That was a good reminder to me to appreciate what has developed within our church body. Although our nation has experienced a growing social disconnect between the generations over the last several decades, the Titus 2 model breaks down those barriers.
With more than two decades experience as a pastor's wife, I am clearly convinced that women are in desperate need of discipleship. Most of the young women I meet with have no godly role models in their lives; many of them were raised in a single-parent home, some without a mother in the picture at all.I want to issue a challenge to you today. This challenge is not for the faint of heart, but neither does it require that you become a theological scholar. It will require diligence, time, consistency, compassion, confidentiality, humility, and dependence on God's grace.
The Challenge
Pray and ask God to lead you to a young woman in need of discipleship. Be willing to make a short-term time commitment (three to six months). Provide the space in your life to meet with her on a regular basis, preferably weekly, for one to two hours.
You don't have to do a Bible study together or develop lesson plans for discipleship—there are many ways to pour truth into a young woman's heart while at the same time sharing practical life skills. I once invited a single, 24-year-old young woman (who was raised by her single father) to help me prepare Thanksgiving dinner. She wanted to learn things in the kitchen she'd never had the opportunity to watch before.
Be creative. Come up with a plan that will work for you and benefit the young woman. Here are a few ideas to consider:
- Print off True Woman blog articles to discuss over coffee.
- Do a study together like Becoming God's True Woman or Lies Women Believe (available through Revive Our Hearts).
- Offer to show her what you've learned about meal planning, grocery shopping, cleaning, time management, etc.
- Read and journal through one of the gospels, then meet to exchange thoughts and share what each of you are learning.
- Plan to attend a True Woman '10 Conference together. Better yet, work together to organize a group to attend from your church.
- Help her find biblical resources that will grow her beyond where she is now.
- Create a reading list for her based on Scripture passages and Christian books that have benefited you in your spiritual pilgrimage.
- Be a good listener and selfless communicator, always pointing her beyond you to Christ, her source of grace (don't claim to know all the answers).
- Laugh with her easily, and give hugs freely.
- Challenge her to begin passing on the truths she's learning to a younger (or less spiritually mature) woman.
Or perhaps you are already discipling a woman or being discipled. If so, I'd love to hear about what you're doing. Please share!
Leave a Comment:
We love hearing from you, and will post your comment as long as it is appropriate, and is written in a tone that is encouraging, edifying, and loving to others. Even then, know that the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts.
Comments
on Tuesday, November 24, 2009 at 8:54 am
And ladies, to have a blest time preparing your part of the Thanksgiving dinner whether it is all of it, or just a part, take time to thank God for some of the "little" things you have not even noticed over the past year. I see some of your names on the blog often and almost feel as if you are at least acquaintances. Therefore, I do wish you all a nice Thanksgiving--and the includes the writers of our "story starters" each time.
on Tuesday, November 24, 2009 at 10:07 am
on Tuesday, November 24, 2009 at 11:38 am
I am encouraged to see some women working to bridge that gap and love these kids and earn the right to be heard by them. Some day, they will look back and remember you very fondly.
on Tuesday, November 24, 2009 at 1:36 pm
I see what your talking about, definitely, but am also witnessing what I consider a huge problem among women in churches (currently or formerly).
That is, the hurting women who are overlooked; often these are single moms, widows, women with difficult pasts, addicts, women whose husband or children or parents are addicts, the single woman who desires marriage, those grieving abortion, teen moms, the divorced, women in domestic violence and on and on.
I know some mega-churches have groups for some of these women and they receive pastoral care from other women. However, women in small- or medium-sized churches rarely have such groups.
It's my passion to offer hope to Christian women who hurt (like the ones I listed) and I'm thankful my pastor supports this at my smaller (250 people) church. I'm thanksful my husband and Christian friends (many on Twitter) support my e-Counseling, speaking and writing.
Titus 2 is great. Far more is needed.
on Tuesday, November 24, 2009 at 3:05 pm
I am 17 and I am going to take this challenge! There is a young lady I know who I really want to pour love into.
I have had many mentors over the years and God used them in incredible ways in my life. He really does have the best ideas! : )
Some advice I have for older women (older than 17 that is): discipleship is nothing fancy. You don't have to have it all together. On the contrary, it HELPS if you don't, then we younger women can see that life really is hard. That is when YOU get to tell us of the God of grace and glory that can carry us through!
My generation is experiencing an identity crisis. We need to be told where true womanhood is found -in Christ alone!
on Tuesday, November 24, 2009 at 4:08 pm
on Tuesday, November 24, 2009 at 5:19 pm
on Tuesday, November 24, 2009 at 10:42 pm
Great question! You might approach your neighbor by printing off this article for her to read as a starter. The bullet points I've listed at the conclusion of the post have suggestions for activities that will encourage a discipling relationship. Ask her if this type of relationship might be something that would be helpful to her in this season of life or whether she's ever had anyone who has served as friend like this.
If you think that approach may be too blunt, perhaps present her with a book as a gift and let her know you'd like to get together with her to discuss her thoughts on what she's reading.
Ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom, timing, and direction for your approach to your neighbor -- He'll lead you!
on Wednesday, November 25, 2009 at 11:30 am
Thank you for sharing some wise thoughts. I pray you have a blessed Thanksgiving with loved ones tomorrow!
on Wednesday, November 25, 2009 at 11:41 am
What you shared has been my experience as well. In working with students, as well as young moms, I've found that most are open and hungry for interaction with individuals who demonstrate sincere love, are confidential, and willing to give appropriate amounts of time.
Sporting events are a great place to connect with them and use that intersection to foster relationships and fellowship!
Thanks for your suggestions. Have a blessed Thanksgiving!
on Wednesday, November 25, 2009 at 11:47 am
I'm so thankful to hear about your heart and burden for the students you and your husband are working with.
You may already be aware of this resource, but in case you've never visited the Lies Young Women Believe blog, you would find it a great resource for the girls you work with.
As young parents, I pray the Lord will give wisdom to you and your husband as you walk the difficult line of balancing ministry and discipleship of others, while also investing large amounts of time with your own children. It helps if you are able to include them in ministry activities as you serve your church.
As a young pastor's wife, I was continually challenged by a heavy load of ministry and regret that often I allowed ministry to rob precious moments with my young ones. I hope you will guard these years with your children and allow God to use your gifts with them first, while still ministering in what ways you can to your Junior High students.
I pray God will raise up godly families to help you and your husband with the calling to train these young people.
on Wednesday, November 25, 2009 at 11:58 am
I agree, there is a HUGE need today for Titus 2 women to be pouring love and truth into women from all walks of life!
I'm thankful God is using you to serve Him and the body as a Titus 2 woman!
on Wednesday, November 25, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Thanks for taking the challenge! It is so encouraging to me to know that you are a 17 year old that sees the need and has the heart for this!
Way to go! May God give you insight, wisdom, endurance, patience, and grace for all He is laying on your heart.
on Wednesday, November 25, 2009 at 12:03 pm
We are all at different stages and seasons of our lives. I still need Titus 2 women and friends who speak truth into my life (even though I'm almost 50 years old)!
Even a 17 year old (read Sara's comment) can offer encouragment and share things God is teaching her with a younger woman, or someone who is not as far along in their Christian walk, although they may be older chronologically.
Ask God to bring these types of relationships into your life. He knows what is best for you right now.
on Wednesday, November 25, 2009 at 12:08 pm
I'm sorry to hear that your relationship with your daughter is strained. I know that is a very painful place to be.
First, I would take this to the Lord and begin asking Him (as you probably already do) to restore your relationship that you might be able to serve as the Titus 2 woman in her life. You can also ask Him to bring an older, godly woman into her life.
The first place to consider would be a woman you know personally that demonstrates wisdom and a mature walk with the Lord, perhaps someone in your church family. You might share this article with her and ask her to pray about approaching your daughter.
Is your daughter open to having this type of relationship? Is she attending church? There may be a program in place at her church (or one in her area) that would be a possibility. You might want to check out local church websites to see if they offer a women's discipleship or mentoring program.
If your daughter is still at home, I would recommend the two of you working through the book, "Girl Talk" by Carol Mahaney. There is an excellent resource in the back of the book for encouraging discussion with your daughter.
I pray one day you will be able to serve as the Titus 2 woman in your daughter's life. May you receive clear direction from the Lord in how to proceed through this difficult season.
on Wednesday, November 25, 2009 at 12:23 pm
A few months ago, my mentor (Jasmine) came to me and asked me to prayerfully consider taking on one of the middle school aged girls to disciple. Naturally I was terrified and protested that I would be of very little use in that role...but Jasmine persisted, as she always does. So now I am about to enter into the other side of it and hope, with much prayer, that I will be able to do a fraction for this girl that Jasmine was able to do for me, by the grace of God. It is a scary thing but thank God that He is sovereign!
I appreciate the emphasis you've put on discipleship recently. Thank you for the work you do on this blog.
on Friday, November 27, 2009 at 3:29 pm
God has given me great ideas to begin with, but the first part is to get the women together that have been on my heart to come together. I have prayed for quite a while to start this group and i know that it is GOD'S will. I ask for your prayers and any support as i begin this group. Any help, encouragement and suggestions are welcomed.
I thank GOD for this blog. It is such a BLESSING. Thank you God for Kimberly. I would love to connect with someone to talk to as i begin the discipleship of these young women. Thank you in advance for you prayers!
on Saturday, November 28, 2009 at 8:52 am
The Lord bless you and keep you and make HIS face to shine upon you as you continue to make the need known.
In HIS love,
Karen
on Sunday, December 13, 2009 at 9:03 pm
on Sunday, December 13, 2009 at 9:05 pm
Great minds think alike don't they?
on Tuesday, February 9, 2010 at 11:34 am
Judy, so glad you've taken to heart the Titus 2 principle and have brought a younger woman here to receive truth!
I don't know how "young" she is, but if you know any teenage young women, I encourage you to recommend our other site:
http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/
Blessings!
on Tuesday, February 9, 2010 at 1:56 pm
In fact, the younger woman is in her early twenties and she loves it on here.
I did, in fact, check out the "Lies younger women believe" and would certainly recommend it. It's good that there are pages like this and maybe, just maybe, some younger women (I'm thinking of the teenages you mentioned) might be a little shy of going to an older woman and "bothering" them with questions, particularly ones they may find embarrassing. (We were younger once!!!)
on Wednesday, February 10, 2010 at 11:50 am
I know this is an older post, but I hope the new comments are checked now and again. What do you do if you are in your 40's and are "young" in your walk with Christ? Or "young" in trying to learn about how a Christian marriage looks like when you weren't raised that way?
I am still fairly new at my church (about 1 year) and I don't live near it. I don't have children so I feel that making friends is harder for my age since having children is usually the connector for women my age. I have tried joining some women bible study groups but have found most women to be younger or a few my age that are in those groups and then on top of that, they mostly seem to know each other already and tend (not intentionally, I think) to chat with those they already befriended. I find they tend to talk intently with only each other which makes it difficult to "join in" the conversation when they are talking about someone or a situation that you have no clue about and not the weather, the sermon, or the study itself.
What bothers me is that I am usually a really outgoing person and friendly, but for some reason, when it comes to this church, I find myself a little more quieter. Maybe because I am out of "my element" and still feel like I don't "fit in" so much. I am still friendly and smiling, of course, but I find myself walking away from each bible class (after the study course is completed) without making a real friend, only maybe someone to say "hi" to.
I have left it up to God by now, but when my husband and I go to church, I feel sort of dumb standing around in the lobby after the service with him, with everyone around me chatting in deep conversation with each other and only briefly having others walk past me with a "hi" as they pass to go talk to someone else. Having no children in common and not living in their area, and with them in deep conversation, it is hard to enter a closed group and start a conversation with them.
I try really hard not to get "these negative thoughts" about the situation or start the negative talk in my head, but it is at times like these I wish I had an older woman who could mentor me with not only this, but with my Christian marriage, bible study, and how to handle Christian stuff in general in our culture and how to handle losing some of my really secular friends from my old life and how I am not fitting in with my new life....and how I am slowly not liking my new life...little by little each Sunday...which I know isn't right. I LOVE hearing the message from the pastor, I learn so much. And I feel God's presence so often, it is so amazing to me...during the week. But then I get these gabs of doubt of how I am not fitting in each Sunday.
I know this is long, but I guess I am venting because I can't vent to my secular friends, my husband doesn't really understand since I am so "friendly" in my other world it doesn't make sense to him, and I have no really close "new" friends to talk to.
Is this normal? I am just a regular woman, who is fun, who wants to be "me" and enjoys learning about Christ, and enjoys learning about others who already know Him. What am I doing wrong?
Oh, I will add that I was asked to give a one evening class on my specility in my profession (for fun) for some ladies from the church. I did, happily, it went well, I am assuming from the comments, but I was really shocked how not a one member from the class offered to help me clean up and pack up all of my numerous props and items and carry them out to the car....it took me 3 trips, down 3 flights of stairs, late at night, by myself. On my last trip, the security guard saw me (as he was locking up) and offered to help. I tried to chalk it up to that sometimes people just don't think....
The following Sunday, I had one lady come up to me and say how much she enjoyed the class and how creative I am, and I thanked her but she moved on quickly to chat with someone else. But other than that, I am back to feeling out of place again. On the outside world, I have people come up to me and talk and invite me out all the time, so I am going to assume I am pleasant to be around?
I don't understand.
And how does one find an older woman anyway?
What is going on here, do you think? I will check back now and again if someone has some thoughts.
Thanks,
E
on Friday, July 9, 2010 at 9:51 am
Great questions! I know it is difficult to be in a new and different situation and appreciate your approach to this challenge. I commend you for wanting to establish good relationships within this new church family, to learn and grow as a young believer.
First of all, you are not alone, in fact -- there may even be another woman struggling with the same feelings of isolation within your own church family. I encourage you to look for other women who may be "on the outside looking in" and take the initiative of inviting them out for coffee or lunch.
It takes time to build a history with friends which allows a basis for deep and meaningful relationships. It is normal to feel a bit timid or to be quiet when entering an established group, becoming comfortable enough to freely share openly will take time.
I would encourage you and your husband to invite couples to your home -- practice hospitality -- and don't limit the invitations to those in your age range. Enjoy the benefits of getting to know those who are both older and younger than you, couples who have children and who don't. Don't be discouraged if you find that you must issue several invitations before one is answered. We live in an age where everyone is far too busy and extending hospitality is rare.
I felt very alone in my Christian walk as a young woman. I had no mentors. I looked for godly women who would take me under their wing -- but found none until I was much older, so good books became my "mentors." Check out books and resources on our website:
http://www.reviveourhearts.com/
Also, pray and watch for God to point out to you a woman who seems to be interested in growing spiritually (perhaps one who has already tried to connect with you, if even only in a brief way) and share with her that you are a new Christian and have a desire to grow. Ask if she might be interested in doing a book study with you. A few studies I would recommend doing with another woman are:
"Choosing Gratitude"
"Lies Women Believe"
"Seeking Him"
All of these were authored by Nancy Leigh DeMoss and are available through the website I linked above.
Also, for your question concerning marriage, ROH offers a very helpful free download:
http://www.reviveourhearts.com/downloads/?id=9471
This is the 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge. You might invite one of the younger women in your church to do this with you or to work through the little booklet "Biblical Portrait of Womanhood" which is also available on the ROH website.
Beginning this Monday through Thursday ROH will be airing a marriage testimony from my husband and I that you might find helpful. Just click on the "Today on Revive Our Hearts" tab at the top left-hand side of this page and it will take you to the ROH homepage. You can read the transcript or listen online to the programs.
Finally, in answer to your question: "What am I doing wrong?" Probably nothing. Getting acquainted takes time, patience, a willingness to be vulnerable and having the courage to put yourself out there repeatedly knowing that you might have to endure some rejection before connecting with some fellow believers who will one day turn out to be true friends.
Thank you SO MUCH for your comment. It has caused me to think. I wonder how many new-comers to our church body may be struggling in similar ways and I may not even realize it. So often people comment that we have a warm, loving body -- but I wonder if there are a few who feel "lost in the crowd." You gave me fodder for prayer as I walk through the doors of my church this Sunday -- so thank you, E!!
Hope some of this helps -- please let me know how it goes in the coming weeks as you apply some of what I've shared with you.
I am praying for you dear sister, and hey -- welcome to the family :-)
on Friday, July 9, 2010 at 12:42 pm
I have found myself, like you did, looking towards books as my "mentors" for now and after I wrote my previous comment to you, I did stop for a moment and asked God to possibly send me a good woman to me someday that I may learn from and grow with. Sometimes it feels a little dumb asking for such things, but deep down, I know He cares about such things and understands even when I may not have the best words for my prayers. But He gets it...
I took your advice and became more "vulnerable" and opened up a little more honestly (not that I lie, but meaning, gave a little more info than normally) to a woman I met in bible study who just emailed me regarding the class. I was even vulnerable enough to tell her that I felt funny about being so open with her! She wrote back and said that is what sisters in Christ do for each other. I think I was afraid of being judged. It was a short email, but she seemed caring, which is always welcomed, of course. Sometimes, just knowing someone cares, is all it takes really.
So, thank YOU for caring enough to give thoughtful advice.
What I like about you is that you seem to give a lot of thought about your own church and how it may overlook or lack something accidently when you get a comment...I admire your eagerness to poke your head a little above all the sheep to see if the "herd" is really be "heard." :-)
And thank you for this blog - you help and guide more than you will ever know. How lucky we readers are to have you in our lives - have a great weekend.
A big hug from me,
E
on Saturday, July 10, 2010 at 9:38 am