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Holly Elliff

Growing your heart by giving it away

Posted on 10.08.09 by Holly Elliff
Topics: Parenting

Having a mother’s heart is an amazing paradox. When we have children, God expands our capacity to love each one. We freely give away love to little bundles that have done nothing to earn it. We surrender our right to quiet, to sleep, to unhindered freedom, to hot meals, to a simple life, to selfishness.

We wrestle with diapers, spills, unidentifiable sticky things, catastrophes that “no one” is responsible for, impossible stains, crazy schedules, strenuous tasks (like mother and kids at grocery storelifting the 20-pound-baby in his 15-pound-car seat out of the car while holding onto the other kids to keep them from running through the parking lot of the store where we will try to buy groceries without taking home a multitude of items we didn’t intend to buy—or even worse—someone else’s children).

We spend years trusting God for the ability to accomplish feeding, grooming, clothing, talking, bandaging, correcting, praying, instructing, laughing, crying, playing, applauding, hugging, loving  and… then we trust God for the ability to let go. We allow our kids to grow up, releasing them to become the men and women God intended for them to be. Do we ever quit being their mom? Of course not, God just continues to grow our capacity to love.
 
Is motherhood intense? Of course it is. Is it worth it? You bet. Can you imagine a better way for us to understand the heart of our heavenly Father than to access His type of love and then to give it away? Every day I wake up with the awareness that I don’t possess the ability to love my children on my own. But God has everything I need—all I have to do is run into His presence and ask, simply because I am His child and He loves me. He longs for me to grow up into Him and then He releases me to be a conduit of His love and grace. His love is the original paradox—undeserved, unconditional, freely given. Praise God.

“For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God" (2 Cor. 5:21).

“And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us" (Rom. 5:5).
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  1. I remember expecting my second baby and wondering how I was going to love it - I already loved the first one! I'm so thankful that we can never give or receive too much love!

    And you mentioned trying not to go home with someone else's children. I am forever counting heads to make sure I have everyone. Then one day I counted too many - I had made it half way to my car before I noticed I had another person's child! She just saw this group of kids and joined right in!
    posted by Annie
    on Thursday, October 8, 2009 at 7:38 am
  2. Excellent article! I love the third paragraph! My kids are grown but I could "feel" every thing that was said, and "then we let them go." Motherhood is a life long lesson that never ends.

    Thank you and God bless you!
    posted by Lynn
    on Thursday, October 8, 2009 at 12:11 pm
  3. I am beginning the "letting go" process as my oldest is now in college. God is teaching me how to parent a college aged son, which is so much different from when he lived under my roof! There is as much praying now than when he was little! God was always in control, He is just teaching me that I took more control and didn't always rely on Him fully when my son lived at home. Thank God that He teaches us to grow in every stage in life! He is good!
    posted by Debbie
    on Thursday, October 8, 2009 at 12:39 pm
  4. I appreciated the article today. When my boys were older and had left home, I gave them a figurine of the Good Shepherd holding a lamb. I think it was entitled, My Sheep Hear my voice. It was symbolic to me of letting go, knowing that One that loved and knew my children so much better than I, was carrying them in His arms. Then I held on to the verse in John, "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them and they follow me." I was entrusting them into the hands of Jesus.
    posted by Ruth
    on Thursday, October 8, 2009 at 11:50 pm
  5. Holly,
    I am delighting in the encouragement that you are giving in your articles this week.
    www.carolvanderwoude.com
    posted by Carol Van Der Woude
    on Friday, October 9, 2009 at 2:39 pm
  6. God has shown me bits of himself through my kids. He is the ultimate parent and I am the child. It is definately humbling when I realize that I throw the same fits with God that my 4 year old does with me. But praise God he has more patience than me!!!!

    I love your title, because God is teaching me more and more to trust him. I fear that at times I am not the mother I should be, and God is reminding me that He is the perfect Father and while I fail my kids sometimes, He will never fail me. I want more than anything for my kids to learn this too.
    posted by sarah
    on Friday, October 9, 2009 at 5:25 pm
  7. Thank you, Holly! My husband and I don't have any children yet, but we would love to have children if the Lord gives them to us. When I read the things you write and listen to you talk about motherhood, I am encouraged so much. I value your insights, anecdotes, and God-given wisdom. Your ministry is so important. God bless!
    posted by Esther-Elaine
    on Saturday, October 10, 2009 at 10:12 am
  8. We have an empty nest now of six. It is amazing to see them grow and develop. When they are young they are close to you with dependence, you instill God's word in them as well as direct them about the power of prayer. When they get older they are more on your heart, because they pretty much make their decisions with or without us. You can listen, guide them, provide sound counsel but ultimately you will see them make great choices and at other times, let's be honest, "horrible choices" that can be a detriment to their future. You'll see God teaching you how to love them as a adult. That's when you find yourself really crying, praying, interceeding and trusting in God's word that grace and mercy will follow them and lead them back to a path of righteousness & salvation when they are not on the track, and doing the same to make sure they stay on track. We must remember, it's a war going on for our kids souls. That's why God equates the church to a female-always birthing, a bride...in our hearts, we never stop being a mom. It really is about LOVE.
    posted by R.K.
    on Monday, October 12, 2009 at 9:52 am
  9. Holly,
    I attended your breakout session last Fall at True Woman, not knowing that a year later I would have our 4th child. My biggest daily struggle is the lack of encouragement/exhortation of someone who has been there. So thanks for the articles written about my life. A challenge to other "eligible" Titus 2 women-be available to the younger women...we need you!
    posted by stephanie
    on Monday, October 12, 2009 at 5:22 pm

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