What does God think of divorce and remarriage?

Paula Hendricks

Paula Hendricks | 08.28.09
Twitter: @PaulaWrites678

213 comments

Today’s post is hard to write, as I’m sure it will be equally hard to read. Hard because all of us are emotionally involved in some way. If you’re not divorced yourself, you most likely have divorced friends, neighbors, or relatives.  

This past weekend, I found myself unexpectedly looking for answers. For reasons I won’t go into, I spent several hours combing through my Bible, looking up each reference on divorce and remarriage. I asked God to help me come to the text without an agenda or desired outcome—I just wanted to hear His heart on the whole subject.

What I found took my breath away. I have grown used to the culture’s (and the church’s) acceptance of divorce and remarriage. But as I poured over the Old and New Testaments, I was gripped by just how sacred, serious, and binding the marriage relationship is.

But I don’t want you to take my word for it. It doesn’t matter what Paula Hendricks thinks. It doesn’t matter what your friend or any other person thinks. What matters is what God thinks. So . . . I am going to give you a link to an article. But I’d rather you don’t read it until you yourself have first searched the Word for God’s thoughts. Here’s how I approached my study this past weekend: 

1.      I told God I was willing to lay aside my preconceived notions and desires and that I was  willing to receive whatever He said.

2.      I opened my Bible to the concordance in the back and looked up each reference of “divorce” or “marriage.”

3.      After I read each passage, I wrote down what I learned about God, marriage, or divorce.

After you’ve done this, you might want to read the conclusions that Del Fehsenfeld Jr., the founder of Life Action Ministries, reached after he evaluated the evidence of God’s Word on the permanence of marriage. I really like the way he concludes his article with a section on “God’s Purpose for Conflict in Marriage,” and a section for those who ask “What If I Am Already Divorced?”

Then I’d love to hear what strikes you as you dig into the Word and search out what God has to say about marriage!

Topics: Marriage

Comments

  1. This is one area of my life that I've had the most battle with. It is a touchy subject and one that will divide a church quicker than anything else. You are right...it is because we are emotionally involved (through family members) or either are there ourselves.

    I've lost a good friend because of this issue. I tried to talk to her. Her father was a minister and told her (because of what is considered the "exception clause") that she was free to re-marry. To make a long story short, she remarried a man that was called to be a minister. He has a church now and is having a lot of problems because people know the circumstances.

    Thank you for addressing this...I read the article and I feel now that I know the whole truth and will continue to stand on it.
    posted by Jodi
    on Friday, August 28, 2009 at 8:13 am
  2. My parents were divorced because my father was unfaithful. I was one who thought it was okay because of the "exception clause." This is the first time I've read another side to that. I always felt that my mother would have been happier as an unhappy wife with a husband who cheated than she was alone. I guess it was just a perfect example for me that we think we know what's best, and we all want to be treated fairly and we want to be happy - but God's ways are always better. Being alone can be very miserable at certain times in life, especially as you age and are faced with illnesses. She loved her husband, and that love didn't just disappear when he cheated or when she left. And another thing that factored in was her feeling that she would never be able to trust my father again - well guess what - when someone you loved so much cheats on you, you will never trust ANYONE again. So once again - leaving really didn't solve the problem, and trying to get what we deserve for ourselves really just doesn't work out right. Anyway - I don't want to advertise it to my husband too much! - but I did decide way back then that I would stick with him no matter what.

    I don't think the church speaks out against divorce enough. I know we have to let people know that they are forgiven - but letting divorced people feel forgiven seems to override the teaching about divorce being wrong. And when we are talking with kids, I know we need to assure them that it is not their fault and their parents do love them - but when we talk with the parents maybe the message should be a little different. Like, "You say you love your kids...but you're choosing your own need happiness over their need for two committed parents..." We can't just FEEL love for them, we need to act on that. And for me, that talk of how much my father still loved us kids didn't help for anyway - the bottom line was that he chose to live with a new wife and be a dad to a new step-daughter. I guess I'm just saying talk is cheap!
    posted by annie
    on Friday, August 28, 2009 at 8:28 am
  3. I have a brother who's wife is a gambling addict. She will not get help and has put the family in debt for years and even embezzled money for her gambling. She plans to divorce my brother and use the money to pay off gambling debts and for more gambling. The whole family is being destroyed because of her addiction. Her parents gambled and so do her siblings.
    I am praying my brother will eventually find a loving Christian woman who will be supportive of him.
    posted by Marie
    on Friday, August 28, 2009 at 9:33 am
  4. Wow! Thank you so much for this article - Truth is so beautiful! I am grieving for my ignorance on not understanding God's heart on this matter. I have ill advised many on this topic. Marriage is to be permanent - what a GREAT word and reality! Thank you for backing up that truth and giving us information for true counsel!
    posted by Angie Cole
    on Friday, August 28, 2009 at 9:38 am
  5. I'd like to agree with a comment above in that divorce does not solve the problems we think they will solve. I believed divorce would be best for my children so that they would not grow up learning how to disrespect women as my ex husband disrespected me. In my error of believing I had a right to remarry, I hoped to meet a devoted Christian man that would create the type of environment that I longed to have and share with my sons. What I didn't realize was that the father of my children would still have a tremendous impact on their development. In fact, their new step-mom entered the picture and before long they'd managed to completely disolved the relationship between myself and my oldest son, a situation I never dreamed possible when I was considering the advantages of divorce. I fought hard to maintain the closeness but with going from being a stay-at-home mom to working full time, being 100% responsible for the household chores, financial responsibilities, extra curricular activities, etc., I was pulled in too many directions to be able to battle the loss of closeness effectively. My story has been lengthy to say that divorce brings about many different things than the 'good' that we feel will come out of it. My sons were taught to disrespect women and because of the divorce my role and influence was eventually completely disolved.

    10 years after the divorce I look back on all of the difficulties that could have been avoided for both me and my children. I've been unsuccessful in finding a devoted Christian man to remarry. Fortunately, I now realize the truth and see that remarriage isn't an option. Over the past few years I've devoted myself wholly to living God's word and ministering to the needs of my children (two of which are in college) and others. God is restoring my relationships and comforting me in ways I never imagined.

    The biggest lesson I've learned is that you must find a way to be content in whatever situation you're in (single, married or divorced). That can only be accomplished by strengthening your relationship with God and having faith that he'll meet your needs daily.
    posted by mb
    on Friday, August 28, 2009 at 10:05 am
  6. I guess I am perplexed by the author's statement that he would only seek God's word and be in prayer on the matter, and then he cites alot of outside sources like the early church fathers. These early church fathers have fomented some false doctrine, especially in the Roman Catholic Church, another example being Replacement Theology. God's Word is the FINAL authority. There is too much divorce among "Christians", but I have wondered if they are really Christians at all. The gospel is so watered down and unbiblical terminology used (like "accepting Christ"; we don't accept Him, He accepts us). Think how many times in your life someone has given you the gospel outside the church in the form of a tract, etc, that was no part of a cult. I am 60 and I can remember four times. I know I am guilty of not telling the gospel enough. The true gospel has the power to change lives. By the way, I was talking with a missionary couple in Asia. There is no divorce allowed in the Philpppines. A Christian woman with two children has a husband who left her and has gone and lived with other women and fathered children. It is complicated because the Philippine government does not permit divorce. It has a strong Roman Catholic influence.
    posted by Susan
    on Friday, August 28, 2009 at 10:10 am
  7. This was a struggle of mine when my 64 year old widowed father married a woman who was twice divorced, with two living husbands. I wanted scripture to say something it didn't, to give an out, but it wasn't there. Now, fifteen years later, my Dad's decision to marry anyway has brought saddness, a break in family ties, all four of my siblings, their families and Dad left the church, and the family is in shambles.

    Just yesterday I spoke with a young woman who married two years go and is talking of divorce. What kept going through my mind is Malachi 2:16, "For I hate divorce," says the LORD, the God of Israel. I agree.
    posted by Julie
    on Friday, August 28, 2009 at 11:36 am
  8. Well, amen and amen! I wish sometimes that scripture didn't say what it says--but it does! I have been married for 20 years this week, but my husband has spent our last 4 anniversaries living with a younger woman. She's a mess, he's a mess, I have to let our kids go over there everyother weekend and there are days I just want to be able to move on and find a godly husband and father figure for my kids, and the church in general says I should. Even my pastor has advised this. But I know that God told me to wait and pray for my husband. He has shown me things in my own life to repent of, to both Him and to my husband, and I have. It gets lonely but being out of the will of God is never going to work out, so I wait and "stand". There are ministries out there specifically to help women in my situation and I do not know what I would do without Bob and Charlyne Steinkamp of Rejoice Marriage Ministries. And without Revive Our Hearts helping me to become the godly woman my husband needs me to be when he comes home.
    posted by Christine
    on Friday, August 28, 2009 at 11:50 am
  9. After 14 years of marriage I found myself in the situation of divorce - I know divorce is not God's best for anyone but when it happens, you pick up the pieces of your life and go on. I did that and almost 8 years later married a wonderful man who also had been divorced. I helped raised his two children and we have adopted two more - 24 years have passed and our marriage is better than ever. Again, I KNOW that divorce is not God's best and we give that advice to anyone - even our children. We have a wonderful ministry in our church and on the foreign field. God has richly blessed us so where do you think that leaves us in this question?
    posted by Patst
    on Friday, August 28, 2009 at 12:19 pm
  10. Let me start off by saying I am not divorced, nor do I believe in divorce. My parents are divorced and my dad was a Baptist preacher for over 20 years. My parents were married for 27 years before my dad left my mom. My dad's life has been miserable ever since he left my mom and he has tried to find his happiness in material things. He has apologized to me personally for the divorce and wishes he would have never left my mom. He remarried and he says. " women are the same in so many ways." Mid-life crisis can be very hard on men so we as "true women" need to be praying for our husbands.

    Susan, I believe you need to be very careful about judging people about being a Christian. We are all sinners saved by grace. A christian is still a sinner, his sins are just covered by the blood of Jesus. When some people sin everyone sees the sin and then there is what we call the secret sins, sin that only God sees. Let's be careful on judging people for what they do. You don't want to be judged so therefore don't judge. "Matthew 7:1
    posted by debby
    on Friday, August 28, 2009 at 1:11 pm
  11. Let me comment on my own comment.

    "We are all sinners saved by grace.'" We are only saved from our sin if we accept Christ as our Saviour. We have to accept Him when He knocks on our door. A preacher once said, "the door knob is on the inside of our heart, we have to open the door and let Christ in."
    posted by debby
    on Friday, August 28, 2009 at 1:17 pm
  12. When I read this my heart pounded and my mouth became dry. I had a husband who cheated on me and we did divorce. I agreee with the lady above who said that the so called chritians are also divorcing. I considered myself a Christian but did not know the true meaning until I started going thru the refining process, and is on going everyday. My ex husband was not a believer and still is not. It is diffently affecting my children. I am trying to be the true woman that God is tryig to call me to be. I re-married and after reading this feel as if God does not ever want to hear from me again. So, if I feel that way, I'm sure I'm not alone. I also know that God chooses the weak and foolish. I am glad he choose me. If he hadn't I would never of known the depth of his love.
    posted by Renee
    on Friday, August 28, 2009 at 1:50 pm
  13. While understanding that Jeremiah 3:8 is speaking of spiritual adultery, would someone comment on why the Lord seems to be breaking His own commandment if,in truth, He does not permit divorce? Similarly as the Lord calls for this backsliding Israel and Judah to return to Him, He declares a new covenant with them (Jer. 31:31-32). Could this be a remarriage?
    posted by Jim
    on Friday, August 28, 2009 at 2:35 pm
  14. Christine, your comment almost brought me to tears. I admire your devotion, love, and godliness. I hope that when my marriage reaches the 20 year mark, I'll be as good a wife as you seem to be. Your husband is very blessed to have you and I'll be praying that he'll soon realize what a wonderful woman you are.

    Renee, take refuge in God's promise to forgive and forget our sin when we repent.
    canceloutthegrey.blogspot.com
    posted by Lilly
    on Friday, August 28, 2009 at 2:37 pm
  15. This is a really difficult post for me to read. I was married for 8 years before learning that my husband was a homosexual. We attended counseling and prayed together over the issue but were not able to overcome the problem. We later divorced. My ex is in bondage to homosexuality to this day, and it hurts me to not only see how dificult his actions make the lives of he and our son, but it's also affected my confidence in my new husband. I never wanted to be a divorced woman and feel this was a decision that was out of my control. I wish that my ex had the courage and wisdom to come clean to me before we were married, as this is a part of me I can never get back.
    www.happy2bahomekeeper.blogspot.org
    posted by Alexis
    on Friday, August 28, 2009 at 2:39 pm
  16. Dear Renee,

    Thanks for your honesty about how this post affected you. When you said “I feel as if God does not ever want to hear from me again,” I knew I had to write you. Regardless of what your feelings are screaming right now, run back to the Word of God for the Truth about His acceptance of you. Here’s a little bit of Truth for you right now from 1 John 1:7b-9:

    “. . . the blood of Jesus [God’s] Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

    Can I encourage you to click on the link of the article above, and read the section at the very end titled “What If I Am Already Divorced?” It has four very helpful steps to walk through—the first of which is agreeing with God that your divorce was sin, and repenting of that sin.

    According to the verses above, if you confess your sin—any sin—God promises to be faithful to forgive you and cleanse you. Why? Because of the precious blood that Jesus spilled. Because He had your sin credited to His account, and had His righteousness credited to your account. There is NO condemnation for you, Renee, if you are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)! It is only when you refuse to repent of your sin that you should be concerned . . .

    I encourage you to consider studying God’s forgiveness in Scripture. Spend as much time as possible meditating on the Great Exchange that took place at the Cross. Make the Cross the centerpiece and treasure of your life. May the knowledge of your sin only increase the love and intimacy you share with your Savior, because . . .

    You are most definitely loved by Him, Renee!

    paula
    posted by Paula Hendricks
    on Friday, August 28, 2009 at 3:10 pm
  17. You are right, Paula. Divorce and remairriage is a very touchy subject. And your advice to read something sound in doctrine and to stay true to God's Word is SO important. I am divorced, but am not remarried, and do not feel free to remarry unless my divorced husband would die. Only then am I free to remarry. I didn't file for divorce, he did. Forgiving ourselves is an important step. I am a believer in Christ, and fortunately, my salvation is not dependant upon works. It is important to remember that sowing sin does reap consequences. We reap after we sow, and more than we sow. Marriage is a partnership and when both partners fail to work at unity, sometimes a weaker partner decides to call it quits. Consequences are going to occur. I do not dare to live "foot-loose" because other folks are assessing me. It is a fact of life. Philippians 3:13 and 14 tells us, "forgetting those things that are behind and reaching for the things wich are before us. . ." so I must never stop reaching for what God intends for me. Although I will not have the finest of blessing I could have had, it does not stop me from wanting the fullest and richest of blessings God can give me. Yet, that does not give me license to remarry. It does give me protection from His loving and merciful hand as I remain faithful to Him. I want to encourage women to seach their hearts, seek God's face, and move on, even if the man we trusted and loved moved away. To be bitter or revengeful is not the solution. Just stay true to God's Word and enjoy still the love of God and by all means, share that love liberally with family, friends, and neighbors. I will not make it to a General or Major in Christ's army ranks, but a faithful soldier I will be.
    posted by kje
    on Friday, August 28, 2009 at 4:04 pm
  18. THE BEST BOOK ON DIVORCE IS BY JOHN MACARTHUR. A MUST READ.
    posted by Todd A. Zulick
    on Friday, August 28, 2009 at 4:41 pm
  19. Thank you for the article on this touchy subject. My husband divorced me against my will after 20 years of marriage and has plans to marry his much younger girlfriend.

    When I studied the scriptures about divorce and remarriage, I was shocked to realize that remarriage with someone not their covenant spouse is adultery. So, that is when I realized that I can not marry again as long as my husband is still alive.

    The article you linked was excellent, except for one thing. The author tells his readers that we must repent of the sin of divorce and remarriage. However, I wished he had emphasized exactly what repent means. Most people believe that when you repent, all you have to do is confess the sin. They don't seem to realize that repent also means to give up the sin.

    God said that His people perish for a lack of knowledge. And I'm afraid that due to this area of divorce and remarriage, many many people will not reach heaven. Those in non-covenant marriages must repent and give up that non-covenant adulterous marriage. Jesus said it is adultery. And as we know, adulterers will not inherit the kingdom of God. Many people claim that this is a one time sin and that it is covered under God's grace. Unfortunately, it is not. As long as people stay in non-covenant marriages, they are still committing adultery. Second wedding vows do NOT supercede the original wedding vows.

    It doesn't matter how happy those in non-covenant marriages are, God wants our obedience. And it is imperative that we obey Him.

    I recommend for further reading to check out this website. The website lists many articles that speak against divorce and remarriage. http://www.marriagedivorce.com/mdreform2.htm
    http://www.marriagedivorce.com/mdreform2.htm
    posted by Janet
    on Friday, August 28, 2009 at 5:17 pm
  20. First I would like to say to Christine, God bless you for your faithful trust of our Lord to persevere and become more the woman God is leading you to be, until He brings your husband back. I will keep you in prayer.

    To respond to Jim's comment. God does not violate His own command of not to divorce. Scripture states that the bill of divorce was given by God to Moses because of the hardness of man's heart (see Mark 10:5). I prayed to the Lord before responding to this comment and if we read and study the Word, in Jer.3:8, we realize the atrocity of Israel's sin and God's divorcing her are truths to the severity of breaking covenant with Almighty God. However, God takes her back and we also see this in the book of Hosea. God taking Israel back, I sense is not so much a remarriage as it is a re-establishing what already was. This I believe shows us how important the covenant of marriage is between a husband and wife and if divorce occurs may those couples follow the example of our Lord and reconcile and re-establish their marriages, for are we better than our God not to follow His example?

    I would like to comment on Janet's blog. I'm a little confused. Are you saying that people who remarry, after divorce, should then again divorce because they are in a non-covenant marriage? Please clarify.

    God blessings to all as we zealously seek to become more like Him.
    posted by Bernadette
    on Friday, August 28, 2009 at 11:15 pm
  21. I have to tell you I praise God and His work in my current marriage. It is a second marriage for me and it hasn't been an easy one. In 2003 my husband and I separated for a few months, He had a friend who introduced him to "Married for Life" an awesome group that truly looked at marriage through a different light (God's light actually) and my husband refused to give up on our marriage. He was in an auto accident and I went to the hospital as they were bringing him in my ambulance, there was actually a white cross mark on his nose, I had the feeling God meant us to be together. We began focusing on reuniting or marriage, actually renewed our vows and worked (sometimes very hard) toward what God wanted for us. I look at our marriage today - yes we have our struggles - but more often than not they are just that "our" struggles, God is there to bless us and bring us through. YES its been tough many times, rough other times, and just to maintain has been a challenge. But now that we are on the "other side" it is so cool to receive the blessings of God because we stuck it out.
    posted by Marsha
    on Friday, August 28, 2009 at 11:30 pm
  22. First I would like to say to Christine, God bless you for your faithful trust of our Lord to persevere and become more the woman God is leading you to be, until He brings your husband back. I will keep you in prayer.

    To respond to Jim's comment. God does not violate His own command of not to divorce. Scripture states that the bill of divorce was given by God to Moses because of the hardness of man's heart (see Mark 10:5). I prayed to the Lord before responding to this comment and if we read and study the Word, in Jer.3:8, we realize the atrocity of Israel's sin and God's divorcing her are truths to the severity of breaking covenant with Almighty God. However, God takes her back and we also see this in the book of Hosea. God taking Israel back, I sense is not so much a remarriage as it is a re-establishing what already was. This I believe shows us how important the covenant of marriage is between a husband and wife and if divorce occurs may those couples follow the example of our Lord and reconcile and re-establish their marriages, for are we better than our God not to follow His example?

    I would like to comment on Janet's blog. I'm a little confused. Are you saying that people who remarry, after divorce, should then again divorce because they are in a non-covenant marriage? Please clarify.

    God blessings to all as we zealously seek to become more like Him.
    posted by Bernadette
    on Friday, August 28, 2009 at 11:47 pm
  23. This is in response to Bernadette's post...I can understand your confusion and I pray that I can be clear in my explanations.

    When someone is in a non-covenant adulterous marriage, they need to get out of it, because it is a sin in God's eyes. Unfortunately, the only way out is to legally divorce. That divorce is not considered a sin, but correcting a sin, because God did not view that marriage as valid in His eyes to start with.

    Once that person has divorced their non-covenant spouse, then they either need to go back to their covenant spouse or stay single.
    posted by Janet
    on Saturday, August 29, 2009 at 12:02 am
  24. Janet, bless you for pointing that out! I was so heartened to read the article...until the author dropped the ball. He seemed to hint that repentence was merely admitting wrong, when in fact, Biblical repentence means TURNING from the sin! If a homosexual was married, would he/she "repent" but remain in the marriage because "God hates divorce"? By no means! Likewise, God desires our obedience in heterosexual, adulterous remarriages. (He calls us to holiness before happiness.) Not an easy thing to hear, but anything else is a dishonest handling of the Word, and presumption of grace.

    To those who have been hurt by divorce, my God grant you peace and be your strength.

    God bless, everyone! :)
    posted by Melissa
    on Saturday, August 29, 2009 at 1:20 am
  25. This article and post was encouraging for me. Sometimes i wonder if I'm doing the right thing. My husband of 20 years cheated on me 4 years ago with one of his employees. he would not let her go even as my sanity fell apart. We were finally free from her for awhile and i had forgiven and tried to move on-but in the last 6 months - because of my husband's falling away from the Lord, using steroids and obssessing about his resentments towards me- his heart turned toward this woman again.

    He left our home for awhile to find himself- it seemed he was going thru some kind of midlife crisis. I have 3 children (10, 13, and 19) he did many hurtful things recently that my children knew about - like wanting the other woman to come back to work for him, giving her an expensive company car without telling me.

    With much prayer and without heartache- he got the car back, and has finally come home. Knowing the anger would not work on him, I gave up all control and now just seek to honor him, serve him and 'wash his feet'- and guess what?? His heart is turning back toward God and toward me and our family.

    It is so scary because i think 'wht if this is just a sham?" "what if he breaks my heart again and I can't survive?" what if i'm doing this for nothing?" But I know that God is in control and I must leave the outcome to God. I must be content that I am doing what I know i should do and leave my husband to the Lord. I know by serving him this way- I am correcting years of being too critical and not showing my appreciation enough- as well as correcting our intimacy level. I was not without fault even though he has done the most painful things to me.

    I couldn't bear to divorce and risk the damage it may do to our family. I'd rather try and be holy than happy- in that way, I know that my joy is to come from the Lord and will be rewarded in heaven (hopefully :)

    Any prayers would be appreciated as we our on our road to restoration
    posted by Chanin
    on Saturday, August 29, 2009 at 7:55 am
  26. Paula I would really like you to comment on Janets blog. I am really confused. Sin is sin in God's eyes. I know I am a saved person because I have asked Christ to save me from my sins. I may fall into a sin and not even know it. If I confess my sins He is faithful to forgive our sins. How is this any different for divorce people? My dad is divorced and remarried. He knows he did wrong and I believe that God has forgiven Him. How about all the people in forgein fields, the people who get saved after they have been divorced. If divorced people can not get saved the how can other people get saved? God is no respector of persons. I really need a biblical answer here. I mean I have enjoyed Nancy's teaching on "True Women" but I can not agree with Janet. If this is the way the blog is going to go I am going to have to go to something else.
    posted by debby
    on Saturday, August 29, 2009 at 8:18 am
  27. Paula and lilly first of all I would like to thank you for some type of encouragement but spent a very sleepless night after reading a post by Janet that stated that I will not inherit the kingdom of GOD. You can only imagine the amount of grief I am feeling at this moment to the point where I am in total despair. So being saved two years ago means absolutely nothing because I am remarried. Thank you so much Debby, I got up this morning wondering if we are ALL sinners then none of us will be saved. I disagree with Janet. I have also enjoyed Nancy but for some reason this does not feel right . I have become paralized by this blog and obviously suicide is out of the question but to have grown so much to have it taken away, leading other people to Christ has been for nothing then.
    Renee
    posted by renee
    on Saturday, August 29, 2009 at 9:06 am
  28. 2 Corinthians 10:12 clearly warns believers to not compare themselves among themselves ("For we dare not make ourselves of the number; or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves; and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.") It is dangerous to get on a blog like this and take man's ideas and experiences for our own. No, No! Rene, stay in the Word of God, search it, obey it, love it, and it will teach you and lead you in the way you should go. I think that you already know that. God's Word is not just a pail or water from which we drink and then look other places; God's word is a "fourntain of living water" to which we may return often. Heaven is sure and secure for those who have placed their faith in Christ. Holiness comes with companionship with Jesus through His written Word, his love letter to us. Jesus changed and saved the woman taken in adultry and left her accusers standing with unthrown rocks. What about the woman at the well who went away rejoicing that she had found the Messiah and brought back others to meet him? She brought more to meet Jesus that the very disciples of Jesus who were concerned about physical hunger. She had five husbands and was currently living in adultry. Sometimes a quest for holiness ends up being a mere desire to manipulate the hand of God. Beware of isolating aa verse from other verses. Enjoy God's Word. Enjoy God's people. You may need to close this blog, find confort and conviction from the Bible even if it is just a verse or two from something you have memorized, and let God hold your hand and lead you to daily victory. I love you and am praying for you.
    posted by kje
    on Saturday, August 29, 2009 at 10:11 am
  29. A very good study for MDR is at
    http://www.cadz.net/mdr.html
    Why I Repented of A Marriage God Called Adulterous!

    Go to the FAQ, it covers all the arguments that we have come accross on this issue.
    http://www.cadz.net/mdr.html
    posted by Cheryl
    on Saturday, August 29, 2009 at 10:17 am
  30. I have to say that this particular blog has troubled me quite a bit. I have never been divorced, and am married to a godly man for 26 years. I've had the opportunity to read an excellent booklet put out by Radio Bible Class
    about divorce and remarriage. Those of you who are familiar with RBC know them as the publishers of the popular devotional, "Our Daily Bread" and that they are a biblically sound teaching ministry. This Discovery Series booklet, entitled , "Divorce and Remarriage"--What Does the
    Bible Teach?" was written by Herb Vander Lugt, longtime pastor and RBC senior research editor. In this booklet, he does an excellent job wading through all the confusion of divorce and remarriage, delving into the Word of God with wisdom and compassion. According to Mr. Vander Lugt, and I agree strongly with him, the Bible does allow divorce and remarriage in certain circumstances, and where there is biblical permission to divorce, there is permission to remarry.
    I am greatly concerned that some women on this blog are afraid that because they have remarried they are not going to heaven. My Bible tells me that the sin of rejecting Jesus is what keeps people out of heaven, not remarriage. Again, I highly recommend the resouces from Radio Bible Class on their teachings of Divorce and remarriage. Go to www.rbc.org and type in divorce and remarriage in the search block, and you will see the different resources available to you.
    posted by Arlene
    on Saturday, August 29, 2009 at 11:59 am
  31. For those you posted at how upset they are at my posts, I would like to apologize. It was not my intention to upset everyone, but I wanted to show what most people are missing. The world has become so accepting of divorce and remarriage, they think it's ok and the church has fallen right in line with the world. The church has failed miserably in this area. Would you believe that pastors have the 2nd highest rate of divorce in the US? Satan wants nothing more than to tear families apart and how does he do this? By starting with the pastors.

    Statistics show that 90% of 2nd marriages end in divorce. You have to ask yourself why.

    I did want to make clear what covenant and non-covenant is. Sometimes a 2nd marriage for someone can be covenant. Let me explain... A covenant marriage is marriage between two people who have never married before. A non-covenant marriage is between two people where one party or both parties was previously married to a covenant spouse.

    What does this mean for the person who had never married before and their first marriage was a non-covenant marriage? They can remarry to someone who has never married before or is a widow, because God did not recognize their first marriage which was adulterous.

    I hope that wasn't too confusing. Two excellent books to read discussing this is "Til Death Do Us Part?" and the "Trojan Horse within the Church: Whom then Shall we Believe?" by Joseph A. Webb.
    http://www.marriagedivorce.com/mdreform2.htm
    posted by Janet
    on Saturday, August 29, 2009 at 12:01 pm
  32. Whenever I see a document that addressed a "Christian" view of divorce and remarriage, I do a search for "Jeremiah 3:8". If they haven't addressed that text, I ignore the rest.

    The linked document didn't get beyond "Jer" before the search box turned red.

    An excellent book to read is "Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible" by Jay Adams.
    http://mzellen.com
    posted by MzEllen
    on Saturday, August 29, 2009 at 12:11 pm
  33. Renee,

    I was really hoping that you didn't read Janet's blog. But it appears you have read it. My heart goes out to you deeply. You have been on my mind and heart. My mom is very concerned for you and she is praying for you. Believe me, my mom has helped me out in many ways. My mom gets her prayers answered so I hope you will get peace today and you will get a good nights rest so you can go to church and worship the Lord with a pure heart, tomorrow. (My mom is kje she wrote you this morning)

    Let me remind you that God hates sin NOT the sinner. God loves you and He wants fellowship with you. The devil hates you and he wants to destroy you. Put on the whole armour of God. It really works. Read Ephesians 6 and then literally put on the armour of God. The devil will flea. It works because this is what I have to do daily. Also remeber we are saved from our sin because of God's grace and mercy. Titus 3:5 says," Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us..." If you would try to "fix" things now you would be saving yourself by your works. We get saved by God's mercy alone. I am very thankful for that because I can't even remember all the sinful things I have done. I just pray and ask God to be merciful to me a sinner. He has shown me His mercy time and time again. Amen, and Amen.

    Keep reading God's word and Pray, Pray, and Pray. God loves you and will surely be merciful to you if you ask Him for His mercy. I love you with the love of Jesus. Hang in there and don't give up on God.
    posted by Debby
    on Saturday, August 29, 2009 at 12:13 pm
  34. @Jim:

    you asked, <i>While understanding that Jeremiah 3:8 is speaking of spiritual adultery, would someone comment on why the Lord seems to be breaking His own commandment if,in truth, He does not permit divorce?</i>

    No. I rarely see it - the passage of the reality of God's divorce is ignored by those who want to make divorce the "other unforgivable sin" (*the one without restoration)
    http://mzellen.com
    posted by MzEllen
    on Saturday, August 29, 2009 at 12:15 pm
  35. Thank you KJE and Arlene with tears in my eyes! I want to thank you for your love and prayers! I do need them. I am taking your advice and turning to Gods word.
    posted by Renee
    on Saturday, August 29, 2009 at 12:24 pm
  36. I think some have misunderstood what Janet is saying. Divorce is not the "unforgivable" sin. I don't get that at all! But an adulterous remarriage, like any sin, must be REPENTED of (forsaken) for forgiveness.

    Let me put it this way - if someone robbed a bank, could he/she say "Sorry, Lord", even in sincere, but keep the ill-gotten gains? Of course not! The thief would have to return it and leave his/her theiving ways.

    In remarriage, we see Christ the Apostles saying remarriage (except after death of spouse) is adultery. That means the first marital bond is still intact. Putting it another way, to remain in an adulterous remarriage is to keep the "ill-gotten gains" and have "stolen" or usurped the place of the rightful spouse.

    I know this is tough to hear. As the linked article mentioned, though, it is the stand the churches have taken for the first millenia of Christianity. From Polycarp (who was taught by the Apostle John) on down for hundreds of years, this truth was known. Now, it is hard to find a preacher in most cities who hasn't been swayed by modern (last few hundred years or so) "re-thinking" of the matter.

    As many have counceled, I'd urge anyone questioning to pick up their BIble, a good concordance, and pray for guidance. God will speak to anyone truly wanting to listen.
    posted by Melissa
    on Saturday, August 29, 2009 at 12:57 pm
  37. Question Melissa,

    Did the thief on the cross give back all his goods? Is he is paradise like the Bible says? You are putting works with salvation.
    posted by drs
    on Saturday, August 29, 2009 at 1:04 pm
  38. If a person remarried and had children with the second marriage what is she to do with the children. Do they stay with her or do they belong the the man of the second marriage. If she is to receive forgiveness and leave the non-covenant marriage what is she to do with the children. This makes no sense at all. Many people have children in second marriages. So I guess those children must grow up in a broken home inorder for their parents to get things right so that their parents can go to heaven. This is so much of the devil I can't believe it.
    posted by debby
    on Saturday, August 29, 2009 at 1:11 pm
  39. Again,
    These arguements are addressed at
    http://www.cadz.net/faq.html

    http://www.cadz.net/mdr.html
    Why I Repented of A Marriage God Called Adulterous!

    Another good site is
    www.marriagedivorce.com
    http://www.cadz.net/mdr.html
    posted by Cheryl
    on Saturday, August 29, 2009 at 1:44 pm
  40. Cheryl,

    We could all chase websites and find a answer to our questions. We can get the answer we are looking for if we want to. The question is what does the Bible say. Many people have given a response with out giving any refrence to the Bible. I am only interested in what the Bible says. Websites are written by man, the Bible was written by Godly men who loved God very much and they were used of the Holy Spirit to right it down for all mankind. The Bible is God's Word. God speaking to all men.

    Janet you didn't give us any scripture to look up in the Bible so we could decided for ourselves what the Bible says.
    posted by Debby
    on Saturday, August 29, 2009 at 2:22 pm
  41. @Jim:

    you asked, <i>While understanding that Jeremiah 3:8 is speaking of spiritual adultery, would someone comment on why the Lord seems to be breaking His own commandment if,in truth, He does not permit divorce?</i>

    No. I rarely see it - the passage of the reality of God's divorce is ignored by those who want to make divorce the "other unforgivable sin" (*the one without restoration)
    http://mzellen.com
    posted by MzEllen
    on Saturday, August 29, 2009 at 2:23 pm
  42. If you go to the FAQ, bible references are given throughout.

    http://www.cadz.net/faq.html
    http://www.cadz.net/faq.html
    posted by Cheryl
    on Saturday, August 29, 2009 at 2:46 pm
  43. drs,

    I appreciate your bringing that up. I think using the thief on the cross is a good point to bring up. Let us ask this - did he have the change to do so? Of course not! And I agree, he is saved!

    But to willfully stay in something that the Bible calls adultery when knowing it sin? Would you say the same to a homosexual couple, who is also, by definition, in sexual sin?
    posted by Melissa
    on Saturday, August 29, 2009 at 3:21 pm
  44. I think we should leave it up to each individual and let the Holy Spirit convict us of our sin. My question is what is the difference between sexual sin and any other sin. I know that I fall back into the same sin time and time again. I have to keep myself filled with the Spirit inorder to gain victory. We all have good days and bad days. I think it is awefully harsh of us to pick on the divorce people and say that unless they "repent" of the sin of adualtry and leave the spouse they are with, divide the children up between the parents of a second marriage, and attempt to make things right they won't go to heaven. That is not found in scripture anywhere. You can not seperate sin from sin. Sin is sin in God's eyes. So my sin deserves a pentalty in the same way as divorce people sin of divorce. This is why Christ came to save sinners. Divorce people can be saved and they can have God's mercy without leaving a second marriage and leaving children without two parents. Will they have the same blessing as those of us who stay married by God's help? Probably not. But who am I to judge. I am just a sinner saved by grace. Divorce people can raise good children for God's glory. God used many people through out His Word to bring glory to God. How about David, "A man after God's own Heart." How humble I am to think that God could use me . Remeber we all came from the dust of the ground. We can be nothing and will be nothing for Christ without the mercy of God. Lets not judge the divorce people. They are suffereing enough we need to love one another not judge one another.
    posted by drs
    on Saturday, August 29, 2009 at 3:42 pm
  45. Below are the scriptures where the Bible speaks against divorce and remarriage.

    Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another committeth adultery; and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery (Luke 16:18)

    And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery. (Mark 10:11-12)

    For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man. (Romans 7:2-3)

    And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. (1 Corinthians 7:10-11)

    The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. (1 Corinthians 7:39)

    It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery. (Matthew 5:31-32)

    And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. (Matthew 19:9)

    If you remember, the Bible said that the disciples were so shocked by what Jesus said about remarriage being adultery that they responded by saying it was better to never marry at all.
    posted by Janet
    on Saturday, August 29, 2009 at 4:05 pm
  46. So where does it say that you can't enter into the kingdom of heaven if you commit adultery?
    posted by debby
    on Saturday, August 29, 2009 at 4:15 pm
  47. 9Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders 10nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)
    posted by Janet
    on Saturday, August 29, 2009 at 4:27 pm
  48. Janet I am no longer going to aurgue with you over this matter. They only reason why I responed to this blog was because of people like Renee. I feel so sorry for her and others like her. My heart goes out to her. I can no longer address this issue with you. I need the help of other spiritual people like Nancy and Paula, and Kimberly.

    God is not pleased with us for aurging over matters and I have asked for His forgiveness.

    Renee, I hope you know that God loves you and someday you will get to meet your Saviour face to face. I love you and all I ever met was to stand up for you and love you in the way Christ commanded us to love. John 13:34, Romans 12:10 many many more could be mentioned.

    I will no longer argue for I have been convicted. The Lord is not getting the glory. The devil is laughing and I will not let the devil laugh anymore.

    God and God alone should receive the Glory.
    posted by debby
    on Saturday, August 29, 2009 at 4:50 pm
  49. I have never heard that the "exception" clause meant only impurity during the engagement period. I will have to double check on that. I know God always prefers reconciliation. Forgiveness doesn't always mean you should put yourself in harms way again. Also, what about habitual unfaithfulness?
    posted by sue
    on Sunday, August 30, 2009 at 12:32 am
  50. We can split hairs over these things, and you are right to some degree Debby about not arguing over such matters. Scripture says to avoid foolish and ignorant controversies for they breed quarrels (II Tim.2:23). But is it really foolish to seek the deep things of the Lord? Scripture is clear that God hates divorce. The best case scenario is to stay with the one you first married. To all who have marrried and divorced and remarried, there is forgiveness in Christ when one asks forgiveness of their sin and repents by not seeking to keep repeating the same sin over and over, aka not continuing to remarry and divorce over and over. I do say to Janet that I don't know where or who is teaching about covenant or non-covenant marriage, because all I know is that Scripture teaches that if you vow a vow you better keep it, and that means a marriage vow in a second marriage. As far as divorcing to return to the first marriage let me bring to your knowledge a Scripture from the O.T. Deut. 24:1-4 speaks of a man who divorces his wife because he is displeased with her for some reason. It goes on to say that if she remarries and the second husband divorces her or he dies, the first husband CANNOT take her back because she is defiled. This does show that God does see it as adultery, but also that divorcing to remarry the first spouse is not what God intends. God did not say that woman should leave her second husband to be with the first. So to say to leave a "non-covenant" marriage for a "covenent " marriage is just not Scriptural. Please be careful of what doctrine you are latching onto. I know some very God loving, Christ following believers who were married and divorced and remarried. They are beautiful people who reflect the love of God. They are truly sorrowful about the past of their life and they have repented by Not divorcing again. If Jesus didn't tell the woman at the well to go back to her first husband who are we to do such things? Jesus was more concerned about her knowing Who she was to worship in Spirit and in truth. If David was still a man after God's own heart, after all he failed God in, who are we to say that a person who is remarried is not a person after God's own heart? People who have divorced have enough emotional scars and wounds, so let us not add acid to an open wound, but rather bring the healing Balm of Gilead from Jesus Christ, Who is faithful to forgive us of all our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. God looks at the heart and knows who is truly repentant.

    What people really need to look at is why are they marrying in the first place. If it is for fleshly pleasures rather than serving and glorifying God, then they should rethink marriage which may stop this unGodly trending in the church of marrying and divorcing over and over.

    Thanks be to Almighty God for His loving kindness and longsufffering with all of us as we continue to grow in the Grace and the Knowledge of our Lord Christ Jesus.
    posted by Bernadette
    on Sunday, August 30, 2009 at 12:56 am
  51. I'm greatly grieved as I read this blog!!! My heart is pierced and breaking right now for many many women who both have written on here and who are reading this. O' Abba Father have mercy on us all.

    Much has been said with pride and ignorance. You must look carefully at the whole counsel of God and not just a few scriptures. Yes, God hates divorce! Yet, He allows for divorce in two situations:
    1) an unbelieving spouse wants to leave (1 Cor. 7:15)
    2) adultery (Matt. 19:8)

    Sue said it well, should one put herself in harms way again. Should a woman remain married to a man who refuses to stop sleeping around? What about VD? Or what about the woman who is abused do you think she ought to remain where it is not safe? Do you think Christ would ask that of her? Absolutely not!!!

    Yes,yes, yes, you can be a Christian a real true genuine Christian and end up divorced. Whether you chose to be or not (and by the way not everyone who is divorced chooses to be). Just like you can be a true genuine Christian and fall into the sin of pride which God hates too!!! You cannot speak and judge those whom you do not know the circumstances. I say all this not in anger but in love, grace, mercy, and peace. Wanting to put healing balm over the hearts of those who might feel paralyzed in fear and worry as they read this blog. Please, please do read what John MacArthur has written about divorce and remarriage.

    Debby and Kje, I praise God for you. You have been Christs Ambassador for Renee!

    Dear sweet Renee, let me say this if you have sinned confess it, but do not take on the guilt of someone elses if it is not yours to take on. He(Jesus) who began a good work in you will complete it!!!!

    Jesus came not for the righteous but for the sinner, and we are saved by faith not works lest anyone should boast. Yes, by their fruits you will know them, but point to anyone who is completely sinless besides Christ. How strange that what started out as a pondering about divorce became a discussion on whether or not a divorced person is really saved. And whether or not a second wrong(divorcing the second spouse) would somehow make it better. I'm speechless.

    Is this the Christ you know? Is this the Christ written in the scriptures? Is this even what you believe to be true about the heart of God? Have you read the book of Hosea? Have you not herd how he called Israel His adulteress bride to return to Him? Not just once but over and over and over again. His love is amazing it's so vast I cannot comprehend it, and yet He does not compromise on His holiness. Jesus is our refuge, the one we flee to!!! I can not stand in God's presence on my own merit can you?

    I beg God's mercy on you who judge without knowing, and I beg God's mercy for myself. For we are unclean and we are people who's lips are unclean.
    posted by Kim
    on Sunday, August 30, 2009 at 2:10 am
  52. Well said Bernadette!!!
    posted by Kim
    on Sunday, August 30, 2009 at 2:17 am
  53. I agree Bernadette. You gave the verse I was thinking about. My mom brought it to my attention. I felt as if I was arguing in flesh and not spirit: therefore I quit arguing.

    Thank you Kim and Bernadette I appreciated you comments.

    Kim I agree and I asked God to show me mercy. I am now off to worship my Lord and Saviour whose mercy endureth forever. Amen
    posted by debby
    on Sunday, August 30, 2009 at 9:33 am
  54. This might feel like beating a dead horse, but for what it's worth...

    In the linked-to post, the word in question in Matt 19:9 in Greek is "porneia," and it is an umbrella term for sexual misconduct -- including homosexuality, adultery, etc. The word simply does not have its roots in Jewish betrothal laws. In the Septuagint translation of the Hebrew Bible into Greek, the term porneia is not used in Lev 18:6 or 18:22. There is no lexical link between the verses that the author uses as the clincher for his case in eliminating the "exception clause."

    In his examination of the OT context, where was the consideration of **the** key text in the Law, Deut 24:1-5? Non-existent.

    And the reasoning used in interpreting 1 Cor 7 is viciously circular: It assumes the thing to be proved, then proves the thing that is assumed.

    We should all agree that marriage is intended to be permanent, and that any time divorce is present there is sin present as well. God hates divorce (Mal 2:16), and divorce is never to be encouraged. But I find the treatment of the subject here both discouraging as a pastor and biblical counselor and dissatisfying as an exegete.
    wannabepuritan.blogspot.com
    posted by Justin Keller
    on Sunday, August 30, 2009 at 4:33 pm
  55. Thank you Kim, for your kind hearrt and words of encouragement. I did step in for Renee's sake and am still praying for her. My hope is that she is not injured in spirit. I too was amazed at the contention on the blog and actually sorrowed over it. I haven't paid much attention to the blog subject this month, but my daughter drew my attention to it on Friday and thought I might be able to help Renee. Praise the Lord if I helped with what the Bible says. What a unique ministry you ladies provide. I commend you for not just letting the blog "do its thing" and that you intervene. I blogged once before and offended someone and thought maybe I should just quit if spirits would or could not be teachable. I just added an innocent comment that someone took the wrong way and rather than just keep it going, I stopped before it became a bone of contention. Satan loves strife and I hate for him to gain ground on me! What a shame when Christians shoot their own wounded!
    posted by kje
    on Sunday, August 30, 2009 at 4:53 pm
  56. Dear KJE,Debby,Kim, and Beradette,

    This is Renee, I woke up this morning still full of heart ache and grief. I long to feel free again. I did go to church and cried durning the whole church service. My poor daughter thought I was nuts, obviously not knowing my sorrow. Feeling as if I should not belong. I am afraid to read the bible. I want to tell you KJE and Debby knowing someone was out there praying for me kept me going last night. GOD BLESS YOU! I just have to keep going! Yes, my spirit is injured. (tears welling up in my eyes) I was drawn to this today and after this I will not look back. Thank you for your love!
    posted by Renee
    on Sunday, August 30, 2009 at 7:29 pm
  57. Yikes! I didn’t have Internet access this weekend, so it was quite a surprise to log on to my computer this morning and discover the turn this conversation took . . . May I jump in with a few comments?

    1. There is no such thing as a non-covenant marriage. Taking a marriage vow is the same as entering into a life-long covenant.

    2. When remarriage has taken place, a covenant of marriage has been established and should not be broken by divorce. Divorce of a second spouse will not make up for/atone for the initial divorce.

    3. Adultery is NOT an unforgiveable sin. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 was cited as evidence for this, but the surrounding context was missing:

    “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God (1 Cor. 6:11).”

    4. We really need to answer the following question: “What does it mean to repent?” 2 Corinthians 7:10 makes an important distinction between “religious repentance” (not the real thing) and “gospel repentance” (the real deal):

    “For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.”

    I’ve included a link to a short PDF on repentance by Pastor Tim Keller that I have found to be very helpful in understanding true repentance. I've also included a link to an excellent two-day series on repentance with Nancy and Dr. Henry Blackaby, as well:

    http://download.redeemer.com/pdf/learn/resources/All_of_Life_Is_Repentance-Keller.pdf

    http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/roh/today.php?pid=9695

    Thanks to all of you who added to this conversation! I'm praying that we all become like the Bereans, who searched the Scriptures daily to find out if these things were true . . . and that Colossians 3:12-17 will be true of us all,

    paula
    posted by Paula Hendricks
    on Monday, August 31, 2009 at 12:32 pm
  58. I was married almost 10 years to a man who was an alcoholic, addicted to drugs, and most of the time didn't work. I respected him as the Bible commanded, loved him as the Bible commanded, never denied him as the Bible commanded. But, the second he had an , I left him so relieved that I finally could. If he hadn't have had the affair, I would still be married to him today (17 years this past weekend.) I prayed for him every day. Two years ago, he got sober and cleaned his life up. Now I just pray for his salvation. But I'm really glad that I don't have to be married to him anymore. And I'm eternally thankful for the conviction from God that kept me in my marriage, working as hard as I could at it, so that in the end I did not sin, I did not do anything wrong.

    It wasn't until I married a Christian man, one with whom I was equally yoked, that I realized exactly what had been missing in my marriage.
    http://greggsgal.wordpress.com/
    posted by Hallee
    on Monday, August 31, 2009 at 3:03 pm
  59. "The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit." Psalm 34:18

    Renee, when I read your latest response you ended it by saying you won't look back. Which I took to mean you will no longer read these blogs. When I read that I cried for you. How can I tell you and assure you that when you believed on the Lord Jesus Christ your salvation was sure and that you are a precious daughter of the King of Kings, a beloved child of God. I'm praying that the Holy Spirit will prick your conscience so that you come back one more time to read this! I'm also praying that it would be soon. So that you will not suffer long and the enemy of your soul will not be able to keep you so miserable.

    I'm also concerned that you are afraid now to read your bible. God's Word is not to be feared by a child of God. His word is a beautiful love story; it is our hope, and our joy. It gives us a glimpse into the depth and breadth of God's love for us. It brings healing, takes away our burdens, and cleanses us from our sins. It's where we first herd that Christ loved us before we loved Him and that He died for us while we were yet sinners. It's also where we read that He keeps His promises to us, will work all things for good, will never leave us, etc...

    I want you to really think about what I'm going to say next:

    There are many things in scripture that have been disputed for thousands of years. Scholars godly men have argued one way or another using scripture as there defense. The issue of whether or not divorce is ever acceptable or remarriage is no different.

    I want you to know this so that you understand that there are Godly men and women who disagree with the premise and conclusion of the Authors of this blog and the article it referred to.

    While I appreciate Paula Hendriks desire to honestly search the scriptures to find the answer, and I agree on some fundamental issues. I however completely disagree with her and Del Fehsenfeld Jr., the founder of Life Action Ministries about the "exception clause."

    For another view and I think the correct view scroll up to Justin Kellers comments posted Sunday, August 30, 2009 at 4:33 pm. He does an excellent job explaining the error in Del Fehsenfeld Jr. Exegesis (far better then I could). I applaud Pastor Justin for not ignoring this blog and speaking up.

    The only reason I want to go back to this topic is to help you discern whether you’re feeling false guilt or genuine guilt. In other words are you committing sin now because you’re in a second marriage? I believe base on what I have read in scripture that the answer to that question would be no! Because your first husband cheated on you.

    The disputed text:
    "And I say to you whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."
    Matt 19:9

    Here are John MacArthur’s (Grace to You) own words:
    "Matt. 19:9 Sexual morality. This is a term that encompasses all sorts of sexual sins. Both here and in Matt 5:32, Jesus includes this "exception clause", clearly permitting the innocent party in such a divorce to remarry without incurring the stigma of one who commits "adultery."

    Whether you come to the same conclusion as me, whether you are divorced for acceptable reasons or not, and whether or not you have remarried will determine how you ultimately respond to this. One response may be to agree with the original group and think you have sinned. If so, then repent by determining never to do it again and confess it to God. Then accept God’s forgiveness. Do not despair or live in condemnation. Another is to know that you have done nothing to be ashamed of and trust God who judges justly.

    Finally Renee, I know you are greatly concerned for your daughter. The children do suffer greatly. Over time it gets easier but there will always be those days where they will grieve their losses, which are huge. I will not deny that. I know, for I too am divorced and remarried. My first husband was a womanizer and drank a lot. I stuck it out many, many years. I prayed for Him and was faithful to him until the day he wanted out because he was in love with another woman (I still pray for him). God has provided me with a godly husband. Together we serve God in our church and have a fruitful ministry. Our Pastors and elders have been behind us all along. My life is so much better now. I praise God daily for His mercy and grace and cannot begin to comprehend why He would be so good to me for I don’t feel I deserve all that He has done for me. You can have an abundant life in Christ even after divorce and remarriage.

    I'm praying that you will find solace in God’s word. That He will restore to you the joy of your salvation, your hope in Him, and that you will be able to forget what is behind and press on!!!
    posted by Kim
    on Monday, August 31, 2009 at 8:18 pm
  60. My brother walked out on his wife and kids this past weekend...and I am in disbelief. His wife is wounded, and his kids are confused. My father, who walked away from our family when we were younger...encouraged my brother to walk away. I begged my brother to stay with his family, and seek counseling, and I reminded him (both he and his wife are Christians) of what the bible says regarding marriage and divorce, and he stopped discussing it with me, but rather continued to discuss it with our father...who does not walk with the Lord. My brother and his wife have been married 15 years, and this makes no sense...there has been no infidelity or abuse...I don't get it.
    posted by Pamela
    on Monday, August 31, 2009 at 8:24 pm
  61. Concerning the thief on the cross----if he had a true heart change towards the Lord and his sin, IF he were able, he would too, like Zachias, make restitution. So we should be likewise, if we are shown sin in our lives, we repent of that sin----inwardly AND outwardly by forsaking it. We do not justify it, minimize it, and most certainly not----continue in what the Lord has called sin, no matter how many churches/pastors/friends/family say you are now ok even though your OUTWARD actions do not reflect what you say you repented of. The reality is this: if God does not recognize a divorce as dissolving the one flesh HE joined together (that’s why He calls remarriage ADULTERY (having Unlawful relations with one who is NOT your spouse), then the two parties are still joined in His sight---no matter if they have a “legal” paper stating otherwise or if popular agreement stating this new relationship is sanctioned by the Lord. If His Word tells us that marriage is TIL DEATH (Rom. 7:2-3, I Cor. 7:39), in spite of adultery (Rom. 7:2-3, Herod/Herodias/Philip, Hosea/Gomer, David/Michal, Priest/covenant wife(Mal 2), etc), in spite of NEW vows (Herod/Herodias, Michal/2nd husband, Priest/covenent wife(Mal 2), in spite of a divorce (Mt. 5:32, 19:9, Mk 10:1-12, Lk. 16:16-18, Herod/Herodias, Priest/covenant wife (Mal 2), then we can know with certainty that what God has joined together, let not (a command) man put asunder.

    It is a very serious thing to the Lord to depart from the one He joined you to and it is a serious thing to join with another who belongs to someone else in HIS sight (the third party). That is why throughout the Gospels Jesus tells us that whoever marries her that is divorced, commits adultery (yes, even the “innocent wife”-----see Mt. 19:9(b)). Paul has commanded that should a woman depart from her husband, her only options are: to remain unmarried OR be reconciled to her husband. Singleness or restoration are the only two options for those who have reasons NOT to live with the one God joined them to. Otherwise, should they decide to join with another while their spouse is still living…………..they shall be called adulterers/adulteresses (Rom. 7:2-3).

    I believe the big problem is this: we can no longer SEE our sin because it has now become all too common. The very same thing happened in Ezra’s day. Long before that time, the men of Israel were forbidden to join with the women of the land(heathen/idolaters). Somewhere down the line men started disobeying God and those in authority did nothing, so the sin grew. So much so that it became VERY commonly practiced. No longer could they see their rebellion against God. Israel was suffering, yet did not know why. Ezra and the other priests/princes sought the Lord on why His judgment was upon this nation. When it was revealed to them, Ezra tore his garments in anguish and repentance. Then what happened to those in Unlawful marriages: did they say “sorry” and then return to those marriages? No, in repentance, they FORSOOK those marriages because they were not lawful marriages. In like fashion, as we are shown the sins of OUR day, we too should have the same response. We should NOT want to continue in any relationship that the Lord Himself deems Unlawful (homosexual, fornication, adultery, incest, etc) no matter if such relationships ARE lawful according to the world’s standards. Blessings……….
    posted by Cindy
    on Tuesday, September 1, 2009 at 11:50 am
  62. Dear Pamela,

    Our team is praying for your brother's family.
    posted by Paula Hendricks
    on Tuesday, September 1, 2009 at 4:46 pm
  63. I thought you guys might just be able to use some truly Biblically based hope by some one who knows the Greek and doesn't spend 18 paragraphs explaining away a very clear teaching. It is not God will that we be in bondage especially to legalistic, Pharisitical, doctrines "The spirit of the law brings life and peace."

    This exception was given by a good God; a God who made provisions in His teaching so as not to leave your heart forever at the mercy of an ungodly, unrepentant, prideful adulterer. Why would God hold you in miserable status to a person who sinned against God and you and who everyday violates and breaks a vow they took in front of God and everybody? He Himself divorced his unfaithful people when they were adulterous and found a new bride the church with a new covenant in Jesus Christ. Peace be on your hearts and rest in His provisional grace

    Blessings on all your heads,
    Jason

    DIVORCE and REMARRIAGE by John MacArthur Jr.


    1. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). Divorce in the Scripture is permitted as an accommodation to man's sin for the protection of the innocent party. Since divorce is only a concession to man's sin and is not a part of God's original plan for marriage, all believers considering divorce should have the same attitude toward divorce as does God.

    Notice that in Matthew 19:5-9, Christ teaches that divorce is an accommodation to man's sin and is in violation of God's purpose for the intimate unity of the marriage bond (cf. Gen. 2:24).

    It was a concession for the "innocent party" due to the insensitivity of the other partner to God. This is defined biblically as the "hardness of heart" (Matt. 19:8). Dissolution meant that the innocent party no longer had to remain in a hopeless and intolerable situation (Matt. 5:32, 19:9; I Cor. 7:12-15). It is to be expected that a believer will have the same attitude toward divorce as does God and will see it as a violation of God's expressed purpose for marriage.

    2. The only biblical grounds for divorce are (1) fornication (any sinful sexual activity, including adultery--unfaithfulness of a marriage partner), or (2) a nonbelieving partner who initiates the divorce due to incompatibility with a Christian.

    The first is fornication, which seems to cover a wide area of sexual activity such as adultery, homosexuality, bestiality and incest (Matt. 5:32; Mk. 19:9; I Cor. 5:1). Adultery will take place even after the "official" dissolution of the marriage if the divorce is on nonbiblical grounds (Matt. 5:32; Mk. 10:11,12).

    The second reason for permitting a divorce is in cases where a nonbelieving mate refuses to live with his or her believing spouse, especially because of his or her Christian testimony (1 Cor. 7:12-15).

    It is essential to keep in mind that the Bible merely permits divorce in these limited circumstances but never commands divorce. (This is clearly indicated in Hosea 1-3, where the adulterous wife is forgiven and restored.)

    3. Remarriage is permitted for the innocent party when the divorce was on biblical grounds. In cases where a divorce was obtained between believers on nonbiblical grounds, the person who remarries first commits "adultery" (Matt. 19:9) and the person who marries a person who was divorced on nonbiblical grounds also commits adultery (Lk. 16:18).

    According to the Old Testament pattern, remarriage was allowed after the divorce (the exception is found in Deut. 24:1-4). The New Testament allows for remarriage when the divorce was based upon biblical grounds (I Cor. 7:15). In cases where the divorce was not for the two reasons stated above, the believer is exhorted to (1) seek for reconciliation, or else (2) remain unmarried (I Cor. 7:10-11).

    When one party remarries after a divorce which was on nonbiblical grounds, that person has committed adultery because God did not recognize the validity of the divorce (Matt. 5:32; Mk. 10:11). Since the remarried partner has "committed adultery," the marriage bond is now broken and the remaining partner is free to remarry.

    The Bible gives a word of caution to anyone who is considering marriage to a divorcee. If the divorce was not on biblical grounds, the person who marries the divorcee is considered an adulterer (Mark 10:12).

    4. Believers who pursue divorce on nonbiblical grounds are subject to church discipline because they openly reject the Word of God. The one who obtains a divorce on nonbiblical grounds and remarries is living in a state of "adultery" since God did not recognize the validity of the original divorce (Matt. 5:32, Mk. 10:11-12). That person is subject to the steps of church discipline as outlined in Matt. 18:15-17 and as illustrated in I Cor. 5:1-13.

    5. Salvation means that a person begins a new life. The believer is responsible to live up to what God has revealed about marriage and divorce from the point of his or her salvation.

    According to 2 Cor. 5:17, the believer has become a "new creature" when he or she accepts Christ as personal Savior. This does not mean that Christ immediately erases painful memories, bad habits or the underlying causes for past marital problems, but that He begins a process of transformation through the Holy Spirit and the Word. A sign of saving faith will be a receptivity and a willingness to obey what Christ has revealed about marriage and divorce through the Word.

    The apostle Paul's counsel in I Cor. 7:20, 27 is that a believer is to see every circumstance that they are in when they became a believer as from God. If they were called while married, they are not to seek a divorce (except on the grounds given in Matt. 5:32, 19:9; I Cor. 7:12- 16). If they were called while divorced, they are free to be remarried to another believer (2 Cor. 6:14).

    6. In cases where divorce took place on nonbiblical grounds and where the guilty party repents, the grace of God is operative at the point of repentance. It is assumed that the repentant party will endeavor to restore the marriage whenever possible as a sign of true repentance.

    In other words, where two believers were divorce on nonbiblical grounds, the grace of God becomes operative at the point of repentance and confession, and they can once again experience the joy of their relationship with Christ and their mate.

    A true sign of repentance will be a desire to implement I Cor. 7:11. This involves a willingness to remain unmarried or else to be reconciled to their mate.

    In cases where a believer obtained a divorce on nonbiblical grounds and remarried, the second marriage union is recognized as living in "adultery" (Mk. 10:11-12). If repentance takes place, it is recognized that to obtain a second divorce would disobey Scripture (Deut. 24:1-4). hence, they are to remain in the second marriage.

    7. The church has a responsibility to uphold the biblical ideal of marriage, especially as exemplified by its leadership. In cases where there has been a divorce in a person's past, the church has an obligation to restrict, for a period of time, the person's involvement in leadership until it can be proven that the present marriage exemplifies Christ's relationship to His church. I Timothy 3:2, 12 sets the marital qualification for leadership within the church. The phrase "the husband of one wife" does not mean that a person cannot have had a divorce in his past since none of the other qualifications listed refer to specific acts in the past (prior to salvation or subsequent to salvation) but rather to qualities which currently characterize a man's life.

    It is especially important, in cases where there has been a divorce in a man's past, that there be a period of careful observation to see that his present marriage is characterized by devotion and sacrificial love.

    8. If the innocent party in a divorce is seeking remarriage, it is preferable that he/she wait until the spouse has remarried in order to not preclude any possibility of reconciliation. However, the situation will depend upon a number of factors, i.e., purity of life, time, etc.
    posted by Jason Daniel Craft
    on Tuesday, September 1, 2009 at 8:25 pm
  64. How on earth can a 2nd adulterous vow supercede the original covenant vow? It can not and it never will, no matter how much people repent of the divorce and adulterous remarriage. Remarriage is nothing more than legalized adultery.

    I am reminded of a quote...

    "With each new evidence of deterioration, we lament for a moment, and then become accustomed to it." As behavior worsens, the community adjusts it standards to that conduct once thought reprehensible but is no longer deemed so." Robert Bork from the book Slouching to Gomorrah

    Everyone keeps harking to that exception clause. I ran across a research paper by Dr. Leslie McFall from Cambridge, England. He is a former lecturer in Hebrew and Old Testament and now a full-time researcher in Biblical Studies and Research Fellow at Tyndale House Library.

    He discovered that the so-called exception clause is an exclusion to divorce, not an exception to divorce and remarry.

    The KJV (King James Version) and the (TR) Textus Receptus Greek Manuscript was the work of Desiderius Erasmus, a Roman Catholic priest. Erasmus from the 15th century was extremely angry at the dogmatic stance of the Catholic church’s views against divorce and remarriage. He believed that divorce was justified in the case of adultery.

    When Erasmus put together his Greek-Latin New Testament, he used 7 manuscripts, but only 3 of them contained the gospels. It was discovered that he deliberately added the Greek word ei (if) before mh (not) into Matt 19:9 and Matt 5:31-32, thus changing the text to read from "not" to "except", despite the fact that the three manuscripts containing the gospels did not include it.

    The current translation that we find in our present day Bible reads as:

    And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery (Matthew 19:9)

    The correct translation before Erasmus changed it reads as:

    And I say unto you, whosoever shall put away his wife, —not even for fornication—and shall marry another committeth adultery; and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. (Matthew 19:9)

    The correct translation now makes sense and it fits with all the other scriptures I listed in an earlier post stating that remarriage with someone not their covenant spouse is adultery.

    I will state it again....remarriage with someone not their covenant spouse is adultery period. Repentance means to confess the sin and give up the sin. Those in adulterous (re)marriages must repent of it and give it up.

    Again here is the link to alot of articles that speak against divorce and remarriage....
    http://www.marriagedivorce.com/mdreform2.htm
    posted by Janet
    on Tuesday, September 1, 2009 at 9:33 pm
  65. MacArthur teaches: "4. Believers who pursue divorce on nonbiblical grounds are subject to church discipline because they openly reject the Word of God. The one who obtains a divorce on nonbiblical grounds and remarries is living in a state of "adultery" since God did not recognize the validity of the original divorce (Matt. 5:32, Mk. 10:11-12)".

    So, a remarried person can be "living in a state of adultery"?? That means that multitudes (most) who have obtained divorces and then remarried "unbiblically" as defined by MacArthur, are living in a state of adultery, since God did not acknowledge their divorce as dissolving the covenant marriage. Now the quandry for Mr. MacArthur to explain in a biblical way is this: If the secone marriage is "adultery" because the first marriage is still intact, how then can he possibly teach that all one needs to do is then admit their sin and then it becomes a lawful marriage? Does scripture teach anywhere where an adulterous union becomes a legitimate marriage because someone wants it to be legitimate? What if the wrongly divorced spouse is praying for restoration and for their spouse to repent from the ADULTERY they are in? Does or does not God see this forsaken spouse as the LAWFUL spouse?

    MacArthur uses the "can't unscramble the egg" reasoning on why one should not forsake the adulterous union and return to the union God joined together. How is it that man cannot unscramble the union God did NOT join together as One flesh, but man CAN unscramble the union GOD DID join together? Just a thought. Blessings...........
    posted by Cindy
    on Tuesday, September 1, 2009 at 11:24 pm
  66. Wow! I'm utterly in shock right now...in disbelief almost!

    Janet,

    Your comments have caused a woman to basically say that if it were not for her faith she would commit suicide as a result of reading what you have written. But you don't seem to care. Only a few who have responded seem to care. I'm stunned. I'm hugely disapointed! You have caused for atleast the one woman and who knows how many more to think she has committed the ultimate sin. Are you clapping and praising God at that thought right now? Could you not have shown some compassion for her. Instead you just go on and on, and you offer no hope only condemnation and another divorce. Why do you keep beating down your brothers and sisters in Christ. Do you really think that your doing it in Love???????? Really???? Wow! You obviously do not have ears to hear! And you are unteachable since even the writer of this blog Paula Hendricks has proven you wrong. Not that Paula and I agree with everything, but atleast we agree that it would be wrong to divorce the second husband/wife. Unlike you who believes unless I abandon my second husband, and separate all of our children I'm living in adultery. Somehow she thinks that this wicked thing will make things right between God and Me. Who cares what it will do to my husband, myself, our children, etc... Wow!!! What does one say to that.

    I'm also sad to say that I'm disappointed in the True Woman ministry team. Who will pray for the woman's brother who walked out on his wife. Which is great and appropriate. But everyone except for a few ignored this deeply hurting woman who is now ashamed to attend church or read her bible.
    posted by Kim
    on Wednesday, September 2, 2009 at 12:50 am
  67. To those who are divorced or thinking about it,

    I just wanted to share what I have found to be true for myself when My husband divorced me and what I observed in him and others:

    Divorce is one of the most painful things emotionally and physically that you will ever experience. When and a man and woman marry they become one flesh. When one divorces it feels as if you are literally being torn apart. From what I have seen I believe this to be true whether you wanted it or not. Both parties seem to waste away physically dropping twenty pounds is nothing and their faces are forlorn. The grief can overtake you in an unsuspecting moment and you cry from the core of your being. Your grief is multiplied when you realize that this person will continue to live and have relationships and that you will be cut off from them. If you have children your grief is further multiplied as you watch your children suffer and act out in anger, clam up, or become insecure. You learn it takes time for your children to heal, but nobody prepares you for the fact that the wound is forever there and can rise up oozing out again. You learn to let your children grieve and you learn to let yourself grieve too. You rely on friends and family because you have to and over time the wound heals. Forgiveness is possible! The anger, hurt, and pain subsides. You one day will get to a place where you can see the other spouse with their girlfriend and you'll no longer feel punched in the stomach. Jesus has healed your broken, shattered, and trampled on heart.

    I wanted to share this first for the person who may be reading this whole blog because they are contemplating divorce. I want you to know that it is so painful, more then you cold have ever imagined. My ex wanted out yet he must have dropped 40 pounds, had anxiety attacks, and looked awful during the divorce process. I was willing to take him back if God asked me to, but my ex never looked back he was in love with someone else. He is now married to her. It is more damaging to the children then you could ever imagine. You will heal from it far better then they will. Their sorrow will be opened up at each milestone in their lives.

    But the story doesn't just end there:

    To those who are already divorced and are saying Yeah I know all that. To them I want to say that there is healing ahead, there is life after divorce, you will laugh again, and if you are in the right church you will serve God again. As far as those who will judge you and me, well they will always be there. But then who am I to get angry with them for I struggle with judging them.

    As I said once before in this blog May the Lord have mercy on us all. Most of all me!

    Grace, peace, and love in and through our Lord Jesus Christ!!!
    posted by Kim
    on Wednesday, September 2, 2009 at 1:32 am
  68. Please forgive me Paula, I went back over the posts and I did see that you did indeed compassionately respond to Renee! I must admit that I was, well, as I said in shock at Janet's continued persistence to make her point even though she has been proven wrong biblically by plenty of others. It's as though she is rubbing salt into the wounds of the wounded.

    Grace, peace, mercy, and love in and through our Lord Jesus Christ!
    posted by Kim
    on Wednesday, September 2, 2009 at 2:10 am
  69. Thank you for asking for my forgiveness, Kim. I do forgive you. No offense taken!

    Would you all continue to pray for the women involved in the thread above? Would you pray that our enemy would be bound and God would recieve all the glory? Thanks.
    posted by Paula Hendricks
    on Wednesday, September 2, 2009 at 9:30 am
  70. Kim,

    Janet has not been proven wrong biblically. Did you know the EARLIEST Christian writers (before the establishment of Roman Catholicism) all taught marriage IS (not should be) until the death of the original spouses? They also taught that a new marriage contracted before this time would not be a legitimate marriage, but adultery. What the early Church Fathers (AnteNicene) taught is very consistant with scripture. I don't see where Janet is teaching anything different than was understood and taught in the Early church.

    The truth is this: just as a "married" homosexual couple cannot say their "marriage" is approved/joined by God because it's "legal" in man's sight, God's Word tells us (through Jesus and Paul) that remarried persons who have living original spouses are also not in "approved" unions in the sight of God either, though "legal" in man's eyes.

    Let me give you a little background on where I'm coming from: I belong to a support group/fellowship that contains every marital situation except those who remain in remarriages. We have those who have forsaken adulterous remarriages (many), those who have been forsaken by their original spouses, divorced (by their own actions), single-never married, those in original marriages, widows. I have great compassion for ALL who are suffering, whether it be due to conviction of being in adultery, due to being forsaken by the one who they are covenanted with, or those who are remaining in difficult marriages because they desire to walk out love as the Lord loves (I Cor. 13). All the preceding situations need God’s love extended to them along with the encouragement to walk out what has been permitted to happen to them in this life for GOD’S GLORY.

    I would ask you this question: what if one of the posters here (not me) is a forsaken spouse who is standing for the restoration of their original marriage? What if their spouse has married another (as MacArthur says---is “living in a state of adultery”)? How would you counsel such a distraught woman/man? Could you give them scripture to state that now their spouse belongs to the one God says they are committing adultery with---as most pastors teach today? Which scriptures would you use to nullify Jesus’ assertion that the “remarried” are in adultery and not a legitimate GOD joined union? Would you tell such a forsaken spouse that someone CAN’T repent of adultery(forsake it), they have to stay with the partner of adultery? Why would it work that way in a remarriage situation (adultery) but not in an extra-marital situation (adultery)? Is it because of the new vows----the ones the parties involved were not free to make in the sight of the Lord anyways? Could you provide scriptural evidence of new marital vows superceding/nullifying the original vows honored by God? Are children the defining factor on which spouse a person should stay with----- in GOD‘S eyes? What about the children of original marriages? Are they “less” worthy of having their parents together---the ones God joined in a lawful union?

    See, one of the big problems is this: the reason why such a thread is “troubling” to some is because there are REAL questions/issues being raised in which many do not have the answers for. Yes, people can try and comfort those who are feeling grieved, but if those who are comforting have holes in their doctrine, the discomfort some feel will not go away----God designed it that way for those who belong to Him----because He is working in a particular area with them. He wants them to DILIGENTLY seek His face. I know in my own Christian walk, whenever I have felt a “sick” feeling in the pit of my stomach, it’s either due to my own sin and needing to go make things right, or it’s because I am starting to “see” something VERY uncomfortable and the Lord wants me to seek further in His Word.

    In any case, whenever this topic comes up in Christian circles, I am amazed at how hard people fight to preserve relationships the Lord has called sin, but how very little the church overall will fight to keep that which is JOINED BY GOD together. It is a very strange and sad thing for me to watch, but I understand the dynamics behind it now. If we were to fight REALLY hard against divorce/remarriage, that would be greatly offensive to those who are already remarried---they would feel condemned because of all the scriptures brought forth against remarriage/adultery. Again, it’s all very sad to me and I know, I come from divorced parents and 3 of my siblings are either divorced or are in remarriages. This is not an easy topic in this day and age, but I truly hope that some of the questions here will not be put off, but will be truly pondered by those who want to understand this. Fact is: If there is such diversity on MDR beliefs, then it is very clear some/most are walking in error, no? That is one thing that spurred me to study this for myself and to quit relying on the all the so called “studied/scholars” who don’t even agree amongst themselves! Blessings………
    posted by Cindy
    on Wednesday, September 2, 2009 at 10:20 am
  71. Yes, I am praying that Renee would be given a stable mind and heart from the Lord and that she would seek His face DEEPLY on her marriage situation so that she walk in HIS perfect peace. Blessings........
    posted by Cindy
    on Wednesday, September 2, 2009 at 10:37 am
  72. A redirection:

    I appreciate the comments made by Janet. It is obvious to me that she has a great love for others and a love for the truth. I can see by her posts that her desire is to share the truth of the gospel so that all may obtain salvation through Jesus Christ. The truth is hard to hear at times. We’ve evolved so far away from the truth that it’s difficult, if not almost impossible, to believe and accept what the scripture says about how we should live our lives.

    For those people (especially Renee) who are reading God’s instruction regarding marriage and the putting away of one’s spouse, it must come as a tremendous shock. Earthly traditions have taught us that simply obeying the law of the land is all you need to do to be obedient to God’s word. This is not the case. If we cheat on our taxes and the IRS never catches it, is it still ok to cheat on our taxes? Earthly traditions would say yes. If we cheat our neighbor yet win in a lawsuit against him, is it ok to cheat our neighbor? Earthly traditions would say yes. Does legalized abortion make it ok to murder? Earthly traditions are saying yes. We have become desensitized because of the worldly evolution. God says he’ll turn us over to a reprobate mind if we continue in our sin. Romans 1 [28] And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; [29] Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, [30] Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, [31] Without understanding, covenant breakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: [32] Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

    Christians are held to a higher standing… not simply by earthly law but also the law that is God’s word. I would suggest that no one make any hasty decisions or drastic actions after reading this blog until they have time to search God’s word, search their hearts, and petition the Lord for his council. If you are truly desiring to have God’s will before your own, then once you’ve had time for all the above mentioned scriptures to sink in, then I believe your attitude will change. At first you may feel slighted because you realize that remarriage is not obedience to God’s law as long as your husband is living. Don’t feel slighted! God’s law is always meant to protect us! After some meditation, you’ll begin to realize that this particular law is yet another way of protecting his children. He loves us so abundantly that he does not want us to tangle and complicate our lives with second and third marriages. He doesn’t want us to confuse our children by asking them to accept other men and women as their ‘other’ parent. We all know the difficulties that occur between step-children and step-parents. In circumstances where a spouse passes away this can be an issue as well, however, the biological mother/father is not hurt because there is a true need for a surrogate parent. There are to many struggles we must face when we remarry to mention here. God’s word recommends that we do not marry so that we can be about the things of the Lord I Cor 7: [32] But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:
    [33] But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.

    Why be so obsessed with finding another spouse after your marriage ends? God’s recommendations are to save you from tremendous grief. They are recommendations of love and should not be looked at as punishment for the unsuccessfulness of your marriage. Because he loves us, he teaches us accordingly.

    One final thought in closing… let’s concentrate on how we can better serve God. Let’s be willing to be a living sacrifice if we’re asked to do so as it states in Romans 12 [1] I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. [2] And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

    To the divorced people… Don’t concentrate on the things you shouldn’t have in your life… indulge yourself in the things that you can have!

    Let’s care about the things of the Lord now… and see what incredible blessings he has in store for us as we live an abundant life!
    posted by mb
    on Wednesday, September 2, 2009 at 11:01 am
  73. Cindy,
    I can see you are passionate about this, but one can be passionate and wrong. I do not disagree with you that divorce is wrong, what I do disagree with is 1) I think there is an "exception clause"and I disagree that once remarried one should repent by divorcing. I will never agree on that, ever!!!! But I'm nobody, so why should that matter to you...I really don't know. But for those who stumble across this blog it is for them that I continue to write. Not for myself or yours even(for I don't feel I have anything to prove nor is it necessary to argue Proverbs 9:7-10) It is for their sake and Christs or I would be silent.


    I have one question for you Cindy, Janet too and then perhaps I will rest trusting Christ on this one.

    "But as God has distributed to each one, as the Lord has called each on, so let him walk." 1 Cor.7:17

    "Let each one remain in the same calling in which he is called." 1 Cor.7:20

    "Brethren, let each one remain with God in the state in which he is called." 1Cor. 7:24

    "...that it is good for a man to remain as he is." 1Cor.7:26b

    You will want to read the context of these and if you do you will discover that Paul was speaking to believers and encouraging them to remain in the situations they were in at the time of saving faith such as: circumcised or uncircumcised, slave, virgin, married, and unmarried. One must ponder for the sake of argument if one is in a second marraige what would Paul say?

    Janet and Cindy you have been a true challenge!

    One thing I pray, is that Christ be magnified and glorified in and through me! In and through the true church! Those who love Him in Spirit and Truth.

    To Christ it is that I flee. He alone is my rock and refuge. It is Him alone that I seek to please not man and from Him I long to someday hear "well done good and faithful servant."

    May each of you who read this know the depth and width of His love which is unfathomable. May you pour out your hearts to Him and release all your burdens. May you increase in His wisdom, knowledge, discernment and understanding. May you continue you to grow into Christ's likeness. And may your love for Him be passionate unquenchable until the day He calls you home. Finally when you stand before Him at the judgment seat, may you stand firm with the covering of the blood of Christ!!!

    Grace, peace, love, and mercy in and through our Lord Jesus Christ!!!!

    Kim
    posted by Kim
    on Wednesday, September 2, 2009 at 11:24 am
  74. Kim,

    Thank you for the respectful dialogue. I believe it is the Lord's desire that we each "challenge" each other----to look like HIM in EVERY way and I do believe that this ministry does encourage this in most all ways.

    Concerning the passages you quoted: ""But as God has distributed to each one, as the Lord has called each on, so let him walk." 1 Cor.7:17

    "Let each one remain in the same calling in which he is called." 1 Cor.7:20

    "Brethren, let each one remain with God in the state in which he is called." 1Cor. 7:24

    "...that it is good for a man to remain as he is." 1Cor.7:26b".

    I will say this: NONE of us are to CONTINUE in the sinful lifestyles we were in when we came to Christ----NONE of us. We, when we are born again have been set free from the BONDAGE of sin. This "freedom" gives us the ability the unsaved do not have----to walk away from those sins that beset us and to walk in Christ's likeness.

    The above passages pertain to LAWFUL marital situations we are in. If one is abandoned/divorced. etc, they are to remain UNMARRIED, living for Jesus---unless reconciliation is possible with their spouse. However, if one comes to Christ and is in adultery (according to HIS WORD), then they should forsake that relationship, because in God's eyes one or both belong to another and keeping what does not belong to you is sin. In the same way, if a homosexual couple who are LEGALLY married by the laws of the land come to Christ, they would not "confess" their sin of homosexuality and then "POOF" their relationship is now legitimized by the cross----no, they would see that the relationship honored and legalized by man is UNlawful in the sight of God and in repentance (the fruit of), they would forsake the relationship. If children are involved, they would not abandon them just because the "marital" relationship is discontinued, they would continue caring for and raising their children to the best of their ability.
    Do you agree with this?

    mb, beautiful post!
    posted by cindy
    on Wednesday, September 2, 2009 at 1:42 pm
  75. MB,

    I thought I could be silent but I cannot. First I must thank you MB for quoting a verse that was quoted earlier in this blog. I did not point out the error of the argument then but will know. Below is the verse and the first sentence you wrote after:


    God says he’ll turn us over to a reprobate mind if we continue in our sin. Romans 1 [28] And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; [29] Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, [30] Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, [31] Without understanding, covenant breakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: [32] Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

    "Christians are held to a higher standing… not simply by earthly law but also the law that is God’s word."

    posted by mb
    on Wednesday, September 2, 2009 at 11:01 am

    Yay!!! This actually get's me very excited because what I'm going to share is the gospel of Christ.

    First let's pick apart the verse a little:

    Let's just list the sins:

    filled with all unrighteousness
    sexual immorality
    wickedness
    covetousness
    maliciousness
    full of envy
    murder
    strife
    deceit
    evil-mindedness
    whisperers
    backbiters
    haters of God
    violent
    proud
    boasters
    inventors of evil things
    disobedient to parents
    undiscerning
    untrustworthy
    unloving
    unforgiving
    unmerciful

    Wow! Can you truly say that you have not stumbled in one of these?

    Perhaps you need some definitions from Merriam-Websters:

    Maliciousness- desire to cause pain, injury, or distress to another. The desire to see another experience pain, injury, or distress

    strife-bitter sometimes violent conflict or dissension <political strife> b : an act of contention. Exertion or contention for superiority

    deceit- : to give a false impression

    Whisperers- specifically : rumormonger; a person who spreads rumors

    Backbiters- to say mean or spiteful things about (as one not present)

    covetousness- marked by inordinate desire for wealth or possessions or for another's possessions

    envy- painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage.

    unmerciful- having or showing no mercy

    Are you or is there anyone who can say they are innocent of all the charges on that list?

    Well let's take it further, we can all say that were innocent of murder right?

    What did Christ say about murder?

    "you have heard it was said to those of old, "You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment. But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of judgment..." Matt.5:21-22

    Or about unforgiveness?

    "And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses." Matt. 11:16

    the Apostle Paul wrote:

    "What then? are we better then they? Not at all. For we have previously charged both Jew and Greeks that they are all under sin.As it is written:
    There is none righteous no not one." Romans 8:9&10

    "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23

    Or how about what Jesus said to His disciples after the rich ruler walked away:

    "Then Jesus said to His disciples, 'assuredly I say to you that it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. And again I say to you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for the rich man to enter the kingdom of God.' When His disciples heard it, they were greatly astonished, saying, 'Who then can be saved?' But Jesus looked at them and said to them, 'with men it is impossible, but with God all things are possible."
    Matt. 19:23-26

    If it is impossible with man to save himself then what is our solution? What must a man do to be saved?

    "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

    "that if you confess with you mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him form the dead, you will be saved." Romans 10:9

    Further scripture on the grace of God to think about:

    "For by grace you have been saved through faith not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works lest anyone should boast." Eph. 2:8

    Once we are saved we are to put off the old man, put on the new man and walk in the Spirit. We are to do the good works that God prepared for us to do beforehand. Since we have been set free from sin and it's grip on us then we can live a sinless life if we constantly walk in the Spirit. And we should continually be striving for holiness through Christ who is at work in us. However name one person besides Christ who has lived since the time of Christ who has not sinned in word or deed since they have been saved? Can't come up with one? Me neither! How about taking a look at the old Testament patriarchs those who are in the great chapter of faith in the book of Hebrews surely they were completely righteous and did not need the blood of Christ especially after they had their monumental faith moments that have forever impacted the world? No, not one of them either. How about Christs lineage it surely must be pure lineage? Surely for His son He would choose that!? No, not in His own family. Not even the apostle Paul could say that he was perfect:

    In response to the fact that the law does not save but points out sin and sin once known by us suddenly becomes more attractive to us:

    "Has then what is good become death to me? Certainly not! But sin, that it might appear sin, was producing death in me through what is good, so that sin through the commandment might be exceedingly sinful. For we know the the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin."

    "For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. If then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. For I know that in me(that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. Now if I do what I no longer will to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me." Romans 7:13-20

    See Galatians 5:17

    and finally:

    "This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief. However to this reason I obtain mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might show all long suffering, as a pattern to those who are going to believe on Him for everlasting life." 1 Timothy 1:15-16

    I would like to end with one warning and then I'm done:

    Matt. 23:1-4

    1Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples: 2"The teachers of the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses' seat. 3So you must obey them and do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. 4They tie up heavy loads and put them on men's shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.

    Grace, peace, love, and mercy in and through our Lord Jesus Christ- Kim
    posted by Kim
    on Wednesday, September 2, 2009 at 1:53 pm
  76. Cindy,

    I have come to respect your determination and your opinion. You have thought through what you believe dilligently. So have I.

    Here is another thing that we agree on: That when one repents from their sin they are to turn from it, forsaking it.

    Here is where we don't: My second marraige is not sin(To explain why would be redundant)! Therefore I do not need to repent of it and get rid of my amazing godly husband.

    Also even if it were done in sin (for those out there who may have had no biblical grounds for divorce and remarriage) I cannot see at all in anyway how you can say they should divorce.

    Have you thought of huge ramifications that could bring on a family?

    Have you thought about what that would do to the children of that union?

    I think we have become repetitive and have each said our peace!

    Please forgive me for continuing in on this dialogue. I wonder if it has been all for nothing. And wonder if there has been any value in it.

    As far as my Dear sister in Christ Renee, I pray she doesn't look back here as she said. I think she would only remain devastated if she did. For her and the others like her I will continue to pray that they will stand in the grace of our Lord Jesus and Christ. That He would be the lifter of their chins and their just judge who they flee too!


    To Cindy, Janet and the others of you who we have ended up on opposite sides I'm looking forward to the day when I meet you in heaven and we will more clearly know what we dimly know now. I'm thinking we'll hug and laugh about it.

    Grace, peace, love, and mercy in and through our Lord Jesus Christ- Kim
    posted by Kim
    on Wednesday, September 2, 2009 at 2:19 pm
  77. Hi Paula,
    I am, and have been, praying...
    Blessings to you,
    posted by Leslie S.
    on Wednesday, September 2, 2009 at 3:16 pm
  78. Kim,

    To God be the glory. You told the truth and shared the gosple in such a beautiful way. God bless you.

    Debby

    PS You said everything I told my husband and you said it in such a beautiful way.
    posted by debby
    on Wednesday, September 2, 2009 at 4:16 pm
  79. Hi Kim,

    I know you don't want to keep dialoguing about this further, so I will just answer what you stated and let you ponder my thought(s).

    You said, "Also even if it were done in sin (for those out there who may have had no biblical grounds for divorce and remarriage) I cannot see at all in anyway how you can say they should divorce.

    Have you thought of huge ramifications that could bring on a family?

    Have you thought about what that would do to the children of that union?"

    To your questions on me having pondered the ramifications to children/family----yes, I have seen first-hand through those I know who have forsaken adulterous marriages. There is MUCH heartache involved in forsaking sin............but no more so for a heterosexual couple in adultery with children than for a homosexual couple in fornication with children. Would anyone feel comfortable using the same emotional arguments for homosexuals staying together? I don't believe so..........though that too is coming on the horizon---VERY quickly.

    You asked why the adulterously remarried should forsake their relationship? Because in the Lord's eyes, they do not belong to each other. He did not join them as ONE FLESH. He joined one or both of them to other people. If God does not join two in marriage, then it is not a legitimate marriage in the eyes of God (hetero or homo). In the case of the forsaken wife/husband who is praying for their spouse to repent of adultery and return home, the wayward is THEIR spouse not the third party's spouse (according to God). How is it then that most teach/counsel today the wayward spouse now belongs to the third party---the one they are committing adultery with? Do we find ANY evidence of this being the case in God's Word? No, yet those in such situations are warmly welcomed into congregations today........and in some cases even though the pastors KNOW an original spouse is praying for restoration.

    Many times, I have seen where the forsaken are driven out of churches because they are "standing" and praying for their spouse to come to repentance and for their family to be healed. Talk about hurt and pain! Their stand, especially if they are verbal about it, is extremely offensive to many remarrieds, especially those who have married divorced persons and feel entitled to have someone else's husband/wife. I believe the Lord is extremely grieved at this. Those who are walking according to His will---truly loving their original spouse with HIS kind of love (I Cor. 13), walking as He walks, are being persecuted within the professing Body of Christ--being called "martyr wanna bes" and such. This should not be, but sadly is. This one issue(who does the wayward spouse REALLY belong to in God's eyes?) causes a real problem for people to explain away because there are all kinds of biblical examples which shows neither new vows, nor adultery, nor divorce dissolves the ONE flesh union joined by God. In fact, we find the contrary in scripture.

    Am I passionate about this? Yes, absolutely because I cannot help but see the destruction of God ordained families going on in the professing Body of Christ............and the fact that many will not talk about it(though I am greatly encouraged that Paula was brave enough to touch this topic) . Do I hope we see each other in heaven and give each other big hugs of joy that we are there? Absolutely. However, I do not think either of us will laugh about this matter. I think we will be quite grieved when we see as He sees...........especially if we led others astray and into sin or comforted them in their sin so that they should not depart from it. (Mt. 7:21-23, James 5:19-21). Blessings
    posted by Cindy
    on Wednesday, September 2, 2009 at 11:37 pm
  80. I believe that while God's creational intention was for marriage to be permanent, he recognises the reality of sin in this world and permits divorce for three grounds: abuse, adultery and desertion. I have studied this subject extensively and written a book called "Not Under Bondage: biblical divorce for abuse, adultery and desertion". I know the arguments presented by those who think there is no divorce, but I think theses arguements are based on vaious false presumptions and misunderstandings of scripture and of the cultural context in which the different books of the bible were written.
    It's far too complex a case to explain here, but those who are interested may go to notunderbondage (dot com) which is my website.
    I feel especially for women who are victims of domestic abuse reading this blog. I know that much of what has been said may have hurt you deeply.
    www.noltunderbondage.com
    posted by Barbara Roberts
    on Thursday, September 3, 2009 at 5:15 am
  81. Woops, I didn't proofread my comment. Sorry!
    And I mistyped my web address.
    Here is is again, correctly.
    www.notunderbondage.com
    posted by Barbara Roberts
    on Thursday, September 3, 2009 at 5:17 am
  82. Debby, I wanted to thank you for your kind words they were much needed. I greatly appreciate you and also your continued prayers for Renee and others like her!!!

    Barbara, I too have been greatly concerned for the women who already have been suffering so much and are vulnerable to what has been said. So thank you for being willing to share about your book. I took a look at it online and read some of the reviews. I was really intrigued by what I read. One thing that I was surprised at was the correct interpretation from the original Hebrew of Mal 2:16. I looked it up in my ESV Study Bible and sure enough it's in there:

    16 “For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, [10] says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers [11] his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”

    Footnote 2:16 Hebrew who hates and divorces

    ESV Study Bible Notes:
    "This rendering understands the Hebrew (and the Gk. of the Septuagint) in the sense of, “For he hates (or “does not love”) [and] he divorces.” The action of “hating” and thus “divorcing” is seen also in Deut. 24:3; further, the idea of a man “hating” his wife appears in Gen. 29:31; Deut. 21:15–17; 22:13;"

    The Study Notes on it were excellent. I just shared a small portion of them. So I was glad I looked it up and I plan on spending some more time reading in my ESV.

    I also appreciated your summation and advice after examining the text:

    "God did not say “I hate divorce”, nor did he condemn all divorce. We should therefore stop using the slogan “God hates divorce”. If we still need a slogan, it would be better to say, “God hates treacherous divorce, but he does not hate disciplinary divorce.'"

    Barbara Roberts
    Not Under Bondage
    Biblical Divorce for Abuse, Adultery and Desertion

    You have given me some more things to think about and perhaps pass on to my Pastors. Thanks again for sharing.



    Cindy, I love you! And as I said before I don't think it's profitable to continue hashing this out. I'm sad that you think I will receive some sort of discipline for what I believe and that I'm leading others astray. But I love you anyways.

    I'm also sad that you think that the pain that would be caused to the people involved in the second marraige does not matter, children included. To that I can only say you have no idea what your talking about. You think you do, but you don't. That families have been broken up (a greater wrong in my eyes) as a result of this teaching grieves me tremendously. I now see that when we both pray for Renee we are praying for the opposite things. I had no idea this kind of thinking and teaching actually exists but now I have seen and it grieves me. Yet I still love you!

    There is a quote from you that I neglected to finish addressing:

    "Christians are held to a higher standing… not simply by earthly law but also the law that is God’s word."

    To this I say, no not I God says:

    Acts 13:38-39 ESV
    "38 Let it be known to you therefore, brothers, that through this man forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you, 39 and by him everyone who believes is freed from everything from which you could not be freed by the law of Moses.

    Gal 2:16 ESV
    "16 yet we know that a person is not justified by works of the law but through faith in Jesus Christ, so we also have believed in Christ Jesus, in order to be justified by faith in Christ and not by works of the law, because by works of the law no one will be
    justified."

    Galatians 2:19-21 ESV
    "19 For through the law I died to the law, so that I might live to God. 20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. 21 I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness were through the law, then Christ died for no purpose."

    Galatians 3:10-13 ESV
    "10 For all who rely on works of the law are under a curse; for it is written, “Cursed be everyone who does not o abide by all things written in the Book of the Law, and do them.” 11 Now it is evident that no one is justified before God by the law, for “The righteous shall live by faith.” 12 But the law is not of faith, rather “The one who does them shall live by them.” 13 Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us—for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree”—14 so that in Christ Jesus the blessing of Abraham might come to the Gentiles, so that we might receive the promised Spirit through faith."

    Galatians 3:23-29
    "23 Now before faith came, we were held captive under the law, imprisoned until the coming faith would be revealed. 24 So then, the law was our guardian until Christ came, in order that we might be justified by faith. 25 But now that faith has come, we are no longer under guardian, 26 for in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith. 27 For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. 28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 29 And if you are Christ's, then you are Abraham's offspring, heirs according to promise.

    Again your quote:
    "Christians are held to a higher standing… not simply by earthly law but also the law that is God’s word."

    You can if you want, believe you must obey the law of God to the highest standard which is obedience to it in your heart (taught by Jesus), and thought life in order to obtain your salvation and favor with God. But if you do I don't know how you will stand before Christ in the day of judgment. I know that I could not and would be more likely to say with the Apostle Paul "Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief. " 1 Timothy 1:15

    Acts 15:10-11 ESV
    10 Now, therefore, why are you putting God to the test a by placing a yoke on the neck of the disciples that neither our fathers nor we have been able to bear? 11 But we believe that we will be saved through the grace of the Lord Jesus, just as they will.”

    ESV Study Bible Notes:

    "The rabbis often used the metaphor of a yoke with reference to the law, and Peter's reference to “yoke” here refers not just to circumcision but to the whole of the Mosaic law (see note on v. 1). By speaking of the law as an unbearable yoke, Peter was not denying that the law was God's gift to Israel. Rather, he was arguing that Israel was unable to fulfill it perfectly and that salvation could not be obtained through the law (cf. Rom. 2:17–24). Only one means of salvation exists for both Jew and Gentile: God's “grace” (Acts 15:11) in Jesus Christ. Paul also refers to any requirement to keep the OT laws as “a yoke of slavery” (Gal. 5:1). By contrast, Jesus calls people to take his new “yoke” upon them, a yoke that is easy (see note on Matt. 11:29). "

    I could not have said it any better! It is in this that I rest. Trusting by faith that I will be able to stand in the day of judgment not by my works but by my faith. Any works that I do out of a pure heart will be a result of the Holy Spirit at work in me and to Him be the glory not me. Jesus alone is my refuge and to Him I still flee, He knows me through and through and He loves me anyways and I love you too!!!

    Grace, peace, mercy, and love in and through our Lord Jesus Christ, Kim
    posted by Kim
    on Thursday, September 3, 2009 at 12:17 pm
  83. Thirty-five years ago, my dad gave me this quote that I have found to be excellent advice: “To defend yourself only leads to further charges, and only for the Lord’s glory should we speak.”

    The subject of divorce and remarriage and the meaning of the exception clause is controversial, disagreed upon by godly men; for example, John MacArthur and the late Del Fehsenfeld, Jr. We can argue and debate forever and still not convince everyone to have one opinion.

    Satan likes Christians to argue because then they’re not praising God or telling the lost about the Savior. He wants there to be a kafuffle, disharmony, and hurt feelings.

    2 Corinthians 2:11 says to forgive, “Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices.”

    The bottom line is that whatever we have done, Jesus loves us and forgives us. He has borne God’s judgment against our sin and we can have forgiveness and rest. “If You, Lord, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand? But there is forgiveness with You, that You may be feared.” Psalm 130:3, 4. Jesus says, “Come unto Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me; for I am meek and lowly in heart and you shall find rest unto your souls.” Matthew 11:28, 29.

    When Peter denied the Lord, he was filled with grief and distress. He went out and wept bitterly. But Jesus restored fellowship with Peter and said, “Peter, do you love Me?” Peter said,” You know I love You”, and Jesus told him to care for his people. John 21:15-17.

    I read this quote recently: “The church is waiting for the world to get right with God, but the world is waiting for the church to repent.” The church has much to repent of – all of us, individually. We have been too free with divorce; we are materially-minded; we dress and behave just like unbelievers, and etc. Let’s all get on our knees and tell God we are sorry for our sins. Let us know that Jesus has forgiven us, and let us move on to love, obey and proclaim the name of our worthy Savior. Let’s not worry about justifying ourselves in the eyes of other believers but rather, commit to please God, and let’s forgive.


    Let’s get the focus off ourselves and onto Him. He knows all about everything. He forgives us. He alone is worthy of vindication and glory.

    “And they sung a new song, saying, You are worthy to take the book, and to open the seals thereof: for You were slain, and have redeemed us to God by Your blood out of every kindred and tongue, and people, and nation … Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive power, and riches, and wisdom, and strength and honor, and glory and blessing … Blessing, and honor, and glory, and power, be unto Him that sits upon the throne, and unto the Lamb forever and ever.” Revelation 5:9, 12, 13.
    truewoman.com
    posted by April
    on Thursday, September 3, 2009 at 1:00 pm
  84. Kim,

    I love you too in the Lord, but taking all the passages you have posted and applying it to remaining in relationships the Lord has called adultery just does not fit. We are called FROM sin, if we belong to Him. It is not a "works" salvation. It is EVIDENCE of our salvation, for we do not want to walk in ways that are sinful in His sight once we are "enlightened".

    Jesus made it very clear to those listening that ON THAT DAY (judgment) MANY will come in His name, having done all kinds of "works" for Him, yet what does He tell them? "Depart from me you workers of LAWLESSNESS/iniquity"(Mt. 7:21-23). These are not "oops" one time sins or even sins we struggle with, but He is dealing with those who profess to KNOW/WALK WITH HIM, yet continue in law-less-ness(the same group of people Paul warned the brethren about that will not inherit the kingdom of God).

    It is true, that following the law does not save us, but scripture does teach that the law is GOOD and the law is to show us what is SIN in God's sight. Once we know something (including a relationship) is sin---do we as Christians continue in it? Paul says, GOD forbid. Peter teaches that judgment begins in the house of God. If we are all ok..............and it is ok for Christians to continue living in relationships the LORD has defined as sinful because one or both belong to someone else in His sight...........then we don't need judgment, right? But scripture says otherwise.

    You see there are many who profess to know Him, do all kinds of "spiritual" things, but walk in disobedience to His commands. Please go to Lk. 16:16-18 and ask yourself why Jesus mentioned the law..................and in the same breath mentioned divorce/remarriage? The "law", not Jewish law................but His moral law, is FOREVER. If we REALLY love our "neighbor", we would NEVER take their spouse as our own. If we REALLY love our neighbor, we would not be cause for their stumbling by joining them in adultery. God's "law" of marriage is: 1 man/1woman for life. Sin did not change this. God TOLERATED perversions of marriage (polygamy, incest, divorce/remarriage, etc) for a TIME. Paul told us that God no longer "winks" at sin. Jesus brought marriage back to CREATION (Pre Mosaic law). That's why His disciples were SHOCKED at His teaching. They already knew the popular stances of the day---divorce for ANY cause, divorce for adultery. Jesus said something very different. So different that they felt is was a HUGE burden----that it was better to NEVER marry under such restrictions. Paul, in Rom 7:2-3 even reinforces "creation" marriage, even using an adulterous wife, yet maintaining that the bond lasted until death (not divorce, not adultery, not remarriage). His analogy was PERFECT. One way to be joined to Christ and freed from the law of sin and death..............one way to be freed from an original marriage and joined to another.


    Also, it seems you did not read what I wrote concerning children/families of adulterous unions. What all go through when sin is forsaken is VERY sad to behold. As I told you, I know MANY who have forsaken adulterous remarriages(illegitimate marriages). God's Word came alive to them and they could do nothing but right their situations. They saw that they were really committing adultery with someone else's spouse in the Lord's sight and that if they did NOT forsake the union, THEY would ALSO be a stumbling block----they would be the reason their "spouse" would continue in sin. I have seen time and again in such situations where the Lord has given them a real heart towards the original spouse----even praying for the restoration of the original marriage joined by God.

    On the other side, I have seen COUNTLESS forsaken spouses hurt/grieved/devastated when their spouse "legalized" their adultery with another. I have seen where some of these spouses have even gone to the churches their spouse attends and have been rebuked for honoring their marriage vows. Instead, they are treated like they are coveting someone else's spouse. I have seen countless children from original marriages turn inward...........become angry......become disrought. Sin has terrible consequences, many time affecting those who have no power to stop another from destroying their lives. If one thing comes from this discussion, I hope it is that someone who is contemplating divorcing their original spouse in the hopes of getting something "better", would dig deep in God's Word and reflect if they truly DO have the heart of God towards their "flawed" spouse. I also hope that many will be spared the trauma of entering into adulterous remarriages then coming under conviction of it, knowing they cannot continue life as "usual' now that they see their "marriage" as God does. Not sinning in the first place will save MUCH heartache----for the couples involved as well as ALL the children from the God joined marriage as well as from the illicit unions.

    Ps. Kim, those quotes you attributed to me were written by another poster. May He bless all of us who seek His face and His Will above our own wills.
    posted by Cindy
    on Thursday, September 3, 2009 at 1:57 pm
  85. Kim,

    April couldn't have said it any better. This subject has torn me up. I can tell that it has torn you up also for the same reason. It grieves me to think some people would like to be right, and by them being right many people would die going to a devils hell. That is more then my mind can comprehend. I know one thing that God showed me this morning that He is full of love and mercy. Wrap yourself in God's love and don't give anymore place to the devil. I know you are just trying to stand for truth and we should but not at the cost of grief or heart ache to yourself.By saying that I mean you have said what you need to say now leave the rest of the battle to the Holy Spirit. You need to focus on what God's purpose is for you and put all your efforts to that purpose. You are not going to change Cindy and you are only frustrating yourself. You are probably alot like myself and you may take this out on those who you love most. Don't allow satan to do that to you or your family. I love your stand and you are a fighter. You have fought now leave the rest to God. I wrote this to you out of love. I can't wait until the day we can meet in heaven and worship our Lord and Savior together. May God bless you and keep you in His love.
    posted by debby
    on Thursday, September 3, 2009 at 2:14 pm
  86. April,

    I enjoyed reading your blog. The quote your dad taught you was an excellent quote. Something I need to learn to live by and apply in my own life.

    Thanks for sharing it was refreshing.
    posted by debby
    on Thursday, September 3, 2009 at 2:19 pm
  87. I've enjoyed reading these posts. I filed for divorce from my husband after 10 years of marriage. We have three children and it was the hardest decision I ever made. I have no misconceptions that I'm going to find this wonderful, "Christian" man to remarry. In fact, since this marriage failed, I have no intentions of remarriage ever. I understand that God wants us to remain married, but after years of abuse at the hands of a p*rn addict, why would God require that anyone remain in that situation? Doesn't the Bible say something about being unequally yoked? Just some thoughts. Like I said, I've enjoyed everyone's posts but staying married is not always the best answer.
    posted by Marilyn
    on Thursday, September 3, 2009 at 2:40 pm
  88. Debby and April,

    I repent, I relinquish, and I willingly except your loving rebuke, my sisters in Christ. I too look forward to the day when we will worship our Savior together.

    Kim
    posted by Kim
    on Thursday, September 3, 2009 at 6:08 pm
  89. I came across this site and am rather confused. I think for anyone to assume what Gods thoughts are is not right. As far as divorcing your 2nd spouse to remarry 1st - wow - that is a tought one. I can see why people stand for that, but then I also know what the bible says about a wife leaving her 2nd husband & returning to her 1st - it says it's an ABOMINATION is the Lord's eyes. Read it - Deuteronomy 24:1-4. I strongly believe you should fight for your 1st marriage before it ends. As far as God not seeing the 2nd as a marriage - well, I will live that one up to HIM! I believe it's God's highest will for only 1 marriage, but I don't believe someone in a 2nd marriage will go to hell - providing they ask for His loving Blood to wash them. He covers our sins by the Blood to never be used against us - so, if we repent, then how could He use a Blood covered sin against us?? Yes, I believe an uncovered sin will take you to hell, but that is where the shed covering Blood comes in. If the sin has been repented over, then doesn't it make you new - YES! What if you committed fornication with your 1st spouse - does that mean you have to leave him, because you need to turn away from the sin, or perhaps can you ask for the BLOOD to wash you & make you new?!? Bible says fornicators won't inherit the kingdom of God, so for the spouses standing for their 1st marriage - does that mean since you might of fornicated with them, then you would have to turn away from them or when you repented did the BLOOD wash you clean & made you new?? I am not sure what is right or wrong in this. Just a point to ponder! May you all seek HIM!!
    posted by Ruth Anne
    on Wednesday, October 14, 2009 at 1:42 pm
  90. I must add... after posting yesterday I now can see why people remain unmarried when seperated from their 1st spouse. After studying the word of God - it really got quickened to me.
    posted by Ruth Anne
    on Thursday, October 15, 2009 at 11:34 am
  91. Jesus hasn’t changed. He’s the same yesterday, today and forever. He says heaven and earth will pass away but not His words. And His words telling us that remarriage is adultery are hard to hear, even to those who have ears to do so. Thirty years ago this month Jesus gave me this truth out of His Word as I studied it diligently. As a divorced woman, I fell flat on my face and told Him I’d be willing to stay single for the rest of my life. But He said, “Go back to your husband.” So I did, seeking his forgiveness. I told my husband, “We made vows ‘until death do us part’ and neither of us are dead yet.” Jesus healed our marriage and we went through another ceremony. Today we’re still together. Yes, Jesus is in the restoration business, fully restoring one-flesh relationships. It wasn’t easy, there was a lot of death to self involved, but there’s no greater joy than walking in the light. Marriage is for life. Even his disciples were shocked at His words. They had to ask Him again when they had Him alone and I can just hear them, “C’mon Jesus, what did you really mean?” And He repeated the truth again. Remarriage is adultery. And unrepentant adulterers will not enter the kingdom of God. It was a hard saying then and it’s even harder today – current research shows there is more divorce and remarriage in the professing church than there is among unbelievers. The Spirit is calling the American church to repent of this evil. Today, if you will hear His voice, harden not your hearts. Straight is the gate and narrow is the way that leads to life and few there be that find it.
    posted by Amy
    on Thursday, October 22, 2009 at 10:34 pm
  92. It is interesting to see the vast opinions of persons on here. Interesting enough what i see coming out alot here is that people are leaning to their own understanding and simply making excuses for their sin. God made marriage for life and there is so much scripture that supports it. I especially look at the Hosea story. This story is too fold but important. Marriage is the only institution God likens unto himself and His people. Imagine Hosea had the perfect biblical reason for divorce according to some people, yet God insisted He pressed on. HMMMM. God also speaks about not breaking vows. Your vow would have been to be with this person no matter what until death, so how is it possible to promise God the same thing for two different people in one lifetime. God does not permit remarriage either His word is clear he is not the author of confusion and His word cannot go back void. How can a man who did not have the power to join to people together divinely, have the power to break it. Lie from the pit of hell. God word is final and all those remarried need to repent of those adulterous marriages and return to God for he says he will refuse your offerings and prayers in malachi 2 for such wicked behaviour. God is not mock, believe you me. I may have offended some here but i stand on the word of God and will not be removed. We live under the excuse of grace and forgiveness, another lie. God wil not forgive you if you do not repent, bottomline. God would owe Hosea an apology. The consequences of David's actions would also have to be reversed.The world needs people who are going to stand up for the truth and the word of God. I myself fought for a marriage of which my wife had an affair and to make it worst with a pastor. I have seeked to restore my marriage and forgiven but my wife wants a divorce. God has called us to forgiveness and he also has given us a reconcilling ministry. Repent you hard hearted people, and hard heartedness is a sin. May God continue to show himself to us all and may we read his word and stop making assumptions. God knows why he placed certain things in the word and why he omitted some. Stop trying to be God, stop trying to say what God said. Lastly think about it, the risk of divorcing and remarrying to find out it was wrong as opposed to finding out it was ok. i prefer to suffer now, do the right thing and go to heaven as opposed to doing what i feel then to find out my name out the book. God bless you all.
    posted by Shawn
    on Thursday, October 22, 2009 at 11:07 pm
  93. There are some recommended books on this blog but only one expounds the scriptural truth that will set us free, Joseph Webb's “Divorce and Remarriage: The Trojan Horse within the Church.” Another excellent and more recent work is “Have You Not Read?” by Casey Whitaker. You can read it online here http://www.wisereaction.org/ebooks/have_you_not_read.pdf. Or if you’d like the hard copy of the book, it can be ordered from Faith View Books, 4941 Township Road 616, Fredericksburg, OH 44627 ($14 plus $3 shipping). The church knew and adhered to this beautiful precious nugget of truth for centuries. It's only been in the last 100 years or so that the enemy has come in like a flood trying to seduce believers with false doctrine taught by men (and women) who unknowingly twist the scriptures to their own destruction, as Peter warned would happen in the last days (2 Peter 3:14-16).

    "...there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying the Lord who bought them, and bring on themselves swift destruction. And many will follow their destructive ways, because of whom the way of truth will be blasphemed." (2 Peter 2:1, 2)
    posted by Amy
    on Friday, October 23, 2009 at 1:16 pm
  94. I am totally confused with all the comments. that is the reason why i don't read blogs. All these opinions have made me feel so lost. I will have to do my own study. i am already messed up because of my own messy marriage because my husband's infidelity. Now i am being told it is sin to divorce. this is my second marriage. my life is a mess right now please pray for me. thanks
    posted by shea
    on Monday, October 26, 2009 at 3:01 am
  95. One thing that has been forgotten is that salvation is by GRACE. We don't deserve salvation nor can we earn salvation. Once a person is saved, they are forever saved. One cannot save themselves nor can one do anything to keep themselves saved. God alone does the saving, and for that am I forever grateful for. Ephesians 2:8 "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God:" Amen and Amen.
    This is the best gift ever given to mankind.
    posted by Debby
    on Thursday, December 3, 2009 at 3:43 pm
  96. I'm divorced after 27 years of marriage, pornogrophy, mental abuse, strong dominate male.after telling my husband that we seriously needed help, our marriage was on the rocks, I saught after counseling, he was not going to hear of it. we've been divorced for almost 6 years. I have remained single, he is in a relationship. I'm just at the point of feeling like a person again. I seek forgiveness in the Lord daily.
    posted by maggie
    on Wednesday, January 20, 2010 at 5:05 pm
  97. Wow. Too many comments to read. I am a mother of three children. All from different fathers. My last girl being from my huband.
    I do feel a little embarrased to admit to you how long I've been married and already seperated.
    My husband and I met 3 years ago. He took in my middle child as his from the beggining, which at that time she was 3 months old.
    We had issues from the get go. He was seeing a married woman and after telling me he had broken it off our relationship became serious...atleast in my eyes.
    I had my third child out of wedlock with him. She was born on November 5, 2008. One month later I found out he was still seeing her. Four months after that I found out this married woman, whom still lived with her husband -was pregnant...by him!
    I felt God was tugging at his heart and he began to change. But his connection to this woman was so strong that I would always find out he was still seeing her or at least talking to her.
    He finally changed enough that by October he moved into us. Only under the circumstances that we would get married that week because I did not want to continue in sin (fornication). By this time he had changed tremondously. Or should I say, God made tremoundous changes in him.
    By December 15, 2009 him and I finally got married after many failed attemps. So this time around we didn't tell anyone.
    But I was a nagging partner, sometimes bringin up the past, expecting from him what I should've expected from God, I was needy, I was spinning out of control with rage, I was unhappy...you name it.
    On January 13, 2010 (not even a month married) he was gone.
    I realized my errors and pleaded with him to return but he was adament he would never come back. He was unhappy and no longer loved me.
    I pleaded with God as well. I realized at that point that I regained my relationship with God but lost my husband.
    Within a month he had all his things out of the house and returned his house key. I was devasted. My children, or should say my 3 year old middle daughter asks for him everyday.
    I get angry that he only picks them up once a week, I get angry that not even one week after he was gone he started talking to this married woman again (whom by now is out of her home and so I'm sure they see each other). I think were is God's justice. Why is a woman who was married get to have a son by him (he always wanted a boy, we had a girl) and get to keep a good man and possibly one day no to far from here get to marry him and be happily ever after.
    Why is that fair?
    Why?
    I feel like with this I have been a high treason against one of God's daughters 3 years ago. So sometimes I anger and think where is your justice God. Please don't allow this woman to keep him, please bring back home my husband.

    But then I read comments like these, here stories of divorce all around me and I mean ALL AROUND ME, at work, parents house, everyother neighbor probably and I feel hopeless.

    I have this deep feeling that my husband will never return.

    So now I just pray for some peace and that I can leave happy with my children. I know the Lord will bless me in some way, maybe single or maybe remarriage but in this time in age, divorce is so accepted that it makes no wonder why people like my husband would think it okay to get married a THIRD time.
    posted by Eve G
    on Thursday, March 4, 2010 at 11:48 am
  98. Dear Eve,

    My heart aches for you. At the same time, I think you're in a good place. You're in a place now where you can seek the Lord and find His peace. "Repent therefore and return, that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord; and that He may send Jesus, the Christ appointed for you” (Acts 3:19-20).

    Some of the pain you are feeling is because of the consequences of past choices you've made. The place for you to start is to go to the Lord, ask Him to reveal your sin, confess that sin before Him, repent (turn from) your sin, and live in holiness and righteousness. As the Scripture above says, then you'll experience times of refreshing. Taking this first step gives God “fertile ground” to work not only in your heart and life, but in your husband’s life also.

    I encourage you to talk with your pastor and see if he can help you find a wise, godly woman in your church that can walk through this process with you. As you do, know that God’s desire for you and your family is ABUNDANT life through Christ (John 10:10)!

    Our team is praying for you,

    paula
    posted by Paula Hendricks
    on Wednesday, March 10, 2010 at 6:10 pm
  99. My husband left us after 20 years.He is living with another woman.He filed for a divorce.Then if he marries her and then sometime down the road tells God hes sorry.....alls forgotton and happy life for them!What about the wife?Their broken kids? Her bad luck I guess.God forgives them and so wheres Gods justice in this?

    Thanks,
    Karen
    posted by Karen
    on Thursday, June 24, 2010 at 11:10 pm
  100. Dear Karen,
    The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18). My heart goes out to you. I can only imagine the heartache and pain you and your children are experiencing as a result of your husband’s sin. Your Heavenly Father knows your pain, dear friend. His heart grieves over the consequences of sin you are enduring.

    "In all their suffering He also suffered, and He personally rescued them. In His love and mercy He redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years (Isaiah 63:9)" NLT

    His grace will sustain you in the darkest valley, Karen. Cling to Him…cry out to Him. He has promised to never abandon you!

    "The Lord abides forever; He has established His throne for judgment and He will judge the world in righteousness. He will execute judgment for the peoples with equity. The Lord also will be a stronghold for the oppressed; a stronghold in times of trouble. And those who know His name will put their trust in Him. For the Lord has not forsake those who seek Him… He will not forget the cry of the afflicted (Ps. 9:7-10,12b)."

    Your desire for justice in the face of indescribable pain and agony is understandable. Paul addressed this in his second letter to the Thessalonians – men and women who were suffering indescribable pain and agony for their faith. The treatment they endured was totally unfair and demanded justice. After all, these were God’s people!

    “It is only just for God to repay with affliction those who afflict you, and to give relief to you who are afflicted and to us as well when the Lord Jesus shall be revealed from heaven with His mighty angels in flaming fire, dealing out retribution to those who do not know God and to those who do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus. And these will pay the penalty of eternal destruction, away from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of His power, when He comes to be glorified in His saints on that day, and to be marveled at among all who have believed- for our testimony to you was believed ( 2 Thessalonians 1:6-10).”

    You see, Karen, being a child of God does not mean we will never suffer; it does not mean we will not experience the pain of living in a fallen and sinful world. The Thessalonians suffered grievously and yet in their suffering their faith in God grew, their love for one another grew. They learned to endure persecutions and afflictions by viewing life from an eternal perspective.

    You must do the same, my friend, as you daily choose to look back at the cross and then forward to eternity. I love the following quote from John Piper:

    Take the cross of Christ, for example. The death of Jesus Christ is the ultimate expression of divine love: "God demonstrates his own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8). Yet the Bible also says that the aim of the death of Christ was "to demonstrate [God's] righteousness, because in the forbearance of God he passed over the sins previously committed" (Romans 3:25). Passing over sins creates a huge problem for the righteousness of God. It makes him look like a judge who lets criminals go free without punishment. In other words, the mercy of God puts the justice of God in jeopardy.
    So to vindicate his justice he does the unthinkable - he puts his Son to death as the substitute penalty for our sins. The cross makes it plain to everyone that God does not sweep evil under the rug of the universe. He punishes it in Jesus for those who believe.

    You must pray for your husband in light of these truths, Karen. Pray that God would grant him a heart of repentance that he would turn from his sin and return to his God and to his family. If he is not a believer pray that the Lord would open his eyes to his need for a Savior that he might not suffer eternal destruction.

    Oh, how I pray today, Karen, that the name of Jesus would be glorified in you, and you in Him according to His grace that is being poured out to you in the midst of your pain.

    "I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord. Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD (Ps. 27:13-14)."
    posted by Carrie Gaul
    on Monday, June 28, 2010 at 1:51 pm
  101. My husband left after 14 years of marriage. We have three young daughters. I have prayed for reconciliation for almost 6 years, a divorce was granted against my wishes 4 years ago. You cannot imagine the pain and destruction we have suffered. Death would be easier. It feels like things will never get better for us. We are both believers, but he doesn't see anything wrong with divorce. He says that we have to forgive him because we are Christians. It's an open wound that bleeds, and everytime we see him for visits, it hurts. I believe that remarriage while the other spouse is alive is adultery, and so I cannot do that and then ask for forgiveness afterward. Even though I know that God is with us, it feels like He has abandoned us, too. It's very hard to keep going.
    posted by Dale
    on Thursday, July 1, 2010 at 7:40 pm
  102. Dear Dale,


    The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18). I’m so sorry you and your children are enduring such grievous heartache. Our hearts go out to you in your pain; know you are being prayed for today!

    The Psalmist experienced similar days of despair, dear friend. King David often poured out his feelings of despair and confusion before the Lord.

    I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes. Away from me, all you who do evil, for the LORD has heard my weeping. The LORD has heard my cry for mercy; the LORD accepts my prayer (Ps. 6:6-9).

    David never hesitated to be honest with the Lord, yet he never failed to bring His thoughts back to what he knew was true about God. You must choose to do the same thing.

    There is a spiritual battle raging for you and your children, Dale. The enemy is bent on shipwrecking your faith. Resist him, dear friend. Stand firm on the promises of God that never change! Don’t believe the lies he is shouting in your ear. The Lord has promised to never leave you nor abandon you. Cling to these promises.

    The mountains might shake. The hills might be removed. But my faithful love for you will never be shaken. And my covenant that promises peace to you will never be broken,” says the Lord. He shows you His loving concern (Isa. 54:10).

    There is none like God, who rides through the heavens to your help, through the skies in His majesty. The eternal God is your refuge and underneath are the everlasting arms (Deut.33:26-27).

    If you’ve not read Hebrews 11 recently, I encourage you to do that today. Consider all those who walked by faith in the midst of difficult times; you too must walk by faith. God’s will pour out His grace to you as you continually cling to Him. But He said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).

    Press on, dear friend. Fix your eyes upon Jesus the author and finisher of your faith!
    posted by Carrie Gaul
    on Saturday, July 3, 2010 at 8:51 pm
  103. Thank you for praying. It is all that we have left. I am trying so hard to keep going, but it just gets harder and harder. I never wanted to be a mom raising kids without a dad here. They don't want to go back and forth between two homes, or spend birthdays and holidays in a broken family, only being able to be with one parent that day. We are missing the richness of family and the influence and leadership of my husband, and we can't get these years back once they're gone. I know that God won't abandon us, and that His grace is there for us, but I'm really struggling with how His grace is with us when I have to charge our groceries sometimes because we run out of money before the end of the week, or I can't run the heater in the winter or the air in the summer very much because of lack of money, and I have nothing to fall back on if someone gets sick or we have any kind of major repair. And money is the least important part of this. We bear the name of Christ. And we bring shame to Him by being part of this horrible situation. I hate it, so much that I've secretly wished not to be here. It was never what we wanted. How do people justify it? Marriage is a reflection of Christ's relationship with us. I am desperately trying to walk by faith but I don't see any evidence that it's making any difference. I don't understand God's purpose in this...
    posted by Dale
    on Saturday, July 24, 2010 at 12:10 am
  104. oh man, why did you have to write this!!? what a convicting article. i am living in a marriage that has been ruined by pornography and my spirit has been broken by my husbands actions and it is very difficult. i choose to stay and am getting counseling for myself but am still struggling tremendously. i have come extremely close to leaving him and feeling justified but God always convicts me to stay. i know someone who has decided to seek divorce for this same reason and it has been very difficult for me to tell her why she should stay...now i can at least send her this article. i have always known it was wrong but i just feel like other divorced women in the church are encouraging her to seek divorce...usually under the guise of "its for your own sanity/happiness". why does this happen....it makes me so angry, that i am trying to do the right thing and then others around me, IN THE CHURCH, seem to be sabotaging people. i am miserable but still married...i am hoping this article will help me be not so miserable...i think the hardest part is the bitterness i know have because he has been such a failure as a husband and i feel justified to be angry...i know its wrong but i cant seem to shake it...praying God will heal my heart.
    posted by miserable
    on Saturday, August 28, 2010 at 11:46 pm
  105. I am new here but for whatever reason I believe the LORD directed me to the page today. I am living in a 3rd marriage and feel like I am continuously in a whirlwind regarding the tug of war in my spirit. It is good to know that I am not the only one feeling this way. I continue to praise our GOD for HIS mercy and ask for HIM to direct me even in this condition I am now in. Please remember me when you pray.
    posted by Steven Raines
    on Tuesday, October 12, 2010 at 5:35 pm
  106. I have been reading this blog and it disturbs me so much thta all I can do is cry and grieve. To my understanding I will not enter into the kingdom of God. For i have been married and divorce 4 times the !st marriage i was serving God the other 3 not serving God. I have recently got divorce because I was living in a very Abuse marriage it was to stay or let him kill me which he did try.So my understanding that I am still bound to the 1st marriage which he has remarried and I have committed adultry. So i will not go to heaven and see my maker because of my adultry so why serve God and live for God if this is so. I thought all sin was forgiven but what i read I guess not. So no matter what ever my walk is in life I am doomed for hell. I have been living for God and have meet a christian man who wants to marry me but I do not want him to jeporize his salvation because he would be marrying a adultress women making him a adultress man. My heart is so broken. None of you can even feel my pain because you haven~t walk in my shoes. I am unworthy of Gods love and mercy for it states I will not enter the kingdom of God. So here is some food for thought on how i feel and the pain I am going through.
    posted by Robin
    on Wednesday, October 13, 2010 at 9:59 am
  107. Steven,

    I want to assure you we have prayed for you. We are so glad the Lord led you to this page. I pray the message of grace has encouraged you.

    Start a new life today. Go before the Lord; thank Him that indeed is as able and willing to forgive any sin you have committed and agree with Him about the failures in your life. Take time to list those things. Ask Him to forgive those sins and thank Him that when He forgives sin, He doesn’t hold it against us any longer.

    Begin today to live as a free man (1 Peter 2:16). Commit yourself to your wife and marriage today and be the best husband you can be with the power of the Spirit and His Word.

    Enjoy your life in Christ with a settled account and look toward the future with a heart turned toward Him and His ways.
    posted by Sarah, Revive Our Hearts
    on Tuesday, October 19, 2010 at 12:15 pm
  108. Robin,

    Thank you for your post. We are glad to have the opportunity to speak truth into your life.

    Some of the issues you have brought up are answered in the article linked above, What God Hath Joined. I encourage you to take the time to read it. Particularly, take note of the portion What if I am Already Divorced?, for it is clear the Bible teaches that God is as able and willing to forgive the sin of divorce and remarriage as He is any other sin. And when God forgives our sin, He does not hold it against us any longer. Rather, His goal is to restore us to greater usefulness for His glory.

    The article will also lead you in your consideration about remarrying again.

    Go see your pastor, Robin. What you need to come to resolution with is not divorce/remarriage but a biblical understanding of salvation. This blog is not adequate to help you with your misunderstandings. Your pastor can walk you through it in a way you can grasp it and experience life in Christ and an eternal home in Heaven.

    God bless you.
    posted by Sarah Krause, Revive Our Hearts
    on Tuesday, October 19, 2010 at 2:10 pm
  109. iam divorced from my husband we are reuniting and becoming closer everyday with the same beliefs in god. he says we are still married in the eyes of god because neither one of us has died. he says we took vows to death do us part and a piece of papaer does not make a divorce.
    posted by molly godwin
    on Thursday, October 28, 2010 at 1:46 pm
  110. You know, I've read the entries. WOW. I see the Janet vs. Cindy. i am left with this. "We want what we want because we want it." I had a child like that once. Sometimes, I would "allow" what they wanted and then, within protective reason, allow them to endure the CONSEQUENCES. There ARE consequences. Hosea 4:6 - "my people perish for lack of knowledge." Lamentations 3:22-23 "His MERCIES are new...." One thing I've discovered is that If I take advantage OF HIS GRACE i don't have to RELY as much ON HIS "mercy." Don't get me wrong, mercy is good. But everyone in this "modern church age" is so concerned about their "happiness." I don't see a SINGLE place in God's Word where God is concerned with our "happy" but with our OBEDIENCE. Ladies, my wife left me after 18 years and 5 children. God blessed our lives in ways I cannot even begin to express. I had a temper for which I got help. She had a laundry list as well....but guess what....our CHILDREN HAD a home. It was paid for out of debt, every vehicle paid every note paid. Now, each one of the children ARE BEGGING ME to stand for our marriage. They look at my hand to see if I have my ring on after almost 2 years and hearing the most awful things about me. They thrill when I compliment my wife, (o.k. LEGALLY my "ex"). They cry and call me when "mommy said" this or that about me. Yet she has them, though they want to come HOME. I am a "man" and somehow, though I was there every night to put them in bed and get up and walked the floor when they were sick, medicated them, LOVED THEM, that gender thing somehow makes me less. I am really fatigued at hearing about what WE want. I can tell you that after 2 years and EXTENSIVE SELF SEARCHING AND RESEARCHING, the CHILDREN that DID NOT ask to brought into this are REALLY NOT CONCERNED WITH OUR "HAPPY." So, now we all can defend our viewpoints as to what "restoration is" and the "yeah but MY situation was 'worse," yadayada...and the children cry...."you know Jesus was a carpenter, He builds mansions in the sky.- and the little boy turns away and gently starts to cry...'Jesus please fix my broken home; put it all back the way it used to be; you can make it all better, so WE CAN STILL BE TOGETHER...JESUS PLEASE FIX MY BROKEN HOME...." a real line written by a real little boy, whose real home got real broken because someone really wanted a reason out and swore "God wants them 'happy' ". But, hey, lets remember, God said I could.....let me show my MY scripture....but...we'd do ANYTHING for our kids....geez
    posted by Rain
    on Tuesday, November 30, 2010 at 1:18 pm
  111. I miss my husband and children; Christmas and all of the other holidays are very painful.
    posted by Dale
    on Saturday, December 25, 2010 at 2:30 pm
  112. God does NOT recognize divorce. This is proved in Scripture. Jesus said you will be committing adultery while on a honeymoon with a “new person” after a divorce and a remarriage ceremony. If you are committing adultery AFTER a divorce and remarriage ceremony your divorce did NOT work (it did not end your marriage). Most people refuse to accept the TRUTH.

    A marriage covenant lasts until the death of one of the spouses according to God. People would never even go to the courthouse to obtain a divorce certificate if they knew the truth. Those divorce papers do not end their marriage. The papers say the “State of Colorado” has dissolved the marriage--NOT GOD! God says, “A wife is married to her husband as long as he lives.” 1 Corinthians 7:39

    Jesus said if you get a divorce and then remarry you will be committing adultery with this new person AFTER you marry them. AFTER you marry them! If you can commit adultery AFTER a divorce—the divorce failed to do something...it failed to DISSOLVE YOUR MARRIAGE! Divorce papers do not dissolve the marriage in Gods sight if He is charging you with adultery AFTER you obtained your divorce. Those papers did not make you single again. Remarried people are committing adultery with each other.

    A REAL husband and wife cannot commit adultery with each other. That is why this is NOT your spouse. Jesus was saying you are not free AFTER a divorce because you can still commit adultery. To commit adultery you need a spouse--so the divorce did not free you from your spouse--you are not eligible for remarriage because you are still married according to God. There is just no way around it. The church today is afraid to tell people what Jesus said.

    Jesus calls remarried sex--ADULTERY. Why would anyone believe that new person is “their spouse in God’s eyes” if they are committing adultery with them? Jesus said they are committing adultery AFTER they had their remarriage ceremony so how could that person possibly be their spouse? They were remarried by “the state” not by God.

    No one reads their Bible--they listen to pastors tell them God forgives them and they do not have to give up their adultery partner, their so called “new spouse.” If Jesus says you are committing adultery with this “new spouse” how can you claim that this is your lawful spouse in the eyes of God?

    We need to stop listening to everyone around us and listen to Jesus. He really meant what He said. Divorced people have no right to remarriage. Their divorce did not make them single.

    The ONLY people in the Bible who commit adultery when they marry are divorced people, not single people, not widowed people, ONLY divorced people! Why is that? They are NOT FREE to marry. Their divorce did not make them FREE if they can commit adultery AFTER a divorce, like Jesus said.

    Most people won’t flee this kind of adultery because they have been deceived by Satan to stay in it even though God’s Word is clear. They are living in Adultery. Remarriage is the greatest DECEPTION of our time.

    http://www.cadz.net/mdr.html
    http://www.cadz.net/mdr.html
    posted by Luke
    on Thursday, January 6, 2011 at 3:50 pm
  113. In the Scriptures, a woman who had been "put away" by her husband was to be given a "bill of divorce". Jesus conversation with the Pharisees concerned under which circumstances a man could "put away" his wife. The basic answer was, that it should never be done. They were NOT having a discussion about divorce bills, which are nothing more than the documents protecting abandoned wives from the death penalty. We should be careful not to mix up and combine the terms "divorce" and "putting away".

    The linked to article refers to "divorce" as sin. A sin for which a person must repent. This is imprecise, as "putting away" ones wife is certainly sinful, while being "divorced" by a husband, or being handed a bill of divorce from a husband is not sinful on the part of the wife. A woman has no need to repent for having been "put away".

    The Bible does not refer to marriage as a "covenant" anywhere of which I'm aware. A marriage may be the subject of a betrothal covenant, a covenant which is fulfilled when a groom returns for his bride and takes her to wife, but the marriage is NOT a covenant. Also, vows are not an element of marriage, at least not anywhere in Scripture. The sin of "putting away" ones wife does not lie in the breaking of vows or the breaking of covenants.

    Because vows are not an element of marriage, it is not the breaking of the vow "until death do us part" that makes remarriage adulterous.

    For those who seek to use only the Word of God as a guide to what is right concerning marriage, putting away and subsequent remarriage, please do not add to God's Word by talking about marriage covenants and marriage vows which do not occur in Scripture.
    posted by Terri
    on Thursday, January 13, 2011 at 3:22 am
  114. I am a Christian. I love God with my whole being. I am so broken up right now. I am so confused. What is true repentance?

    I am married to a wonderful man. My Husband was previously married for less than a year. His ex-wife left him and a few months later filed for divorce. My husband and I now have a small child together.

    I have prayed and prayed and cried and worshiped and prayed and cried and cried and cried. I do not know what God would have me to do...stay with my Husband or leave. I have talked to my pastor and they advised that it does not take leaving my husband to show God repentance. But then I read here the opinions that say it does.

    I have been seeking God and I have not gotten a response. I am lost and depressed. I feel so alone and distant. I actually feel like God is ignoring my cries.

    Please keep me in your prayers.

    I just want the truth, God's love and peace.
    posted by Ashley
    on Thursday, January 20, 2011 at 9:35 pm
  115. Dear Ashley,

    I’m so sorry that these comments have contributed to your grief and despair. For what it is worth, can I speak for Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Revive Our Hearts and say that we agree with your pastor?

    We would NOT counsel you to divorce your husband. Once you’re married, you’re to remain married. God is full of mercy and grace and is ready and willing to forgive you and redeem and restore your lives. Divorce and remarriage is not an unforgivable sin; God’s grace abounds to you when you confess your sin, repent, and seek Him.

    I am praying for you, dear sister, and asking that His unexplainable peace will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.
    posted by Paula Hendricks
    on Friday, January 21, 2011 at 3:00 pm
  116. Thanks for the article and all who have shared your thoughts. I was divorced when I was not a Christian due to repetitive martial unfaithfulness, including my own adultery - having sexual relationships during the three year seperation time before the divorce was final. Now, ten years later, after having come into God's kingdom I have fallen in love with an amazing, mature, christian man. The divorce has already occurred, during a time in my life when I didn't know God or know anything about repenentence and forgiveness. One thing that stands out to me in the attached article was the implication that divorce is the opposite of forgiveness. I am confident, as a divorced christian woman, that one can be divorced and also forgive... just as Christ has forgiven us. I haven't come to a conclusion based on these articles and my own bible study. I am surrendered to whatever God's will for my life is, and I am trusting His leadership and guidance. If I don't marry this man who I am in love with, out of obedience to God, my heart will be broken, but I trust that God will take care of me and my heart.
    posted by KW
    on Tuesday, January 25, 2011 at 10:49 am
  117. After reading this, I too feel very overwhelmed and somewhat hopeless. I have been separated for over a year. My husband has been in a relationship with another woman for about 3.5 years and was verbally, emotionally and physically abusive to me. I am very weary very and broken but feel like divorce is the next step.

    Im not a theologian and can't quote scripture like many poeple on here so I don't have a scriptural argument. But what I can say is that if you are not in the same situation as someone who is going through what I am going through, its very easy to quote scripture and tell someone to "be strong" or "stand for your marraige".

    What shall you say to me then? A woman who is 30, desperatley wants children and to be the wife the God intended her to be, but can't because my husband refuses to be faithful and kind?

    Please know that I have confessed, repented, prayed, taken responsibility for my part in the break up of my marraige and yet, I still dont feel like my marraige is worth it.

    I would rather be divorced, and never remarried than to know that this man is going to treat me like this for the rest of my life.
    posted by Mary
    on Tuesday, February 1, 2011 at 5:42 pm
  118. That many of the comments here are leaving some in a despairing, hopeless, depressive state is testimony to the satanic origin of the teaching that to repent of remarriage means to divorce again. It is a crock, I'm persuaded, after many months of prayer, study, reflection and questions.

    I am convinced that a vow taken, even wrongly, must be kept, which is why Paul in 1 Corinthians 7 does not EVER address those who have remarried and tell them to divorce. He speaks to those Christians who are PRESENTLY married and those married to unbelievers (some of whom no doubt had themselves been divorced before). Does he tell them to leave? No! His counsel is to REMAIN, and that applies to whichever marital state you find yourself in when you come to Christ.

    Those folks at Cadz and the like are hurting people tremendously and I loathe it so much. They'll tell you that the adultery is continuous, even though Jesus own statement is that divorce and remarriage (two acts concurrently) are the adultery. If there is no sex in the next marriage, be it 10 hours or 10 years later, the adultery has occurred when treachery of divorce took place.

    When Paul says that a person is 'bound' he does not mean literally, he means ethically bound, it is a duty. He is simply saying ''It is right for a wife to stay with her husband as long as he lives'' and vice versa. This does not mean she is mystically joined to him for her whole life, it is an ethical duty. However, if we make mistakes and divorce and unrighteously end a marriage, then it does not follow that we must undo a second vow in order to fulfil a broken former vow.

    Ouch, I cannot put into words the anguish I feel for those who have been put into terrible confusion and condemnation for having remarried or married a divorcee at some point. What do you do if you don't know where your former spouse is? What if they are dead? What if you don't know who your former divorcee spouse was married to? What if that person was also divorced, and on and on! It is absurd.

    Paul's counsel to Ashley is to walk in freedom, cleansed by the blood, and remain as you are, dear sister.I feel for you so much..I can see you're hurting, I've been there, lost weight with depressive thoughts about this topic. God showed me a way through this that makes sense and still honours his ideal.

    Yvonne
    posted by Yvonne
    on Friday, February 4, 2011 at 9:26 am
  119. Here is a question:

    was Jesus REALLY saying that the law of Moses, under which those he spoke to lived at the time, was evil in permitting divorce and remarriage? Was he actually implying that anyone who was at that time remarried must at THAT MOMENT he spoke the words, divorce their current spouse? If so, he was saying that the law he was supposed to uphold was evil, and that cannot be. I do NOT believe that he was saying that anyone remarried was living in adultery even though five minutes before they were legitimately married after a divorce.There is no arbitrary line in the sand. I do not think he was saying that those remarried must break the law he came to uphold and return to their former spouse.

    Also, he clearly refers to the husbands the Samaritan woman had as husbands, and made a distinction between them and the fella she was living with, unmarried.

    Please, there are so many more things to say on this before anyone can be counselled to destroy a current marriage (an idea not espoused in the New Testament or early church anywhere).

    Thoughts? Was Jesus invalidating then marriages under the law he lived under, making children bastards and wives adulteresses in a short 24 hour period?
    posted by Yvonne
    on Friday, February 4, 2011 at 9:47 am
  120. What is your advice to someone who is considering marriage to a divorced person, when that person left their spouse against the spouse's wishes, and pursued an unscriptural divorce (which is very common)? Will you look the other way, and then say after the fact, oh well, God forgives....don't divorce again, it's treacherous.
    posted by D.J.
    on Friday, February 4, 2011 at 10:05 pm
  121. Paula & Yvonne,

    Thank you or your thoughts, words and prayers. I wish I could say that this topic doesn't haunt me anymore but the truth is it does, and honestly, it has caused me to act differently towards my husband because my mind is in fact, "in another place". Not that I love him any less but that I have been so preoccupied with this and feel so condemed because of it that it's all I can think about.

    I have not stopped praying and honestly, I feel like God has done little things to show me its ok, but for some reason, I cant accept it. A close friend has told me that she thinks I may be under some form of attack.

    Bottom line, I want God to be pleased me with and my marriage and the thought that some have that He may not be isn't very unsettling.

    I'll keep praying and seeking Him and His will for my life. That's all I know how do to.
    posted by Ashley
    on Sunday, February 6, 2011 at 2:15 pm
  122. DJ,

    what is our aim when we help people who come to Christ? I believe that if restoration is possible, it should be sought. Sometimes, it is impossible, that's human complexity caused by sin, sadly. This is why I said that marriage is an ethical bond with ethical obligations as far as it is possible with us. There are times when complete restoration is not possible, for many reasons.

    A divorced person who has come to Christ and is saved, should look at where restoration/reconciliation is possible, and, if so, do so. What do we say to the one who stole some money from someone and that someone has since died?In what sense can they return the money, if there are no known relatives, for example? How far do we go before we tell someone they are truly in the clear?

    I do not have a problem with a person who has come to Christ, having been the aggressor in a divorce, remarrying, as long as they,with all that is in their ability, have sought from the heart to reconcile if at all possible. This is precluded by a remarriage quite often. This does not change the fact that the divorcer's heart has changed and that they would try to restore their marriage if it was viable.God knows that, even if we are not willing to be so gracious. God does forgive, actually, whether we like it or not.

    Should we not preach that forgiveness is available for Christians who mess up, on the premise that they might just go off and sin because ''oh well, God forgives''? No, we don't teach this, because we know that true repentance, even following gross failure, leads to forgiveness as far as God is concerned. It's not up to us to be arbiter of whether someone gets a second chance or not, once they have repented.

    Ashley,

    honestly, I thought and prayed about you from the heart the other day, because I've been there with the way you feel, and I'm sort of once removed from your situation. My husband was divorced from a woman who herself had been divorced, but his divorce was before his conversion and would have been called a 'repentance' divorce by some believers! Therefore, according to many of them, though not all, he was free to marry me. However, some would say that even he and I are living in adultery, cos Jesus didn't say you could even marry someone who was single and repented from being married to a divorcee! Aaargh...it can go on and on, the torment, the what-ifs, the ''should-I-leave-him'' thoughts. I've been there, and nearly lost my sanity over it, plus a lot of weight with not eating through depression and fear.

    I, with all my heart, trust that God forgets the sins of the past and acknowledges even a vow which should not have been made, but it was.Perhaps some divorcees did not seek reconciliation before they were rejected, then remarried, but they did remarry; it is a fait accompli, which Deuteronomy 24 addresses. Jesus did not change this. God knows that we live in a broken world, and he is gracious enough to give us laws which regulate sin as a fait accompli. Divorce is not the answer for remarriage, just because some think it was inherently wrong in every case. I believe that 1 Cor.7:15 clearly teaches that, ethically, there are exceptions, two of which are what happens to you if someone deserts you after conversion, and especially in the case of those divorced/remarried before conversion.The whole of 1 Corinthians 7 reinforces over and over this idea of 'remaining'. There should be no confusion or fear, but, sadly, there are some who wish that to be the case. Simplicity is in Christ, cry out to him and don't give up.

    xx
    posted by Yvonne
    on Monday, February 7, 2011 at 10:56 am
  123. No one has really answered the question I posed about this issue, namely, was Jesus, under the valid law of Moses, condemning men and women as adulterers at that time and implying they should divorce as soon as he'd fulfilled the law, once he was risen?

    What was Jesus REALLY getting at with those Pharisees? Could it not be that he was saying, in principle, that divorcing a spouse to marry another one was sin? Did he really mean that all remarried divorcees are actually, sexual adulterers, or simply covenant breakers, for which the term 'adultery' does apply in many instances in the Old Testament?

    Blessings.
    posted by Yvonne
    on Monday, February 7, 2011 at 11:02 am
  124. http://www.thefaithoncedelivered.info/Divorce.htm

    Ashley,

    the link above (assuming I'm okay to post it) is a good, fairly concise,argument that remarriage is not a sin which requires another divorce or celibacy to atone for it. It was written by a brother called Mark Bullen, who is a very conservative brother, and it is compassionately written. I believe it is one of the most thoughtful treatises I've read on it at layman's level.He poses some good questions for those who would hold to an extreme rigorist view (not conservative or traditional, as it doesn't deserve either of those titles), coming from such a background himself. I hope it only provokes thought, and doesn't offend.

    Grace and peace.
    posted by Yvonne
    on Monday, February 7, 2011 at 11:27 am
  125. Dear Mary,
    God’s heart grieves at the suffering and pain you have known in your marriage, dear friend. Our hearts grieve with you as well today. Please know we are praying for you and for your husband.
    Your love for Jesus and your desire to honor Him in all you do is evident by your desire to personally be right with the Lord regardless of your husband’s actions. Thank you for reflecting the gospel in the midst of your pain.
    As you stand for the sanctity of marriage in the midst of seemingly impossible circumstances you are suffering for the sake of righteousness. “But even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness you are blessed. And do not fear their intimidation, and do not be troubled, but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence and keep a good conscience so that in the thing in which you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame (1 Peter 3: 14-16).”
    Your suffering is not in vain, dear friend. The Lord knows the depth of your heartache; He understands the deepest longings of your heart. Your hope is in knowing that our sufferings here on earth have an eternal purpose.
    “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the surpassing greatness of the power may be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus' sake, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. But having the same spirit of faith, according to what is written, "I believed, therefore I spoke," we also believe, therefore also we speak; knowing that he who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and will present us with you. For all things are for your sakes, that the grace which is spreading to more and more people may cause the giving of thanks to abound to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:7-18.

    Press on, dear friend; don’t lose heart! Know the Lord is carrying you today in the shelter of His wings. In all their suffering He also suffered, and He personally rescued them. In His love and mercy He redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years (Isaiah 63:9). NLT
    Praying for you ~
    Carrie

    ** Please note suffering for righteousness does not mean remaining in harm’s way in an abusive situation. In cases of physical abuse we urge women to appeal to the leadership of their church for protection, counsel and help; and to go to the local authorities if necessary (Rom. 13:1). God has placed authorities in our life for our protection. Physical separation is necessary where physical abuse exists.
    posted by Carrie Gaul
    on Tuesday, February 8, 2011 at 6:35 am
  126. Dear Yvonne,

    Pastor John Piper's sermon ( 2 parts) " What God Hath Joined Together" may be helpful in answering your questions.

    http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/sermons/what-god-has-joined-together-let-not-man-separate-part-1
    posted by Carrie Gaul
    on Tuesday, February 8, 2011 at 6:43 am
  127. Hi,

    I've heard John Piper's views on the topic, and I disagree with him about the betrothal view; however, I do understand him not being willing to remarry divorcees. What I have issues with are those who seek to counsel others to end a second or more marriage when there is no real Scriptural basis for doing so...that is dangerous ground to me. I understand this is an issue of conscience and it's important, but there are times when I feel the church can go too far and bring condemnation instead of redemption.

    I respect John Piper, and his view of marriage also, but even he does not endorse the idea of destroying a second or more marriage.There are too many variables/difficulties in determining which marriages would be valid by a completely rigorist view, and NT Scripture seems to endorse the idea of remaining where you were found maritally.

    God Bless!
    posted by Yvonne
    on Tuesday, February 8, 2011 at 8:41 am
  128. Yvonne,

    THANK YOU!

    Words can't express how your response and knowing you prayed for me made me feel. I printed and read the link you posted and I must say that I am thankful to you for posting it. It has put me more at ease about this topic and my feelings and I will continue to take it to God and leave it there.

    I have asked Him to guide me and I believe He is and will continue to do so.

    God bless you for sharing your story and for taking the time to respond to me.

    Your words and the link helped me more than you will ever know.
    posted by Ashley
    on Tuesday, February 8, 2011 at 12:31 pm
  129. Ashley,

    glad to have helped you; I only want to encourage you to think this through further, because you cannot live your walk with God out in guilt. That's going to destroy assurance and weaken you. God wants you to walk in the light,in confidence and in the assurance of his immense love.

    I believe that you need to come to your own,solid biblical conclusions on this, standing only on the word of God and common sense. This will be your lifeline.

    Here is another link for you to have a look at, and a think. Not all of the links share info on some topics that I totally agree with, but many are helpful to get sound counsel. I believe that the conclusion I've come to is the soundest one.

    http://ichthys.com/mail-divorce2.htm

    Have a look through the other articles and responses at the website listed above, very helpful.

    Many people have read David Instone Brewer's work and found it helpful. I've not read the complete books, only bits and bobs.

    Check this one out, too:

    http://www.opc.org/os.html?article_id=92

    Just a simple statement on the topic.

    Also, William Luck's study of it is really helpful:

    http://bible.org/series/divorce-and-re-marriage-recovering-biblical-view

    Lots of his articles on it, at bible.org.

    There are very powerful voices out there, which can seem like the right ones, but I believe are in error. I've got more thoughts on this, if you're willing.

    Think; would Paul, in the 1st century church, have counselled a man who had been left by a wife 25 years earlier, and this wife disappeared to who knows where, to divorce a present spouse? What if, in fact, this man would be destroying a family for the sake of a woman (or, reversing it, a man) who may or may not be alive, and is probably not saved?

    Does it make sense?

    Yvonne x
    posted by Yvonne
    on Tuesday, February 8, 2011 at 2:41 pm
  130. Yvonne,

    I am willing.

    And no, it doesn't make sense.

    I is a daily battle with my mind. To accept God's forgiveness and dwell in His mercy and love. To ward off the "other" thoughts that make me full of fear.

    Thank you so much for the links! I have read them and I will continue to read them in my times of weakness.

    I think it is apparent that I need to guard my heart and mind a tad bit better.

    Thank you for your help and prayers!!!
    posted by Ashley
    on Wednesday, February 9, 2011 at 2:19 pm
  131. Yvonne,

    Then I would humbly ask for you to pray that my husband would return to us. He has not remarried, although he is dating and my children and I are being exposed to it. It is very painful.
    posted by D.J.
    on Wednesday, February 9, 2011 at 9:10 pm
  132. DJ,

    absolutely, I will pray. Was he a Christian? I'm very sorry and grieved that you're experiencing this pain.
    x
    posted by Yvonne
    on Friday, February 11, 2011 at 9:43 am
  133. Ashley,

    if you want to talk, my email is as follows:

    vonny63@googlemail.com
    posted by Yvonne
    on Friday, February 11, 2011 at 3:13 pm
  134. Yes, he is a believer. We are struggling beyond words with this.

    I am thankful for your prayers.
    posted by D.J.
    on Friday, February 11, 2011 at 8:05 pm
  135. Married for 19 years and wife left me for a good friend of mine. She filed for divorce and I did everything possible to save marriage. Many friends were praying our marriage would be saved. Several years later the divorce was finalized with no biblical grounds. Painful beyond words! My friend and my wife were "married" and have a child together. We were blessed with 7 children together and all of them (over the course of several years) have been poisoned against me. Terrible lies were made up about me to justify the sin. My once normal and healthy relationships with my children have been distroyed. I have not seen my children for almost 2 years. It will soon be 10 years since my wife left me, but my love for her remains. I have been counseled by many friends (believers in Christ) that I am FREE to "move on" and remarry. It's interesting that that ones who are encouraging me the most to remarry are the ones THEMSELVES that are remarried! HMMM! I have strongly considered this, and have even gone out on some of their recommended blind dates...but I have NEVER felt a complete peace from the Lord that leaving my covenant marriage is biblical. NEVER! As much as I want to believe I am free, the Spirit will not give me peace to go beyond a friendship with any woman. I know it's the Lord protecting me...I am grateful for his perserverance in spite of me! And amazingly, even after the betrayal of my wife and the part she played in turning my own children against me, I still deeply love her. It's not my love! It's Jesus' love! I still believe in a God who heals and restores. My wife knows the Word and is herself committed to following Jesus. The devil has a stronghold in my home and the cloud of deception is strong! I do believe my wife is living in an adulterous relationship...it is in NO WAY a recognized marriage from God's perspective. I am one who is standing and WAITING for my prodigal wife to come to her senses. Please pray for the healing and restoration of my family...with our God NOTHING is impossible!
    posted by Billy
    on Thursday, February 17, 2011 at 11:20 pm
  136. Billy,

    it is indeed a marvellous thing that you are able to forgive your ex wife for what happened, and you are at liberty not to remarry. *No one* should be egging you on to remarry if that's not what you want...however, I don't believe, on sound Scriptural grounds, that you can be reconciled to her at this point, nor that she is living in actual, ongoing, sexual adultery. Her ongoing sin is unrepentance for unfaithfulness to her vows (she clearly hasn't acknowledged this).She did commit adultery against you in principle, because she broke her promise to remain with you for the duration.

    I'm so sorry for the pain this has caused, especially in regard to your children...that is hard going. This is why God hates divorce, because someone always gets hurt. She is an unbeliever, and unrepentant, and there's not much you can do about that, other than pray for her conversion to Christ through repentant faith. I have a slightly controversial view of what should happen when one spouse leaves a marriage with children, when there is no fault on the part of the spouse abandoned; the departing spouse should not be permitted to ever see their children again. That is law in some countries, so there is a big price to pay for not cherishing your marriage...however, in practice, this could be abused, and I think that morally a person who is treacherous enough to do this should realise they are leaving their children, too, and think about that before they do something stupid, thinking the grass is greener. In my opinion, you should have the children.

    I'm very sorry for what happened to you, truly. However, you have to understand that not all who have been abandoned are able to even trace their former spouse, and I don't believe they are expected to await their return or news of their death until they can marry or be reconciled. I also don't believe that a second marriage is invalid, even though the reasons for it were sinful. I do believe you need to take Paul's counsel, and let her go.
    posted by Yvonne
    on Friday, February 18, 2011 at 8:10 am
  137. I came onto here after studying on divorce and remarriage. I feel your pain Ashley! See, I got a divorce when I was young. There was pornography and other things and I got tired of it and walked out. I don't believe I was a believer at the time. He didn't want it. The process went so fast. I look back and wonder how I could have been so cold-hearted. He moved on to other relationships and I moved toward God. I ended up my current husband who is a strong Christian. I started going to his church and a lot of lights went on. I also was torn with what I saw in the Bible regarding divorce. I knew my ex wasn't saved and was physically involved with other women. The pastors I talked to said I should just move on because he wasn't a believer. The church we attended believed you could remarry if you had biblical grounds, or if it was before you were saved or if your ex was remarried. I remember crying to God that I would get together with him if it was what he wanted. I didn't pursue and must admit, I really wanted to marry my current husband. Shortly after, I found out my ex was getting married to one of his friends. His friendship with her caused a great deal of turmoil in our marriage and was one reason I left. It hurt. After that, I felt free and 3 years later got married to my husband now in our church. I knew remarriage was controversial and admit I wanted it so bad that I overlooked the possibility that it may not be God's best. I hate to say it but I thought that if it was wrong, please, God forgive me. That is terrible!
    I always have had a level of guilt. After our first son was born, I accidently stumbled upon the divorce to repent teaching. I started having panic attacks and didn't know what to do. Since seeing that , I have studied and never have full peace over it. I am guilty but how I repent is what bothers me. Can someone help me? I need to start with telling my ex I am sorry and stop blaming him to justify my leaving. I have 2 kids with my husband now and it doesn't make sense to take them away from there Godly father and go back to an unsaved man. I feel for those of you who have been left for others and your children. Somebody please help me. This issue has almost caused me to go insane. Can I ever be right with God? Why did I ever take this path. Stay in your marriages- fight for them! This is not an easy road. Every marriage has problems!
    posted by Tracy
    on Saturday, March 5, 2011 at 9:24 am
  138. Tracy,

    I believe that the Scriptural counsel is to stay where you are when you come to Christ, and probably when you come to the knowledge of what marriage is intended to be.

    I've been having a conversation with Ashley for a while now and I'm happy to converse with you if you like, because you can't go on in this paralysing condemnation (it WILL wear you down). Let me tell you now, this 'divorce to repent' teaching doesn't make sense, and it is at odds with New Testament counsel. God has forgiven your past,and it's not a good idea to try to undo it with further wrong...your former husband was in the wrong, too! That's why divorce is so painful.

    Here's my email:

    vonny63@googlemail.com
    posted by Yvonne
    on Wednesday, March 9, 2011 at 12:20 pm
  139. Hi all.

    Just for reflection, there are major problems with the 'betrothal' view of fornication in Matthew 19.

    Firstly, the portion of OT SCripture in focus is Deuteronomy 24, which is referring to a wife, who has lived with her husband, consummated the marriage and has been later sent out of the house and divorced.

    It seems strained and odd to make Jesus' words refer to fornication before marriage when the subject at hand is that of divorcing a wife as per Deut.24, a wife in every sense.

    'Fornication' is NOT limited to premarital sex; it is used interchangeably for adultery in a metaphorical sense, by Jesus:

    Revelation 2:20-23; the fallen saints are said to be committing adultery BY fornication.

    1 Corinthians 10:18...were these Israelites who committed 'fornication' (immorality, broadly) all unmarried? I doubt it. Let's stick with the Biblical usage of the word and stop narrowing it to suit our fears and our view of what Jesus meant by 'fornication'.

    Jesus said that whoever divorces except for fornication, then remarries, commits 'adultery' (which I take to mean only in principle, and it happens at the time of divorcing and remarrying,just as he states, not the act of marriage in the next marriage).

    Some want to make Jesus to say that only divorce for fornication is allowed, but not remarriage, but if that were so, he's be saying:

    Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, commits adultery.

    If he WERE saying that, it would only prove the premise that the adultery is in principle, not in sexual adultery in a new marriage. Does a man commit adultery if he only divorces his wife? Not really, unless it is in principle, such as lusting for another woman is adultery in principle.

    No, he can only mean to extend the exeption to the remarriage, too. Can it be rightly inferred that he means premarital sex by 'fornication'? I doubt it, considering that the term is used to cover adultery anyway,and is referring to Deut.24, a full marriage situation. By the way, in the OT law, adultery in the post betrothal period is as serious as BEFORE the consummation of the marriage.It is nonsensical to make it more serious before full consummation than after full consummation.

    Is the adultery continuous? I doubt it. Even if we take Romans 7 to be speaking of a woman who has been divorced then remarried (unlikely), rather than bigamy or an affair, you only have to commit adultery ONCE (by unwarranted remarriage,in principle)to be called an adulterer. It does NOT mean that you are 'continually' an adulterer in a literal sense, necessarily, does it?

    Another flaw in the reasoning of the divorce to repent camp, as I see it , is the logic of homosexual relationships being sinful, so remarriage must be stopped in the same way.
    However, homosexuality is sin intrinsically, but marriage is not sin per se. Marriage itself is good, but divorce isn't, and nor is homosexual sex. It's a bad comparison.

    I'm thankful for the discussion on this subject, but it distresses me to no end to read the comments from the anguished ladies who feel as though the only recourse they have is to sin again in order to avoid sin...a ridiculous quandry to be placed into by a doctrine which I view as nonsensical and condemning.
    posted by Yvonne
    on Thursday, March 10, 2011 at 6:20 am
  140. Dear Tracey,

    I so appreciate your tender heart toward the Lord and your desire to be in a right relationship with Him. God’s Word tells us that when we confess our sins He is faithful and just and will forgive us of our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness ( 1 John 1:9). Repentance simply means agreeing with God about our sin, turning away from that sin and receiving the gift of His complete forgiveness.

    Because we want to have a clear conscience with both God and man we then acknowledge our sin to those we have offended and seek their forgiveness as well. Regardless of their response, we can rest knowing our sin had been forgiven and we have taken the necessary steps to leave in peace with all men (Rom. 12:18).

    God’s Word never instructs us to commit a sin in order to atone for a previous sin. Breaking the covenant of marriage you are now in would not atone for divorcing your first husband. Christ’s blood is our atonement for sin (Heb. 2:17).

    We are made right with God, dear friend, through the work of Christ death, burial and resurrection. The price for your sin was paid by Jesus (while you were yet dead in your sin) so that you might experience the freedom, fullness and fruitfulness that He came to give you! That freedom is yours today, Tracey, as you embrace His forgiveness.


    When you are able, I think you’ll find help and encouragement through two of Nancy’s past broadcasts Henry Blackaby - Repentance and Seeking Him Clear Conscience: Dealing With Offenses Toward Others. http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/roh/today.php?pid=9696 and http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/roh/today.php?pid=9716.

    Praying for you today, dear friend…
    Carrie
    posted by Carrie Gaul
    on Thursday, March 10, 2011 at 11:24 am
  141. HI all,

    recently, I've decided to put up a blog with some of my musings on this topic, because I think all the arguments for both sides of the debate should be considered. For all of us, there is safety and wisdom in many counselors, and this is one of those issues when it is important to seek counsel and think things through together.

    http://godsgraceforthedivorcedandremarried.blogspot.com/

    Every blessing.
    http://godsgraceforthedivorcedandremarried.blogspot.com/
    posted by Yvonne
    on Tuesday, March 29, 2011 at 4:46 pm
  142. Hello,

    There are so many opinions about marriage divorce and remarriage. My husband of 5 years just filed for divorce from me because he believes our marriage isn't acceptable to God. He was married before and divorce for "ireconcilible differences." We have a teenage daughter who is confused about the whole thing. She asked me recently Why can't God fix it. I'm concerned that her relationship with God is now tainted.
    posted by Mrs. X
    on Wednesday, May 4, 2011 at 1:49 pm
  143. Dear Mrs. X,

    My heart breaks for you and your daughter as you experience the heartache and confusion of your husband’s decision to file for divorce. Please know you are being prayed for tonight, dear friend! “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18).”

    I want to encourage you to fight for your marriage, Mrs. X. If you’ve not already done so, please seek the counsel and prayer support of your pastor and church leaders. Intercede fervently for your husband and for the reconciliation of your marriage. Ask the Lord to soften your husband’s heart and to help him understand that breaking his marriage covenant to you does not atone for his past divorce – only Christ’s blood atones for our sin ( Heb. 2:17).

    Perhaps Pastor John Piper article Divorce and Remarriage (http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/articles/divorce-remarriage-a-position-paper) will be helpful to you personally as you seek a Biblical understanding of this whole area.

    “Lord Jesus, please shine the light of your truth into the confusion and deception that is destroying this marriage. Lord, please open the eyes of this husband to understand the truth of Your Word. Thank you that when the darkness of despair and hopelessness threaten to overwhelm us You have promised to lead us with Your mighty right hand. Thank you that even tonight You are interceding before the Father on behalf of this precious family. Lord Jesus we are asking you tonight to turn the heart of this husband back toward his family. Surround Mrs. X and her daughter tonight, Father, with your everlasting love. May they rest knowing that you have promised to never leave them or abandon them. "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior… (Isaiah 43:1-3).” In the powerful names of Jesus I pray…Amen.
    posted by Carrie Gaul
    on Thursday, May 5, 2011 at 8:31 pm
  144. Mrs X,

    Carrie Gaul is right...your husband is acting on wrong teaching out of fear and condemnation...one of the terrible fruits of this teaching. Listen, I will be praying for you and your daughter, and for your husband to see through the fog of bad teaching he has been affected by. He should have obeyed the teaching of Paul, which is to remain with you because he was married to you at conversion. I'm so,so distressed to read of someone acting on this false teaching and how it is affecting your daughter, too.

    Please check my blog out, as there are some links there which may be helpful to him in thinking this through more critically.

    God bless you!

    Yvonne
    posted by Yvonne
    on Monday, May 9, 2011 at 9:21 am
  145. Sorry, my blog address is:

    http://godsgraceforthedivorcedandremarried.blogspot.com/

    and my email is as follows:

    vonny63@googlemail.com

    Prayers for you...
    posted by Yvonne
    on Monday, May 9, 2011 at 9:23 am
  146. "The deliberate contrast in Jeremiah 3:1 between the law that Moses laid down for the Israelites in Deuteronomy 24 and God’s own behavior towards His wife points out that the New Testament Church must not determine her marriage doctrine and practice from Deuteronomy 24."
    ---Professor David J. Engelsma

    The Bond Yet Unbroken:

    The first verse of Jeremiah 3 proves, in a striking, indeed, startling way, that God was still MARRIED to DIVORCED Israel. To Israel who had "played the harlot with many lovers" and whom God had already divorced, according to verse eight, God called, "Yet return again to me." This was a call to His wife, as verse one makes plain: "They say, If a man put away his wife, and she go from him, and become another man’s, shall he return unto her again? Shall not that land be greatly polluted? But thou hast played the harlot with many lovers; yet return again to me, saith the LORD."

    Whereas it was not permitted in Israel for a wife divorced from her husband and remarried to another man to return to her first husband, God called His wife back to Himself, even though she had committed adultery with many companions and even though God had divorced her.

    Divorced Israel REMAINED the wife of the LORD.

    What is striking, even startling, about this insistence on the maintenance of the marriage and on Israel’s return to her rightful husband is the contrast between God’s marriage to Israel and a law governing the earthly marriages of the Israelites.

    Verse one refers to the law concerning divorce and remarriage in Deuteronomy 24:1-4. Deuteronomy 24:1-4 forbade a husband who had divorced his wife, on some other ground than her adultery, to take her back, if a second husband divorced her, or died.

    God, however, will take His wife back, even though she gave herself to many lovers and despite the fact that He had given her a bill of divorce.

    The law of Deuteronomy 24:1-4 was merely Moses’ tolerance of deviation from God’s original ordinance of marriage on the part of hard-hearted Israelite men. It was a stop-gap measure, somewhat to protect vulnerable women, who otherwise would have been passed around like property.

    This was Christ’s analysis of Deuteronomy 24:1-4, and indictment of the kind of people for whom the law was necessary, in Matthew 19:8: "Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives."

    Deuteronomy 24 does not reveal the truth about marriage, divorce, and remarriage. It reveals the wickedness in marriage of hard-hearted, that is, unbelieving, men. The truth about marriage, already in the Old Testament, is revealed in Jeremiah 3:1: Even though He must divorce an unfaithful wife, God MAINTAINED the marriage and CALLED His wife back to Himself.

    Verse fourteen of Jeremiah 3 is decisive, and explicit, regarding the question, whether God divorced an original wife so as to annul the marriage and open the way for Himself to marry another.

    Addressing faithless, divorced Israel, Jehovah exclaimed, "Turn, O backsliding children, saith the LORD; for I am MARRIED unto you: and I will take you one of a city, and two of a family, and I will bring you to Zion."

    Although His wife was unfaithful, although she committed adultery with numerous lovers, although she was as yet impenitent, and although God had divorced her, God was STILL her husband, and she was STILL His wife. The bill of divorce did not touch, much less dissolve, the marriage bond: "I am MARRIED unto you."

    Indeed, the fact of the marriage is the reason why God called Israel back, as it is the reason why she ought to come back, to live with Him: "For I am married unto you."

    ---Professor David J. Engelsma

    http://www.marriagedivorce.com/mdreform2.htm
    http://www.marriagedivorce.com/mdreform2.htm
    posted by Jacob
    on Sunday, May 22, 2011 at 11:00 pm
  147. My wife walked out two years ago and divorce was finialized a year ago. This was a 14 year marriage and 20 year relationship. I miss my wife and daughter everyday. I pray everyday for the recolnciliation of our marriage but have seen no movement. This just seem to be fading farther away each day. My wife and daughter will not even take my calls. I was never unfaithfull. I am repentfull for not loving her as God loved the church and not making her feel loved everyday. I don't want to be re-married to someone else and belive it is wrong. My heart is breaking daily. Tears fill my eyes everyday when I return home from work and they are not there. Why will God not answer my prayers for my family to be reconciled?
    posted by Robert
    on Monday, June 27, 2011 at 6:23 am
  148. Robert-

    Keep praying to God for the restoration of your marriage. God restores marriages after divorce all the time. I hear about them every day!

    "A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives." 1 Corinthians 7:39

    There are thousands of people who know God’s truth about marriage and divorce and are waiting and praying for their spouses to come home and out of their adulterous remarriages.

    "My husband left me for another woman back in 1991. It was a first marriage for both of us. He quickly divorced me and "married" her.

    During the first few months of the separation, the Lord spoke to me and asked me to stand for the healing and restoration of our marriage.

    He led me to people that taught me how to pray for my husband and our marriage. I stood for many years, but saw nothing happen in the natural.

    My testimony is very long, but to make a long story short...10 years after the divorce was granted, my husband contacted me and we have reconciled back to each other.

    God’s Word about divorce and remarriage is very clear. It is man who tries to twist it to their convenience.

    I knew God’s Word said I was either to remain single or be reconciled to my husband. I chose to reconcile and God made a way where there seemed to be no way.

    He changed my husband’s heart from a heart of stone to a heart of flesh. He resurrected our love for each other and taught me to be a Proverbs 31 wife.

    There are thousands of women and men like me, standing on our covenant, believing God for marriage restoration and our Lord Jesus is moving on our behalf.

    I urge you to read "Till Death Do Us Part?" by Dr. Joseph Webb.

    http://cpr-ministries.org/

    It will answer all of your questions about this very difficult subject. The church is filled with people teaching "false compassion" to divorced and remarried people. God calls it sin and the wages of sin is death." -Lourdes

    http://www.cadz.net/mdr.html
    http://www.cadz.net/mdr.html
    posted by Luke
    on Tuesday, June 28, 2011 at 7:17 pm
  149. Never give up praying for marriage restoration!

    http://www.marriagedivorce.com/mdreform2.htm

    “My husband and I worked with Marriage Ministries International for many years as a way to bring marriage healing to several nations in the South Pacific.

    We taught the course with them from 1983 to 2000. We grew in our own marriage and learned so much revelation about marriage in the Word.

    Thirteen years ago our eldest son was married but it fell apart after 5 years. Although we tried to counsel them, we were too close and found it impossible. So even after some attempts at Christian counsel, our daughter-in-law divorced our son. It was devastating for him.

    After a few years, he decided to just live his own life. We wanted him to follow God and pray to restore his marriage but it never worked. Many confrontations and talks did nothing to help him see where he was headed.

    Our son was very "happy.” He finally ended up with a girlfriend, a new job and a car which was paid off. All seemed great to him, but not so in his heart.

    Throughout the years we had been praying for them but last October God clearly told us to start praying fervently, daily and aggressively. So we did. It quickly resulted in God talking to our son in dreams and him telling his girlfriend, they could have no future together.

    Then our son wanted to know if our daughter-in-law was still alive and flippantly asked God to tell him what to do...it took 2 days for an answer.

    Through a very amazing supernatural story including dreams, visions, and open encounters with God...after 8 years of no contact... our daughter-in-law contacted our son's sister-in-law via Facebook.

    From that contact, she eventually talked to our son, us, and each member of the family....to ask for forgiveness. They ended up with a $900 phone bill that month, then she came to visit. They went for their first restoration "date" and decided that they needed to obey God and get back together. They have been working on many heart issues. That was February.

    Tomorrow is July 4th--our son was a US Marine and they chose that day to reaffirm their marriage covenant. We are awed. The day belongs to God!!!

    Throughout the last 6 months, it has been surreal... yet naturally supernatural watching God restore them. What an amazing miracle! However, they as individuals were both prodigals.

    She had been in an adulterous remarriage and subsequent divorce. He had dated and was drinking heavily to numb the pain. Neither of them was looking for restoration. Yet--God in His mercy... WOW!

    We believe that we had the prayer clout because we had witnessed the marriage covenant ceremony and would not let it go. God had not let it go. He knew when to move and allowed us to be a part of His plan for them. Wow!

    What an awesome God we serve! God wants marriage to reflect Him and His Love and desire for intimacy. Awesome!!”

    For the TRUTH about the Covenant of Marriage read Pastor Casey Whitaker’s online book:

    http://www.marriagedivorce.com/HaveYouNotRead.pdf
    http://www.marriagedivorce.com/mdreform2.htm
    posted by Luke
    on Tuesday, June 28, 2011 at 7:57 pm
  150. Robert,

    We are so sorry to hear of the pain you are experiencing because of the choices your wife is making. We may not be able to see God answering your prayers, but that doesn’t mean that He isn’t actively working behind the scenes in response to your faithful prayers! We encourage you to seek the counsel of your pastor or another Biblical counselor to help you walk through this and to guide you as you seek reconciliation. Dr. Ed Wheat’s booklet “How to Save Your Marriage Alone” (http://www.christianbook.com/how-to-save-your-marriage-alone/ed-wheat/9780310425229/pd/0425220?item_code=WW&netp_id=119593&event=ESRCN&view=details) gives candid advice based on solid Biblical principles for rebuilding marriages.

    We have prayed for you today, Robert! Do not give up hope (Job 13:15). Keep praying for your wife and for the reconciliation of your marriage, Robert. We serve the God of miracles (Matt. 19:26) “who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think” (Eph. 3:20).

    Lorree (with the True Woman team)
    posted by Lorree
    on Wednesday, June 29, 2011 at 2:55 pm
  151. Thank you for upholding the sanctity of marriage. We are also waiting for my husband to return and restore our family; he left over six years ago. You can't imagine the destruction left behind in the wake of his decision.

    It's very hard to see how He is working in response to our prayers, although I know His Word says that He is. Nothing has improved for us; it has only become more difficult as time goes on. Hope deferred makes the heart sick...please pray for my husband's heart to be softened and for him to return to the faith he once displayed.
    posted by Dale
    on Saturday, July 2, 2011 at 12:59 am
  152. Thank you for the kind words. It is hard to hold on when you do not see any kind of movement or hope. Thank you Lorree so much for the prayers and words of encouragement. Luke are those generic stories or people you know? I know God can do anything he wants to do. I keep hearing people say hold on to the promise of a restored marriage and family. I can find in God’s word where he hates Divorce but I cannot find anywhere where he promises to heal a broken marriage. I believe he can I just wonder if he will.

    Thank you Robert
    posted by Robert
    on Sunday, July 3, 2011 at 3:46 pm
  153. Dale...

    I can understand how the waiting seems to stretch out as you wait upon the Lord. We are entrusting you into His care.

    Be assured that while you don't see anything changing for the good for you in the "seen", temporal world, He is at work in the "unseen", eternal realm.

    “So we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 2 Cor. 4:16-18

    Might His Word give you hope even again.

    Praying for you.
    posted by Sarah, with the TW Team
    on Monday, July 4, 2011 at 11:38 pm
  154. Hi I have really enjoyed reading everyones post on divorce and remarried. I also had a battle with my spouse which went on for 24 years with me prayer and finding in my heart to forgive over and over again. The scripture of God hating divorce made me hate the thought of it also. But I did get where it was so hard and I got so angry with my husband for putting me threw such awful things, and in my mind I wanting to leave him. But I just couldnt disobey my God. And one night I felt the Lord tugging at me to go to the alter, after the preacher got threw speaking on forgiveness.It was like I could'nt stop myself if I wanted too! And I ran to the alter and cryed out for mercy, and my oh my what I felt in them moments was amazing grace. My Lord took all shame, all anger, all bad thoughts I ever had for my husband, and restored my love for him. Its so beautiful what God can do if we just humble ourselfs and allow him to move in us. I couldnt wait to get home to hold my husband and to tell him that I forgive him. We both just held each other and cried, and its been wonderful ever since. Thank you God for restoration. To all of you that is thinking on divorcing your mates, please just give God a chance to move and heal your hearts first! God knows who loves him by the ones how obeys his words.
    posted by Kathy
    on Saturday, August 27, 2011 at 2:58 am
  155. I am astonished at the legalism presented by Janet, et. al., who have made second marriages the centerpiece of their ministry. And Jesus told the Pharisees that they "tied millstones around the people's necks" with the law.

    For you divorce and remarriage legalists, I suggest you refer to Deuteronomy 24:

    "1 If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, 2 and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, 3 and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, 4 then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the LORD."

    Divorce and remarriage to the original (1st "covenent") spouse is not legally permitted either. The same LORD who tells us that divorce is detestable also tells us that for the remarried to return to their original spouse after divorce is an abomination.

    What the LORD brought together, no man must tear apart. Yet when man has torn this apart out of the hardness of his heart, it is not to be brought back together. Yet is this impossible, no, all things are possible in Him. But it is ill-advised.

    Since when did two wrongs make a right? You clothe yourselves in self-righteousness and tell people in second marriages to divorce (even if they have children in those marriages!), ruin another family and the lives therein in the name of repentence? This is insanity clothed in legalistic nonsense.

    And to equate second marriages with homosexual relations? You now mince words and ignore that homosexuality is a sin in its right by "turning natural lusts into unnatural lusts." as well as being a satanic perversion of the familial order of God. Man and woman were meant to be together, and this doesn't turn people into hermits when they divorce.

    I have close friends who are both divorced and remarried to each other. Both came together in the Lord and they have served as missionaries in Haiti, China and Miami. They have a healing ministry and in Christ's name have been the vessel by which the terminally ill have been healed. In Christ's name they have cast out demons. They have both heard the voice of God and lived in dedicated obedience to Him. Yet their lives would not be complete without each other. They know the power of the LIVING GOD as the disciples knew it, and in ways that I doubt Janet and the legalists know it. God does not see them as adulterers but as an important part of His new creation and His kingdom.

    Divorce is miserable and a sin. But God knows the frame of man. Maintaining a marriage to an adulterer, an abuser, or to one who has abandoned another does not necessarily glorify God. What does it profit His kingdom for a wife to remain with a husband who is so murderous in his abuse that he eventually kills her or one of their children? What testimony is there when one spouse seeks the path of selfishness and sin through adultery and abandonment and the other takes misery for righteousness' sake? The LORD is a God of justice, both in this world and the next.

    Again, I say, DO NOT seek to tie millstones and yoke God's people to your self-serving righteousness. DO NOT seek the self-righteous pleasure in thinking, "Oh, I am better than those damned sinners who divorced and remarried!" HYPOCRITES!

    For those who have remarried, DO NOT divorce and return to your previous spouse. Divorce and remarriage is adultery, but you DO NOT repent of it by divorcing again. You cannot repent of your sin by breaking another vow!
    posted by Travis
    on Tuesday, September 6, 2011 at 8:00 pm
  156. To define so insistently, so dramatically, so emphatically and with such condemnation, as many contributors have, God's Word, about what can NOT be true or acceptable, diminishes the necessity of Christ's sacrifice for us and undermines the power of this great gift.

    To claim such a comprehensive, definitive and final understanding of the scriptures on this, and all other topics, implies that there are limits and parameters of God's love for His children. Who do we think we are?

    I suggest that we may not, while on this earth, ever fully understand God's Word and the limitlessness of His love, nor I believe, are we meant to. To say to some "you're in" and to others "you're out" in terms of salvation based on ones own merit and conduct, is not for us to say ... not for us to "throw the first stone". How dare we, those of us who think we can limit God, tie His hands, and declare on His behalf, the condemnation of anyone. We are, in fact, called as Christians to declare and proclaim the opposite.

    I am blessed to have been in a Christ-Centered faithful marriage for 27 years. I have friends and relatives who are divorced, some re-married. My heart goes out to them in their struggles and pain. I see God working so clearly, so blatantly, in their new lives, beyond the pain of a failed relationship. Yes, they fell short, as we all do ... daily. They do not feel the need to condemn me for my sin, nor do I them. There is no repentance loud enough or sincere enough to warrant God's gift to us, through Christ Jesus. It is not for me, or you, to determine or declare the condemnation of another. God alone knows our hearts and He alone will apply the "law" to condemn .. the same law we're so quick to use to elevate ourselves, and He alone will cover us, through Christ, with the "grace" we often forget.

    + His Grace is Sufficient.

    Be Blessed,

    Scott
    posted by Scott
    on Friday, September 16, 2011 at 7:54 pm
  157. But what would you say to the spouse and children left behind? Who never sought to separate the marriage and family and who continue to suffer as a result of one person's unbiblical choice? Neither do we condemn, but we still suffer....
    posted by Dale
    on Saturday, September 17, 2011 at 4:04 pm
  158. Hi Dale, and thank you for your comment.

    I suppose we "say" to those left suffering, similar things to what we might say after any tragedy ... and make no mistake, the "death" of a relationship is most certainly a tragedy, whether it's caused by a physical separation (death) or by the choice (mistakes/sin) of one or both people involved.

    We offer our support, encouragement, consolation, sympathy, empathy ... and most importantly we fervently proclaim that God loves them and that their salvation rests in the sacrifice of Jesus, and nothing can separate them from the love of God through Christ Jesus.

    There are times an answer or explanation that might shed light on reasons why things happen and the subsequent consequences are not what we are supposed to witness to ... rather, we are called to be Christ for others, and do what Jesus would do.

    The pharisees often tried to trick Jesus into betraying or contradicting the "law" and He turned their motives against them and never hesitated to remind them of His place, his position, his role ... which was above the law ... not to condemn the law, but to fulfill the law.

    Suffering, though difficult, is only temporary ... and how many times does the Bible account God reaching to his children who are suffering, and in that suffering uses them for His purpose and ultimately brings them closer to Him.

    We seem to think pain is something we should avoid at all costs, and that pain is indeed something that can be avoided ... not so. We are not in heaven yet, so why do we think we should somehow, by virtue of our identity as a Christian, be exempt from pain, suffering and the failings (including divorce) of others.

    I pray that anyone who thinks they have all the answers, or the authority to speak perfectly for God, or the ability to care faultlessly for others ... will have the grace to forgive themselves when they ultimately fail on all accounts.

    I thank God that He did send His only Son, who is the answer, who speaks perfectly and who does care wholly and faultlessly for us.

    "And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else. Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
    1 Thess. 5:14-18

    Be Blessed,

    Scott
    posted by Scott Kopperud
    on Saturday, September 17, 2011 at 10:50 pm
  159. Forgiveness, empathy, sympathy, and support are exactly what we should extend to the sinner, while we are praying that they return to God and display repentance. We can't use grace as an excuse to continue in sin. It is compounded beyond measure when it destroys a family.
    posted by Dale
    on Sunday, October 9, 2011 at 11:39 pm
  160. Quiet honestly, I believe people divorce now for the silliest of reasons. Then we find some of the people remarrying 2, 3 or more times during their lifetime. Sometimes having children in the midst of all this. If people took more time to communicate effectively and solve their problems instead of letting it fester and allowing resentfulness and bitterness to rear it's ugly head, we'd see less divorce. I recently visited a Christian church and found it interesting that they have divorce care support group and services, but do not have anything on marriage and how to work through it.
    posted by Lily
    on Thursday, October 13, 2011 at 12:25 pm
  161. I am currently married but my husband is seeking divorce. This is a non covenant marriage as he was married before and divorced for non biblical reasons. I did not know this covenant vs non covenant relationship when we got married. I know that ignorance is no excuse and God still requires obedience. However, he left me in October 2010. Our relationship was sprinkled with violence and tension because I never forgave him for putting his hands on me shortly before we were married. I was mean many times and did not respect him as a man or the head of the household. I wondered how could a man who loved me EVER put angry hands on me. The abuse trickled through the years and culminated in a large, violent fight on the day he left. I was emotionally torn as I began to read scripture regarding duties of a wife and wifely submission and requirements of unconditional respect for the husband. I tried to get him to come back but he would not...(Retrouvaille, counseling, church, begging, pleading, guilt, sex, silence, showering with love and appreciation, etc)... I was so damaged and bitter, lonely and broken after years of tension and anger that after 8 months of separation, I had a brief relationship with someone which did result in an adulterous night(1) and then the relationship quickly fizzled. I then went back and tried again to reclaim my distant spouse. He continued to reject me and I found out later he is and was dating someone since right after he left me. I was still holding out hope and praying that he would return, but now I am wondering if the only correction is to complete this divorce process, as this was not a marriage to begin with. I repent for my act of adultery and have asked him to repent for his but he is not willing to stop or repent. He is away with her for the weekend now. I have a lot of guilt at what I should have done- sexually, emotionally, spiritually, etc. I want all of us- 3 children, husband and wife- to be in the same home. Confused now. Not sure if praying for restoration of a "noncovenant" marriage is biblical. I will never committ that sin of adultery again, I have repented and been forgiven. I no longer need attention from anyone except the Father, but I want to know whether God wishes for me to let go of this and if in fact God took him out of my life in Oct 2010 as a blessing for me. If God allowed my adulterous act for the purpose of "cementing" the separation and divorce. I have never done anything like this before. Do I just let him go and live in peace?I love him and feel my heart breaking even when I think of him with another. It hurts so deeply, I have wanted to just get rid of the pain, by any means necessary. I love him, I just hated his violence toward me. I should be happy he left, but I am not. He was MY husband, I thought. Can I get married again one day to a God fearing, loving, kind, gentle, patient, self controlled man?
    posted by Sharne
    on Friday, December 2, 2011 at 8:41 pm
  162. Sharne,

    We are glad you posted on the blog. I am sorry to hear of the pain and heartache you have endured. I pray God will give you strength to face these days and will indeed comfort your heart—The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

    Indeed God would desire that you persevere and pray for your husband and your marriage. You have entered into a covenant with your marriage; God desires that you stay in your marriage. Marriage is a covenant relationship established by God. Whether biblically justified or not, the second marriage becomes as binding as the original marriage covenant was supposed to be.

    Find godly counsel; you will want there to be a resolution to the physical abuse before you go back to living with one another.

    As to the subject of remarriage, many godly theologians would see two grounds for biblical divorce and remarriage. The first would be in the case of adultery (Matt. 18). The second would be in cases of abandonment by an unbelieving spouse (or one who is acting like an unbeliever) in 1 Corinthians 7. Other theologians believe that even then remarriage is never permitted biblically regardless of the circumstances based on passages like Matthew 5:31-32.

    Nancy’s personal understanding is that the Bible does not allow for remarriage in the case of divorce even in cases of adultery or abandonment, but she would not hold this position as a biblical mandate. The question of remarriage is something you will need to wrestle with before the Lord as you search the Scriptures and seek godly counsel from your pastor or elders.

    You might appreciate this good, encouraging end to a sermon by John Piper (the whole message and the follow-up message might help you as you wrestle with what God would have you do): http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/sermons/what-god-has-joined-together-let-not-man-separate-part-1:

    But in closing today I want to emphasize that what Jesus says here in verses 10-12 is incredibly good news—even to those who have been divorced and are remarried. Here’s why: Jesus says, Don’t divorce your spouse and marry someone else. If you do, you’ve committed adultery. Why is it adultery? Ultimately, it is adultery because it betrays the truth about Christ that marriage is meant to display. Jesus never, never, never does that to his bride, the church. He never forsakes her. He never abandons her. He never abuses her. He always loves her. He always takes her back when she wanders. He always is patient with her. He always cares for her and provides for her and protects her and, wonder of wonders, delights in her. And you—you who are married once, married five times, married never—if you repent and trust Christ—receive him as the treasure who bore your punishment and became your righteousness—you are in the bride. And that is how he relates to you. “Everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sin’s through his name” (Acts 10:43).

    He is a great and gracious God!
    posted by Sarah, with the TW Team
    on Wednesday, December 7, 2011 at 4:59 pm
  163. Hello...
    I am a woman twice divorced, with both ex-spouses still living and unmarried. Both had been married before me. The 1st, I divorced. The 2nd divorced me, mainly because of the guilt I felt after realizing that Christ calls remarriage adultery. I am a Christian, and want to follow Christ, even if I must remain unmarried. My 2nd ex, wants to remarry me, yet the peace that I believe is supposed to be present when you are following the Lord's will does not stay, if it is there at all. We have four children between us whom I love, one mine, one ours, two his. Would you please pray that I would desire God's will above all else?
    Thank you,
    posted by Dyana
    on Monday, December 19, 2011 at 4:07 am
  164. Dyana…

    Thank you for your question. I commend you for your desire to honor the Lord and His ways. You would have freedom to marry the second husband again unless you have remarried since the second divorce. Scripture calls it an abomination for a woman to marry and then go back to a former husband (Deuteronomy 24:2-4). Marriage is a covenant relationship established by God. Whether biblically justified or not, the second marriage becomes as binding as the original marriage covenant was supposed to be.

    You would however not want to marry again until you had a peace from God. We have indeed taken time to pray for you today, asking the Lord to give you direction as you seek Him:
    Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
    posted by Sarah, with the TW Team
    on Monday, December 19, 2011 at 6:24 pm
  165. Hi Dyana,

    I believe that God will give you wisdom as you earnestly seek him on this matter. I believe that the New Testament and Old Testament scriptures both instruct us that Sarah is right; your last marriage is the commitment God would have you be faithful to. Paul teaches us that we should remain as we are found unless circumstances change against our will, or unless singleness detracts from service to the Lord. This principle applies to marriage also. Paul would have known that there were remarried people in the churches, and he did not instruct them to destroy their status quo, even in a very detailed treatise on marriage and singleness.

    I believe that the guilt you have felt is false guilt and condemnation, based on a lack of applying proper principles to your situation, as many teachers do. Many teach that the only way to repent of divorce is to end a current marriage, but this only throws up more problems and leads to further sin and confusion, as your post shows.

    I feel very keenly for you, and can imagine how painful this must all be, as I also had doubts because I'm married to a divorced man. He was married to a divorced woman, so according to some of the rather extreme teaching you may have heard, he is in fact my husband and was not the husband of the former wife.

    However, this is not always so easy to determine because many people have been divorced several times, and married to people who have been divorced several times. No one would even know whom was whose husband or wife if it were true that you had to divorce from a marriage where divorce had been involved in this way! It would cause great confusion and lead to 'true' marriages being split up, surely sin before God. This is why I believe the Bible is clear that each marriage is a genuine marriage and whichever one you find yourself in at the time of your understanding of God's word about marriage, that is where you should be.

    Again, I also would encourage you to just pray and seek God, trusting in his love for you, and ask him what he would want. Do this carefully, as you weigh the scriptures and think about how each principle would apply to your situation.

    I have a blog which is devoted to this subject, as I very nearly lost my sanity (not a fruit of the Holy SPirit!) and my marriage due to buying into teaching that I can't stay married to my divorcee husband. I have five children with him, and we have raised his two daughters from his first marriage together also. You can imagine how much I had to think and pray this through, too.

    I will be thinking of you and praying for you.

    My blog address is:
    http://godsgraceforthedivorcedandremarried.blogspot.com/
    http://godsgraceforthedivorcedandremarried.blogspot.com/
    posted by Yvonne
    on Wednesday, January 4, 2012 at 9:07 am
  166. Thank you Sarah, and Yvonne for your responses, and especially for your prayers.
    Yvonne, it sounds as though you have an understanding of many of the struggles I have experienced over this issue, would you be open to more conversation? I visited your blog site, and I think there is a place to e-mail you from there, if you are agreeable to talking more.
    I am weary, feeling rather alone, and afraid to be outside the Father's will. To know there are people who care and are praying is appreciated... Thank you Sarah and Yvonne.
    posted by Dyana
    on Saturday, January 14, 2012 at 11:39 am
  167. The Bible clearly says that whenever remarriage occurs, adultery results, and that is pretty clear to every Bible reader.

    In Romans 7:2 we are clearly told why the remarriage of divorced persons is adultery. It is adultery because the first marriage is still binding.

    “A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives.”

    Since she is bound to him as long as he lives, all other relationships are adultery. This is easy to understand.

    People talk in our day about “ending” marriages.
    But that is impossible to do, you can’t do it.
    It is not divorce, but death, that ends marriages. The only thing that divorce does is, make a new relationship adultery and while remarriage is legal in the eyes of the government, it is illegal to God.

    As long as a former mate is living, the original marriage union is secure in God’s eyes–and that is the State of Marriage.

    When one of the married partners separates from the other and joins himself to someone else, that does not free him from the state of marriage that he is in with his first wife, but instead, it enters him into a state of adultery.

    Proverbs 28:13 makes it clear that God wants all of us to turn from sinful living. John the Baptist lost his head defending this principle. Mark 6:17-18 tells how John the Baptist had said that it was not lawful for Herod to have his brother’s wife after a divorce.

    Herodias, was legally divorced by Roman law, and newly married to Herod Antipas, but John still said to Herod, “It is not lawful for you to have her.” after they were remarried.

    Don’t go shopping around for someone to justify what Jesus Christ clearly and repeatedly condemned.

    God has not changed His law to allow a man who has stolen another man’s wife to keep her. Nor has He changed His law to allow a woman who has seduced a husband away from his wife and children to keep someone else’s husband. Nor will He join two people in a God condemned wedding ceremony.

    “I require and charge you both, as you will answer at the dreadful day of judgment when the secrets of all hearts shall be disclosed, that if either of you know any impediment, why you may not be lawfully
    joined together in Holy Matrimony, you do now confess it. For be you well assured, that if any persons are joined together other then what God allows--are not joined together by God--neither is their marriage lawful.”
    --The Book of Common Prayer

    It is important to notice that neither the Gospel of Mark, nor the Gospel of John recognized Herod’s second marriage as valid. In Mark 6:17 it describes the woman as “his brother Philip’s wife,” after a divorce. He called her Phillip’s wife after she was divorced and remarried. That is whose wife she was, even though Herod had married her. The divorce did not end the marriage. She did not become Herod’s wife upon remarriage. Herod was living with her in adultery; she was still Philip’s wife.

    God does not recognize the second marriage because the first marriage is binding until death. That is an eternal principle settled in the eternal counsels of God.

    From God’s point of view, all first marriages are binding, and can be broken only by death. Divorce does not dissolve the “bond” of marriage. If it did, there would be no adultery in a remarriage.

    The Bible condemns remarriage after a divorce.
    Every faithful disciple of Christ needs to speak God’s truth about marriage and show people, according to Scripture, that they are bound to their first spouse as long as they live.

    Check out http://www.marriagedivorce.com

    We must help people see the truth.

    Adulterers… will not inherit the Kingdom of God. 1 Corinthians 6:9

    Adultery is identified in every passage where the remarriage of divorced persons is mentioned.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUfIzKffv58
    posted by Ellie
    on Saturday, January 28, 2012 at 1:41 am
  168. Dyana,

    I'm sorry I did not see your post, as I have not checked the blog here for a while. Do feel free to get in touch,

    Yvonne
    posted by Yvonne
    on Monday, February 20, 2012 at 5:00 pm
  169. Hello,

    I was a virgin for my husband who was seperated and divorced by his 1st wife 5 years before I met him.

    He gave his heart to Christ through our relationship.

    Is our marriage still unlawful b/c scriptures says "if a virgin marries she does not sin". And he was divoree not the divorcer.

    Our marriage has been hard. unemployment, financial struggle, 3 moves, and there have been tensions. I know my vows don't supercede God's law, but I always saw that Christ came to fufill the law, not abolish it. And because of hardness of hearts, Divorce was allowed for the innocent to protect them.

    I have gone round and round in the scriptures.And afraid my emotions are getting in the way of the Holy Spirit.
    posted by Jonelle
    on Tuesday, July 10, 2012 at 12:14 pm
  170. @Jonelle…
    In answer to your question, as to the subject of remarriage, there are differig views. Many godly theologians would see two grounds for biblical divorce and remarriage. The first would be in the case of adultery (Matt. 18). The second would be in cases of abandonment by an unbelieving spouse (or one who is acting like an unbeliever) in 1 Corinthians 7. Other theologians believe that even then remarriage is never permitted biblically regardless of the circumstances based on passages like (Matt. 5:31-32).

    Whatever the situation that brought you to marriage, God intends for you to stay married. He intends for you to keep your marriage vows and He has grace available for every trouble you have faced and will face. For those who humbly come before Him, and seek his help, His grace abounds. Talk to the Lord; express your heart, your concerns and your desires. Confess any sin. Then live in the light of His grace.

    Set your heart to follow hard after God from this point on. God wants to raise you up to be a woman who will do all His will (Acts 13:22). Purpose to pursue an intimate relationship with Him; He has promised to show Himself strong on your behalf as you rely on Him (2 Chron. 16:9).
    posted by Sarah, with the TW Team
    on Wednesday, July 11, 2012 at 10:56 pm
  171. PLEASE PRAY FOR MY MARRIAGE
    Grace and Peace,
    My name is chamaine and my ex husband name is brent we got divorce in march and I AM believing God to restore my marriage . but about three weeks this women came into this life and now there is just so much hatred in him towards me last night he told me never to speak to him in life again and in the last week when we speak he would curse me and we have 10 year old kid. I am feeling very hurt and would like to pray for God to help and have his way in this situation to bring peace and unforgivness SAVE my husband and restore is love for me and also remove this person from his life if he have to. Thank you
    truewoman
    posted by charmaine
    on Wednesday, July 18, 2012 at 2:16 pm
  172. Charmaine

    We have prayed for you today Charmaine, and have asked God to soften Brent's heart and do whatever He needs to do to bring reconciliation and restoration to your marriage. Thank you for believing God for a miracle. Don't give up, Charmaine! We serve the God of miracles. Nothing is too hard for Him (Jer. 32:17).
    posted by Lorree, with the TW Team
    on Thursday, July 19, 2012 at 2:31 pm
  173. Hello,
    In other words, children from adulterous relationships (either remariage or pre marital relations) ought to die ?
    Do we have to 'do without them' also ?
    posted by louisa
    on Sunday, July 29, 2012 at 12:27 pm
  174. “Don’t divorce your spouse and marry someone else. If you do, you’ve committed adultery. Why is it adultery? Ultimately, it is adultery because it betrays the truth about Christ that marriage is meant to display.” --Sarah

    What is Significant about Adultery in Remarriage?

    When Jesus said, "whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery" He said something significant...

    When Jesus made that statement, He was stating that divorce does not end the first marriage. Some people have assumed that divorce ends the first marriage, but Jesus said that it is not true.

    The sin of adultery can only occur if one or both of the persons involved is married. If neither of the persons are married the term adultery cannot be used.

    When Jesus said that "whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery", He was stating that when a man marries a divorced woman he is living with another man's wife and therefore is guilty of adultery.

    God states that the sexual intercourse of a divorced and remarried couple is adultery. Therefore each time they have sexual intercourse they commit an act of adultery.

    As they continue to have sexual relations and there is no repentance, it becomes a state of adultery. Therefore, adultery in remarriage is both an act each time it occurs, and a continuing state of sinning.

    Divorce does not make a man or a woman single again. Divorce does not end a person's first marriage. That is why a person commits adultery when they marry and live with a divorced person.

    Do we get the significance of Jesus' use of the word adultery? Adultery could not occur in remarriage if divorce ended the first marriage.

    Adultery can only occur in remarriage because the divorced spouse is still married to their first marriage partner in Jesus' judgment.

    Jesus is the Judge we will stand before, for our hearing on Judgment Day and it is important that we understand our Judge's reasoning and logic if we want to enter Heaven.

    The significance of the sin of adultery in remarriage is that divorce does not end a person's first marriage!

    God has joined the husband and wife together as one. "And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.'".

    Man's civil action of divorce in the court system of this earth, does not end the "one flesh" aspect of the marriage that God has joined together.

    http://www.cadz.net/mdr.html

    http://www.marriagedivorce.com/
    http://www.cadz.net/mdr.html
    posted by Ellie
    on Sunday, July 29, 2012 at 12:38 pm
  175. "The deliberate contrast in Jeremiah 3:1 between the law that Moses laid down for the Israelites in Deuteronomy 24 and God’s own behavior towards His wife points out that the New Testament Church must not determine her marriage doctrine and practice from Deuteronomy 24."
    ---Professor David J. Engelsma

    The Bond Yet Unbroken:

    The first verse of Jeremiah 3 proves, in a striking, indeed, startling way, that God was still MARRIED to DIVORCED Israel. To Israel who had "played the harlot with many lovers" and whom God had already divorced, according to verse eight, God called, "Yet return again to me."

    This was a call to His wife, as verse one makes plain: "They say, If a man put away his wife, and she go from him, and become another man’s, shall he return unto her again? Shall not that land be greatly polluted? But thou hast played the harlot with many lovers; yet return again to me, saith the LORD."

    Whereas it was not permitted in Israel for a wife divorced from her husband and remarried to another man to return to her first husband, God called His wife back to Himself, even though she had committed adultery with many companions and even though God had divorced her.

    Divorced Israel REMAINED the wife of the LORD.

    What is striking, even startling, about this insistence on the maintenance of the marriage and on Israel’s return to her rightful husband is the contrast between God’s marriage to Israel and a law governing the earthly marriages of the Israelites.

    Verse one refers to the law concerning divorce and remarriage in Deuteronomy 24:1-4. Deuteronomy 24:1-4 forbade a husband who had divorced his wife, on some other ground than her adultery, to take her back, if a second husband divorced her, or died.

    God, however, will take His wife back, even though she gave herself to many lovers and despite the fact that He had given her a bill of divorce.

    The law of Deuteronomy 24:1-4 was merely Moses’ tolerance of deviation from God’s original ordinance of marriage on the part of hard-hearted Israelite men. It was a stop-gap measure, somewhat to protect vulnerable women, who otherwise would have been passed around like property.

    This was Christ’s analysis of Deuteronomy 24:1-4, and indictment of the kind of people for whom the law was necessary, in Matthew 19:8: "Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives."

    Deuteronomy 24 does not reveal the truth about marriage, divorce, and remarriage. It reveals the wickedness in marriage of hard-hearted, that is, unbelieving, men. The truth about marriage, already in the Old Testament, is revealed in Jeremiah 3:1: Even though He must divorce an unfaithful wife, God MAINTAINED the marriage and CALLED His wife back to Himself.

    Verse fourteen of Jeremiah 3 is decisive, and explicit, regarding the question, whether God divorced an original wife so as to annul the marriage and open the way for Himself to marry another.

    Addressing faithless, divorced Israel, Jehovah exclaimed, "Turn, O backsliding children, saith the LORD; for I am MARRIED unto you: and I will take you one of a city, and two of a family, and I will bring you to Zion."

    Although His wife was unfaithful, although she committed adultery with numerous lovers, although she was as yet impenitent, and although God had divorced her, God was STILL her husband, and she was STILL His wife. The bill of divorce did not touch, much less dissolve, the marriage bond: "I am MARRIED unto you."

    Indeed, the fact of the marriage is the reason why God called Israel back, as it is the reason why she ought to come back, to live with Him: "For I am married unto you."

    ---Professor David J. Engelsma

    For More Information See: http://www.cadz.net/duet24.html
    http://www.cadz.net/mdr.html
    posted by Ellie
    on Sunday, July 29, 2012 at 12:50 pm
  176. Hi, I have a question for Paula and this team?

    How can you tell people who are remarried to fight for their marriage and pray for restoration and at the same time tell people who are in their 1st marriage and who have been abandoned by their spouse to fight for their marriage and pray for restoration?

    can't you see what a confusion this is? Our God is not a God of confusion but a God of order.
    1 Corinthians 14:33-"For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace"

    My husband left me 1 year ago. This is the 1st and the only marriage for us both. I am praying God to bring him back to me because he belongs to me and is one flesh with me. Now you would tell me to fight for my marriage and even join me in that prayer. Let's say that he would remarry and that person would write here and you would tell her to stay in her "marriage" and fight for it. Do you see how crazy this is?

    Please don't add to the word of God just because the reality is painful and divorce and remarriage have become so common that we have lost our sensitivity against them as sin.

    For all of you in your first and your mate's first marriage who are fighting in prayer, standing and honouring God by choice, continue to do that because God will bless you and honour you. He is on OUR side! Our covenant husbands and wives belong to us and not to the others. Surely God'll answer and bring them back home to where they belong. They will never find the real peace nor rest in their heart if they choose not to repent and do what is right in God's sight.

    My heart aches for all of you who were abandoned. I know the pain. Turn to Jesus, He'll honour you and heal your wounds. Let us trust God and His alternatives because He knows the best for us.

    Turn to Him with your whole heart in all honesty and the Holy Spirit will show you right from wrong and when you know what's right and stand for it you will finally find the peace that is beyond our understanding.

    If you're standing for your covenant-marriage check out:
    http://rejoiceministries.org/stop_divorce_radio/
    It has helpt me a lot and given me much hope when I needed it.

    And also read this marriage testimony on Focus On the Family's site. It will give you hope and encourage you to not give up on your covenant marriage regardless of the situation:
    http://www.focusonlinecommunities.com/thread/20710?start=0&tstart=0

    God bless you all
    posted by Monalisa
    on Thursday, August 2, 2012 at 6:23 am
  177. Paula,
    I have a question along these lines but taking it to the next step. My Dad who is widowed remarried a divorced woman 2 weeks ago. My husband and I feel that this marriage is adulterous as pointed out in Scripture. Through the 3 years of their dating, we didn't spend time with them as a couple as not to encourage the relationship. We did speak (in love) to Dad and warned him as we saw Scripture teaching, but he now has married this woman.

    I am now wondering what is our position. I have been forgiven much and shown grace for my sins. I do not want to cut off my Dad and do not see that he has committed an unpardonable sin. I want to extend grace, but still show/stand for truth. Just not sure how to do that practically-do we have them over for dinner? Do we go to their house? Is this encouraging what is wrong? Although we did this while they were dating to make a statement, do we continue this now that they are married?

    Please advise to what you think my Biblical place is as I move forward into "accepting" their marriage. I do not think they should divorce but realize they are already statistically not in good standing.

    Thank you for your honest writing and stand on God's Word as the authority for lives of Christians.
    SR
    posted by SR
    on Friday, August 10, 2012 at 9:15 am
  178. @SR…You have said it well to answer your question… you “have been forgiven much and shown grace for my sins. I do not want to cut off my Dad and do not see that he has committed an unpardonable sin. I want to extend grace.” You are not responsible for your Dad’s choices, but you are responsible for your part of the relationship. Do all you can, SR, to extend grace and Christian love to both he and his wife. God brings people to Himself and convicts of sin; you don’t have to. (And as I am sure you are aware, the circumstances of her divorce perhaps would be acceptable for remarriage as some evangelical leaders understand Scripture. It may be that your dad and her have come to such an understanding.)

    You are to be commended for taking a stand for truth as your dad considered his future. That is truly admirable; not many have the courage to do so in our day. But, you want a right relationship with your dad. It is your honorable place to accept him in the beloved and show grace to both he and his wife.

    So glad you wrote. Blessings to you.
    posted by Sarah, with the TW Team
    on Tuesday, August 14, 2012 at 11:35 am
  179. God hates divorce... I agree. God hates a lot of other stuff too. We are imperfect. Life is imperfect.
    My mother stayed with my father, because of her faith in Jesus. But it hurt me, and the pain of her marriage scarred me in many ways. I can still remember the first time I heard him hit her. I trembled. I was 5, maybe 4. She cried, I cried. It happened again many times after that. And she stayed with him, because "God hates divorce". But it hurt me, scarred me.
    Then there were other women. He slept around. She stayed with him, because "God hates divorce". He got HIV. She got HIV. He died. And 8 years later, I watched her struggle for her life. Struggle to stay alive. I have been scarred by her pain for life. I am unable to connect with men because of the horrible things I witnessed in my parents' marriage.
    I am a Christian. I have an unshakable faith in Jesus, by His Grace. But I WISH MY MOTHER HAD LEFT MY FATHER. I wish she had divorced him. I am convinced that God was not glorified by the outcome of their marriage.
    Life is not perfect, only God can judge because only He sees the entire picture.

    Grace and peace
    O
    posted by Olivia
    on Monday, August 20, 2012 at 11:54 am
  180. @O...I'm thanking the Lord Jesus for saving you and giving you an unshakable faith. His grace is amazing indeed. The hurt and pain you have experienced because of your dad's sinful choices would be overwhelming except that you know Him. Physical abuse is never right--always wrong. May the Lord reward your mom for her commitment to follow Him for what she thought was right. And might He give you grace abundant to ease the pain and sorrow of the past. Blessings to you.
    posted by Sarah, with the TW Team
    on Monday, August 20, 2012 at 6:01 pm
  181. Divorce is wrong; agreed. However 'divorcing-to-repent' is equally wrong.

    Divorceandremarriagecults.blogspot.
    posted by katie
    on Monday, September 3, 2012 at 12:42 am
  182. Ok I stumbled into this but I am probably supposed to be here :) I have not memorized the bible but I have always believed in God. I have made many many MANY mistakes in my life.
    I divorced my husband about 5 years ago. In Aug 07 he was arrested for battery on 3 of my four teens while I was at work. It took me until Oct 07 to actually file for divorce. I had lived with physical and mental abuse for 17 years (true abuse here~ choking me, punching me, hitting me with things, biting me, stomping on me, im stupid worthless, he would kill me etc) I truly felt that this public incident in view of all the neighbors (chasing the boys with a pipe, punching them, biting them, throwing them etc) was my sign from God it was time to go. I had begged pleaded for us to "get help" I went to counseling alone many times he never went once, i read books, I know in my heart i tried everything but I had to ensure my children, (all 4 of them) and myself safety. Maybe I was wrong.... Now I am not sure how to proceed with my life. I have a wonderful christian man in my life now that speaks to me of marriage. He was married previously also but she divorced him. How do we proceed? Should we proceed? The wrong is already done we are both divorced so is it wrong to marry again? Everything I read says it is wrong to divorce and no one should marry a woman who is divorced. I am confused unsure...yes I pray about it. I would like to hear what other women, maybe better with the scriptures than I, have to say. This wonderful man says that it is better to marry even though we have been before.
    posted by Elizabeth
    on Thursday, September 27, 2012 at 12:32 pm
  183. Oh, Elizabeth...my heart goes out to you. You have indeed suffered through your marriage, as have your children. I am so sorry.

    As to the subject of remarriage, many godly theologians would see two grounds for biblical divorce and remarriage. The first would be in the case of adultery (Matt. 18). The second would be in cases of abandonment by an unbelieving spouse (or one who is acting like an unbeliever) in 1 Corinthians 7. Other theologians believe that even then remarriage is never permitted biblically regardless of the circumstances based on passages like Matthew 5:31-32.

    Nancy DeMoss' personal understanding is that the Bible does not allow for remarriage in the case of divorce even in cases of adultery or abandonment, but she would not hold this position as a biblical mandate. The question of remarriage is something you and the man in your life will both need to wrestle with before the Lord as you search the Scriptures and seek godly counsel from your pastor or elders.

    The following link is to an article that will give you further insights into Nancy’s understanding of marriage and divorce from the Scriptures, and give you Scripture to pray through. http://www.reviveourhearts.com/articles/what-god-hath-joined-together-del-fehsenfeld/

    God bless you, Elizabeth. May you know the deep, deep love of the Lord as you cling to Him for your life and future. "Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him, for He shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between His shoulders (Deuteronomy 33:12).
    posted by
    on Saturday, September 29, 2012 at 1:54 pm
  184. in the kings james bible, luke-16 vrs-i-to 18 on divorces . 17-1-to-6, the lord says. + befor you marrey you must tall the rongs you have done, and the same for the woman.if you dont god well not balsse your marreg.i am ray, i am a chistian, i keep the sabbath holy , becus god say so. think you ray
    the net
    posted by ray
    on Monday, October 22, 2012 at 9:54 pm
  185. I was divorced 20 years ago in a frivolous military marriage that last two years. She commited adultery and was remarried 18 years ago and has grown children. Recently i met someone whose exhusband was a homosexual and who put her in the hospital 6 times for abuse. We love each other a lot...however, because of my new found remarriage =adultery theology i have discovered that i must break relations with her, as God must punish us for picking the wrong ungodly person. thank you gor standing up and for protecting the innocent!
    posted by jeffrey paul hildebrand
    on Sunday, February 17, 2013 at 1:19 am
  186. I married very young and although I was unhappy in that union, bore two beautiful sons within 6 years into it. I stayed in that marriage for almost 28 years but was unfaithful in it, as I was searching for my own happiness in wrongful ways, of which I now understand and have been forgiven for. My husband is now deceased after long suffering and found The Lord years before.

    A man whom I had a lengthy affair with and whom divorced his wife for irreconcilable differences long before he was saved, has since returned to my life now and has been born again. His ex wife, while they were separated had an affair before their divorce was final and has now remarried.

    We both agree we have sinned and have been forgiven and believe in our Lord and witness His miracles everyday in our lives, our families lives and friends as well. Between us we have 5 sons, one of which is his nephew that he claimed to raise due to the child's broken family. This man has taught his children how to be Godly gentlemen. And he and their mother have co raised them successfully with very little animosity between them.

    The two of us have never felt closer to God than we do now and are never ashamed to witness to others as to the trials God has brought us out of and of the blessings we have received and of how we learned together how to trust. And have faith in God.

    We want to marry. We are presently living in the same house and feel as though we belong to one another in Gods eyes and would like to make our relationship right spiritually.

    We are not perfect and never will be but we feel we can be used by God to witness and show others His love.

    Do any of you believe if we were to marry now it would be a sin? I was always taught that what was unclean before is made new again. Salvation lies within.......only Jesus knows our heart. I believe we are all individual personalities, we all may go through troubles and trials but they are not always the same tests as our neighbors. Do any of you have opinions or even scriptures that would condemn us?

    Thanks in advance and for any prayers you all can pray for us and our families?
    posted by Karen benefield
    on Sunday, April 7, 2013 at 5:18 pm
  187. @Karen... I have paused to pray for you. I can understand your wanting to stay in a relationship where you have found happiness.

    You are in a difficult place because you are living with a man though you are not married. You need to consider separating yourselves from living together until you have an answer as to what is right for you. God is very clear concerning having relations with someone that is not your husband. He tells us to flee from evil, yea, any appearance of evil. (See 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 and 1 Corinthians 6:18)

    I encourage you to do just as was suggested in the post. Take the Scriptures found in this article and study them. Thenk prayerfully go before the Lord and seek His wisdom for your life and situation. https://www.reviveourhearts.com/articles/what-god-hath-joined-together-del-fehsenfeld/ There is a section entitled "What About Remarriage After Divorce" and another "What If I am Already Divorced?" that you will find helpful as you seek direction.

    God bless you, Karen, as you seek God's wisdom and direction through prayer and the Scriptures.
    posted by Sarah, with the TW Team
    on Saturday, April 13, 2013 at 10:35 pm
  188. “Go in through the narrow gate, because the gate to hell is wide and the road that leads to it is easy, and there are many who travel it. But the gate to life is narrow and the way that leads to it is hard, and there are few people who find it. Matthew 7:13 & 14 (NIV)
    “Not everyone who calls out to me, ‘Lord! Lord!’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter. On judgment day many will say to me, ‘Lord! Lord! We prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.’ But I will reply, ‘I never knew you. Get away from me, you who break God’s laws.’ Matthew 7: 21-23 (NLT)
    posted by Godwin
    on Sunday, April 28, 2013 at 3:41 pm
  189. I wish my patience would endure me to read all the comments posted here.
    I am at the door of Divorce and I hate it. Scripture runs through my head and it all seems so perfectly clear but my wife, a believer (we were water baptized together), purposes these truths for her own fashion.
    I feel quite helpless and continue to linger in hope that somehow my wife will allow God to restore us!
    Forgive and Sacrifice for her as hard as it is, to whatever cost is demanded..., so hard..., so seemingly totally unjust..., Help!!!
    posted by Devyn Anthony
    on Sunday, June 16, 2013 at 11:35 pm
  190. I was the second wife to three men, who I divorced. I have been divorced from the last one for about twenty years. I was baptized as a teenager although I had not been a regular church goer. Only recently did I learn that I am an adulteress because of my marriages. So if I meet a Godly man who has never married or is a widower, I am to remain alone?
    posted by Rhonda
    on Monday, June 17, 2013 at 5:27 am
  191. @Devyn...We are so sorry to hear of the heartache caused by your wife's decisions. Indeed I can see why it is so hard to continue to forgive and sacrifice! But I encourage you to persevere with the grace and strength of the Lord. Continue to call on His name for your help, Devyn. We are never without hope with the Lord. "I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand. Do not fear. I will help you; though you stumble you will not fall for I the Lord uphold you with my hand. So do not fear for I am with you. Do not be dismayed or anxiously look about you for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Is. 41:13; Ps. 37:24; Is 41:10).

    What is "unjust" in this life will all be settled before Him one day; the Ancient of Days will take His seat and right the wrongs (Dan. 7:9-14). "For God is not unjust; He will not forget your work and the love you showed for His name when you served the saints—and you continue to serve them." (Hebrews 6:10)

    We have prayed for you, Devyn. May God's great grace and peace be upon you this day (2 Pet. 1:2).
    posted by Sarah, with the TW Team
    on Tuesday, June 18, 2013 at 11:49 am
  192. @Rhonda...You are at a good place; you now recognize God's desire for pure living. We are so glad to hear you now grow in Christ and desire to give Him glory through your life.

    I encourage you to read the section of the article entitled "What If I Am Already Divorced". You will find it here: https://www.reviveourhearts.com/articles/what-god-hath-joined-together-del-fehsenfeld/. Do all that is within you to make your relationships right and pray diligently the Lord will help you live right before Him. "For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of darkness,' has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ." (2 Cor. 4:6)
    posted by Sarah, with the TW Team
    on Friday, June 21, 2013 at 12:17 am
  193. To those who have remarried without a truly biblical divorce (fornication only according to Jesus) and think that they are not sinning, I would say look to the Word of God.

    Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
    - Matthew 7:22-23
    posted by Chuck
    on Friday, August 2, 2013 at 12:24 am
  194. i understand Gods teaching on divorce and I regret my husband divorcing me. he did cheat ( i didn't find out until after the divorce). recently i have contacted him re reconciliation and at first he seemed keen but now I am the one fighting.
    I am lost and seeking God. I understand about not remarrying but I am 28 with no children. Had I had children I could be happy alone but I have none, would God deny me that for something that I didn't want? I always wanted to save and work on my marriage. I still do, my heart is raw and the love for my husband I thought lost has come back stronger since we have been talking but I don't think he is feeling the same and is now about to move back to his home county 1000's of miles away. I am truly broken. I seek God but can't see his will for this. This is why God hates divorce because of the pain. I do thank him no children are involved. I hate Sin and our selfish decisions.
    posted by katie
    on Tuesday, August 13, 2013 at 7:36 am
  195. I believe that most in the permenance camp are just like the Fred Phelps of Remarriage and do not preach the truth trembling, but as Pharisees who exalted their own rightousness with a " hey look at me ,I'm not a dirty remarrier like you!" Regardless of where you stand, cut the internet cord and let God tell you what is right or wrong and if you wag to convey truth to others in love, tremble and do so. Most of these are not.
    posted by Jeff Hildebrand
    on Friday, September 6, 2013 at 12:10 am
  196. In Matthew 19, Jesus outlined the perfect plan for Marriage. God wants us to be faithful until death. His disciples protested against the idea that if a marriage was unhappy, that remarriage after divorce was not allowed. Notice they were not protesting the idea of no divorce, but the idea of no remarriage after divorce.

    In response to their protest, Jesus said something very interesting. He says this: "All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it. "

    So, Jesus acknowledges that some are unable to live a celibate life!

    Paul says the same thing in I Corinthians 7:9 "But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn." This is said to "the unmarried, and to the widows." And who are the unmarried? Look at verse 11. A woman who departs from her husband, is called "unmarried", though in the same breath Paul refers to her husband.

    So, the subject may not be as cut-and-dried as one may suppose.
    There seems to be the ideal, which all should aim for.
    But then there seems to be an allowance made for the imperfection of human weakness. Which sounds like the Jesus I know.
    posted by Mary
    on Friday, September 6, 2013 at 3:17 pm
  197. Mary,

    What you say does seem to be logical if one cannot control their passions. However, I would be careful about saying that either Jesus or Paul would allow a person to enter into a marriage relationship Jesus calls adultery just so their passion could be satisfied. I don't think they would ever condone sin for any reason whatsoever.
    posted by Mark
    on Friday, September 6, 2013 at 4:23 pm
  198. My first husband unbeknown to me was struggling with homosexuality and as a result he was physically and emotionally abusive to our daughter and myself (not our son). I always asked God to show me "the out "and leaving and remaining single seemed to be the only biblical option I could find. This was not the option I wanted, of course I wanted a new husband.

    Eventually we both walked away from God and I had an affair with another woman's husband and left my husband. At this point he sought counsel for his homosexual problems (they were just overwhelming desires, he had not acted on them in our marriage) which I found out about by accident. He was desperate to make our marriage work but my heart was hardened towards him.

    After living in sin with this other man for nearly a year I left him (I believe now my decision to leave him was the result of the prayers of his wife who he went back to and is still married to, praise God).

    I quickly became involved with another man whom I subsequently married (15 years ago). We are still married (our marriage is his first marriage) and my ex husband is no longer a Pastor but a practising homosexual.

    I have researched this whole remarriage issue thoroughly and have struggled to come to a firm conclusion on the state of my second marriage in God's eyes.

    To those out there who think it is adultery please give me scripture not opinion on why it is adultery.

    To those out there who think it is sin but is covered by God's grace as I am truly sorry before God for my sin of remarriage, please give me scripture not opinion as to why grace covers it even though my repentance is by heart not by action.

    My husband would be devastated to think it was adultery as he loves me dearly and is very committed to me as I am to him but want to honour God first and foremost.

    Many thanks for your input into my journey to follow Jesus faithfully.
    posted by Paula
    on Saturday, November 2, 2013 at 7:40 am
  199. @Paula...You can be sure God's grace covers. You will find a helpful discussion of the Scriptures concerning divorce and remarriage in the article "What God Hath Joined" at: https://www.reviveourhearts.com/articles/what-god-hath-joined-together-del-fehsenfeld/. Although Nancy and Revive Our Hearts take a more conservative view than many, even among strong evangelical, godly teachers, there is grace to be found in abundance in Christ. Here is an excerpt from the article that I trust will be helpful:

    "What If I Am Already Divorced?

    When these biblical truths are taught, there is a common reaction among those who have been divorced (or who have married a previously divorced mate). They say, “If this is true (that there are no biblical grounds for divorce or remarriage), then I'm condemned to spend the rest of my life guilty and unclean before God.” I have also been asked, “Do you mean that God can never use me again?” Those who have been remarried or have married a divorced mate often ask, “If this marriage was wrong, does that mean that I'll be living 'in sin' for the rest of my life?”

    The answer to these questions is, “Of course not!” God is as able and willing to forgive the sin of divorce as He is any other sin. And when God forgives our sin, He does not hold it against us any longer. Rather, His goal is to restore us to greater usefulness for His glory. But His forgiving, restoring ministry is only available to those who are willing to deal with their sin His way."

    You might appreciate the list and Scriptures under this section from the link above for dealing with any sin involved in your own life, thereby giving you freedom in Christ and allowing you to experience 1 John 1:9 in this area of your life. God bless you, Paula.
    posted by Sarah, with the TW Team
    on Monday, November 4, 2013 at 4:58 pm
  200. Read many of the earlier posts, and read what Ive been hearing in the body for too long. This may not be popular, but I feel the reason for the anemic state of the church, and christians today is due in part to the many things we have allowed, that 100 years ago would have been unthinkable in the church. Where did we go off? We have accepted a cheap and easy grace that has rendered us tasteless to the world. We've lost our savor, and look and sound and act like the world today. There is no separation, no sanctification, no standards by which we live by. Why should we, 'we're all saved' we all said a few words at an alter, were baptized, and on our way to glory. Guess what, not biblical! Unless you pick up your cross, unless you loose your life for his sake, unless we go on that narrow road, we will not be counted as his. Sorry. You may think that is salvation plus, like my husband who is comfortable in his sin because he was told years ago he was on his way to heaven. Oh wake up church, we're asleep, we need revival! There's nothing wrong with being uncomfortable when we hear truth, but don't reject because its too hard to hear. Turn off your tv, computer, etc., and let's do something new, seek God.
    posted by Sandria Gutierrez
    on Saturday, December 7, 2013 at 10:42 pm
  201. Many of the above comments are saddening but encouraging. Many of the divorcees are women whos hasbands have left. I want you ladies to know that you all are wonderful because you never give up, yes it hurt but you kept moving forward with God on your side. I was married for 30 years when my now exwife decided to leave myself and our daughter who at that time was still in high school (senior). I made breakfast for my daughter in the morning, then made her lunch, picked her up after volleyball pratice, and filmed almost all her volleyball games. We struggled the first 3 years after she (exwife) left. I prayed and prayed that she would come home but never did. My daughter now has a son who filled in the missing hole in my heart, God's timing was perfect. Like in Josuha, maybe satan met it for evil but my God met for good-I am closer to my Lord then i ever was my entire life. I break down now and then because my heart longs for the effection i had with my ex, but i pray and ask Jesus to hold and fill my lonely heart and he delivers....amen
    posted by Larry Yazzie
    on Monday, March 10, 2014 at 2:28 am
  202. As a husband who had several affairs and then left his family ..( and who does that, leaves his family?...except someone who is badly hurting and very selfish)...but through that mess came to Christ, I am greatful to God for His forgiveness, great mercy and love for me. I tell many people to hang in there & pray for their ( cheating) spouse. It may be relevant to think about this. Was your ( cheating) spouse a Christian before you were married?
    Is it possible that you married a non believer? So, now what? Pray for their salvation and wait. Are they in another relationship? Ask God not to allow it to get to the marriage stage.
    Ask the Holy Spirit to send the wind, rain and floods water to beat against that relationship,
    so that it would fall & your spouse would come to his or her senses and escape the snare of the devil.
    Listen, if we love our children and really understand how our children are connected to their parents spiritually, we would do the amazing loving thing and go to ( spiritual) battle for our cheating spouses, or spouses who think they are justifyably divorced. I can also say that their are 2 sides to every story and whether you ( figure you) are only 10 or 5 or 2 % to blame in all this, how does that matter? You hold part of the blame.
    What does love say to do. This is the person you walked down the aisle with ...how many years ago.
    Do the extraordinary. Be radical...if only for your children.
    I've been praying and waiting 7 years now.
    posted by Brian Beretta
    on Sunday, March 16, 2014 at 4:32 pm
  203. I came to this site to find encouragement. I've been through a painful divorce during which I contemplated suicide. Through help of friends who saw the signs, they rescued me before I followed through and took me to a hospital where I was admitted (committed) for several days until I was deemed safe to be on my own again. It's been over 12 years and I am remarried to a wonderful man who was "put away" by his wife after 27 years of marriage(he had absolutely no say in the matter). We have a beautiful, loving marriage and a wonderful life together. I was shocked to find out the “Christian” viewpoint of some on this blog. They would say that in order for me to become a Christian and secure my place in heaven that I am required to divorce the most wonderful person I have ever known thus destroying him and bring confusion to our step-sons and grandchildren and our extended families. How would I explain all of that to them? Oh well, I wanted to become a Christian and I was told that I had to repent of all of my sins and since the Bible says that remarriage is adultery I have to divorce you, honey. Then I would have to explain that to his sons, their wives and their children(who by the way call me grandma and I love them dearly as they do me). Sorry this is the way it has to be but don't worry the god of the Christians is very loving and forgiving even though he required me to destroy your father and grandfather so I can go to heaven. If that is your version of Christianity, I want absolutely nothing to do with your god.
    posted by Lori Lee
    on Tuesday, April 1, 2014 at 4:03 pm
  204. Precious friend, I want to restate not only what you already know but also the position of Revive Our Hearts/True Woman. Our salvation comes by grace alone, through faith in Christ alone to the glory of God alone! Nothing any of us could ever do would atone for our sin! It is only ever the shed blood of Jesus that paid the price for our sin. Jesus alone is our propitiation – our wrath absorber!
    Never are we instructed in Scripture to commit sin (break a marriage covenant) in order to atone for a previous sin (divorce).
    I’ve included below an excerpt taken from our website - What God Hath Joined Together ( https://www.reviveourhearts.com/articles/what-god-hath-joined-together-del-fehsenfeld/). I pray it will bring peace to your soul.
    "What If I Am Already Divorced?

    When these biblical truths are taught, there is a common reaction among those who have been divorced (or who have married a previously divorced mate). They say, “If this is true (that there are no biblical grounds for divorce or remarriage), then I'm condemned to spend the rest of my life guilty and unclean before God.” I have also been asked, “Do you mean that God can never use me again?” Those who have been remarried or have married a divorced mate often ask, “If this marriage was wrong, does that mean that I'll be living 'in sin' for the rest of my life?”

    The answer to these questions is, “Of course not!” God is as able and willing to forgive the sin of divorce as He is any other sin. And when God forgives our sin, He does not hold it against us any longer. Rather, His goal is to restore us to greater usefulness for His glory."
    Rejoicing today at the work of grace and mercy that is evident in what you have shared of your journey, Lori Lee.
    Grace and peace,
    Carrie
    posted by Carrie Gaul
    on Thursday, April 3, 2014 at 12:33 pm
  205. In need of clarification

    If a husband watches pornography, has an emotional affair, leaves his wife and children to live his life, and states that he does not wish to reconcile, can that wife not remarry without committing adultery?

    He states that he is a believer, but over tbe course of the marriage, his church attendance became nearly non existent, he was cold toward his children, he also refused to chabge for the better of give up other women. How should one deal with that? Prayer for change and reconciliation occurred, but he just grew further and further away. What am I to feel or believe about adultery/divorce and remarriage in this case?
    posted by MS. D
    on Thursday, May 1, 2014 at 2:22 pm
  206. Dear MS. D.

    Our hearts go out to you, dear friend. I’m sorry for the suffering and heartache you and your children have known as a result of your husband’s choices. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18). Please be assured of our prayers for you and your family.

    As you may be aware, marriage is a covenant relationship that God established until the death of one spouse (Mark 10:1-12). Marriage also pictures Christ’s love for His Bride – the Church (Eph. 5:22-33). Therefore the breaking of the marriage covenant grieves the heart of our God (Malachi 2:16) not only because it distorts the picture of Christ’s love for the church, but it leaves in its wake the shattered, broken hearts and lives that you are all too familiar with.

    MS.D. When you’re able, I encourage you to listen to Nancy’s broadcast “What Does Your Marriage Communicate” (http://tinyurl.com/lofomny) along with Joy McClain’s story, “Waiting For His Heart”. I think you’ll find them both helpful in your situation. The audio interview of Joy’s story is here (http://tinyurl.com/oktqeb6) while the video of Joy’s story can be found here (http://tinyurl.com/kh7vymx). You might also consider Nancy’s series “Abigail: How to Live with the Fools in Your Life.”
    (http://tinyurl.com/otgo92q)


    As to the subject of remarriage, many godly theologians would see two grounds for biblical divorce and remarriage. The first would be in the case of adultery (Matt. 18). The second would be in cases of abandonment by an unbelieving spouse (or one who is acting like an unbeliever) in 1 Corinthians 7. Other theologians believe that even then remarriage is never permitted biblically regardless of the circumstances based on passages like (Matt. 5:31-32).
    The question of remarriage is something you will need to wrestle through with the Lord as you search the Scriptures and seek godly counsel from your pastor or elders, MS. D. Nancy’s personal understanding is that the Bible does not allow for remarriage in the case of divorce even in cases of adultery or abandonment, but she would not hold this position as a biblical mandate.. If you’re up for a bit more reading this is a great sermon by John Piper on this subject: (http://tinyurl.com/l9s7jft).

    God bless you, dear friend. Know I have prayed for you today. May the hope of the Living God fill you with joy and peace as you walk this difficult journey.

    “Now may the God of Hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you abound in hope – by the power of the Holy Spirit ( Romans 15:13).”

    Grace and peace,
    Carrie
    posted by Carrie Gaul
    on Wednesday, May 7, 2014 at 4:39 pm
  207. We are all at the mercy of a loving God. Jesus said it well..he who is without sin let him cast the first stone...My heart goes out to those who are hurting. There are women who have stayed in abusive marriages and ended up dead. We have to ask God for wisdom in all situations.
    posted by marie
    on Thursday, May 22, 2014 at 1:23 am
  208. I've been reading along and researching this issue. Its a tough one. I am remarried. I married my first husband as a result of intimidation and emotional blackmail, not because I loved him and was convinced he was the one. When we met I was about twenty two but emotionally, as a result of having grown up with alcohol fueled violence and abuse, I was about twelve and more like a bloody gelatinous mass easily manipulated and intimidated. Eventually I concluded that the only way to get control of my life was to escape this manipulative and dishonest man, which I did. I soon met someone else a month after leaving this marriage of coercion and since his spouse had dumped him and gone with someone else and mine I suspected was already involved with a woman he knew through his work, we concluded that we had biblical grounds to eventually marry each other. Its a true thing though, that I had much in my life to deal with or I likely would not have jumped into a new relationship so quickly. I soon found out that I was part of the problem. I did however, choose this present man and do love him. However, we have both endured what I can only call spiritual craziness, major disruption in our walk with God and no sense of peace. For a long time the idea that perhaps we were wrong to marry each other has troubled us both and produced a kind of double minded unstable spiritual state as well as torment and anxiety. Of course the enemy also heaps on condemnation. At first I adamantly insisted we'd done nothing wrong and our marriage was right and God was in it. I had no shortage of Christians quick to accept our relationship without question and say that I was suffering condemnation. Oddly, whenever I would ask an elder or a pastor if we were doing wrong to be together, I'd get evasive answers. What I wanted was for someone committed to truth to sit down with me and spend some time going over the situation so they clearly understood how I'd come to be where I was, and then show me point by point through scripture, why or why not our then relationship, and later marriage was right or wrong. No one would do this with us . And then we found out the pastor who had married us and had sort of glossed over our concerns when we'd come to him to ask about this, was himself involved in an adulterous affair with the wife of one of his elders. They divorced their spouses and married each other. Oddly, though many writers including noteworthy bible scholars such as JMac and John Piper have written on this subject, I have not found on any church website any explanation as to what the New Testament church did in situations where someone remarried whilst a marriage partner was still alive. Surely there is some historical record of such things! Nor have I found anything in scripture that indicates how God feels about covenants, marriage or others ,that involve intimidation or coercion. Does he regard us as still responsible if we enter into a covenant because someone bullied or manipulated us? At any rate, this issue used to torment me. Until I came to the place where I realized that I was more concerned with keeping and being right about my present marriage than I was about loving and pursuing God. I wasn't pursuing his kingdom but mine. I wanted my dreams, my happiness. I think that had my motives been kingdom motives, then my response would have been similar to that of the little Israelite serving maid, kidnapped against her will to serve Naaman's wife. She had every reason to despise her arrogant captors who had forcibly removed her from her homeland and family. Yet when she heard that her master wished to be healed of his leprosy, she freely told of the man of God in Israel who could help him achieve healing. She new Naaman needed to know God. That was not my motive. I wanted to get away from my "captor" and I didn't care if he enjoyed an eternal vacation at the lake of fire. I despised him. I had no "kingdom motives" towards him, no love and no mercy. My heart attitude towards him was a reflection of my attitude towards other "captors" in my life. My eye was not at all on the coming kingdom of heaven or on eternity or in partnering with Jesus. My eye was on pursuing my own happiness with someone who would love as I wanted to and needed to. This is why considering that we may be in a wrong situation can be so upsetting I think, because our motives are temporal, not eternal. Where are we at right now, my husband and I? We are discussing this and praying for God to lead us. I've read many of the sites that are pro divorce for unbiblical marriages and many of them that suggest that grace means you can remain in your marriage after being repentant. We too have the question: If you steal a cow, sincere repentance means you give back the cow, not keep it. We wonder how we can say we are repentant and yet still hang on to something we had to step outside of God's will and disobey him to get. However, God is not blind or stupid (hopefully this comforts Renee somewhat). He knows when we are stubbornly and determinedly continuing in sin with full knowledge, and when we really aren't sure what the truth is and need to search the matter out before acting on something. After all, dissolving a marriage is a huge step to take. One ought to be absolutely sure. Just because one group says this and another says that doesn't automatically mean they are correct and it also doesn't mean one is a hard hearted citizen of hell if you don't immediately drop and give that group twenty! At the moment I have come to a sate of calm. It is really quite simple. Once the matter of what you are seeking first is settled there is no need to panic. If your heart is that you will do whatever God requires of you, then there is no need for fear, I think. I've come to the conclusion that if we need to disband our marriage because as long as we are together we are in a state of spiritual compromise that is giving the enemy access to our lives and destroying us, then we will disband our marriage. Love seeks the highest good of the other. If staying married to me is keeping my husband in a state that is compromising his spiritual integrity and causing him to stumble then love would mean setting him free, not hanging on to him because I need and want him. Indeed, if I am holding him from walking with God because I've helped him become compromised through our beginning an off limits relationship. then I am okay with us needing to say goodbye. If I am somewhere I don't have a right to be and we need to stop it, fine. It isn't my preference.. But if its right we will do it. I want y'all to understand that we are not fully convinced either way at this point but we are open and waiting on God to lead us to a solid conclusion. If things like sin, moral purity, marriage and the like are such big deals that Jesus had to pay for them with his life to get us extricated from sin's lethal grasp then I would imagine that He would be concerned about this issue enough that he is willing to answer anyone whose heart is truly set to do His will. God doesn't stampede us into rushed decisions. Remember, the Bereans were not chastised because they didn't immediately buy everything Paul said. They were commended for being slow and thoughtful, taking their time to search through the scriptures to see if what Paul SAID was actually TRUTH. There's so much more I could reflect on here. Jesus said that the way was narrow that leads to life and broad is the path that leads to destruction. When I look at the churches today many of whom have abandoned scripture and live and teach stuff that totally contradicts the bible and yet have neat little explanations that justify it, I am reluctant to accept the majority vote, but objective enough at the same time to know that just because something is "narrow" doesn't automatically mean its the narrow way of God either. I want to make sure that I understand what grace is and how it actually functions and to make sure that we aren't making grace say or be something it would not say or be, as is so common today. There are also fleshly reasons why we can want to accept a certain conclusion. Is it really superior righteousness that leads us to want to end a marriage? Or is it some seriously undealt aberrations in our lives? Our flesh can incline us to a way that seems very right but is actually a distortion of the gospel. For instance, some people suffer from what is know as scrupulosity. Others have a major block towards intimacy because of past violation and sinful responses to it that have produced a pattern of fleeing when the going gets tough and all the uh, cream, rises to the top. It would be very tragic to discover that your bent towards an extremely tough stance on an important issue was more rooted in punishing yourself and others and rejecting God's grace for your own methods, than that it had anything to do with actual truth and godliness! So, we need to be like a crime scene investigator and carefully and slowly sift through all the evidence before accepting a verdict. We want to feel certain that the conclusion we have arrived at is the truth and is biblically accurate, and that we are believing it because its right, not because we have a bias, an agenda or we've succumbed to teaching that sounds right but isn't. That cannot be arrived at instantly and God knows that and I believe if our hearts are that we will do whatever He asks of us regardless of how hard it is, He will supply the needed answers in due time.
    posted by patricia
    on Sunday, July 20, 2014 at 5:36 pm
  209. @patricia…You will find our understanding of Scripture on the issue in the last section of the article “What God Hath Joined”, found at this link: https://www.reviveourhearts.com/articles/what-god-hath-joined-together-del-fehsenfeld/.

    We understand your desire to read, study, ponder and pray for understanding before you make any decisions. God is a faithful God; He hears and answers His children. “Lord, walking in the way of Your laws, we wait for You; Your name and renown are the desire of our hearts.” (Isaiah 26:8) "For with You is the fountain of life; In Your light we see light.” (Ps. 36:9) He will no doubt lead you, patricia: "I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go" (Isa. 48:17).

    I have paused to pray for you this afternoon. May you know the great grace and peace of the Savior. God bless you.
    posted by Sarah, with the TW Team
    on Monday, July 21, 2014 at 5:18 pm
  210. God does not recognize remarriage after divorce (unless it's to the original spouse). Unfortunately the state does. So in order to get out of a state-recognized non-covenant marriage, obviously one has to go through those same legal channels (divorce).

    Remember that in the book of Ezra God had the Israelites put away their foreign wives. He didn't want the Israelites to marry those women to begin with! Recall also that John the Baptist was beheaded because he dared tell Herod he had no business with Herodias--who was referred to as PHILIP'S wife. Herodias was kinda ticked....

    My husband left 2 years ago and "married" the woman he was cheating with several months ago. Our 21st anniversary is in a few weeks. I still love my husband. I still want him home with me and our child. Our child wants him home. I want for the other woman to go back to her own husband and rebuild her family (she has kids) and leave mine alone.

    In the meantime I still wear my rings, if nothing else to tell other men I am NOT available. I am leaving the door open for reconciliation. I am doing nothing to interfere with that relationship (for one thing such "marriages" FAIL all the time, it doesn't need my help LOL) but rather letting God handle it. My husband told me the day before our final hearing he loves me...as far as I know he's still fence-sitting.

    I hate when people who marry their affair partners are told to stay in that marriage. What about the spouse who was abandoned? What about that family? Vows to the affair partner DO NOT erase vows to the original spouse, as far as I'm concerned!
    posted by Alexandra
    on Saturday, August 2, 2014 at 9:22 pm
  211. My covenant husband left me and our 3 kids some years back. His actions caused us much pain and anguish. We pray daily for his return to us, his rightful family. To those who ask if their remarriage is Godly when the covenant spouse is still alive, or try to use Deuteronomy 24 to falsely justify why the remarriage should stand, similar questions have been patiently answered over and over on www.cadz.net.

    The truth is simple and straight-forward. Jesus said: "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery." Luke 16:18. Since adultery applies to married people only, Jesus clearly considered remarriage to other people adulterous. Remarriage vows are thus invalid in God's eyes, since parties are not free to make them in the first place when original vows are still binding. “A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives.” Romans 7:2.

    Yes, Jesus loves us all, despite our sins. But He didn't give us license to keep sinning - He said: “go and sin no more”. One cannot “repent” yet hang on to stolen goods – even if these were used for good, say, to promote Christianity. Likewise, how can adulterers claim to be repentant while keeping another person’s rightful spouse? Apostle Paul never recommended anyone to remain in a state of sin either.

    To those who say a 2nd marriage should not be broken to restore the first, and use Deuteronomy 24 as basis, Jesus explained that D24 was Moses’ concession to the evil men he led, and was never God’s way from the very beginning. In the book of Ezra, men indeed had to send away their pagan wives and kids. John the Baptist condemned the remarriage of Herod and Herodias (both previously divorced) as “unlawful”. Jeremiah 3:1 calls for men to return to their true spouse – “It is commonly said: If a man put away his wife, and she go from him, and marry another man, shall he return to her any more? shall not that woman be polluted, and defiled? but thou hast prostituted thyself to many lovers: nevertheless return to me, saith the Lord, and I will receive thee.” Again in Hosea 3: The LORD said to me, “Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another man and is an adulteress.”

    Many feel entitled to remain in remarriages because of children. What about those children of the covenant marriage, pining and praying for the return of their wayward parent? Or how would you feel if you found your “husband” (who really belongs to another in God’s eyes) has a 3rd woman and kids outside your “marriage”? You’d probably have a load of righteous things to say and force your “husband” to have nothing more to do with them! Why then do you expect the covenant spouse of your “husband” to tolerate your union with him – her God-ordained one-flesh mate whom she remains faithful to, and daily the abandoned family is praying fervently for God to deliver from his sinful union with you? Even if the covenant spouse has moved on, she may later wish to restore her covenant marriage - but your adulterous union is in the way. Yes, hard truths are painful to hear. Herodias was so furious with John the Baptist for calling her remarriage unlawful that she had him killed.

    I feel sorry for everyone who is suffering because of the lack of good judgment and self-control exercised by themselves and/or their partners, causing anguish and confusion not only to themselves but others including innocent children. I am in the same boat. Of course, one may have good reasons leave a covenant spouse. But to the divorced, Apostle Paul gave only 2 options: either remain unmarried, or be reconciled to the original partner (7:10,11). To those who protest at having to suffer loneliness because of a bad first marriage, please believe that God’s grace is sufficient for you to bear your torments - 2 Corinthians 12:9. Jesus never promised us an easy path to Heaven. He said: "If anyone wants to become my follower, he must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me”.

    Sadly, many people today refuse to deny themselves and follow Jesus sincerely. They selfishly do as they please, look for loop-holes, seek approval from others for their wrong-doing, deride those who try to do right, and believe in cheap grace. Jesus himself said: “Go in through the narrow gate, because the gate to hell is wide and the road that leads to it is easy, and there are many who travel it. But the gate to life is narrow and the way that leads to it is hard, and there are few people who find it." Matthew 7:13 & 14. Do you dare take chances with your immortal soul? The Bible says false preachers and teachers claiming to be Christian would proliferate and deceive ever more people as the end of the age neared - Matthew 24:3. Jesus said: “Things that cause people to stumble are bound to come, but woe to anyone through whom they come.” Luke 17:1. “Not everyone who calls out to me, ‘Lord! Lord!’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter. On judgment day many will say to me, ‘Lord! Lord! We prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.’ But I will reply, ‘I never knew you. Get away from me, you who break God’s laws.’ Matthew 7: 21-23

    I AM STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY COVENANT MARRIAGE!
    https://www.rejoiceministries.org/pdf/standers_affirmation.pdf
    posted by MK
    on Tuesday, August 5, 2014 at 2:23 pm
  212. Quote:

    "I don't think the church speaks out against divorce enough. I know we have to let people know that they are forgiven - but letting divorced people feel forgiven seems to override the teaching about divorce being wrong."

    We do, however, have to be careful not to make a blanket judgment against all divorced people.

    I'm divorced because my ex husband turned out to be sexually abusing children in his own family. There was no question about what to do in that situation. No remote possibility of reconciliation. Annulment...maybe
    posted by Cidalia
    on Monday, October 6, 2014 at 12:22 pm
  213. I left my first wife 7 years ago whilst in the throws of an affair with a work colleague. Without trying to justify myself, I went through a massive mid-life crisis that ended my marriage, and eventually my career. 3 years ago I met my second wife and we were married a year later. We now have a baby girl together.

    My deeply conservative catholic family largely ostracised me from the time I left my first wife, though with time most were able to accept me as a divorced catholic. However accepting me as a divorced and now remarried catholic has proved a bridge too far for most of my family. So having lost so much along the way, I eventually also lost most of my extended family.

    I did not feel I had much right to criticise the catholic church's teachings before getting into my current state of being. I had largely agreed with the prohibition on divorce and remarriage as a younger man. To me the situation was simply avoided, and those who did not avoid it must simply be immoral.

    However my situation now is anything but simple. And the ironies and contradictions from that very one-dimensional approach to this complex issue (that so many catholics today find themselves in) are everywhere.

    I have been encouraged by the Pope's recent re-examination of the prohibition of remarried catholics from the sacramental life of the church. It is the sort of openness we in the catholic church are not used to seeing. I guess from my standpoint and from everything I had been taught about the life of Jesus as a young man, I can not understand why the church appears to treat remarried catholics more harshly than convicted murderers.

    Sure, the State does not impose anything other than a monetary sanction on a divorcee (through the division of property). But reasonable people agree that this is fair.

    In contrast a murderer goes to prison (a State sanction). But from a religious perspective, provided the murderer makes a sincere confession, he is not excluded from the sacramental life of the church and can enjoy eternal happiness at his death. Even if he murders again and again, the sins are forgivable.

    In contrast, a remarried catholic lives in a permanent state of separation (mortal sin) from the church that can not be reconciled, and upon his death he will go to hell. Even if he tries to live a good life lovingly devoted to his wife and child!

    What I don't understand is the church's approach considering the relative gravity of the 2 'crimes'.

    Much of the comment here on this site focuses on the guilty or injured party in a separation or divorce as the source or cause. Even the bible does this to some extent. But guilt or injury is so often expressed from the perspective of the injured, and then recycled as the justification. There is an old saying "it takes two to tango". Or another.. there are always 3 sides to a story: my side, your side, and the truth.

    I am happy to bear the brunt of the blame for my situation, and have done so since my first marriage came undone. I accept my part in my first marriages undoing. And in so doing, it has given me new self-knowledge and helped to set me free of the guilt and the shame.

    And in accepting that each of us has played a part in the undoing of our relationships, I think we have to be grown up enough to see that divorce is an inevitable part of life. We are all human. We are flawed, limited and make mistakes. So divorce and separation will always exist so long as we strive for the ideal of a happy and lasting marriage.

    I am not saying that we should not aspire to the heights of a permanent and fulfilling union. Of course we should! But also recognise that when we fall short, we should be able to forgive ourselves and to be forgiven by our family and friends and our communities.

    Most especially the religious communities we are a part of. Because irrespective of what the Bible says (and it says many things, many contradictory), this is I believe the example of Jesus. One of forgiveness, mercy and most of all inclusive love.

    Anyone who doubts this should reflect on these two passages of the Gospel that have helped to sustain me: Jn 8:1-11 and Jn 4:1-26
    posted by Rory
    on Friday, November 21, 2014 at 5:47 pm

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