Several years ago my husband, (also my pastor) became burdened by the growing number of young people who were leaving the church. Sadly, his burden was backed up by alarming statistics: 
- 69–94 percent of Christian youth forsake their faith after leaving high school.
- An additional 64 percent loss after college graduation.
- 75 percent loss of students from The Assemblies of God churches within one year of high school graduation.
- 88 percent loss of students from churches within the Southern Baptist Convention.
- 94 percent fallout within two years of high school graduation was reported by Josh McDowell Ministries.1
What is the problem?
A heavy burden for the next generation of Christian leaders caused my husband to spend an extended period seeking God's guidance and direction for insight into this growing trend. What he came away with resulted in (for us) a completely new approach toward ministry.
We grew up in the "program-driven model" of doing church. That's all we'd ever known or experienced. My husband surrendered to ministry when only 13 years old and was asked to preach a message at youth camp the very next evening! He was called to pastor his first church when he was barely 18, before he even started college. We kind of "slid into" the pattern of "doing ministry" the only way we knew how. But after seeking the Lord on His view of the church, my husband came to a few different conclusions than what we'd practiced most of our lives.
We noticed our young families were spending more evenings attending church activities than they spent at home, often dragging young ones through the church door, rushing them into some childcare program, dashing down a hall to slip into an adult Bible study class without even having time to eat an evening meal until possibly 9:00 at night! We started counting up how many hours that our church was dividing up the family in order to have "spiritual activities." We were alarmed by what we discovered.
We are not opposed to church activities. Bible study classes, outreach events, and even church softball leagues can have beneficial aspects in our spiritual formation. But what may have begun as discipling opportunities in many cases seems to have grown into a high-speed treadmill of activities with no way to jump off.
Is the church accomplishing its mission of making disciples? Equipping believers? Evangelizing the lost? It seems we can't even keep our own kids.
Really, should it surprise us that we are losing our teens when we've spent so many hours away from them through the week? Has church robbed us, many times, from family meal-times, family devotion-times, family game nights, or family camping trips? Is this what the church should be doing?
How does Scripture address this issue?
We have a clear model for "doing church," and it may be aided by various programs—but it definitely is NOT program-driven. Study this model in Titus 2:1–8, combine that with the parental instructions given in Deuteronomy 6:1–7.
How does your church stand up to scrutiny under this model? How does your life?
Comments
*The following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.
on Monday, June 22, 2009 at 7:22 am
on Monday, June 22, 2009 at 7:52 am
I think the pull of the world in some subtle and some not so subtle ways is seducing our young people. So, as a parent I have to intentionally teach my kids to be counter-cultural, even among the "Christian" culture in which we find ourselves. The greatest factor in that is living it before them and teaching them by my life; not by addressing just their behavior, but most importantly their hearts. I want my kids to see in me a passion for Christ and His Word. If their hearts are truly captured by Him, they won't fall away; that's something I am fervently praying for in my children because I know that's a work I can't do, it's a work of the Spirit of God. And yes, I agree with you, we have to spend time with our children in order to pour our lives into theirs, to impart the Truth to them. Sorry, this went a little bit off the main subject of this post, but it is related I think.
on Monday, June 22, 2009 at 8:18 am
on Monday, June 22, 2009 at 8:29 am
Vivian, I have been very blessed and encouraged by your comments on this blog. You are so right that if Christ captures our children's hearts, they will not fall away -- bottom line. Yes, we must depend upon the Holy Spirit to work in them, and pray for them fervently. Yes, we must model a true relationship with the Lord for them. And yes, we must then faithfully train them. Thank you for being an encouragement as you disciple your 6 children!
Love through Jesus and blessings to all you true women!
on Monday, June 22, 2009 at 9:13 am
Perhaps there needs to be more clear teaching about original sin, the total depravity of our sinful natures including the sinful nature of our child)ren, the individual's responsibility for their own sin(s).
When a child taught in a Christian home & Christian church, although not perfectly done, leaves the corporate worship & fellowship of a Bible believing Christian church & is ultimately displaying rebellious behavior against their parents & spiritual authorities, such sinful behavior is ultimately the individual child's sin.
on Monday, June 22, 2009 at 9:20 am
As difficult as it is to admit, what you'll find in the homes often times (not all) is a hypocritical, religion-filled home with no joy, no heart or love for Jesus.
As parents we need to make the gospel attractive to our children. We do this by living out the gospel message, teaching them about it, and sincerely finding Jesus as our greatest treasure, not because we want to earn our way to Heaven, but because after all we are great sinners but Jesus is a greater Savior and we should be blown away for His love and sacrifice for sinners like us.
I can only imagine that if we as parents started living out authentic, joy-filled, passionate lives for Christ what kind of appetite our kids would have for God. I would guess those kids would not want to leave the church because that is where they find true community.
JT
http:/reedeemingrichess.wordpress.com
on Monday, June 22, 2009 at 9:45 am
Thank you for your transparency and honesty about this issue with the church. I confess that I struggle with being a part of the rat race rather than having a heart for my home and family first. I appreciate you and your husband's humility and willingness to bend to the Lord in this area. It is hard to swim upstream sometimes, but as my dear friend and mentor Gayle likes to say, "God's way ALWAYS works!"
Soli Deo gloria!
Melani
on Monday, June 22, 2009 at 10:56 am
on Monday, June 22, 2009 at 11:02 am
In chapter on "Lies Women Believe About Children" Nancy writes: "I have observed that the Enemy uses two opposite lies to put parents in bondage. The 1st is that they have no control or influence over how their children have turned out - that they are not responsible, that the situation could not be helped..." The 2nd lie parents believe is that they are 100 percent responsible for how their children have turned out - that it is all their fault. They fail to recognize that, regardless of how well or poorly anyone is parented (&/or discipled by a church), each individual must assume responsibility for his or her own choices." (page 183). Nancy also makes the point that God, the perfect Father in all ways, had two rebellious children, Adam & Eve - whose fault was their sin? should God have done a better job of parenting, or instructing - there's only the parent to blame in that situation...or?
Helena
on Monday, June 22, 2009 at 11:42 am
My husband is also the pastor of our church and he's been studying this same thing for many months already and the statistics are frightening.
All of the reasons mentioned above are right and true. We've left the teaching and training and discipling of our kids to the church. Although the church might teach them well, it's not enough because it is supposed to come from the parents in the home. And as much as our motherly influence on our kids is important, it's even more important for the fathers to take their role as prophet, priest, and king in the home. Fathers aren't teaching their sons to be godly men, and that's where we're missing the needed future church leaders.
Something drastic must be done, and yet it's the simplest thing of all - parents need to be what scritpure calls them to be and stop handing over their children to the church to raise. That's not the church's job.
Thank you so much for posting this article - it's a critical one!
on Monday, June 22, 2009 at 12:16 pm
on Monday, June 22, 2009 at 1:26 pm
However, I think your analysis of the problem misses the mark completely. Teen and young adults walk away from the church and never return because they never experienced saving faith. Repeating a prayer does not save a person - God changes their heart. A person who is truly saved will display true repentence, faith, a hunger for spiritual things, and obedience to the word of God.
My husband and I lead a youth group for many years and encountered MANY teens who had been led to believe that simply because they repeated a little prayer as a child they were now Christians. Their parents lived in constant denial while these teens behaved like hellions...drugs, alcohol, parties, sleeping around, pregnancy. As adults they abandoned the faith and never returned. Oh, but they were just "backsliding" even though they had no interest in anything to do with God. They could behave in the worst possible manner, but bless God! little Johnny prayed "the prayer" when he was six so we just know he's going to heaven!
THIS is what is wrong with the church of North America today. These teens and young adults who have left the church need the gospel, they need repentance. Parents, we have the responsibility to teach our children what saving faith looks like, the "fruits of the Spirit", we need to be honest with our children instead of raising hypocrites who, when they have the power and independence to do what they want to, finally are honest about the their spiritual state and walk away from God.
I highly recommend looking up a Paul Washer messages on the state of the North American church at www.heartcrymissionary.org
on Monday, June 22, 2009 at 2:36 pm
on Monday, June 22, 2009 at 2:38 pm
The nature of our time at home has changed in the last 50 years and the extent that we feel we are in control of our lives has grown. Do we and our children sense our deep need for God? Or are we success driven?
I believe the cultural change in childbirth demonstrates one aspect of our confidence in ourselves. Young couples can depend on science and technology for the conception, delivery, health and well-being of children. Should we be on our knees asking God how to use available technology? And then thanking God for the gift He has given.
Our family was driven to its knees when science and technology failed to deliver a healthy answer for our son. How much better to be dependent on God from the very beginning.
God can transform us as parents and give us wisdom.
It is good for our children to see our need for God. Perhaps they will follow.
on Monday, June 22, 2009 at 3:03 pm
According to Scripture, our young people are drawn away from seeking to grow in a Bible believing church, and drawn away from the Christian upbringing of their families, because they are "drawn away of" their "own lust."
Could we perhaps discuss that?
Thanks.
Helena
on Monday, June 22, 2009 at 3:27 pm
on Monday, June 22, 2009 at 3:47 pm
on Monday, June 22, 2009 at 4:29 pm
on Monday, June 22, 2009 at 9:58 pm
1) Poor Leadership - Most pastors and other leaders are not the right "fit" for the job. We have seminary graduates who have limited interpersonal skills and want to manage everything. The problem is managing tasks is not the same as leading people. It starts at the top.
2) Mediocre Standards - Church standards are low. Let's be honest, if churches had objective standards and measurements similar to businesses, almost all would be bankrupt. I think churches should apply business principles towards the organization of the church and hold everyone to a higher standard. Churches rarely ever hire professional to fix problems their "laypeople" are not qualified to solve. The church is also VERY behind the trends. How can the church be relevant if they don't look to see what's going on?
3) Lack of Accountability - There needs to be some bells and whistles within the church boards. It's still a vertical organization that is run VERY subjectively. What happens when a pastor doesn't agree with someone? Usually the pastor wins. It's becomes a monarchy. Leaders need to be held responsible for their mistakes.
This sounds very critical, but I am a former Youth Director so I know what it is to be on paid staff. The church is out of touch with what's going on in the world. The church is not making God's Word relevant to non-believers and therefore only going backwards. In order to attract the Millennials, you have to know what motivates them: social justice, mission/purpose, benefits, technology as a form of communication, etc. The church needs to wake up. There's not just losing the battle, they're getting killed.
on Monday, June 22, 2009 at 10:48 pm
"This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves,covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents,unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers,without self control, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such TURN AWAY, ...
Yea and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus WILL suffer PERSECUTION. But EVIL men and SEDUCERS shall wax worse and worse, deceiving and being deceived." (II Timothy 3:1-5, 12-13)
We are living in these days. Unfortunately the body of Christ has not had their spiritual eyes of discernment operating clearly. We know that the gate is straight and the road is narrow that leads to eternal life and few there be that find it! The easy believeism that is being preached has certainly blinded many people to the real truth of the gospel that calls for TRUE repentance and a sincere Godly sorrow when we blow it in our walk with the Lord. The church is filled with people calling themselves Christians, but are they true followers of Christ? The above passage is clear...we will suffer persecution if we live godly in Christ Jesus. Do we hear this being preached? Do parents in the church prepare their children for the injustice that will occur to them and how to respond in accordance to the teachings of Christ when this happens? According to Deuteronomy 6 the fathers are responsible to teach the Word to their children from SUN-UP to SUN-DOWN. The harvest that is being reaped now with the children of this generation did not just happen. This is the fruit of the insidious, deceitful treachery of the enemy of our souls and the pleasure seeking tendencies of our carnal natures. While it is good to take a deep look into our hearts to see where things may be wrong with us, let us never forget the admonition of Scripture to pray without ceasing and the fervent, effectual prayer of a Righteous (not our own righteousness but that of Christ alone) man avails much. Let us pray that the sincere followers of Christ will be steadfast and immoveable, rooted in the Rock of our foundation, so that we can be light and salt in this earth as Jesus instructs us to be. The Word teaches that a "great falling away" will take place before our Lord returns. But we also know that the "gates of hell shall not prevail" against the church of Christ. We will be tested and tried...this is to see if there is genuine faith and trust in God alone...not in the church, not in mankind or his inventions. So let us not lose hope but keep looking up as we see that Day approaching. May God be ever gracious to all of us who are truly called and chosen by His grace alone.
on Tuesday, June 23, 2009 at 1:40 am
on Tuesday, June 23, 2009 at 5:56 am
there seems to be a false underlying presupposition that somehow it is someone else or something else (in this case, the church & its leaders, the family, etc.) that is to blame for a child's sinful behavior in leaving a Bible believing church where he or she has been taught the truth.<br>
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to which I must respond: you presuppose that, in our tycpial church setting, the younger ones truly HAVE been taught the truth. I say "not so" in most of these cases. Sure, some "truth" has been foisted upon them, and some might actually go in. But, as in Jesus' parable of the soil and seed, the ground is shallow, it never takes root, and withers under the heat of life. Why? Simple, and its been alluded to in this article. The soil of their hearts has not been softened and enriched by living in constant contact with mature and solid christians, their parents. Most parents have abdicated their God-mandated assigment to TEACH YOUR CHILDREN. When? When you get up, when you lie down, when you're working about the house, when you're going into town or travelling. ALWAYS. The root of the problem is we've left it to "the professionals", The "sunday school movement" of the earlier awakenings made it clear, and the church believed it, that parents are not equipped to instruct their children, leave that to the church staff and their closely supervised volunteers. Result: the program driven church, as described above, that loses four fifths or more of its assumed fruit.<br>
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The very model of today's church is NOT biblical. No, it more closely resembles a corporation. The goal of every corporation is to grow, to increase the usage of its products/services, of which it offers ever more and more. God's pattern for the church is totally different: it is family centred, where each home is a mini-church, where worship, teaching, godly encouragement, and an abundance of what the Jewish people still call "elbow learning". Children are learning ALL THE TIME. Question is WHAT are they learning this instant, and from WHOM? If they are at Dad's and Mum's elbow, they (by the nature of the relationship) learn what Dad and Mum are teaching with their lives this instant. Strenghten the "church" and ministry of the parents at home, THEN, once per week, come together as FAMILIES for a day of corporate "more of the same"... worship, singing, teaching, encouragement, fellowship, music, food, laughter... before the Lord. Together. Abandon completely the model where the "church" (meaning the building, built at incredible expense) is the centre from which all else flows, and Superpastor and Staff (underlings) oversee everything, and return to the biblical pattern where the HOME is the centre of it all, and Dad is the "CEO", setting direction and LEADING. This sort of congregation, a gathering of many such fully-functional families, will then only require a small number of co-equal and diverse elders, perhaps a handful of deacons. Nothing more. What happens in this model? The FAMILY, with Dad at the tiller, is now the "functional unit", the children grow up learning what it is to LIVE as a follower of Jesus, they also learn to SERVE and be served. They naturally assume responsibility, as inn the home, not everything is done for them. Who does laundry, minding the garden, bring the rubbish out to the bin, painting, cooking, washing up after, changing the little one's nappies, holding a fussy baby.... why, EVERYONE. The children, by the very nature of their environment, "grow up into the head". It is their natural bent to mimic Dad and Mum, to BE like them. This never happens when they mostly are with some designated "leader" at some place away from their home. <br>
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Oh, and whilst I'm on this "rant", how practically functional is a family centred church when it comprises two thousand families and hold several "meetings" per weekend, rushing each one out in time for the next? Try paring it down, perhaps even separating into many smaller churches, each with perhaps twenty, thirty, families, the same ones forming a cohesive group with continuity. NOW you've got thirty family units, each fully functional in their own right, all gathering together at least weekly in a setting where they can really get to know and interact with one another. The various needful roles will be filled from amongst the group, children will, again quite naturally, find places of function, the health and well being of the group will now become the responsibility of each family, and each member within those families. Children thrive on responsibility, there will be plenty to go round. Raise up children inn THIS sort of setting, they will become a part of something larger than themselves, which depends upon them carrying their weight. They will not depart from such a life, as it will become internalised. I've watched such children mature, marry, and raise up their own offspring the same way. They have had healthy family and church life modelled for them nearly full time, of course they will continue in it. Persist in the model of "church as corporation" with its "CEO and board of directors" on the one hand, and its "customers" on the other, and, just as young children often tire of Mc Donalds and "graduate" to Red Robin, they will tire of "church" (as corporation) and find something else... perhaps Sunday football matches, Saturday night at the pub, "church in the woods", sleeping in, sunday car racing..... and become part of the eighy percent fall-aways.
on Tuesday, June 23, 2009 at 1:50 pm
on Tuesday, June 23, 2009 at 6:18 pm
The reason the church has become so “program driven” is because that’s what the parent expect and maybe even demand. The church has catered to the silent expectations of families who want programs to disciple their kids, thus alleviating their consciences’ when they realize they’ve never opened the Bible with their children. Nothing replaces parents, and when kids leave the church because they’ve never been grounded in God’s word, never discipled, never seen the priority for this in the lives of their parents, they fall away from the church and sometimes reject the truth altogether.
The fault isn’t the church…the root of this begin at home. Believe me, as parent, I have massive anxiety over this, and my husband and I have decided to withdraw from a program we love, and spend that night at home, eating dinner, and teaching our boys around our kitchen table. It was hard to make that break, but SO necessary.
on Tuesday, June 23, 2009 at 9:07 pm
on Wednesday, June 24, 2009 at 10:25 am
on Wednesday, June 24, 2009 at 11:26 am
So many of you addressed other contributing factors to why we are losing this generation and I appreciate what you've said.
I agree the real issue is the heart. Even if we had churches following the model Scripture provides for functioning, if we had godly, passionate, Christ-loving parents, if we had pastors clearly teaching the doctrine of the depravity of man and the need for biblical repentance rather than an "easy-believism" evangelistic approach -- we would still have the heart issue. We are losing this generation because their hearts have made that choice -- it is their responsibility, I agree completely.
What I've tried to present in my post is simply a challenge to those of us who've perhaps followed a model for doing church that may hinder (in some ways) practicing the model outlined in Deuteronomy 6 and Titus 2.
Obviously there are many contributing factors to our current problem, but I thought I would share with you one thing God has been teaching us in relation to the responsibility of parents in the spiritual training of their children and the need for the church to help, not hinder.
on Wednesday, June 24, 2009 at 6:43 pm