(The countdown begins! Three True Woman Conferences this year, and the early-bird deadline for the first event is THIS SUNDAY! Spread the word, and sign up. It's going to be awesome.)
Does your current Facebook status include your plans for the weekend, what you’re cooking for dinner tonight, or a word about what God’s been teaching you lately? How about the color of your bra?
Millions of women around the world have been posting their bra colors on Facebook in recent weeks. Allegedly, the trend started as part of an effort to raise awareness about breast cancer. Here’s are a few examples of bra statuses posted by Christian ladies:
None—I’m not wearing one. LOL
Black and edible.
Hot pink and glow in the dark.
Participants say it’s just good fun, and I can see where something as simple as a status update seems pretty harmless. I’m all for supporting a good cause and having fun doing it, and I hate to sound like a party pooper. But when news of this trend reached my computer screen, warning bells started to sound.
I read one news article that had this to say about the Facebook bra phenomenon. “In the last 24 hours, women have randomly been posting the color of their bras on their status updates, bewildering their friends and titillating the men in their lives—all to raise awareness for breast cancer research.”
It’s the titillating the men in their lives part that concerns me. Bra color may just be fun girl talk to you and me, but to the guys in our lives bras are more than just an annoying undergarment. They’re alluring. They are sexual. And knowing exactly what kind of bra you’re wearing is probably more than a little tempting.
The apostle Paul put it this way:
“Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a man to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall” (Romans 14:19-21).
“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone else to stumble” (1 Corinthians 10:31-32a).
Paul wrote these words long before Facebook. In his day Christians were arguing about whether certain foods were fitting for Christians to eat. I imagine that there were some who argued “it’s just food” in the same way that many Christians will argue “it’s just fun” when confronted with the bra status trend. The specific issue may be different, but Paul’s point is so valid to us today. Don’t do anything that causes others to stumble.
I'm no expert on the male mind (even after nine years of marriage). But I do know that reading about the specifics of a girl's bra on Facebook is likely to cause our Christian brothers to struggle in the area of purity. And I don't think guys are the only ones getting tripped up by the "what color is your bra" trend. It will also impact the many, many women joining the trend. This type of stuff desensitizes our minds and turns our focus toward ourselves.
The bottom line is that following God’s standards means realizing that the words we say matter, even when they seem like just good fun. With that in mind, I’d encourage you to steer clear of Facebook bra mania and stick to statuses that edify others.
What status can you post today to glorify God? How can you use this trend as a springboard for discussion with the young women in your life?
Comments
*The following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 11:56 am
I realized then just how negative my status updates tend to be. So I adpoted this friend's approach and post a scripture from my quiet time that day in my status. I am amazed at how the LORD uses His word everyday! His word is faithful and true. (My words are fleeting.)
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 11:59 am
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 12:03 pm
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 12:15 pm
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 12:20 pm
I totally support the cause to bring awareness to Breast Cancer.
I have to think that there could be a better way.
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 12:28 pm
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 12:39 pm
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 12:57 pm
I didn't even get the "bra" thing and I was wondering what all the colors were about until I saw a post by a minister friend of mine and then I realized what was going on. I like to post statuses of scripture, hymns and spiritual songs and sometimes, if I'm thinking about a funny quote, I'll post that too but there are somethings that I won't post.
Facebook is a tool...it can be used to minister or it can be used to offend...by faith...I choose to minister.
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 1:22 pm
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 1:24 pm
I never thought I would be on FB but have found it to be a great ministry tool. Mostly post scriptures and quotes from favorite Christian authors as well as keep in touch with women I teach I also use it to keep in touch with out of town family.
Thank you for your blog...and for always standing strong in the faith and the Word.
God bless!
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 1:40 pm
The whole concept of a fb status raising awareness for cancer research it silly too. I wonder how many women who posted their bra color actually thought about breast cancer, prayed for or contributed to the advancement of research???
I agree with Jodi, that facebook is a tool that can bring glory to God. A lot of my old high school and college friends are completely surprised by how God has changed my life and lifestyle since coming into His saving grace 10 years ago. May God be glorified!
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 1:48 pm
I admit that when I was in the younger age group it would be easier to go along with the crowd. It wasn't until I had lived through somethings that I recognized what I thought was"innocent" fun may not be.
I think the women who do post on Facebook should respond to inappropriate posts with a reason they aren't participating or respond in an appropriate way that would lead others to think seriously about their responses. Sometimes we do things and don't realize the effect we will have, good or bad. I don't think we intend to be inappropriate. I pray that we seek God's will in what to say and do that that would glorify Him and not bring attention to ourselves.
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 1:51 pm
I did comment on one color that my hubby found appealing and it would be like power dressing for me.
But you are so very right. It never occurred to me that other men /young males would be reading it. (even on others status's.)
I find I do a mix, scripture, life/day happenings, Church happenings for status updates.
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 1:56 pm
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 1:58 pm
It became a concern to me that I was spending too much time just reading and checking in.
I have felt a growing desire to get more of God's word into my heart and mind. I finally deactivated my account and am having some wonderful times getting back to reading the books that are spiritually encouraging and uplifting. Just finishing "The Christians Secret to a Happy Life" by Hannah Whitall Smith. It has been just what I needed.
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 2:05 pm
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 2:18 pm
I will say that the "bra" thing did open up doors to talk about serious issues - past breast cancer histories etc and has allowed me - face to face - to provide comfort and support to people who opened up about things I didn't know about them before.
Were the men offended? I was careful and simple. some women weren't so did we encourage others - maybe even non-Christian's to stumble by example? Possibly. I don't know - but it's definitely a lesson learned and something I will be avoiding in the future.
Thanks for the post. it is good and refreshing to have honest and biblical discussion on these issues so we can all grow and help point a better way to other women as well by holding up a beautiful standard of womanhood (not a sexualized one).
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 3:03 pm
I think we should be careful what we post about ourselves. I don't have non-relative males as friends on Facebook because my husband is not on Facebook himself. I set boundaries.
I do love to laugh and laugh with others, and I believe we can glorify God with laughing at the funny things in life. It builds relationships with believers and non-believers alike.
Discern with the word of God and the Holy Spirit. I am convicted to keep being careful and look for erring ways.
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 3:16 pm
I realize there are godly uses for this internet tool, however, I see heap of red flags with it. So, that's one reason why I steer clear. I fall into sin easily (am a bit too gullible... eager and sometimes too easily, led), so I feel I have to steer clear of stuff like that.
A quick digression on: A few other 'facebook' related things to consider:
At the risk of sounding very 1800's to people: I believe 'facebook' and tools like it are, most times, useful for sin (not that people who use it are in the wrong...as certainly some Christians use it simply for fellowship within the bounds they'd use in 'regular life'). Hear me out please. It is used to 'post a status' yet when people use it to post status' of their family members it can easily fall into gossip like talk. It also, as someone mentioned earlier, can promote self obsession (again, I'll say: I am sure many discerning Christians use it carefully and for His purposes!).Another thought; Perhaps 'Johnny' doesn't want all his 'friends' to know he's back from the war? Maybe he needs a quiet day or two to attempt a some recovery and reach out to his trusted brothers and sisters as he's ready? When we post about anyone other than ourselves we remove their choice to have or not to have privacy. How could we know what our cousin, son, sister might find an invasion of their privacy? Now, something else; When we are posting about what we are doing, you may leave yourself open to someone of ill will who could use it to their advantage (like, let's post: "Going out tonight, kids with babysitter." Do you think 'Joe', who you just let sign up because you're 'sure' he's Joe smith from high school (because he says so) isn't 'Joe, wants to know when you're not home and can check the locks?'). Or perhaps more likely: Your teen daughter posts she'll be going to the mall (maybe 'john doe' was waiting for her to be alone a moment and is her facebook/myspace 'friend' it's easier for him watch her page (easier not to get caught) than sit in front of her house). I know, the last two are a bit on the paranoid side but... one might consider. So, why not be old fashioned and just keep in touch with who we love?? Call them, be personal, write them in ink, make them feel special, show them with your actions that they matter, personally. The world promotes this kind of thing because it has 'found' the solution for getting 'caught up' in our selves, our responsibilities and not 'making time' for what matters. Just think about it, I'm not asking anyone to agree, just consider.
I hope to come across as; caringly concerned and wanting to help women BEFORE things go wrong, because I know how much it hurts when I think I'm 'innocently' doing something and realize I've ended up in a another mess, I might have avoided. This can be so discouraging. So I'm trying to encourage just a bit of thought.
Peace, love n' blessings all.
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 3:20 pm
Thank you so much for your post. I agree wholeheartedly with you. It's so important that we not be stumbling blocks to anyone, esp. to men in the area of purity. We also need to remember that God has called us to holiness, and that should be reflected in our words and deeds.
Dear Kathleen:
I, too, am reading "The Christian's Secret of a Happy Life" by Hannah Whitall Smith. I had this book on my shelf for years, never realizing what a gem it is. I am so blessed by it!
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 3:21 pm
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 4:23 pm
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 4:56 pm
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 5:22 pm
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 5:32 pm
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 5:55 pm
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 6:30 pm
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 7:07 pm
Soon after joining Facebook, I decided that I would have a "no-male-friends-except-family" policy. I think it is dangerous for a married woman to be chatting and joking around with men who are not their husbands. (Even worse is when I see women who are "friends" with old boyfriends!) I thought about how I would feel if my dh was checking out other women's FB profiles, and making comments back and forth with female "friends." That thought instantly made the decision a no-brainer! My husband should safely trust in me in all areas.
I have also wondered...am I the only one who's made this decision? So far I have not seen anyone else do this. But I would certainly encourage you ladies to seriously consider making the "no-male-friends-except-family" policy your own.
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 7:43 pm
This whole situation was a reminder to me of the powerful impact that our words can have on those around us and the importance of using our words for God's glory. I have been encouraged countless times by friends who have used their speech to edify others, and I, too, want to have that kind of positive effect in the lives of those around me.
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 8:24 pm
So few younger women know what starts a man's mind wandering to things that are no right, I do not want to be the cause of that. I can not pretend its a man's fault to 'go there' mentally. . . God made him visually stimulated.
Lord, help me use the opportunity to take aside the women in my life who may not know the truths of God's Word and how they apply to our demeanor, word choices, participation in 'fun' things, even for a 'good' cause.
We must be alert, sober, teachable, and ready to share with winsome words and a life that demonstrate the walk of our talk and the joy of our King.
The world has certainly put pressure to cause us to conform to its mold in many many avenues. Our, just now former, church speaks little to nothing about such things.
Thank you for posting on this subject, it is but an example of what is going on in the hearts and minds of today's women.
Lord, let us make the most of these opportunities
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 8:40 pm
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 10:44 pm
I was actually thinking about this bra thing today in light of the TW blog. I'm not sure why, but I thought it should be talked about and here it is. I am thankful for that. I saw many women participate and I know that it was innocent in their hearts because women simply do not think like men. They would probably be either horrified at how men actually think or defend it. Extreme purity seems to be lost in even our churches. We have a high and holy calling to strive toward and must make purity a priority. Do we look like prudes? Yes, probably so, but in our marriages we can hold our heads high that we have been a lady and saved ourselves for our husbands alone. This makes it easier also for our husbands eyes to be for us alone. Radical amputation....if it causes you to sin cut it off. We must be radical when it comes to purity......if FB causes us to sin, get rid of it. If posting bra colors would cause one to sin absolutly we should not do it.
I understand that a lot of the TW movement is offensive to the culture and I appreciate that so much. The post above me shows this. We do not condemn these women, but gently show them that men are easily drawn to sexual sin. They are like ox led to the slaughter. All we have to do is a little wink, nudge or push to make them fall. It could be immodest dress, talking too detailed, sharing personal information and we may not even know we have caused them to sin. We as sisters in Christ must strive to protect our purity, but also protect our dear brothers in Christ.
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 11:40 pm
To be honest, I had no idea the workings of a mans mind until I read the book, “For Her Eyes Only” at the ripe old age of 40 yrs and I had been married for a dozen years at that point. I was terribly surprised and questioned the validity of some of the things in there. He agreed with the majority of them (some simply did not apply for him as each man is different). I suspect that there are MANY women who were/are just like me in that lack of knowledge – because no one thought to teach us about that (and yes, I came from a Christian home). I hope, having seen this event on FB (which is not inherently evil), that ALL of you educate your daughters as to how a man’s mind may work in this area. I know I plan to do so at an appropriate age.
So, I challenge all of you, next time rather than being so “horrified”, “shocked”, & “grieved” at the “ungodly” behavior of other Christian women make it an educational moment rather than sitting by watching the scene unfold before you. Take Titus 2 to heart and try to make a difference - educate a couple of other women in these types of areas (get them that book if nothing else!). More than likely, they, like many readers here were brought up under the feminist mind-set of it being the “guys problem” and they should be able to control themselves (supposedly like we are able to do?) and have absolutely no idea that such a thing as a color could be a stumbling block. I suspect a large percentage of guys had no clue what it was about until it hit the news or someone told them. The one man that found out about it (and from his comment is how I learned what was going on) that I was acquainted with was wholly disgusted with it and thought it was very childish of women (and he included his wife in that description). Yes, we should avoid causing others to stumble – but if a person does not know that it could even be an issue, well, it is wrong to just pass judgment on your “friends”. Instead, gently take them aside and educate them. THAT is part of what Titus 2 is all about.
Oh – and yes, when I found out what it was about, I absolutely thought about our very, very close friend that has survived one of the most aggressive breast cancers out there for 10+ years…..
on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 12:23 am
Suze, I think you said it best though, let's not judge why Christian women did this. I know godly women who participated thinking they were supporting breast cancer. Period. Some regretted it later when they thought about it or were confronted about it. Haven't we all made that mistake at least once?
I am involved with the Jr. High ministry at my church. Many of the kids are on facebook, especially the 8th graders, and it has been a VERY valuble tool in connecting with them. I see the kids at least once a week if not twice a week in person but facebook is a window into who they are outside of church. It is really revealing in what they say to others, what statuses they post, what groups they join, what pictures they post, ect. I am very aware that they can see what I'm doing too so I try very hard to model godly behavior there also. It's just a fact that they are using this technology so I want to use it for God's purposes and His glory with these kids. In some cases it has helped reveal how I can be praying for them. You would be suprized how many opportunities I've had to encourage kids and have some serious conversations with them because of things that have happened on facebook.
on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 1:26 am
PS I love the name MaryBeth, I've always felt it was adorable.
on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 2:50 am
All I said was white ---Does that mean to you that I am not a good Christian
Jesus had his feet washed with tears and dried with her hair -he did not think that was inappropriate as some of his host did.
I agree that I should not tempt men to sin but I am not participating in porn here.
Facebook is like money or time or space it is neither good or evil It is what we as believers choose to do with it. You still choose your friends on facebook. and you choose how much time you will spend on it
do you spend more time on facebook than you do God's word or prayer or relationships ?
maybe it is time to ask God to test the desires of our heart
Maybe I am all wrong but maybe I have given you something else to think about
on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 2:52 am
on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 10:15 am
on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 1:13 pm
Thank you for this article. I appreciate your humble but appropriately concerned approach to an issue that goes far beyond the Facebook Phenomenon.
Holiness. Novel idea for Christianity today, isn't it? It's never been popular with the culture -- even when Jesus called for it. His words in Matthew 5:29 and 18:9 sounded pretty strong back in the day :-)
on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 2:05 pm
Thank you again for the "conversation"
on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 2:33 pm
on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 4:59 pm
on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 5:16 pm
on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 11:10 pm
I believe we need to be so careful with our FB posts anyway. Are we glorifying God with the things we share? Are we complaining and gossipping, or are we praising God and encouraging? I'm working on the praise and encouragement.
on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 at 9:21 am
on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 at 9:43 am
on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 at 7:51 pm
on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 at 8:12 pm
on Friday, January 29, 2010 at 6:55 pm
on Saturday, January 30, 2010 at 3:09 pm
on Monday, February 1, 2010 at 7:49 pm
on Tuesday, February 2, 2010 at 2:24 pm
I certainly don't want to portray men as mindless sex addicts. God created men and women. Men are no more sinful or mindless than us girls. It is my desire to speak respectfully of men (and women) at all times.
By writing about this issue, I'm not saying it's a "big deal." It's just something that came across my radar screen and I thought I would alert TW.com readers to it. It wasn't my desire to dish out condemnation or disrespect, but awareness.
Hope this clears things up a bit.
Erin Davis
on Wednesday, February 3, 2010 at 1:49 pm
I appreciate your loving, patient response. I may have responded out of defensiveness. My response was more to the other women that commented on your blog. Your blog was nothing but truth. With your Christ-like response you have shown me that I was wrong in how I responded. Thank you.
on Thursday, February 4, 2010 at 9:52 pm
Also, yes it is good to have an open mind about things and not be easily shockable - I certainly endorse that - but isn't that just the point? As Titus women, (older usually) isn't it our responsibility to educate younger women (and indeed men) that sharing our very personal information for all to see is wrong.
And while it may not "excite" men to imagine our bras etc., I beg to differ.
For a long time, women have worn special underwear for their men. It's part of sexual attraction.
Good for you Erin, for speaking the truth, and in such a loving way.
on Monday, February 22, 2010 at 1:27 pm
Say you were to decide to make your facebook "girls only". But you have already, for a number of years, had several male friends on your facebook. Most of them are my friends' husbands (I am, of course, friends with their wives as well, and likewise if they are mutual couple friends my husband is "facebook friends" with both members of the couple), as well as some friends we are currently ministering to. I have only recently realized that it would be a wise idea to be "just girls" except for family members, but I am not sure how to go about this. I don't want to just "de-friend" these gentlemen with no explanation. Nor do I feel comfortable messaging them all privately to notify them of my choice. And I could just put a status update that says "from now on, my facebook is women-only, no offense intended to the men, this is just a boundary I would like to maintain in my life. Thank you for understanding and if you would like to keep in touch with our family please make sure you are friends with my husband."
But I'm worried that many people won't see it, or that it could turn into something quite bashing.
Can a sister or two speak some encouragement or point me to some Scriptures to help me with this?
Thank you.
on Tuesday, February 23, 2010 at 3:52 pm
This is my first time looking down the list of January postings in a long time (as I usually look into just one of them) so I'm glad I did tonight.
I'll pray for you right now. At the moment I can not think of a scripture. But being faithful in a step that is garding your heart and mind, I think that's a godly move in His direction. That's spoken from feeling though so it may hold no weight. I personally would like to cheer you on! And let you know that it certainly is scriptural that you might get 'knocked' for trying to go out and out for Him. So I prayed that you will have word from our Father on how to deal meekly in all things that come. Lean on Him for your strength when you choose to do something in hopes to do righteously. He ALWAYS comes through for the faithful.
I'd suggest you send each wife the exact same email AND post it. I have no clue how facebook actually works but I think this might cover the bases of getting a message out there without going into an email 'alone' with a man, not related to you.
May God bless you in all you endevour to do for Him.
Erin, if you still read this blog, my husband has said over the years, often, that the man who says he thinks little of sex is the biggest liar in the room (adding sin to sin?). Is he condemning all men? Is he the one with the problem? I think I can make an estimate and say he's 'normal'. And that he won't ignore the statistics as they state clearly some sad 'facts': Many studies say that men think of sex every single 7 seconds! Another study I read stated it's conclusions (disturbing though they are): Upward of 85% of the men that took this particular survey stated that; Yes, they would rape a woman if they were perfectly sure they would never be caught! I forget which university did this shockingly (seemingly) revealing study. I don't know your age but I concider myself old, and when I concidered myself young, I used to refuse to believe the 'once every 7 seconds thing' as many men I knew seemed so pure hearted. We cannot know a man nor womans heart, only the Lord can but we CAN assume it's riddled with sin, sadly. I hope this gives you insight as to why someone might have 'readily' stated these types of things. I do not want to make you sad (nor would I support 'man bashing') only aware that we are all certainly sinners, praise God we may be saved by grace.
Peace, love n' blessings all.
on Wednesday, February 24, 2010 at 2:36 am
on Monday, April 12, 2010 at 11:44 am
I agree with your idea 100%. You should clear your facebook of all male friends. In our society today, a male/female relationship other than a husband/wife, can cause others to stumble or turn away from Christ.
I give this advice from first hand experience. I have a married girl friend who "hangs out" with one of her single guy friends. They are both Christians and love the Lord but their relationship has sparked some negative comments from others within our church and community.
As a friend, I was foolish enough to think I could sit down with my girl friend and give her some constructive criticism on how the outside world was viewing her relationship with a single man, thinking she would actually thank me for caring enough about her to share this information.
Much to my surprise, she was very offended by what I had to say and instead of caring that she was actually causing others around her to stumble, she insisted on continuing to be seen in public with this single man because, "She knew the truth behind their relationship."
I think we sometimes get so caught up in what WE think is right; that we overlook the image we are projecting to others; and the stumbling blocks we are putting in the path of others.
Even though OUR intentions are good, we must be so careful not to project negative messages.
I pray you will be able to make this necessary change without any negative criticism because you are doing it in the right spirit.
on Friday, May 21, 2010 at 9:48 am