I get a big kick out of the comments floating around the blogosphere written by women who are astonished that anyone living in this day and age could possibly believe in the Bible’s directives for a Christian wife to cultivate a submissive spirit toward her husband. They conclude that the only people who would promote such an outrageous, horribly outdated notion are selfish, abusive, boorish men; or terribly misguided women who are passive, docile, and slightly brain-dead . . . a few bulbs short of a chandelier, so to speak.
I cut, pasted, and saved a few choice comments. Here’s a sampling:
[The True Woman manifesto is] a recipe for turning God’s beautiful, intelligent, and capable female creations into doormats. [It encourages] all women to be mindless, passive, incapable blow-up dolls doomed to a 1950s TV situation comedy existence in the suburbs.
Women are not doormats, punching bags, sex toys, cooktops, or washing machines. We are individuals with a brain and any woman who follows this advice has lost her mind. And being an atheist women (sic) with a brain, I can seperate (sic) fact from fiction and manure from the roses.
Any woman that would cow to such treatment has VERY low, if not worthless, self esteem issues, and should seek mental health professionals, IMMEDIATELY!!! Any husband who treats his wife as such, is not a MAN, but a selfish, emotionally-stunted-in-development, intellectually-challenged, CHILD, fixated on ego-massaging gratification, manifested in control, and domination over others—in fewer words—a real Loser!
It’s a common perception that women who believe in submission are either doormats or stupid. But I’ve believed in submission for a very long time, and I am neither. I’m a strong, opinionated, thinking woman. If you asked my friends and family to describe me, I would bet that “door mat” and “stupid” wouldn‘t appear on their lists. Forgetful, maybe (I can’t count the number of times that I’ve walked the parking lot aisles trying to remember where I left my car), but definitely not stupid.
When it comes down to it, I believe that living out biblical submission in this culture requires far more backbone and brains than acquiescing to popular reason. It’s one of the most radical, courageous, and intelligent things a Christian woman can do. Those who think that submission requires passivity, or women flicking their “brain-off” switch, simply don’t understand what biblical authority and submission are all about.
Do you agree? Do you think submission requires backbone and brains? Or do you think submissive women are like doormats and blow-up dolls? Explain why.
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We love hearing from you, and will post your comment as long as it is appropriate, and is written in a tone that is encouraging, edifying, and loving to others. Even then, know that the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts.
Comments
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 9:22 am
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 9:25 am
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 9:26 am
I think that submission does take brains. Particularly to know when to speak and when to keep your mouth shut. In my case, my husband really wants me to keep my mouth shut most of the time, which I try to do. I don't nag him and really try to keep to a speak when spoken to philosophy.
He has never actually confirmed this verbally but anytime, no matter how careful I am with my words, that I approach him with anything more than what would you like to eat for dinner he gets irritated and some times angry. Some times he even gets angry when I talk to him about what is for dinner.
I am very happy to serve my husband. I am very content being his "doormat". I think that the Christian 'pop-culture' has been misguiding woman into a philosphy that woman are equal to their husbands. I believe they are equal in God's eyes and in his love for them- He does not love woman less than man.
However, the man is above the woman in the marriage relationship. In the army the major is not equal with the General. Sarah called Abraham 'lord', Adam had dominion over Eve. I have done a little studying of Titus 2 in the Greek language. If I understood what I read correctly the word subject is used for wives to husbands as it is for master to slaves. I am happy to be my husbands slave and when I am obeying him and pleasing him and serving him he is happy to have me as his wife. When I am not, he is not happy to have me as his wifeand things are difficult.
Over all, I think that how submission is played out depends on the individual man and woman. Woman should study their husbands and know what submission looks like to their husband. This takes a lot of brains.
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 10:00 am
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 10:13 am
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 11:03 am
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 11:06 am
I am blessed with a husband who follows Ephesians 5:25-29. He loves and cherishes me. As a result, I find it easy to submit to him (usually). I long to show him the love and respect he deserves.
I don't demand my rights as an equal partner because, quite frankly, I understand my sinful nature enough to know that I don't need to be in charge (nor do I want to be!) Honestly, I didn't always feel this way, but the Holy Spirit has worked on both of us during the past 16 years...and our marriage is much stronger because of it.
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 11:07 am
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 11:13 am
doesn't want to submit as it fears being controlled, but that
is fear. Submission is exhaltation at its highest; for God's Glory!
The meek will inherit the earth!
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 11:19 am
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 11:20 am
I have seen wives and teenage daughters turn away from the faith because they have been told to just suck it up and silently submit to a man who continually uses sarcasm, yelling, ridicule, profanity, interrogation, and even physical abuse to intimidate his family. The most loving thing to do is to insist that he stop, especially if there are sons in the family who might grow up and repeat this kind of behavior with their own wives.
This kind of husband needs to be educated, not coddled or accommodated. Sometimes this means calling in a pastor for help. Sometimes it just means speaking the truth in love, saying, "Sweetheart, it bothers me a lot when you speak to me so harshly. I'd like to be able to share my inmost heart with you, but you can't expect me to be able to do that if you ridicule my ideas," or "It is not appropriate for you to cuss and scream at the children when you are frustrated with their immaturity. This needs to stop!" or "I really appreciate your desire to lead this family, but you need to remember that leaders LISTEN!" or "I will not tell a lie for you." (Sapphira should have told that to Ananias!)
I'm sorry to have to address this, but I think it might be helpful to some to see this clarified. BIBLICAL Submission IS beautiful, and may God grant us loving and sweet spirits to work this out in our homes. May he also give us compassion and understanding for those who have been deeply hurt by a wrong concept of "submission."
If you know of someone who is suffering like this, please suggest that they read Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas. It is written for wives whose husbands need to change in some area. He is the same author who wrote Sacred Marriage.
Any other thoughts along these lines?
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 1:56 pm
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 2:04 pm
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 3:21 pm
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 3:47 pm
1 Corinthians 13
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 4:37 pm
I must point out that the comments you are referring to were made on the transcript page by listeners of the Revive Our Hearts Radio Ministry. These comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Nancy Leigh DeMoss or Revive Our Hearts.
And you are correct in stating that Nancy has never given birth to physical children nor been married. When Nancy teaches the Word she does not have life experience in every area or topic which she addresses. However, she seeks to faithfully communicate the text in a manner that is consistent with the scope and intent of the whole of Scripture.
Nancy challenges women to go to God with this issue and go to the Word, seeking His direction on childbearing. Her call to women is to walk in the freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness that is found through walking in God's will and plan for their lives.
Her desire is that women will use the Word of God, not her words, the comments on the blog-site, or even quotations from her writings, as their ultimate source of authority. It is His Truth that will set us free.
"And you will know the truth and the truth will make you free." John 8:32
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 5:15 pm
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 5:31 pm
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 5:34 pm
i love the way Nancy teaches, she teaches with great conviction, understanding and insight from the LORD as her teachings reflects a great deal of meditation on the WORD of GOD.
my son said to me the same that is said in above comments, "mom if Nancy is not married what gives her the right to council and teach women on marriage"
After thinking about it,
1) i think that she is chosen by GOD for this work,
2) in her position as a single woman, she does not have to answer to a husband but she answers to the LORD, and thus she does not have to worry about offending a husband, or giving out information that she shouldn't.
Why i say this is when i come along side younger women to encourage them to be godly, i find it very hard sometimes that i may betray the trust of my husband in sharing information that i should not.
This way Nancy does not have to worry about this at all. This is GOD's way of protection over her.
i also love the meaning of submission in the dictionary, especially definition #4...........
Submission
Sub*mis"sion\, n. [L. submissio a letting down, lowering: cf. F. soumission.]
1. The act of submitting; the act of yielding to power or authority; surrender of the person and power to the control or government of another; obedience; compliance.
Submission, dauphin! 't is a mere French word; We English warrious wot not what it means. --Shak.
2. The state of being submissive; acknowledgement of inferiority or dependence; humble or suppliant behavior; meekness; resignation.
In all submission and humility York doth present himself unto your highness. --Shak.
No duty in religion is more justly required by God . . . than a perfect submission to his will in all things. --Sir W. Temple.
3. Acknowledgement of a fault; confession of error.
Be not as extreme in submission As in offense. --Shak.
4. (Law) An agreement by which parties engage to submit any matter of controversy between them to the decision of arbitrators. --Wharton (Law Dict.). Bouvier.
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 5:55 pm
This website has continued to bless me and as I continue to pray for my husband's salvation I know that God's arm is not too short, nor His ear to dull. In Him,
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 10:32 pm
on Thursday, May 28, 2009 at 7:59 am
on Thursday, May 28, 2009 at 8:37 am
on Saturday, May 30, 2009 at 1:05 am
on Saturday, May 30, 2009 at 4:52 am
on Saturday, May 30, 2009 at 6:35 pm
Also, Adam was never given dominion over Eve. Both Adam and Eve were given dominion, together, over the earth and animals. Humans were never given dominion over other humans.
And cowering and jumping through ridiculous hoops in order to appease an angry and foolish husband is not submission. It is sad. When a wife can't even approach her husband without fearing his angry response, then there is something very wrong with the marriage. It is more survival than it is a marriage. It gives the world a very wrong view of Christ and that is why I think the world is balking at the concept of biblical submission. Keeping the peace by cow-towing to the demands of an irrational husband is no peace at all.
So, if a woman feels she needs to be very careful when she speaks to her husband in order to not provoke his irrational anger, then that is her business but it is not what I would call biblical submission or the only way to deal with this situation.
Abigail was a beautiful example of a strong woman who did what was right in spite of her husband. She did not fear his response to her, either.
on Tuesday, June 2, 2009 at 11:08 am
on Tuesday, June 2, 2009 at 1:02 pm
A great book I highly recommend (although a little fluffy in its view of G-D as a 'lover') that has a very interesting theory on the exploitation of women is "Captivating" By Eldredge. It quite helped me more than any therapist ever did.
on Tuesday, June 2, 2009 at 2:34 pm
on Tuesday, June 2, 2009 at 5:59 pm
As for putting up with a husband's sullenness, sulkiness, or angry outburts, my observation is that when we accept that kind of treatment, we unintentionally nurture sin in our husbands' lives. How much more godly it is to speak the truth in love. Maybe if those grouchy, domineering, and self-centered husbands were held accountable by their wives, families, and churches, then unbelievers wouldn't be so quick to mock the idea of submission.
on Wednesday, June 10, 2009 at 3:41 pm
on Thursday, June 11, 2009 at 12:43 am
on Friday, July 3, 2009 at 12:42 am
on Friday, July 3, 2009 at 12:45 am
on Saturday, July 31, 2010 at 7:00 pm
Run, don't walk, to counseling (preferably from a wise and exprienced pastor & wife team). You and your husband need help and the longer you put up with his sexual sicknesses, the more it will hurt both of you.
Porn is not intimacy. You, at the weight / height you are describing, are within normal range. It's not your body that's the problem in the sexual life you share with your husband.
God can renew his mind and yours so that you become each other's standard for attractiveness and so that both of you are free to initiate and receive from each other sexually. In the meantime, keep praying for your husband and find at least one mature (& discreet), godly woman who can support, pray with and encourage you.
on Monday, October 18, 2010 at 2:53 pm
I still want my marriage and pray for restoration. My husband on the other hand has never shown love or concern for me. He treats me as his door mat. I know that God is teaching me submission, but I don't want to lose myself in the process. I am alreay suffering from low self esteem as a result of my abusive marriage. I am being hard hit from every angle; family members are angry with me for allowing my husband to treat me the way he does. On the other hand, my husband does not appreciate the sacrifices that I make to maintain our marriage.
Please keep me and other women who are in abusive relationships in your prayers.
on Sunday, November 7, 2010 at 7:38 am
In the past I confided in a godly friend, they pulled away from us. He is very kind and outgoing at church.
but at home withdrawn and angry.
on Thursday, November 1, 2012 at 10:07 am
It is not uncommon for those that exhibit such behavior to be a Christian, church goer, religious, well thought of in the church. We don’t understand it, but know it to be true from the mail we receive. This brings even greater isolation, as you have found. Even if your husband won’t go to counseling, you go. Find a counselor through a large evangelical church in your area or go to www.nanc.org and search for a biblical counselor in your area. I know the control of the finances will make it difficult for you, but pray diligently that God will give you an avenue of help and wise counsel.
Know that I have prayed for you today and asked the Lord in His grace to give you strength for each day, protect your children's hearts, work a miracle in your husband's heart and bring hope, grace, peace, love and joy to your marriage and home. May He indeed give you direction for an avenue of help to effect change. God bless you.
on Thursday, November 1, 2012 at 6:52 pm