Do you cringe when you hear the "S" word? Do thoughts of wimpy women held captive under a domineering husband's authoritarian rule come to mind? Sadly, submission is greatly misunderstood and often misapplied. Before we examine submission, let's establish what it is not.
Submission is not:
- Offering blind obedience to authority.
- Enabling totalitarian dictatorship.
- Suffering abusive treatment silently.
- Living as a doormat.
Submission is:
- Recognizing that God is our authority.
- Willingly surrendering our rights to Him as our Ruler.
- Setting aside our will for His will.
- Living in the freedom that comes from obedience.
In the New Testament, the word translated "submit" is a military term meaning "to arrange in military fashion under a commander." Viewing submission from this perspective, we wouldn't argue over the need for one to fill the "commander" role in military combat. Imagine the chaos if there was no recognized "leader!"
Submission occurs even within the Godhead. Each member of the Trinity is equal in essence, worth, and value. But in addition to this equality, there is also a difference in role and function. The Son submits to the Father's will and plan (see John 5:30, 6:38), yet submitting does not make Him any less God. It doesn't demean His worth in any measure. But in a world that promotes independence, self-esteem, and "looking out for number one," submission is derided as weakness.
Ephesians 5 gives a clear description of the authority structure for the home. The wife demonstrates her submission to the Lord by recognizing and submitting to her husband as the spiritual head of the home. The relationship between the Church's position of submission to Christ is used as a parallel for the wife's relationship with her husband. Although this passage is totally counter-cultural and may at first seem to place the woman in a subservient role, in actuality she is being given the highest honor by comparing her to the Church—Christ's treasured possession. The more difficult task actually falls upon the husband, who is required to love his wife as Christ loved the Church.
Without the humility of Christ, submission is impossible. As we grow in Him and begin to follow His example, we'll find joy in our submission to Him and our understanding of submission will deepen.
Look back at my list of what "Submission Is" and what "Submission is Not," and let me know if you've incorrectly viewed submission.
*Laura Doyle, The Surrendered Wife (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1999), Promotional Back Cover.
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on Tuesday, May 26, 2009 at 9:33 am
"helper" God designed for me to be. There are two words that God has used to help me more than any others. Respect: it builds our men up for their leadership role; And Submission: which gives them the opportunity to lead. When I learned how to show respect to him and for his position as my "head", and I stepped under him in submission, he blossomed. These are the best years of our marriage. Thank you, Roh, for all you do to help us in God's design for us.
on Tuesday, May 26, 2009 at 10:01 am
I still must guard my heart to be sure I'm "properly arranged" in all areas of my life, as it pertains to submission to God-ordained authority. I know His divine authority is for our good, and even when we don't understand everything, He is often protecting us as we submit.
In His love,
on Tuesday, May 26, 2009 at 4:02 pm
on Tuesday, May 26, 2009 at 7:19 pm
The parallel between Christ and the church and the wife and the husband relationship is a beautiful one... yet it is sad to see that I cringe at submitting everything completely over to God. He has been bringing to my attention lately how hard of a time I am going to have submitting to my husband in the future if I have such a hard time submitting even small things over to God now (and even others when it is necessary).
Thank you for posting this. It goes right along with what God has been teaching me!
on Tuesday, May 26, 2009 at 10:42 pm
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 12:24 am
Jody -- good word!
Starr -- I hope many women will read your testimony:
"There are two words that God has used to help me more than any others. Respect: it builds our men up for their leadership role; And Submission: which gives them the opportunity to lead. When I learned how to show respect to him and for his position as my "head", and I stepped under him in submission, he blossomed. These are the best years of our marriage."
-- AWESOME!!
Thanks Leslie and Vivian -- wise counsel!
Molly! I'm so glad to hear this from a YOUNG woman! I love what you're writing on your blog site - keep it up! I hope you'll hop over to the Lies Young Women Believe site:
http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/
and share some of it with them!
LeeAnn -- this principle is SO TRUE! In fact, what you're referring to is the slavery principle we find in Romans 6 -- thanks for sharing!
I love hearing from all you True Women. It is so encouraging!
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 11:02 am
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 11:48 am
I could've written your comment myself 15 years ago -- because it was the perfect description of my situation.
Although my husband was a believer (even a pastor!) he was not providing leadership in our home. What I so desperately wanted and needed was for him to step into the role God had created him to fill, but what I didn't even realize was how my treatment of him affected his desire to lead. I don't know whether this could be your situation, I just know how I really affected my husband negatively and this seems to be a common occurrence with couples.
We were trapped in a vicious cycle:
I didn't treat him with respect because I resented his lack of leadership and taking of responsibility.
He lacked the desire to lead and even felt intimidated by me. He didn't want to take on his responsibilities or perform any tasks for fear of my negative and critical reaction.
Nancy DeMoss shared some of my testimony in a Revive Our Hearts Radio series you might find helpful. The link below will take you to the day where she is reading my testimony, but you also might want to listen to (or read the transcripts of) the entire series.
http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/roh/today.php?pid=10073
As I write this to you, I'm smiling as I look back to where we once were and rejoicing over the amazing work God has done in our lives and marriage. I would've never dreamed that it could be this good.
God is able to do more than you can ask or think.
Let me also encourage you to consider doing a couple things that might help you in your approach to your marriage:
* The 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge (available on the Revive Our Hearts website)
* The 40-Day True Woman Heart Preparation Devotional (available as a free download in the "True Woman Event Kit" -- on the True Woman site - see our Home Page)
Barb, I pray that God will step into your marriage with His transformational power in ways that will amaze others and glorify Himself!
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 1:11 pm
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 1:13 pm
I have a couple resources to recommend to you:
http://www.reviveourhearts.com/topics/series.php?series=40&topic_name=Parenting
If you go to this site you will find some great radio programs on this issue.
Also, Holly Elliff has written an excellent booklet on this topic, "Turning the Tide: Having More Children Who Follow Christ"
You can order this booklet through the Revive Our Hearts website store.
If you have Nancy DeMoss' book "Lies Women Believe" I would encourage you to read chapter 7 "Lies About Children."
And finally, what is most important is that you go to God on this issue. Seek Him through studying His Word and spending time in prayer asking Him to reveal His will to you on this issue. Don't be afraid to find out what He thinks about this issue. He is faithful. His ways are good.
And by the way, I am living proof that some women who leave the size of their family in God's hands -- don't end up with 18!
I have 2 living children, one with the Lord and I wanted more -- but this is how many God chose to bless us with. He knows best. And who knows -- He may one day lead us to adopt 18, but for now I'm content with what He's given :-)
I pray He resolves this issue in your heart. Enjoy seeking Him!
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 1:50 pm
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Thank you so much for your honesty. I can relate to much of what you're saying. I remember living with a man much like what you've described -- I'm so thankful for the husband I have now. Not that I've been married more than once, no -- my husband is just a different man now, and he says I'm a different wife.
Please follow through with my recommendations to Barb. I was amazed at the changes I saw take place in my marriage after I consistently worked on changing my heart and my treatment of my husband.
And there is hope -- those books for men that you refer to may not be "flying off the shelves" as you say :-) but I'm encouraged about the number of men who are picking up copies of the "Love Dare" book and attempting to follow through on the content.
Are there any couples in your church that are exhibiting godliness in their lives and enjoyment of one another in their marriage? If so, you might consider inviting them over for some "fellowship" time and perhaps a relationship could develop that might have an impact on your marriage.
I will be praying that God begins a transforming work in your marriage.
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 5:33 pm
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 6:32 pm
A good one for husbands by John Piper.
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 7:03 pm
I want to comment on this statement from you:
"And then I read statements . . . about not bothering your husband or being some kind of slave and being there to serve his needs 24/7 so he doesn't get upset. And it makes me feel like I can't rely on him . . . because you should walk on eggshells so you don't irritate him. I don't understand submission and I honestly don't think the Bible says to walk on pins and needles around your husband either."
What you've just described is NOT biblical submission. God's design and plan is for marriage to a complementary harmony and union between husbands and wives.
He created man first and gave specific responsibilities to him before woman ever appeared on the scene. And yet, although God designed man as the leader and gave him the responsibility of headship, this in no way implies that he occupies a superior position in relation to the woman.
John Piper describes the leadership role of man in this way:
“The call to leadership is not a call to exalt ourselves over any woman. It is not a call to domineer, or belittle or put woman in her place. The call to leadership is a call to humble oneself and take the responsibility to be a servant-leader in ways that are appropriate to every different relationship to women.”
You cannot “fix” your husband, and you may not be able to change your marriage, but here are a few things that have helped in my relationship with my husband:
1) Recognize that God is sovereign – appeal to Him to open your husband's eyes and help him to see that he is not fulfilling his role as the leader for your family (Prov. 21:1).
2) Recognize that you are responsible to respond in godliness, humility and grace – even when sinned against (1 Peter 2:11-3:6).
3) Search your own heart to see if there are areas of sin that need to be confessed before God and perhaps to your husband (Matt. 7:5).
4) Consider writing out your concerns in a letter. Most men do not respond well to emotional pleas, angry confrontations or impassioned exchanges. Putting things in a cordial written form is sometimes helpful in preventing that type of confrontation.
5) Focus on the fact that our time here is limited, and although difficult, time here is to be spent with an eternal perspective (2 Corinthians 4:16-18).
6) Realize that your husband's faults or sins do not justify your sins of the flesh (Galatians 2:20, 5:16-26; 1 Corinthians 10:31; Romans 12:1).
7) If your husband is a fellow-believer and is practicing the sin of slothfulness, it is your responsibility to humbly appeal to him and graciously confront him concerning his ungodly lifestyle with the goal being his spiritual restoration (Proverbs 27:5-6; Matthew 18:15-20; Galatians 6:1-3).
I pray that you will witness God's transforming power at work in your own heart and in your marital situation as you humbly appeal to our Lord, as you seek the direction of the Spirit, and as you apply the truths of His Word to your life.
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 7:21 pm
on Thursday, May 28, 2009 at 10:55 am
on Saturday, May 30, 2009 at 4:20 pm
Hope this helps someone out there.
E
on Saturday, April 10, 2010 at 12:13 pm
Unfortunately, people think submission is giving the man control or about sex and it's not. Thanks for telling us submission is about God. I wished many boys/men would read this article. :)
on Saturday, June 26, 2010 at 12:56 am