February 7, 2013 at 9:10 am
"Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all His benefits,
who forgives all your iniquity...
who redeems your life from the pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good...
The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is His steadfast love toward those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does He remove our transgressions from us.
As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear Him. He remembers our frame, that we are but dust." (Selected portions from Psalm 103)
I wish I could "emphasize" verses on a blog post. If I could, I would bold "He does deal with us according to our sins"... and the NLT follows that with "nor does He deal with us as we deserve."
Bask today, Angie, in the mercies of the Lord. Be blessed in His tender compassion as He "remembers your frame" and has provided a way of forgiveness--for ALL our sin! What a great and gracious God we serve!
on Thursday, February 7, 2013 at 11:42 am
And I add my prayers to Jennifer's. Oh, Carrie...my heart goes out to you. Jennifer's comments above say it so well. I pray you will run to the Lord and find refuge in Him. Jeremiah says that God formed His people to be "lilke a waistband clings to the waist of a man". (13:11)It is in CLINGING to Him that we find refuge and blessing. It may not be the blessings that you think you want, but God is faithful to all who suffer and cling to Him, to do just as He said in Isaiah 45:3--"And I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness—secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the Lord...the one who calls you by name."
Your faithfulness hasn't been rewarded by your husband, but I promise you, by the authority of the Word of God, that your faithfulness and investiment in your marriage and family have not gone unnoticed by God. He will reward you with eternal glory far beyond the suffering of this life. (2 Cor. 4:16-18)
Bless you this day.
on Thursday, February 7, 2013 at 12:00 pm
he will give you an abundant, colorful life, only do not listen to lies that come to you in weak moments. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. he is close to the broken-hearted.
on Thursday, February 7, 2013 at 3:20 pm
on Friday, February 8, 2013 at 11:21 am